Delusional Dreams: Trippin' Over One's Destiny
Vincent Berg
Delusional Dreams:
by
Vincent Berg
The holes in your life are permanent.
You have to grow around them, like tree roots around concrete;
You mold yourself through the gaps.
Copyright
Delusional Dreams: Trippin’ Over One’s Destiny
Copyright © 2020 Vincent Berg, all rights reserved.
Bookapy Edition
ISBN: 978-1-941498-08-1
This is a work of fiction. All the characters and events portrayed in this book are fictional, and any resemblance to real people or incidents is purely coincidental. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form.
Product names, brands, and other trademarks referred to within this book are the property of their respective trademark holders. Unless otherwise specified, no association between the author and any trademark holder is expressed or implied. Nor does it express any endorsement by them, or of them. Use of a term in this book should not be regarded as affecting the validity of any trademark, registered trademark, or service mark.
Other Books by the Author
Psychic Readings
Two separate protagonists lead a team into the unusual aspects of psychic abilities, as Logan Sykes and John Engals wrestle with the spirits of the deceased, seeking their place between the worlds of the quick and the dead.
2) Prophetic (in development)
Delusional Dreams: Trippin’ Over One’s Destiny
Investigating telepathic, psychedelic mushrooms, graduate student Theo Müller faces a life-and-death struggle while wrestling with his role in God’s plans
Threatened, Peg ventures into her worst fear, the holes she’s avoided her entire life, and discovers magical gates to other places. Are they a blessing, a curse, or evidence of mental illness?
Discovering more in common with aliens than the rest of humanity, a group of misfits set out to learn who they are and search for their ancestral home, or somewhere to call their own.
Investigating her boss, NYPD Police Commissioner Eddleson, Detective Em Rules’ life is thrown into disarray by the arrival of her sister-in-law and niece, Becky.
Seeing the demons within, the world of those afflicted with mental illnesses radically changes, dragging Phil Walker, the medical establishment and everyone else along as he battles demons, dragons and fairies.
A decade after the zombie apocalypse, Leza lives, communicates with and controls thousands of undead. Whether she’s mankind’s last best hope or the source of their demise is anyone’s guess.
The athletes at Windsor High are aiming for professional sports careers. They don’t make waves. When Taylor meets the flamboyant Jacob there’s a distinct cultural clash, as casual meetings under the bleachersr risks millions.
Singularity: The Synthesis of the Ethereal and the Corporeal
An experimental interstellar voyage goes horribly wrong and the deceased test pilot ends up back home, unhurt. Battling through internal, personal and Congressional investigations, Eric Morgan struggles to perceive exactly what he’s become.
Discovering an injured, shipwrecked alien, Josh shelters it and seeks to rescue its companions, despite being pursued by the American and other militaries.
Books can be found on my website at:
I: Dreamers
A dream you dream alone is only a dream.
A dream you dream together is reality.
1: A Unique Opportunity
“Don’t order any of the faerie food,” said Jace,
looking at her over the top of his menu.
“It tends to make humans a little crazy.
One minute you’re munching a faerie plum,
the next minute you’re running naked
down Madison Avenue with antlers on your head.”
His head snapped up at someone’s sillage as they passed. Theo Müller recalled Jennifer’s coconut-and-aloe shampoo scent awakening him, her hair dangled over his face as she leaned over, kissing him awake. Shaking his head, the vision faded leaving an overwhelming sense of disappointment and dread—a frequent occurrence these months. Focusing on his patient questionnaire for his next session, he couldn’t allow melancholy to overwhelm him, lest he sink into another deadly spiral.
While hardly earthshattering, his statistical study would define the links between sleep and reality. Yet Theo couldn’t shake the feeling he was somehow on the brink of a major breakthrough. Without knowing where it might originate, those two things kept him focused on his work. A simple knock interrupted him, providing a blessed distraction, as a middle-age, bearded face greeted him.
“Tom?” Theo glanced at his watch. “You’re early. The sleep clinic doesn’t start for another twenty minutes.”
“That’s ’cause I’m here for ’bout another matter. So why are you so jumpy today? I didn’t catch you at a bad time, did I?”
“No,” he said, glancing down as he sorted and set his papers aside. “I was … momentarily distracted, that’s all.”
He considered her, in a painfully familiar pitying expression. “Jennifer again?” When he nodded, not able to meet his eyes, Tom sighed. “You really need to move on. You’ve been here for some time, you’re doing excellent and exciting work, and you’re slowly making friends. The faculty love you, and the students in your lectures positively adore you. She’s already screwed you over enough. It’s time to lock her memories away in a little box, throw away the key, and start rebuilding your life.”
“I know, I know,” Theo sighed, holding the folder of papers he’d been working on. “That’s the only thing keeping me going, focusing on my work so I don’t keep remembering her. But the smallest things will set me off, and unsought memories come tumbling out. But … they’re just momentary, inconsequential lapses. As long as I keep busy, I can keep them at bay.”
Tom slowly shook his head. “Your pallid complexion and bloodshot eyes weaken your argument. You look like a wreck. You need to come climbing with me. There are some great peaks nearby, even for a newbie like you. The warm sun, the bracing wind on your face and the majestic scenery will give you something else to obsess about during your off hours. Sitting in this office all day isn’t doing anyone any good.”
“Hey, I’ve climbed before, and I’m pretty damn good at it. While not up to your caliber, I can certainly keep up.”
“Yet I keep asking, we all keep asking, and you keep waving us off. It’s time to get your head out of the clouds for a few hours so you’re fresh for the rest of the week.” Theo glanced aside, looking down. “Let me guess, the little bitch used to climb with you, didn’t she?”
“Hey, that’s the woman I planned to marry,” Theo said, his face flushing.
“Yeah, the same one who left you with nothing more than a brief note before walking out. While I understand your frustration, she ain’t coming back! Just like anyone else, you need to dust yourself off, get back on your feet and get back in the game.”
“I’m working on it, but my main focus is proving myself. I’m working in an entirely new field, at a new campus, after abandoning all my previous contacts. Once I establish myself, and ensure I’m on solid ground, then I can take time to enjoy the scenery.”
“Yeah, you’ve branched into a new field, but only after confessing to Dean Lawrence how much you hated your previous field. And you’ve blossomed in this new role, the students adore you, the other professors are constantly talking about you, and your lectures are well attended by both students and faculty. You’re on solid ground already, it’s time to take your foot off the gas and coast for a few blocks, before revving up to take a few fast turns.”
“Thanks, but while everyone likes me, I’m in a precarious professional position. I’m in a temporary position, working on an unimportant research project that won’t earn me my doctorate and I can’t afford to coast.” Theo’s voice dropped, as he glanced aside again. “Especially since my parents aren’t pleased that I flushed my careet down the tubes before I’d even started the serious work.”
“Hey, don’t focus on that,” Tom said, settling into the chair before his desk. “You’re doing great, and you’ve got time to pick a new dissertation project. You certainly have the training, which works just as well in either field. You’re destined to go far; you just can do it by spinning on a dime. These things take time, which takes bidding your time and using it efficiently.”
“Anyway, what’s this other matter? Our fields don’t often overlap.”
“I think you’re going to be excited, as it plays into all of your strengths. Not only does it draw on your expertise in the sleep and unconscious mind fields, but it capitalizes on your extensive medical knowledge.”
Theo waved his platitudes off. “I’m no physician. I took a highly specialized study of the brain, with no practical knowledge of understanding of practical medicine, to prepare for a career in research which is no longer on the table.”
“Maybe not,” he said, sitting back and pulling something from his briefcase. “But I’ve got something that not only calls on each of your specialized skills, but stands to provide an unprecedented dissertation, that will cement your career opportunities and bring you widespread fame and attention too.”
Theo glanced up, eyeing him skeptically. “So, if it’s such a hot opportunity, why aren’t you capitalizing on it yourself?”
“Because, even though I’m well-renowned in my field, I don’t have the background to do this kind of research. You, however, not only have the necessary skills and expertise, I’m guessing you also have the professional connections to call in a few favors to parlay this opportunity into something earth shattering.”
“All right, let’s play down the grandstanding. I’m not that depressed. What’s this new research proposal.”
“It’s not so much a proposal, as an exciting subject demanding an in-depth analysis.” Tom paused, refocusing his excitement into a more professional detachment.
“As the resident botanist, I often visit remote locations searching for unique specimen. I also an avid caver and spelunker, plus I dabble in the occasional recreational drug use.” He placed the plain brown box he’d been excitedly palming for the past few minutes on Theo’s desk and removed an ordinary, unexceptional small brown root. “I discovered this, which provides a delightful high, but isn’t really anything I can use in my particular field. But … it has a highly unusual effect, which plays directly into yours.” He paused, observing Theo’s reaction. “After taking it, I’m able to visit other people’s dreams. Since you specialize in them, I figured you’d be intrigued.”
“When you say ‘high’ …”
“It’s a fairly powerful natural hallucinogen, and since it’s not artificially refined, the consistency isn’t like the chemically produced LSD. I’m considering trying it during today’s session to see what it’s like with so many dreamers in the same room. I’m confident it’ll give you new insights into people’s dreams.”
“I don’t know,” Theo hesitated, holding the dried object against the light, examining it. “It sounds unbelievable. Are you sure you weren’t just … tripping, imagining it?”
“Absolutely. After experiencing a neighbor’s dream, I asked around, and what I observed is consistent with her history, though I wasn’t about to ask her myself. If you’re doubtful, you can easily verify the results via your patients’ dream records, assuming they’re honest.”
“And you had no prior indications into what you learned while … partaking of this?”
“Nope. It was completely out of left field, and I could tell it wasn’t some fantastic dream, but based on her personal experiences.”
“I don’t know, I know next to nothing about this type of thing. Before I try anything with it, I’ll need it analyzed to determine the active ingredient triggering the supposed telepathic ability, otherwise the results won’t be publishable. Even then, it’s doubtful anyone will touch it. Psychedelics aren’t exactly a popular research field, and no one will invest in it given the unpleasant associations.”
“Trust me, no one knows about this sort of thing. I’m guessing it activates some untapped region of the brain, unlocking abilities no one’s even experienced before. We’re not just talking about seeing new things, we’re talking about an entirely new field of research.”
