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Lubrican's Fractured Fairy Tales and Naughty Nursery Rhymes - Volume Three

by Lubrican

Published: 2023-08-16. 28,321 Words.

Categories: Fiction » Fairy Tales

Format: EPUB

Content Rating: Older than 17

Volume Three of Lubrican's Twisted Fairy Tales starts out with a retelling of the Pinocchio story in a way you've never heard it before. And that's a promise. Suffice it to say it isn't his nose that gets longer when he lies, and the ladies in his life take advantage of the fact that it's easy to get the puppet to lie. This story has everything, including wood nymphs, magicians, thieves, women who get pregnant and deliver that baby within literally hours. It's just a rollicking good time for one and all.

Story two is called "The Princess and the Prick." For those of you rusty on your fairy tales, it's a satire on "The Princess and the Pea," which is about a girl who is so full of herself that she can't sleep on top of fifteen mattresses because the pea underneath them makes the bed feel lumpy. You've all known a princess like that. But the Lubrican version has something else in the bed that makes for a lump. And the princess who finds it isn't complaining.

Story three is an original fairy tale called "The Queen's Protector." In it, the king goes off to fight instead of staying home to bed his bride. But he leaves a captain there to protect her in his absence. The queen, once she gets to know her protector, realizes that there are potential dangers at every turn and demands an elevated type of ... protection. In the end, their exploits become a part of history that I bet you are fully aware of.

The last story in this volume is about Rumpelstiltskin, the little man who could spin straw into gold. The original tale is a somewhat sad one, depending on whose point of view you look at it from. The girl got off sweet, while the guy who did all the work ended up torn in half. But Lubrican likes much happier endings and besides, if I was Rumpelstiltskin, I'd ask for a whole lot more than a ring and a locket to turn straw into gold. I mean we've got us a beautiful young woman locked in a room with a pile of hay, after all!

Warning: These fairy tales are for adults only. They have adult themes and contain descriptions of graphic sex. No one under eighteen is allowed.