Theo sat up, his eyes alight with possibilities over Tom’s phrasing, though he refused to trust it just yet. “Like mental telepathy, somehow restricted exclusively to dreams? Sorry, but I’m not buying it. There’s no way you can phrase it so it’ll make a lick of sense.”
“Fine. Try it once. If you don’t experience the same thing, you can abandon it. I’m only offering it to you, because it’s right up your alley, and you’re the only one I’d trust with it.”
“Before I try anything, I’ll need a sample to be tested, more to start a clinical trial with a variety of patients, and enough for a follow-up study to validate the first.” He held up the root, only as large as the first digit of his index finger. “I doubt this is enough to satisfy my skeptical peers, who’ll enjoy nothing more than to humiliate me for making this sort of unsustainable claim.”
“I expected you’d say that. I’ve got more, but I didn’t want to turn it over if you’re not interested. Again, try it. If you’re convinced, I can supply whatever you’ll need.”
“I’ll also have to account for where it comes from.”
Tom sighed. “Fine, I’ll draw you a map, but do me a favor, don’t publicize it. Most importantly, leave enough for me. As I said, the potency and hallucinogenic quality are exceptional. What’s more, it’s substantially shorter term than most hallucinogens, which take a full day, so it’s not as limiting. But you’d better try it first, taking a very small dose, so you won’t freak out. Then after a day or two, try seeing whether you can see other’s dreams. Otherwise, your observation notes won’t make much sense.”
“Okay, if the effects are that extreme, I’ll need more specific details: time before the onset of the effects, duration, any post-experience effects or complications I should be aware of.”
Tom chuckled. “Relax. Half the fun of poppin’ hallucinogenics is the surprise. Nothing I tell you will prepare you for what you’ll encounter, and there’s no way to evaluate time while you’re under. Timespans and durations are meaningless. Again, give yourself plenty of time, see how you respond, and then decide whether it’s for you or not. But I’ll promise, once you experience the shared dreams, you’ll be committed to the idea.”
“You’re killing me here. I’ve never tried recreational drugs before. If this isn’t legit, I’ll kill you, but … I am intrigued. I’ll consider it. But that’s all I’m promising for now.”
“That’s all I’m asking,” Tom replied. “And I’m dying to see your own dream record after you try it the first time. I’m sure it’ll be a hoot! What’s more, it’ll give you something better to obsess over than bad memories of your ex.”
__________
After the sleep clinic wrapped up, Theo glanced around ensuring no one could overhear them. “I need to know, have you experimented with anyone’s dreams today?”
“I sure did. It was amazing!” Tom’s eyes lit up, his pupils sparkling. “Just as I expected, I experienced their dreams as if they were my own. Most times, they featured the individual, so it’s fairly easy determining who’s dream you’re in.”
“Were you overwhelmed, did you transition between each, or did you live everyone’s dream at once?”
“That’s what I initially feared, but it wasn’t the case. Instead, their dream would play out like watching a movie. I was merely a passive observer, as the entire dream was dictated by the other person. I neverappeared in any of them. But I’d be in one person’s dream for a while, then switch over to someone else’s.”
“Just to be clear, no one ever saw you in their dreams. You just observed, never participating in them?”
“That’s correct. It’s like I was eavesdropping on their dreams, rather than actually being in them. As far as they were concerned, they were the only one’s there, aside from whomever they were dreaming about.”
Theo nodded, his brow wrinkling as he considered it. “Assuming there’s anything to these claims, that makes sense. Despite their perceived depth, most dreams don’t last long. They only occur during your REM cycle, before you fall completely asleep. However, the REM stage doesn’t last long, and most transition to a deeper sleep as the dreams end abruptly, leaving any apparent conclusions unresolved. Thus, you likely transition when they fall into a deeper sleep. Once the dream ends, you pick up the next one. Though whether they’re triggered by timing or proximity is an interesting question.” He paused, biting his lip. “So how was your sleep? Do you feel rested, or did you never get past your early REM cycle?”
“Actually, not only do I feel great, but I’m raring to go. It’s like I drank several Red Bulls while chugging expresso shots. But then, I work out so much, I normally sleep pretty soundly anyway—at least after you worked with me.”
“Alas, that’s likely just the overexposure and experiencing something for the very first time. Personally, I wouldn’t advise it, as you could easily overextend yourself. Rather than trying to visit everyone’s dream, you should stick to only one or two at a time.”
Tom clapped him on the shoulder. “I’ll tell you what, when the buzz wears off—if the buzz ever wears off, I’ll let you know. But I feel like I slept solidly all night and now I’m restless and ready to begin my day.”
“We’ll see. I expect you’ll crash in another hour or two and sleep solidly for hours. Whatever’s happening, you aren’t used to it, so it’s got to be taxing. It’s like your brain is learning a new task, but it doesn’t have any additional reserves to keep up with the increased workload.”
“Well, if I do dream, it’ll be interesting, as they gave me plenty of ammunition.”
Theo glanced back, holding his chin. “Intellectually, this is a fascinating concept, but I’m deeply troubled by what you’re doing. It’s a clear violation of their privacy. Our fantasies are our most closely-guarded secrets, for good reasons.”
“If it makes you feel any better, the majority were pure fantasy, though … one in particular was especially troubling.”
Theo held his temples, groaning. “Geez. I wish you hadn’t told me. You’re gaining insights into someone’s hidden fantasies, things they have little control over and probably have never done. Or, they’re issues they’ve resolved and put behind them a long time ago. It’s unfair taking what you see as the literal truth. If someone witnessed something, they’d likely dream about themselves in the same scenario, even if they’d never consider acting on the impulses.”
This time Tom glanced around, although most of the sleep clinic’s participants had left. He drew them both aside to guarantee they weren’t overhead.
“No, this was completely different. Not only did the individual know things no one else would, she murdered people in a completely cold-blooded, emotionless state. She slaughtered people without hesitation, with a frightening efficiency. She wasn’t acting out a fantasy, she was relieving past memories.”
Theo scowled, staring in Tom’s eyes. “Look, you can’t tell me, or anyone else, anything you think you’ve observed. Not only may you be misinterpreting the dream, but you could get yourself—and anyone you tell—into a world of trouble by revealing their secrets. I can’t stop you—especially if I’m unwilling to expose you, but you need to be incredibly cautious over how you proceed. This whole thing is fraught with problematic and treacherous situations.”
“Well, despite its being a delightful trip otherwise, I’ll refrain from dropping anymore—at least until Tuesday’s clinic. That’ll give me time to consider how to approach it. Still, you’ve got to admit, this is intriguing. As in any new field, someone has to go first, learn the ropes and caution others about what to expect. Once you get up to speed, assuming you’re still considering it, I’ll back off. You’re clearly more qualified since you know so much more about the physiological processes, but like me, you’ll be better prepared knowing what to expect before diving into it.”
“I don’t know. This is all deeply troubling, but you’re right. Even though I’d rather not be drawn into this moral cesspool, I’m better qualified than you and more likely to document what’s involved without revealing any personal details about those unwilling participants.
__________
“Alli?” Theo interrupted, as she headed for bed that evening. “I’ve got some work to do this evening, while the house is quiet and I can concentrate. So, if you hear anyone moving around at odd hours, don’t worry, it’s just me working through some complicated issues.”
“Oh,” she said, clutching her upper chest. “Is this you not leaving your work at home, or you obsessing over your recent … failures?”
“No, I’m looking into something new, which I’m completely unfamiliar with. It has nothing at all to do with Jessica. But, if it pans out, it might take me in yet another direction in my research.”
Alli scowled, steadying herself as she sat back down, considering how to proceed.
“Look, you’ve been a delight, always pitching in and taking care of Wendy. You’ve allowed my life to return to normal, which hasn’t been easy since Conner died. I’m so relieved at all your help, I’ve been reluctant to stir up any trouble, but …
“After you first asked about staying with me, I called your parents. Obviously, they were worried, apparently for good reason. Yet you’ve never addressed the issues, nor called your parents to let them know how you’re doing. If nothing else, I’d love to reassure them that you’re doing fine, but frankly, I’m not sure you are yet.”
Theo frowned, his brow crinkling, but he never glanced away.
“I’ll admit, it’s been difficult, and while my parents were right to be worried, my father keep saying things like ‘You can’t let her win. You’ve got to prove that you’re bigger than this, and won’t let it slow you down. You need to climb back in the saddle, and continue on your course, otherwise you’re just proving to her that you weren’t worth the effort.
“While I can understand his point of view, it completely avoids how much this has affected me. Not only did I change universities, abandoning my current dissertation, I’m now working in a completely unrelated field. Clearly, this has affected me, but by not recognizing that, I’ve got no way of processing.
“I don’t want my parents to worry, but they were deeply disappointed by my decisions, as they were always close with Jennifer. I just can’t start in on it again, as I can’t argue why I’ve taken this path—especially if they won’t concede that it was necessary in the first place.”
“Okay,” she said, leaning back in her seat and crossing her arms. “They explain it to me. We’re living with you, seeing you every single day. You eat with us, you sleep in our bed, you play with Wendy as well as taking her on fun projects, but I still don’t know what’s happening. If you clue me in, at least giving me some idea, then I can help relay the information, at least allaying their worst fears. I won’t reveal anything you don’t want me to, but they’re worried about you. You can’t really expect them not to care, especially since you threw away their investment in your graduate studies. At least offer me an olive branch, so they won’t worry so much.”
Theo sighed, sitting back and twiddling his thumbs, glancing down for several moments.
“You’re right, of course. You’ve been exceedingly patient, even if I’ve never reassured you that I’m not going to go bat-crack crazy one day. So, here’s where I stand—at least at the moment.
“I’ve … over Jennifer. I realize it’s over, and I’ll likely never hear from her again, yet … I can’t help being overwhelmed at the oddest moments, triggered by utterly insignificant things. The only way I can keep myself on track, is by focusing on my work, so I’ve become a bit obsessive in that regard.”
“That’s hardly true,” she interrupted. “You’re always there for Wendy, sitting patiently with her, focusing exclusively on her. You never seen plagued by these fears when you’re with her. Maybe you’re just concentrating too much on this one particular segment of your life?”
“No, your daughter is probably the best thing in my life right now. When I’m with her, I’m not distracted at all—never considering Jennifer. But I can’t spend every waking moment with her. And as soon as I start working, trying to work through complex issues, my mind wanders and book, I’m hip deep in my emotional morass again.
“No, the work is what’s keeping me sane for the hours I’m not spending with you or Wendy. Yet, they’re similar. I spend most of my time around the house helping out, doing the laundry, straightening up, restocking she shelves, making repairs to anything you haven’t managed to address since Conner died.
“With Wendy, I immerse myself in her world, partially because she’s just such a wonderful kid, but again, partially because it keeps the hounds of my doubts at bay.”
“That’s what I’ve been worried about,” Alli admitted. “That you’re essentially a bubbling cauldron, bound to boil over in time, so again, I’ve tried not to pry and pick at your emotional scabs, giving them time to heal. But it’s about time I asked.”
“No, you’re right,” Theo said, playing with the small root stub in his pocket, careful to not reveal too much as he revealed what he rarely discussed with anyone. “I’m coping, mostly due to the combined influence of you, Wendy and my work, but even after this much time, I’m like an alcoholic, struggling to continue a single day at a time.”
“Okay, I get that. I’m sure your parents will appreciate hearing that you’re at least coping and have suitable outlets but what about your work.” She held a finger up, biding her time, as she struggled to express the concepts.
“I understand that you were studying the … receptivity of ganglion cells in the brain to … new stimulous and the … plasticity of external stimuli and intervention therapies.”
“Very good. That was the title of my dissertation, aimed at the dissertation committee, who are all specialists in their field. They’re not concepts which just roll off the tongue.”
“I had to look some of it up, but please, explain how you go from that, to working on what people dream about?”
Theo chuckled. “That’s fairly complicated, but it’s actually a somewhat funny story.”
“I knew I had to cut ties. Everyone at my old university knew exactly what happened. Since we’d invited my dissertation committee, as well as multiple professors and fellow students, the word spread fast. Every time they looked at me, their eyes would dilate in a pitying expression, and there was nothing I could do to get them to ignore what a poor sap I was. So, I went searching for something else to do in the interim, until I could get back on my feet.
“I applied here for a research project, a drug trial where I’d apply what I’d been studying, while putting my dissertation on hold. But then things took an odd turn. His eyes glazed over, as he sat back, staring at the ceiling, as he related how it occurred.
__________
“… where I can apply my specializing in how neuron reception clusters respond to external events—namely the experimental drugs being tested—”
“Pardon me,” Dean Wimbly said, awkwardly trying to cover a yawn. “I don’t mean to be rude, but like many of the staff and professors here, we don’t always sleep well with priorities continually shifting, as various scholastic deadlines loom. It’s no reflecting on your … topic, but …”
“Really?” Theo asked, leaning forward, his eyes sparking. “Look, an offshoot of my research was in how the brain responds to external stimuli, especially when those results are incomplete or difficult to make sense of. I’ve always concentrated on sleep, since I studied self-hypnosis to cure my frequent headaches, and discovered I could also assure that I sleep soundly every single night.
“It seemed too easy, so I’ve been burrowing into the mysterious relationship between conscious thought and random dreams spurred by the brain’s inability to process external stimuli ever since.
“If you don’t mind, I think I can solve that for you fairy easily. Obviously, I’m not going to try hypnosis on you, but I can guide you through a serious of steps, while you’re fully conscious, which leads to essentially the same place.”
Dean Wimply’s eyes opened wide—while he’d been struggling to keep them open a moment before. “I’d be glad to. I’ll tell you, I’ve been struggling with this for years, especially as my sleep has grown progressively worse as I age.”
Leaning forward, speaking in a calm, evenly paced tone, even as his inflections kept his new patient from missing any essential points, he relayed the steps, one by one. Dean Wimbly—Franklin—sat enraptured, carefully following each point, controlling his breathing, monitoring his diaphragm, and repeating his instructions to himself, to his unconscious mind, that he was going to sleep better, he’d sleep for a good seven hours that night, and he’d stay awake until then.
When they finished, Theo snapped his fingers—more for the dramastic flair than anything else—and Franklin’s eyes snapped open.
“Damn! That’s amazing. All you did was talk, laying out a few simple steps, and suddenly I’m wide awake, raring to go, fully confident I’ll sleep without issues tonight.” He glanced around, despite their being the only ones in the room. “I’ll tell you, there are a lot of overworked professors and overly stressed students who’d eat this stuff up.” He then sat back slightly, considering the young man before him.
“If you don’t mind, before you were speaking as if you were reciting a grocery list, describing your dissertation and your application for this research study. Yet, when you started discussing my sleep issues, you came alive and were actively engaged, captivating me throughout the session—which isn’t easy, since the whole purpose was to lull me into a more relaxed state.”
Theo nodded when he didn’t continue. “Go on.”
“Why the hell are you studying the brain, where your interest is plainly on these sleep issues? Why not refocus your energies on something which doesn’t bore you to tears? I dare say, not knowing anything about your story, your recent issues might be due to entirely to your dissatisfaction with the topic.
Theo sat back, considering the simple proposition for the first time.
“You know, you may have a point. The only thing that really kept me engaged, were the underlying issues dealing with the brain’s responses to stimuli while asleep. It’s why I’d decided to not pursue a medical career, despite putting in to much time studying it.”
“Then why not,” Franklin suggested, leaning forward as if telling a closely guarded secret, “change your dissertation? While we don’t offer a medical school, your expertise with the internal brain structures would make you exceptionally qualified to do advanced work, even in a field like Psychology. What’s more, your unique perspective in the technical issues would give you a clear advantage in presenting the case for your new dissertation.”
“I … don’t know. It seems like a stretch. I mean, I’m intrigued, but how could I ever transition to an entirely new field. I’d need to learn enough about psychology, about the subconscious, to even theorize a rational dissertation proposal.”
“I don’t know, from what I’ve seen, you have a very dramatic, engaging presentation, which will play well with students. If you’d agree to not only treat whichever professors need help with stress and other related sleep issues, but to also conduct classes in both sleep issues and coping strategies for overstressed students, we could make certain … allowances.”
“Like what?” Theo prodded, intrigued. He’d been fishing, hoping for anyway to keep his career afloat until he figured HOW out to resume his previous life plan. But maybe, just maybe, there was another path entirely.
“If you switch your dissertation field to psychology, with an emphasis on the underlying brain structures and their normal operations, we’ll provide you with a temporary position. It’ll hopefully last long enough for you to select a new dissertation topic—hopefully something more up your aisle than your previous one. While it may not be ideal, it’ll at least give you time to organize and shift your priorities, while continuing your studies, at a substantial faculty tuition discount, until you’re prepared to formally restart your dissertation.”
“Are you serious?”
“Well, I’ll have to get approval for this offer, as it’ll involve several different departments and some financial reshuffling, but I think this could actually work to our mutual satisfaction. So,” he asked, raising an expectant eyebrow as he continued. “What do you say? Do you need time to consider it?”
“Time? Absolutely not. I’ll accept your offer, assuming you can get it approved before too long. This is the answer to my prayers. I was hoping to keep my career plans afloat, but didn’t have any real idea of how to achieve them anymore. This will provide the latitude I need to reshift my priorities, and as you noted, it involves a field that I’m much more excited about!”
“Good,” Dean Wimbly said, extending his hand. “You make arrangements while I try to hurry the approval process—always a tedious process when it comes to shifting finances between various departments. I’ll give you a call once I know it’s doable—even before we reach a formal vote authorizing your hiring—so you can move your stuff out here.” He paused. “How many other places do you still have outstanding inquiries for?”
“Frankly, after the humiliation I suffered at my previousuniversity, I haven’t even applied anywhere else. If you can bring it along, I’m all yours.”
“Great. I’m looking forward to working together. Now give some thought to how you’d like to teach these topics on campus, and I’ll get the ball rolling. Congratulations. I truly think this will benefit us both, as it’ll give our Psychology department a degree of professional, verifiable authenticity it’s long been lacking.”
2: Flashing the Light Fantastic
If you are serious about your religion,
you must learn how to use psychochemicals.
Drugs are the religion of the twenty-first century.
Pursuing the religious life today without using psychedelic drugs
is like studying astronomy with the naked eye
because that’s how they did it in the first century A.D.
Theo sighed, sitting back and once more removing his small sample and examining it. “As much as I dislike the idea, I’m eager to determine whether this is legitimate.” He sliced a thinner sliver than Tom suggested, assuming—as a complete novice—his tolerance was even lower than Tom suspected. He barely tolerated aspirin. He returned the rest to its box and tucked it away in his drawer. After all, the only point was adjusting to the psychedelic effects, as Tom indicated it wouldn’t affect his dreams until it wore off a day or two later.
Hoping to rescue his PhD program after his crisis at John Hopkins, he’d opted to live with his aunt, Allison Cooper—affectionately called Alli—who lived near Westervale College with her daughter Wendy. Somehow, he doubted she’d approve of him tripping in her house with her daughter present, her age the least of her concerns.
After relating how he’d come to Westervale, Alli seemed satisfied, promising to call his family and convey the good news for him. Now, alone in his room, he slipped the substance in his mouth and carefully chewed, pausing to reconsider the misguided action once more. It was tough and tasted of stale rawhide with a slight bitter note—nature’s way of alerting you of potential poisons.
Sitting alone in the deafening silence of the darkened room, it took a while—as Theo wondered whether it would do anything at all. Maybe he hadn’t taken enough to be effective. He then noticed bright iridescent colors hiding along his peripheral vision, so he couldn’t view them directly. Soon, the vibrant colors bled into his normal vision, revealing shades and tones he’d never imagined before.
The next thing he knew, he was standing outside, completely naked with a rampant erection arching toward the heavens. He was surrounded by swirling, twinkling multi-colored tendrils, twisting and spinning around him, unsure how he’d gotten there, nor why he bore a full erection. It didn’t seem to result from sexual stimulation. Instead of the previous inky blackness of night, now the entire landscape was awash in vibrant colors despite the obscured quarter moon, the silence replaced with a cacophony of non-human sounds.
Assuming the erection was a symptom Tom neglected to mention, he ignored it, reminding himself to check again within four hours, as he’d grown accustomed to his smallest appendage.
He wasn’t sure how he’d gotten here. It was like he’d blacked out, but he distinctly remembered his experiences and fascinating details. He recalled things he’d never considered before, and revelations of things he thought he knew, yet …
Somehow, he had no conscious memory of time or how he got here. And all those astonishing ideas he’d promised to remember, blew away like smoke and fairy dust, gone with a slight breeze. He tried recalling what he’d so wanted to recollect, or what had so fascinated him. But while the experiences were fresh in him mind, the details of his thoughts—aside from the experiences themselves—were not.
He also recalled why he was naked, as he’d felt the energy surrounding him was disturbed by his garments, so he’d left them behind, where he hadn’t a clue. Glancing up, he discovered much of the background noise he’d noted were the stars in the heavens popping and crackling like dried popcorn in a microwave. He stood transfixed, observing them. Fixating on a particular star cluster—the Seven Sisters—he felt himself rising upwards as the heavens expanded around him. It filled his vision, the yard he stood on no longer visible.
Looking steadily ahead, observing the rapidly moving stars growing ever nearer, he felt at peace. A part of the cosmos, one with the universe, feeling millions of unidentified life forms pulsing around him. Their crackling called to him, speaking his name in millions of disparate tongues, over millions of lightyears. Growing brighter as he perceived a vast array of stars, he felt himself connected with the intellectual force—the soul—guiding the universe, suddenly understanding its intent. He was, essentially, communing directly with God.
Unable to communicate verbally, he was filled with a tremendous awe and utter humility: a minor, insignificant figure among tens of trillions. What he’d discovered earlier, and forgot, he could still experience, even though the drug had mostly worn off. If these were after affects, then he was probably correct, he’d likely blacked out because he wasn’t prepared for the full sensory overload, yet this lessor, toned down version seemed ideal for him.
Then he was in another darkened room, and Alicia, a teen-aged neighbor, was facing a strapping young man. Both lacked essential details, illuminated by a bluish tint. Like him, both were naked. A tall, thin girl with raven black hair and a clear, flawless complexion, Alicia nevertheless stood out, as her shorter boyfriend bore a darker countenance and a brooding demeanor with heavy brows. While cute, his ineffective, pretentious bad-guy vibe reflected a harsh contrast over them both. Even now, his eyebrows seemed to be revealing, conveying more than what his eyes conveyed, even now. Realizing Tom was correct, he was living out Alicia’s dream—hence the indistinct images. Seeing the young man’s genitals, he guessed they were purely Alicia’s imagination, as their size was well outside the norm for most teens. As they embraced, Theo turned, heading away, when he encountered Wendy, Alli’s daughter, watching.
Normally a cute, lively teen, Wendy now studied his face—ignoring his attire, or lack thereof—expressing a quizzical, skeptical expression, which transformed to an unsure questioning one, as the corners of her lips turned up as she tilted her head. Embarrassed at being caught in flagrante by his niece in her pajamas, roughly the same age as Alicia, Theo found himself back outside—shocked awake by the unexpected encounter.
“Damn, Tom mentioned visiting others’ dreams, but never mentioned pulling others in too. I’d better watch that, lest I be accused of indecency. I have no clue how Wendy will interpret it, but hopefully she’ll chalk it up to a random dream about her uncle. Speaking of indecency, I best return and locate my missing clothes, before someone reports me.” However, his erection apparently had a mind of its own, bobbing as he walked.
He discovered one shoe in his front yard, a sock in Alli’s garden and the other shoe in the next yard over, demonstrating he’d apparently been meandering aimlessly. Luckily, his fixation of continually polishing his shoes made them relatively easy to spot, as they reflected the vibrant colors surrounding him.
Reentering the house, he located the missing sock hanging from the front door’s inner doorknob. Despite floating to the den’s easy chair, he finally sat, clutching the armrests. Taking his time, he monitored his breathing and checked his pulse, yet the sparkling multi-colored tendrils followed him everywhere, never dissipating.
He checked the time, observing he’d been under for several hours, rather than the few minutes he thought—highlighting Tom’s warning that his perception of time wasn’t reliable while under. It also meant he’d likely be traipsing the neighborhood for much longer too, further complicating the risks.
Once he’d calmed, his thinking clearing—though the hallucinations hadn’t—Theo tried to experiment further, hopefully in someone’s slightly less sexual dream. After scanning about, an interesting experience of its own, Theo found himself in Alli’s dream.
She stood precariously atop their washing machine, as the laundry room was flooding with several sharks swimming menacingly around the machine she was on. Unlike her normal dowdy demure demeanor, she appeared much younger, with dark hair like her daughter’s, and skin as smooth and flawless as Alicia’s. Ignoring the dangers she faced, she stopped, turned and stared. Apparently, unlike Tom, he wasn’t merely observing someone else’s dream. He was actually visiting them, appearing in Alli’s like he had in Wendy’s. Shocked again, he found himself back in his body.
Due to his extensive work in conscious dreaming, he set the agenda for the dream and quickly returned to sleep, never fully awakening. When he reappeared in her dream, he was once more invisible as Alli prepared to leap from the washer to the dryer when she paused, once more turning. “You can’t fool me,” she announced, her voice clear over the sound of rushing water. “I can tell you’re still here. Your surroundings give you away, so you may as well reveal yourself.”
Theo sighed as the water swiftly drained away at his urging, sucking the thrashing sharks down the tiny laundry-room drain, as he materialized before her on the wet tile floor.
“There you are!” she declared, utterly nonplused at his appearing nude in her dream. “I don’t know why you’re so quick to run away, though I’m not overly fond of the sharks either.” She paused, glancing down while staring at him and grinning triumphantly. He recognized the realistic colors and patterns of his clothing, compared to her blurry-blue appearance. Waking himself again, he reappeared with a negligible delay, with Alli now fully fleshed out in one of her favorite outfits, a dark paisley dress. Recognizing the difference, she glanced down, smoothing and studying her attire.
Though Theo reimaged her in her dream, his recollections were vague. Yet, seeing herself in the familiar outfit, colors washed over the dress and herself, revealing a rich black, orange and white pattern that seemed nearly as vibrant as his tendrils, adding the missing color and various inconsistencies of the material, like uneven seams or stains. Her skin, rather than a flat flesh color, was now more nuanced, darkening in the recessed areas, brightening in the exposed, flatter expanses, as well as displaying a few freckles and birthmarks, but baring the same enticing smile, as she playfully bit her lip at his response. Whatever her apparent dream age, she knew she was cute.
“Very nice,” she said, glancing around. “Can you do anything about the room? My dream version seems a tab … drab.”
Unsure how, without reawakening, Theo imagined her bedroom where she still slept. Again, everything lacked color, though realistically detailed, but rapidly erupted in color, as she observed the room. Theo realized, presented with a realistic representation of a familiar location, she unconsciously added the missing colors. There was still a lot to learn, as dreams seemed to have completely different rules while he was in them, but at least he didn’t have to continually wake each time. But that was the premise behind conscious dreaming, though he’d never seen it set so quickly before.
“Very nice. You should attend all my dreams, as this is much nicer than my normal ones.” She flashed a playful, teasing grin. “Now, there’s one item missing, seeing as it’s still my dream.” Both Theo’s and Alli’s clothes vanished, revealing his still rampant erection, and a sexy body he’d never envisioned beneath her everyday attire. Contrary to the detail in everything else, her breasts didn’t sag in the least, and were noticeably smaller, with perkier nipples, which seemed to defy gravity, calling him to caress them.
“Finally, this is more like it,” she declared, nodding approvingly, openly staring at his rampant erection. “I’ve long wanted to see what you look like naked.” She paused. “Will you remember this, or are you dreaming too?”
“Technically, I’m also dreaming,” he explained, though unsure why, as like with Wendy, he desperately hoped she wouldn’t remember, “since I’m also currently asleep.” Tilting away slightly—which only highlighted it in silhouette against the bright background, he continued. “But it’s a conscious dream, meaning I’ll remember it, though I’d never embarrass you by mentioning it.”
Considering her sexy, sleek body, his confidence in his own flagged. Though much younger, hers now appeared flawless, while his lean, pale body with an obvious farmer’s tan stood out, as did his still present acne and five-dollar haircut.
“Yeah, I remember you mentioning that. When we wake, you’ll have to teach me the particulars.”
“This is my first time in one of your dreams. Is this normal? I mean, do your dreams normally play out like this?”
She stopped to consider the question, which also seemed unusually un-dreamlike. “Not at all. It’s much more realistic,” she said, still considering his bobbing erection. “Like everything else, my thinking is clearer.”
“I was referring to the laundry room sharks, and the vague bluish haze,” he clarified, still unsure why.
She shrugged, still staring at his groin. “I’ve had dreams like it before, but never considered the lack of color. Seeing the difference, it really stands out now.”
He considered her too, her nakedness impossible to ignore, filled with details he wouldn’t have known to add. Although he’d enriched the details, she’d added the specifics herself. Her erect nipples and full bush made looking away difficult. Noticing his focus, she replaced her bush with a neatly-trimmed version, leaving her vagina completely exposed.
“Wow! This is really handy. I never knew I could do this before.” She prepared to leap off her washer, staring lustfully at his nakedness.
Thinking quickly, he knelt, opening the dryer door. “One second, I forgot something.” Climbing in as she landed behind him, presumably staring at his exposed ass, he returned to his easy chair, still clothed as normal, though his erection hadn’t faltered, straining the fabric. Lifting his foot, he noted his feet felt wet, as he’d never replaced his socks. Squeezing his toes, the shoe squeaked, proving his premise.
“Geez, it’s easy to get yourself in trouble doing this. Hopefully, neither will remember it, though I’m unlikely to forget. I’ll have to watch my step, as my dreams are unlike anyone else’s, including my own.”
_______________
Pausing by the kitchen door the next morning, Theo took a deep breath. Despite his wild night, his thinking was clear and he suffered no apparent side effects, despite the continued presence of odd, impossibly-vibrant colors dancing in his peripheral vision. Not a good sign, by any account.
“Morning,” Alli said in a cheerful voice as he neared the breakfast table. “I was wondering whether I should wake you, as you’re normally an early riser. I guess you deserve the occasional late-night overindulgence. Did you accomplish what you hoped to?”
Theo stared at her for a few moments, wondering whether she was pulling his leg, before glancing away and deciding to play along. He also couldn’t help contrasting her younger, naked dream self with her wearing a housecoat, her hair only partially brushed. Yet the memory remained vivid in his imagination, as he kept projecting it onto the demure woman before him.
“Nah, I’m fine. I was just investigating a new field of study. It’s hard getting a distraction-free environment like that in my office.”
“You know, you’re unlikely to make any headway with your dissertation if you keep switching topics,” she lectured, ignoring their shared dream and dream-discussions the previous night.
Alli seemed unaware of their dream encounter, while Wendy never even glanced up, fully engaged in her cereal and the game on the back of the box. Clutching his fists as he sat, he decided to test the waters.
“Despite my late bedtime, I slept great, but had the weirdest dream. Maybe the stress is getting to me, after all.”
“Frankly, my life is so frantic, especially after Conner died, I haven’t remembered my dreams in years. Who has the time for such trivialities?”
“I do,” Wendy said, glancing up, her eyes alight, a sharp contrast to her expression the night before, once again playful and engaged, ready to have fun. “What did you dream? Was it exciting? Were there dragons or a grand adventure? Or did it not make any sense, like most of mine?”
“It wasn’t very interesting,” Theo hedged. “It was mostly about numbers dancing out of step with a few really bad tunes, the kind of dream we intellectuals suffer from. You need creative times for the really interesting dreams.”
She pouted, disappointed at his banal story, but there was no indication either recalled anything of their dreams. Relieved, Theo stood.
“Sit,” Alli urged. “I’ll get you some juice, and the coffee is hot. I’ll fix you a quick egg and toast.”
“You get the juice and I’ll pour the coffee,” he offered, grinning pleasantly, unable to keep from staring longer than appropriate. “Do you need a refill?”
“Always the engineer, searching for the optimal efficiency in everything. But sure, I could use a dollop more. Thanks.”
“’Cept, I’m ain’t no engineer,” he insisted, pouring both cups, “merely a researcher in a niche field, busy checking my data to catch any obvious errors before reporting the results. I’m more interested in catching transposed figures than in how efficiently my time is spent.”
“Well, with child rearing, everything we do seems a mistake. In the end, we simply hope the positives outweigh our failures. But you’re fascinated in your research, which implies others will be too. Hopefully you’ll find a way to earn a living, but as long as you’re satisfied …”
“I don’t mind earning a little less, as I’ve never pursued the all-mighty dollar.” He handed her the warm ceramic cup, grinning. “I’m happy with an older car, and once I meet someone, I’m assuming a professorship will provide enough to raise a family. There’s certainly no lack of things to do around town, and the college is always bubbling with new ideas. The kids keep everything exciting.”
“The people in your sleep clinic must have some interesting dreams,” Wendy ventured, her eyes once more shining. “You don’t need to say who dreamed what, but you must have some entertaining stories.”
“We’ve discussed this,” he cautioned. “All I do is modify the environment to see how it effects how people dream—whether it disturbs or prolongs them. They note what they dreamed, but it’s not detailed enough to recount and it’s personal. No one would fill out my questionnaire if they suspected I’d reveal anything embarrassing. I’m more a number cruncher than a dream gatherer. They’re also covered by privacy regulations, restricting who I can tell.”
“So, can we go somewhere today?” she complained, already bored. “You don’t have any classes, and wherever we go, it’s always a blast.”
Theo glanced at Alli. “I don’t know, it depends on your mother. I don’t have anything planned, and since I woke late, it’ll take a bit to get going.”
“Wendy, don’t annoy your uncle! He works hard and can’t constantly entertain you.”
“Don’t worry,” he reassured them both. “Taking her out is always refreshing. It’s a relief getting away from the college. It frees my mind so I’m more focused when I return.”
She was already on her feet, watching his response. “So where are we going?”
“I’m thinking of a long hike through the woods.”
“The Appalachian Trail?” She performed a happy dance, dancing in place beside the table while grinning, playfully biting her tongue. “That’ll be great! I’ll get my hiking boots.”
“Grab a jacket. It’s cool and there might be an occasional shower.”
“I’m on it! I’ll take my phone for pictures too.”
“You realize you don’t need to keep taking her everywhere,” Alli cautioned, watching him skeptically. “Don’t feel obligated to entertain her for me.”
“As I said, spending time with her washes my intellectual concerns away, clearing out the mental cobwebs. When I return, I’m more clearheaded and better prepared for the coming week. It’s no obligation, and I’m glad to help.”
“You’re either brave or very foolish, but I won’t refuse the opportunity to catch up here at home.”
“Just don’t get too caught up. You need time off, too. Give yourself time to unwind and relax. You’ll have hours before we return, as this will be a full-day effort.”
_______________
“Yeah, I’m just packing some food and water for the hike.”
“You know, I’m considering your conscious dreaming. You mentioned it the other day and I’d like to try it.” Theo stopped cold, the hand holding the chilled apples frozen midway between the fridge and his bag. Despite the leading reference to their shared dream, her face didn’t supply any hint she recalled a thing. Swallowing, he resumed packing as she continued. “If you could walk me through the process, I’d appreciate it. I’m not expecting a master’s class, just something to get my feet wet and try it out.”
“Sure,” he said, recalling needing to air his shoes out after their dream encounter. “That’s easy enough. It takes a while to get the hang of, but once you do, if your dreams go somewhere you dislike, you momentarily wake yourself, easily falling back asleep and changing your dream to a friendlier topic.”
“Good,” she said, her brows knitting. “I keep having this annoying dream where someone wanders off in the middle of a conversation, leaving me questioning myself. I’d like to change those outcomes.”
Theo froze again, studying her face for any indication she was leading him on. But again, she seemed honestly curious. It was possible she didn’t recall, only having vague recollections of the dream, but he couldn’t count on it.
“Sure, I’d be happy to. Perhaps we could discuss your dream too, to figure out what triggered it. That’ll do more to relieve them than conscious dreaming will.”
“Good, I’ll look forward to it. Who knows, maybe Wendy would appreciate it too. She’s very curious, and the idea she can control her dreams will likely excite her.”
“… Sure. She’d appreciate adding unicorns to her dreams. I’ll check my schedule and when we return to her dream, I’ll add them. But I have an antsy tween eager to get going, so …”
3: Diving Deeper Before Divining the Clinic’s Dreams
Reality leaves a lot to the imagination.
After Friday night’s misadventures and his unexpected exposure to two members of his household, Theo decided it best to abstain from another attempt and reflect on what transpired. His experiences were decidedly different than Tom’s, and his conscious dreaming, while covering a lot, didn’t explain it all. He needed time to process the experience before risking more inadvertent revelations, either dream related or physical exposures.
Alli and Wendy’s both recognizing he was somehow sharing their dreams, and not merely a part of them, was disturbing. If they remembered any of it, as his aunt seemed to, it implicated him in a host of complications. Thus, he wasn’t sure whether they truly didn’t recall, or just pretended not to. He also couldn’t fathom why they’d feign ignorance while slyly admitting awareness. Alli’s specific memories of their dream discussions meant that, even if they didn’t remember the details, it still made his presence in others’ dreams problematic.
He could easily imagine their avoiding discussing it, since they dealt with their most intimate fantasies and desires. He needed to determine the risks going forward. He seemed to possess an extraordinary control over other’s dreams, unlike Tom—control he didn’t have over his own, which remained as murky as everyone else’s. His seeming ability to remain invisible in people’s dreams was a tremendous tool, but not if they determined he was controlling it.
What allowed Alli to identify him, while Tracy didn’t, was particularly vexing. Though Wendy’s capacity to not only detect his presence, but actively follow him into others’ dreams and see him apparently anytime was especially troubling. He worried how many others might share the same innate skill. He doubted she carried the only related genes, making visiting anyone’s dreams risky.
So, Theo waited, biding his time. But after several days, he was eager to try again, to gain more experience with the process, hopefully avoiding the same mistakes at his clinic.
Professionally and legally, he needed to remain a voyeur, observing passively as Tom had, without accidentally revealing his presence. It worked with their neighbor Tracy. He’d entered her dream and she never realized he was there, though she wasn’t paying attention to anyone other than her fantasy boyfriend. Yet he’d somehow drawn Wendy into her dream, clumsily exposing himself as the one manipulating things. Though, like Alli, she hadn’t indicated she was even aware of it.
Obviously, taking an active role was problematic, but how perilous it was, wasn’t clear. And in both Wendy and Alli’s case, it hadn’t mattered what role he played, as his presence was quickly noted.
His stomach churned, as he once again considered the small dried sliver in his palm. Everyone was already in bed, and it being late Sunday, he needn’t worry about still being high during a clinic.
Deciding he was as prepared as he’d ever be, he took the substance, reminding himself he couldn’t afford to continue trooping through the neighborhood naked as a jaybird. It once more took a while, but he now knew what to expect. He observed the same eerie, unearthly colors creeping around his peripheral vision. After a short time, flocks of tiny birds began singing various commercial lyrics in unison with a heavy Jamaican accent. Which seemed strangely appropriate, given their migratory patterns.
He’d taken an even smaller dose, though his first was less than Tom suggested. Like the last time, the next thing he knew he was utterly naked. But rather than wandering the street, he was splayed out in his chair, his clothes scattered around him, sporting his usual erection. He also had a vague memory of tap dancing on the far wall in tune with the bird’s tweets, careful not to disturb the framed pictures. Though he didn’t know whether it was an actual memory or a false ‘pseudo-memory’.
He accepted the perpetual erections were a side effect of the substance, as his thoughts weren’t even slightly sexual. Based on his medical training, he realized the priapism—the technical term for prolonged, nonsexual erections—was clearly ischemic. But due to its non-painful nature, he worried it might be purely imaginary. The same happens with marijuana or cocaine use, though the long-term consequences are identical: Fournier’s gangrene, where the impeded circulation threatens the penile tissue. Permanent erectile dysfunction is normally a strong possibility. It persisted when he woke, but so too did the delusions. But as long as he didn’t exhibit the classical symptoms, he wouldn’t worry, since he couldn’t report how the condition originated, presented or impacted him anyway.
Standing by pressing on the chair’s arms, he instead floated off the chair. Like the last time, he kept rising, accelerating after passing through the ceiling, ascending into the heavens.
Realizing it was the result of ingesting the organic substance, and he wasn’t actually expanding beyond the Earth didn’t matter. He again felt himself a part of the universe, but more importantly, a minor aspect of God himself. He was aware of the universe’s spirit—a sort of mass-wisdom, benevolent force—but understood he was only a tiny cog in the massive universe. He realized he needed to pursue this research, regardless of his personal qualms, because it would help humans tap into their otherwise untapped capabilities linking humanity.
Whether his observations were ultimately useful or not, it was a part of something greater than his insignificant life. He also understood the risks to him didn’t matter, as long as he helped humanity advance beyond their current limitations. It was an imposing and unnerving thought, reinforcing his individual unimportance, but strengthened his humility and resolve. What’s more, the realization wasn’t related to the delusions, as it relied on his previous beliefs.
Returning to Earth, he found himself back in Tracy’s dream, her fantasy romance having transformed into a romantic tragedy. Both watched the same boy walking hand-in-hand with another girl down her school’s hallway. A series of revenge scenarios flashed through her dream landscape in quick succession. Satisfied he remained invisible—at least in her dreams—he reawakened back in his house, in the same sprawled position as before, as if nothing happened. The tiny birds circling now tweeting toilet cleanser, toilet paper and paper-towel ads, though they’d switched to a Scottish accent, contrary to their normal migratory patterns.
Standing and stumbling, seeming led by his erection, he searched for his pants—ignoring the rest of his clothes. Finding them stuffed under the couch, he put them on, trying something new, searching for someone specific—Tracy’s mother. He found her as a series of storylines played through her dream as well. Images of Tracy shooting up, flirting with gang members, pregnant, and finally upside down, unconscious, in a spinning, crumbled car as blue lights flashed in the background.
Waking, he willed himself back asleep, discovering Vivian imagining even worse scenarios, but they ceased abruptly as he began projecting Tracy’s dream. She froze, observing her daughter’s angst as her mouth hung open. When the entire thing played out, a tear ran down her cheek, as she stepped forward, reaching out for her. Satisfied he’d resolved this issue for both women, he woke, allowing Vivian to continue the dream on her own.
Confirming how to properly influence others’ dreams, he tried Alli’s once more. When he appeared, she was making out with a dream-version of himself. Both had the same bluish cast, though he noted his physical characteristics were precise—or at least reflected his priapism dimensions. Freezing, she drew back and glanced around, ignoring his cerulean doppelgänger, who vanished without responding to her withdrawal.
“I know it’s you, so you may as well show yourself.” Walking around her, he observed her head swiveling, only a moment behind his actual position as she accurately tracked his movements. Stopping, he revealed himself.
“So, why are you and Wendy aware of me, when no one else is?”
“Ah, you’re so much better than my version of you,” she noted, sizing him up again, the entire scene gaining detail, natural coloration and lighting. “Not only do you look real, but your moves are instinctual, your responses fluid and your colors … vivid.” She paused, contrasting the two. “You’ve taken the joy out of dreaming. I’m no longer satisfied with my own dreams, preferring yours. Mine pale in comparison. While mine are drab, yours are more lifelike than life, more fantastic than fantasy.”
Waving, he switched them to their living room, a safer alternative. Turning, she took in the new scene before glancing down at herself. Randomly touching her hair and running her fingers through the fine strands, reveling in the tactile sensations.
“I need you to cater all my dreams, but you’re the expert. I’m still wrestling with conscious dreaming, changing them whenever you disappear on me.”
“So, you were both aware of everything occurring during our … mutual dreams?”
She shrugged. “I can’t speak for Wendy, but I assume so. She’s cagey when keeping a secret, afraid to talk lest she reveals something.”
He nodded. “I’ll remember that in the future. So, you both were trying to avoid embarrassing me?”
“Not so much embarrass,” she said, as his pants—his only clothing—disappeared, “as avoiding an awkward situation.” Speaking slowly, she changed her tone, inflection and volume, experimenting with her new dream consciousness, fascinated with how detailed and realistic everything was. “Though more to avoid embarrassing Wendy, since I didn’t know whether you’d involved her or not.”
His erection bobbed as he walked, as the living room rotated around her, allowing her to face him while remaining stationary. He was having fun playing too, especially with a safe space to work out the details. “Yet there’s a strange dynamic here, where you’re both aware of me, while no one else is. To keep from exposing myself, I need to uncover what’s happening.”
She considered it, as his erect penis involuntarily moved on its own, first forward and back, then side to side. Realizing she wasn’t paying attention, the room stopped rotating as he faced her.
“You’re getting better at this, even without any training. You seem to be a natural at it.”
“No, whenever you enter my dreams, I go from a dream state to full-consciousness—within the dream. Like you, I’m able to think clearly.”
“That’s circular logic. You’re only more aware, because you’re already conscious of me. When you then confront me, I force the issue. At that point, you’re arguing with me, rather than experiencing your dream.”
“Or we simply know you better than complete strangers or casual acquaintances,” she countered.
“Fine. I’ll concede, but it’s not that I’m doing something wrong,” he clarified, “alerting you that I’m there?”
“Well …” she hedged, glancing down at his erection again.
“This is why I keep pressing the issue. If I accidentally observe someone’s dreams, I’d rather not alert them that I’m influencing them. So, what’s exposing my presence?”
Finding himself stroking his cock, he yanked his hand away, realizing Alli did it the way she kept stripping him, or mentally prodding his penis.
“One thing you do is deny my fantasies. If you’re not around, I find satisfaction. When you are, I’m left frustrated.” She vanished, leaving him glancing around for her, just as she did with him. She reached around him, stroking him while pressing her body against his.
Pulling away, she followed while pulling his shortest appendage. His constant erection made him receptive to such a direct attack.
“This is … awkward,” he protested, quitting his struggles to escape, but turning away, making her reach further to fondle him. “I’m your guest. You’re doing me a favor. I don’t want to take advantage of your hospitality. Most of all, we’re related.”
“Hardly! This is a dream fantasy, occurring only in our minds while we’re both asleep. Secondly, we’re not only third cousins, you’re only a step-cousin, related to Conner, who died years ago. Due to the stresses of raising Wendy by myself—and my grief after his passing—I never dated. By assuming Conner’s role and supplying a supportive, positive male role model for Wendy, you’ve given me more time to recover, both physically and emotionally.
“So, now that my romantic interests are reigniting, who do you think my fantasies turn to? The sexiest man I know! Who just happens to live under my roof, and who Wendy and I both adore. So please, let me live out my fantasies—in my dreams, at least. We can debate what we do while awake. I’m fine if we never mention it, as long as I have an outlet while asleep.”
“Except, you don’t need my participation to fantasize over me.”
“Trust me, having experienced the difference between a fuzzy, pale imitation and the real imaginary you, I doubt I’ll return to plain dreams again. And whatever role you’ve played in Wendy’s, I suspect she feels the same way.”
“Gah!” he groaned, holding his head, ignoring as she shifted once more, gaining an firmer handhold as she continued to fondle him. “That’s a nightmarish image, but … you’ve convinced me. I’m willing to see how this plays out.”
“Finally!” she leaned into his chest, enfolding him in her arms and kissing him. “Now, shut up, play your expected fantasy role, and make beautiful love to me.”
Holding her tight and welcoming her kiss, Theo found himself beneath her in her bed as she snuggled against him. Her hands running over his chest, arms, and finally his crotch. She hesitated, considering him.
“Tell me, how much of this is you, and how much is your size my fantasy projection?”
“Actually, it’s something I took that allows me to visit other people’s dreams. It unfortunately creates a perpetual erection, so you deserve a warning. I may not last long, as I’ve been primed for this for some time.”
“Good,” she said, peppering him with kisses. “While I’d prefer a dramatic finish, I’ll either fantasize of you with my toy or fall fast asleep. I’ll win either way, since my fantasy dreams rarely end conclusively anyway.”
Despite his protests, they made out for some time, partially because given his warning, she wasn’t as aggressive as previously. But after a while, he rolled them both over, working his way down, kissing her ears, neck, collarbone and settling in on her nipples.
“Hmm,” she moaned, grasping his head, “I’ve never had a sexydream as delightful as this. I don’t know what it is, but this even seems to beat my best times with Conner. Somehow, you seem larger, more skillful than real life.”
Rather than arguing, he continued tonguing her nipples before running it along her stomach groove before reaching her furry thatch. Parting it, it evaporated, revealing a clean nether region with a single patch serving as an exclamation over her clitoris.
“You’re getting quite good at this,” he said, licking her clitoral hood. Locating his target, he twiddled it with his tongue as she moaned. “I think you’ve mastered conscious dreaming,” he said, glancing up. Then he noticed Wendy, dressed in her pink pajamas, standing well behind and to her mother’s side.
His dream shattered, Theo sat up, clutching his chest and grasping the arm of his chair, surprised to find his pants around his ankles. Swallowing, he noted Alli’s taste, licking his lips to be sure, shocking him even more. Rather than gaining control over his dream journeys, he was losing what little he’d started with. He’d not only unconsciously dragged Wendy into her mother’s fantasies at the most awkward time, he’d somehow created an imaginary bridge between people’s dreams and the physical world. Similar to the one between remembrances of the dead in the dream of the person responsible. The implications flooded his mind, overwhelming him.
While Alli chose not to acknowledge their dream encounter, Wendy was probably too ashamed to admit them. But this complicated the already complex issues of the encounters. Alli was all for their going all the way, but if he carried her taste back with him, he’d likely leave certain other things behind too.
While everyone seemed okay, he’d royally screwed the familial relationships he depended on. This was no longer a cautious exploration. He’d opened Pandora’s box and his worst nightmares burst forth.
More than anything else, he felt he’d personally failed his newfound purpose in the universe. Although even more humbled, he now questioned whether he was even capable of the momentous mission, stumbling over himself rather than progressing. No, he needed to back up, once again, and reevaluate both his role and his techniques.
Leaning forward, he replaced his shirt, shoving his socks and undershirt into his shoes and crept down the hall. Pausing by Alli’s bedroom, he leaned in, listening. As expected, he heard the soft hum of a small electronic device. Satisfied she hadn’t observed Wendy intruding on their illicit dream, he backed away, heading down the hallway.
Settling into his bed, exhaustion battling his still-thumping heart and multiplying worries, he closed his eyes. Wendy wasn’t dreaming, so he couldn’t determine what impact her intrusion had on her psyche. But, with no way to resolve his concerns, he allowed his fatigue to overwhelm him, drifting into a long, dreamless sleep.
__________
Pausing outside the kitchen the next morning, Theo took time to control his breathing. For whatever reason, he was already fairly smitten with his aunt/landlord, which was dangerous territory. Yet, after what almost transpired the previous night, he was both intoxicated and terrified.
Struggling to restrain his runaway thoughts, he recalled the one thing to stop his emotions from boiling over. The short note that Jennifer left him.
Theo;
I can’t take it anymore. The insular campus and the eternal cocktail parties with your faculty friends and advisors are too stifling. I want to live again.
I’m leaving. I met someone with a motorcycle, willing to take me to California, or as far as we make it. Your world is too small and too restrictive for me.
It’s perfect for you, but killing me.
Goodbye, it was nice while it lasted.
Jennifer
Shivering, he shook his head, his mind clear of any vague romantic delusions. Neither Alli or Wendy glanced up. Wendy grinned around a mouthful of cereal as he sat, but Alli only noticed him when she turned a few seconds later.
“Ah, there you are. Do you want your usual?”
“Nah, I don’t want to put you out. I’ll just have some toast and coffee.” He patted his stomach. “You’ve been feeding me too well, skipping a few meals will help balance it.”
“Nonsense. You’re in great shape, and much too young to worry about such things.”
“If you lose weight, you might disappear,” Wendy teased. “As it is, there’s barely anything to hold on to.”
“You won’t get rid of me so easily,” he said, poking her in the side, triggering a spasm of giggles.
When no one responded to his presence in their dreams again, he decided to press the issue. “How’d everyone sleep?”
“Who can remember?” Alli complained. “There’s too much to recall to waste time on such trivial details.”
“I dreamed of a raccoon chasing puppies,” Wendy volunteered.
“No unicorns or dragons? Maybe I’ve taken you on too many walks through the woods.” Theo tilted his head. “No nightmares, or things you’d rather not see?”
“Nope. If anything, I prefer longer dreams, so the puppies have time to escape.” She held his gaze. “I like happy endings.”
Taken aback, he glanced at Alli for support. “Yeah. I’d like a few more happy endings too!” she admitted, grinning. “If a dream is good—or at least ends happily—it’s worth the time to recall.”
“All right,” Theo sighed, “next time I’ll bring bunnies.”
“You can do whatever you like in your dreams, but mine are fine,” Wendy assured him.
“We know it’s your job, but not everyone is as into dreams as you,” Alli chided.
“Fine, more happy endings and less interruptions.”
“And less talk,” Wendy reminded him. “No one likes being lectured by angry dragons in their dreams.”
“Yeah, yeah, I get the point. From now on, I’ll haunt other people’s dreams,” he muttered. “Maybe they’ll like some bunnies too?”
__________
Despite his reluctance and repeated missteps, Theo knew he had no choice Monday night. Though best to take the psychedelic at least a day before, this was his last opportunity—lest he ended up stumbling around nude after arriving on campus.
Crossing his fingers, he took another dried-mushroom sliver, chewing it carefully. Instead of waiting, knowing how long it took, he simply closed his eyes, allowing it to work at its own pace. The next he knew, Theo was lying on the floor, naked again, his erection pointing straight up.
Sitting up, the entire room was awash in fantastic, swirling colors, in spite of his taking the smallest dosage yet. He wasn’t sure whether the quality was so inconsistent, or his sensitivity was increasing as he became attuned to it. Tom suggested starting with a small dose before raising it, but once more, his experiences didn’t match Theo’s. While relieved his waking state had stabilized, with fewer nocturnal jaunts, it hardly ruled them out.
Yet standing, he found himself on the ceiling, facing down. His clothes were scattered about the floor below, well out of reach. He tried jumping for them, but wasn’t tall enough. Plus, every time he did, he knocked more dust off, which rained down for someone to clean up later. He didn’t think vacuuming in the middle of the night—or even first thing in the morning—was an intelligent move.
“Oh, well,” he said, glancing up at himself pointing down, “hopefully I’ll stay in the background where I belong, while avoiding Wendy and Alli, as planned.”
He briefly wondered whether he’d fall on his head when the effect wore off, or if there was some way to climb up to the floor. Studying the rippling seat below, he convinced himself he was still sitting in it, though it might be yet another delusion. Sitting cross-legged—remembering to clean the filthy ceiling fan—he searched for nearby dreams he could observe.
He found himself in a high-school classroom, filled with students pointing and laughing at a young man who, like him, was completely naked—the typical performance-anxiety nightmare. Freezing his mocking classmates, thereby catching the boy’s attention, Theo made himself visible—keeping his appearance the same muted, indistinct blue shade.
“Don’t worry about them, they’re not real. You’re stressing yourself out, worrying about what you already know. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, hold it for five seconds, and let it out slowly.
Staring at him, the boy nodded before closing his eyes. Reopening them hearing the twittering of birds and feeling a gentle breeze, he found them both sitting in an open field, overlooking the Wintervale campus. He glanced around, trying to place himself. “Where are we?”
“Somewhere safe. Continue taking deep breaths from your belly, and commune with the nature around us. Ignore our nakedness—in this setting, it’s perfectly natural—and just breathe.
“Thanks. I was about to lose it, possibly peeing myself, which I haven’t done in years. I’m Lloyd.”
He was actually a good-looking young man, though still a young teenager. His hair was cut short on the sides, while the top allowed his natural curls to come out. His face contained a smattering of freckles, and the inevitable teenage zits, though his eyes were penetrating and focused, a positive sign.
“Given the nature of this meeting, I’d rather not give my name. But having met, I’ll keep an eye out for you.”
Noting Theo’s still rampant erection, Lloyd reached out, grasping his overstimulated, pulsing flesh while staring into his eyes. “I’m glad you rescued me. I wasn’t sure how many more of these I could take.”
Theo bit his lip, struggling to keep from jerking back. His role here was a trusted mentor. Reacting negatively would undermine everything he’d done so far.
“Concentrate on your breathing,” he urged, focusing on his own. “When you’re ready, we’ll return so you can … beat this? Take control of these dreams, refusing to participate in anything that undermines your confidence. We can party later.” Theo realized Lloyd would continue playing with his blue-toned doppelgänger once he left. That was fine with him, as long as he wasn’t involved. “For now, you need to put this behind you, so you’re prepared for those seeking to intimidate you.”
“Right.” Lloyd withdrew his hand. “Breathe now, play later,” he concluded, staring into his eyes, flexing his own flickering erection. He paused again, waving his arm to indicate something Theo couldn’t identify. “I never dreamed there was a genuine gay fairy!”
Theo took his hand, standing. “I think you’re ready. Whenever this happens, just like in real life, don’t let the homophobes win, and don’t do their work for them. Simply refuse to comply. Once you do, you’ll wake up. And if you fall back asleep, your dream will take an entirely new direction, one you set yourself.”
They found themselves standing in the same classroom, surrounded by the same unmoving jeering critics. Only now, Lloyd wore casual jeans and a sporty tee shirt.
“Are you ready?”
He nodded, not yet confident in himself. “I think so.”
The jeers started again, but Lloyd strode confidently past, never giving them a second glance. In response, the bullies pulled back, realizing the dynamic between them had shifted, not understanding how. Reaching his seat, he glanced back, not seeing Theo.
“Don’t worry, I’ll be observing your dreams. I’ll know when you need me, but I can only do this occasionally, as the sole gay fairy’s work is never done.”
Stepping back as the cafeteria scene faded, revealed Lloyd and Theo’s dream version leaning in for their first kiss. Theo decided it was safe to jump ship, unready to witness what his imaginary self might do with a boy so young.
Scanning one last time, he found another lost soul. He appeared in a dream where a young girl stood, knees clutched tightly together, glancing around desperately.
“Relax—but not too much,” he urged, still invisible. “You need to wake up, so you can make it to the bathroom in time.”
“I’m … I’m not sure I can.” Theo reached out, taking her hand, becoming visible in the same blurry blue she was. “Follow me,” he said, waking them both. Unable to determine how she fared back in her bedroom, he hoped having seen the process, she’d be able to wake herself the next time. Satisfied, he found himself back sitting on his recliner, his clothes once more scattered around him. “Well, for once that worked properly. Now, I just need to avoid Alli and Wendy in future dreams, hopefully dodging Lloyd’s hands too.”
__________
“All right, let’s take our positions and begin.” Theo wandered the aisles of cots as everyone nestled in, ready for another short scientific nap. “I’ll wake you when we’re done, and as usual, there are dream-record forms for you to complete once you wake. As you know, the questions shift each session as I alter the environmental controls. I’ll dim the lights in a moment, so for everyone’s sake, finish your conversations. You’re free to chat afterwards.”
As everyone quieted, Theo moved to the door, dimming the room. As the participants gradually drifted off, he took his seat, making himself comfortable after checking no one was observing, and quickly fell asleep himself.
He found himself in one participant’s dream as he was conducting a drug deal. The furtiveness of the exchange revealed its nature, despite his wearing a tailored business suit. Technically, Saul Samuels’ credentials listed him as a ‘financier’, providing start-up capital for promising new businesses. He also listed several accounting degrees, so Theo wasn’t sure how the current situation transpired. Surprised and disillusioned, he prepared to leave, unwilling to witness the personal recollections of a crime when the buyer stepped back and raised a pistol.
“Hand over the cash and don’t try anything.”
“Seriously?” Saul asked, staring at the man but not responding to the threat. “Do you really think you’ll get away with this? Do you have any idea who I represent?” He paused. “Do you even have the merchandise, or was this a scam all along?”
“Shut up and give me your wallet and phone, too!” the man shouted, his eyes shadowed by dark rings, his cheeks sunken and his hair greasy and unkempt.
“I shoulda known!” Saul handed over the briefcase, followed by his billfold and cellphone, the man’s hand quivering as he kept checking for anyone approaching. After considering shooting him for several moments, he ran to his car and took off, his tires squealing.
“Follow him,” Saul said, speaking softly with no one nearby. “I want to know not only where he lives, but where each of his family resides, their names, employers and social security numbers, everything!”
Relieved that he hadn’t committed a crime—this time—Theo again turned away when the scenario switched. Now several gun-toting goons in dark suits swarmed into a decrepit, abandoned building, as he waited patiently outside. Intrigued, Theo remained. When his watch buzzed, Saul entered the premises—or rather started for the house before appearing inside—standing over the man and his girlfriend. Both were strung out, handcuffed to chairs with plastic ties and badly beaten. The man who robbed Saul bore significant bruises to his face, as blood dribbled from his lip.
“Where’s the money, Peter?” Saul asked in an even tone, emphasizing his name.
“I … I don’t have it,” he said, barely able to speak and slurring his words. “I … spent it all.”
“That’s too bad. If you did, or possessed any way of paying me back, I might let you go with a couple broken limbs.” Saul turned to the girl. “Either tell me where it is, or we’ll get it from your families. If not, they’ll each die an extremely painful death, knowing you were responsible for their suffering.”
She glanced at her companion before turning back. “He hidit under a loose floorboard under the bed!”
“You little bitch!” Peter snarled. Saul nodded, and the nearby goon punched him hard in the face, the girl wincing.
A moment later, after tearing the room apart, another hireling glanced up. “There’s only five thou here.”
“That’s disappointing,” Saul said, glancing at her. “I hope you don’t have children, it’s painful enough losing parents and siblings.”
“Please, don’t hurt anyone! He said something about an offshore account, but wouldn’t tell me the details.”
“You stupid whore!” her boyfriend muttered. Saul nodded again, and his associate took a pair of pliers from his inner pocket as another held Peter’s jaw open. He struggled frantically as they ripped a molar out by the root. He howled piteously, his companion paling at the sight. As disgusted as he was, Theo couldn’t look away, wanting to bear silent witness to the horrific last moments of these now-deceased individuals.
“Now, where did you put my money?” Saul pressed, as his man cleaned off his pliers with bleach, waving the plastic container before Peter’s face.
“I discussed … putting it aside,” he confessed, his eyes wide as he struggled to answer, blood drooling from his mouth. “But … we were on a spree, spending cash for everything.”
“Fine,” Saul said, taking a prepaid phone from his pocket and dialing a preprogrammed number.
“Yeah?” another henchman said over the phone’s speaker.
“Put her on.”
“Peter?” an elderly woman asked, her voice unsteady with a distinct note of terror. “Please … tell them I don’t know anything about this, and haven’t spoken to you in years,” she bawled.
“Mom?” Peter answered, surprised Saul followed through on his threats. “Are you … alone?”
“It doesn’t matter whether he does or not,” Saul explained to her in the same measured tone. “All that does is whether Peter prefers taking my money to his grave, rather than saving your lives.” He turned to his victim. “Will you answer yet?”
“I’m telling you, that’s all I have left!”
“Go ahead,” Saul said wearily.
A loud explosion sounded over the tinny speaker, and Peter’s face fell. “Mom? What did you—”
“You know precisely what I did.” Saul’s voice was still as tempered as ever, but now carried a trace of impatience. “Now, you have a chance to save your father before we continue down your family tree.”
“Fine! I buried it under the fence in my parent’s back yard.”
“We’ll need a precise location, as well as the specific dollar amount, so we’ll know your father’s ransom.”
After Peter revealed the details, Theo knelt by the two victims, remaining invisible. “What’s your surname?”
“Uh, Bellows,” Peter whispered, blinking rapidly, not comprehending who was asking.
He turned to his girlfriend. “I need your full name. It’s too late to save you, but maybe I can exact a small measure of revenge.”
Not knowing whether it was feasible interrogating long-dead victims in their killer’s dream, Theo wanted something from the horrifying experience, no longer sure what wasn’t possible anymore.
“Julie Peters,” she murmured, a tad too eagerly.
The thug beside her smacked her across the face, sending her and the chair she was tied to skidding several feet. “Who the hell you talkin’ too?” he demanded, not waiting for a response.
Not wanting to prolong the inevitable, the dream thankfully ended, mainly because Saul tired of it. Hearing confirmation of his associates’ find, they quickly executed the two, though he had no clue what happened to Peter’s father.
Troubled by his horrifying memories, Theo realized that rather than being a distinguished grandfather, Saul became a financier through the back door. By investing illicitly gained cash for legitimate, untraceable electronic funds. More troubling, his ability to query the deceased victims, without alerting the dreamer, represented a new capability. It made sense, though, as Saul’s unconscious knew who they were, while it wouldn’t necessarily trigger his active, conscious mind. Yet, it opened up an array of new possibilities.
Theo now doubted his supposed financial resume, no longer viewing him as the genial older gentlemen he’d assumed. He’d never been anything other than a murderous thug.
__________
Still shaken by Saul’s recollections, Theo continued scanning the sleep clinics’ patients. Entering another dream, he observed Alice Millk carrying out her deadly assignments with horrifying skill. Despite her small, delicate physique—or perhaps because of it—she was relentlessly effective. He also noted Tom observing from the sidelines, apparently invisible to her, though not to him.
Rather than acknowledging him, Theo took immediate control, changing the background from an FBI office to a military debriefing room. Taking another chance, he clothed himself in a senior officer’s uniform.
Seeing him, she immediately ceased her relentless killings and snapped to attention, saluting. “Sir! Commander Lynn Daniels reporting.” His plain, generic uniform became richly detailed, including the medals pinned to his chest. Once again, the increased details drew the dreamer from their unconscious state into the seemingly real world of Theo’s imposed dreamworld. Which reinforced his assumptions on the nature of the unconscious.
“At ease, soldier. Detail your assignment. Particularly any outstanding unresolved issues.” As he suspected, Theo’s voice changed, as he spoke in a much lower pitch, possessed darker skin and bore a finely groomed mustache.
“We eliminated the three targets, plus two incidental contacts. All communications were blocked, and we erased their recordings so they couldn’t determine when we attacked.”
“Specify the targeted personnel, so we can confirm the orders.”
Pausing and tilting her head slightly, Theo sighed. “There’s an issue with a communications officer relaying imprecise details, so we’re double-checking each returning team to evaluate how extensive our exposure is.”
“Of course,” she agreed, buying his explanation, as it fit her professional expectations: trust yourself first, doubt everyone else and never reveal your mission—except to your superior officer. Even then, cover your ass. “This was a domestic operation, taking out Special Agent Wilkins of the CIA, DCIPS Jefferies of the Defense Department and Supervisory Special Agent Myers of the FBI. They were all part of an interagency review of our agency.”
Theo struggled to not react to the information. While the murders were shocking enough, the military’s role in a domestic operation broke a whole string of operational legal restrictions. Including who was reporting to whom.
“And their reports and contacts?” he pushed.
She glanced down. “We seized all their documentation and summaries, though were unable to locate one contact, who’d left the premises due to a family emergency.”
He frowned, his brow wrinkling. “We’ll need his information for the follow-up team.”
“Special Agent Drew Lynen of the FBI’s Delaware office, who left the state to care for relatives and was no longer in the operational area.”
“Don’t worry, we’ll take care of it,” Theo promised, picking up an imaginary phone which become solid in his hand. “I’m assigning personnel to it immediately, he won’t escape.”
“Thank you, Sir. That’s a relief. I was afraid he might slip through the cracks.”
Her response revealed Lynen had likely gone into protective custody. His information resulting in her being professionally compromised, her records expunged from whichever quasi-government agency she’d worked for. His telling her, so many years later, that he’d personally resolve her biggest failure, relieved her of the guilt she’d carried these many years.
“We take care of our own,” he continued. “It isn’t our mistakes that condemn us, it’s the oversights from being too overconfident to catch them in time. We’ll cover you.”
“Thanks, Captain Tolkin. If you ever need help, either personal or professional, call me. You know I can keep secrets, and I owe you for this. It’s relieving not having to worry over it.”
“Trust me, some day when the time is right, I will.” He grinned confidently, hoping to leverage her knowledge, yet chagrined at bringing relief to yet another troubled killers’ mind.
Ending the scene by waking himself, determining his next dream, Theo appeared in a small bathroom, staring at Tolkin’s face in the mirror. He noted his epaulets, the Seal trident insignia atop his other medals, noting the apparent conflict in a Naval Seal directing ex-army personal in a domestic operation targeting multiple governmental investigative bodies. These were dangerous waters he was trolling, especially in such a rickety, unfamiliar craft.
Confirming his identity via his nametag, Theo studied the rest of the medals. Still unsure whether he could memorize dream details, he relied on another of his hypnotism tricks, hopefully burning them into his conscious memory.
__________
With this clinic’s more complicated programs, his background military cadences interrupted by remote blasts, it took everyone longer to complete their assignment. No one recalled the background noises, but they each responded in a prompt, attentive manner, despite their varied backgrounds. Theo wanted to talk to Alice, while studiously avoiding Saul, but got sidetracked by Tom once again.
“Man, how you handled Alice was absolutely masterful. I could observe her dreams, but couldn’t do anything else. That’s why I knew I had to alert you. You stepped in and altered her perceptions, getting her to volunteer the information you needed. I was right about you,” he said, clapping him on the back. “You’re going far, my boy. Far!”
Theo winced, realizing just how far he’d potentially compromised himself, while committing himself to new tasks, with no clue how to proceed. He felt as if he were shooting down rapids without a canoe, casting memories in the waters while struggling to stay afloat.