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From Another Planet

A Well-Traveled Man


From Another Planet

By A Well-Travelled Man

Copyright© 2023 by A Well Traveled Man

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Chapter One


My name is Yari, and I was 14 when my family went on vacation. We only took one vacation a year and looked forward to it. Dad was an electrical engineer, and Mom was a computer programming genius. I was an only child and gifted with the luck of the combined gene pool of my parents. So far advanced for my age, I was schooled by remote learning at my parent's labs. Study in the mornings, exercise after lunch, and work beside them in the afternoons as their assistant. Switching between them, I absorbed the knowledge like a sponge. Soon, I was working on my projects on the side.

My parents always visited their family once a cycle. I loved the trips because my grandparents spoiled me rotten. Seeing me once a year, they tried to outdo each other every year. Dad and Mom got into some intense arguments over it. I always went home with two large boxes of goodies to last the year.

I was excited this year because I turned fourteen, and it was a major event on my parent's home planet. I was guaranteed at least four boxes of goodies this year, and my parent's arguments started before the trip this year. We were halfway through the trip when pirates attacked our spaceship. My parents gathered my belongings, extra rations, and computer, putting me into the ship's captain's escape pod. They hugged and kissed me goodbye and pushed the release.

I passed out when the pod launched, and when I awoke, the pod was stationary. I had landed somewhere, so I looked at the gages. They indicated the planet was inhabitable, so I released the rear door and saw I had landed on a hillside deeper than the surface. I crawled out of the hole and looked around and saw fields of food growing. I sealed the pod and covered the hole, then went exploring. Soon, I found a house with a woman working in a garden and realized my clothing would give me away as an alien. So, I stripped off my clothes, hid them, walked, and stumbled towards the women in the garden. When she saw me, I faked passing out, and she screamed and rushed to me. Then she picked me up and carried me into the house.

I quickly recognized the language from my studies and whispered water. I learned her name was Barbara Billingsley when she called her husband at work. He was someone important, judging by their conversation. I landed into a gold mine and wouldn't let it get away. When she finished her conversation, I asked are you, my mother? I can't remember anything. Mom help me, and I cried. She held me, said it would be all right, and stroked my back. I hooked Mom, and now I need to reel in dear old Dad, and I would have my new home and parents that would take care of me. I stopped crying and said Mom, could I get some food? I was starving, and Mom ran to the kitchen, and I wandered around my new digs. Looking around, I definitely hit the mother lode.

Returning to bed, Mom brought me a tray of food when I sensed she was getting ready to return to my room. I said, thanks, Mom and dug in and cleaned my plate. Then I asked for directions to the bathroom and ran to relieve myself. The food and water must activate my system. And boy, was it a lot and smelled to the high heavens. I flushed several times, found the exhaust fan, and opened a window to keep from throwing up. I stuck my head out the window, breathed fresh air until the room cleared of the smell, and then took a shower.

Exiting the bathroom with a towel wrapped around my waist, Mom put one of Dad's sweatshirts on the bed. I put it on, and it went to my knees, so everyone on this planet was taller than the people on ours or my old planet. Mom laughed when I walked into the kitchen and said I think I shrunk just a bit. Then she said it's something to wear until we go to town tomorrow. I asked what was wrong, walking around like I was with no one around. Mom said oh no, your dad is a very important man, and you have to be presentable to everyone. I said I understood it hangs straight down, not angling left or right, correct? Mom spits her tea across the table and starts laughing, shaking her finger at me.

We ate dinner and then watched TV. The news started, and I asked Mom why the news lady would wear a tight top when she was so big up there. Look, she's having trouble reading the page on the desk. It was like her partner with a big stomach reaching for something he hadn't seen in a while, and Mom was laughing as I said goodnight and went to bed. I've noticed several things different about me here than on my home planet. I can sense my surroundings and read thoughts or minds. Barbara Billingsley, or Mom, wanted a baby, but her husband had a low sperm count. I was the perfect answer to their problem and her husband's political aspirations. Mom wasn't letting me go anywhere. As I said, I hit the mother lode here. I was lying awake, feeling tingling all over my body, and wondered what other surprises were in store for me here and fell asleep.

I dreamed how Mom laughed when I wore Dad's dress shirt and tie and said, "Come on, baby, let's go out to dinner." It was the same thing Dad said to Mom for the night out alone. It was their mating night, and I was fully aware of the process. Our family felt knowledge was needed to understand. So, at eight, I was taken to school by Mom and Dad and learned the ins and outs of the process. I was then given a demonstration of the right way to do it. From then on, I would kid Mom and get her riled up laughing before Dad came home. Dad, or my real dad, was a foot taller than me, and through my studies, I learned why our people were short. The atmospheric pressure was so strong it reduced the growth of everything on our planet. We tried underground growing, but it wasn't practical, so we grew more of everything.

I awoke and exercised, then practiced my huku. It was similar to Earth's karate, but we moved quicker and didn't carry weapons except for defense forces. So, I learned huku starting at age five because my parents didn't trust our defense forces. There weren't competitions in huku, only death. So, I mastered the huku art and practiced every day. Another thing I noticed here was I felt a lot quicker and lighter on my feet. So, another benefit of less atmospheric pressure, and I wondered if my growth would be all over or just in height.

I was laughing inside, going to breakfast after my shower wearing my tent. Mom was cooking breakfast and said I checked this morning, and it's still hanging straight. So, all is good so far, and Mom threw a biscuit at me, laughing. I ate it and told Mom she was a good cook and biscuit thrower. If it was a little higher, I could have caught it with my mouth. That started her giggling, and she said we have to hurry. There's a lot we have to do today. And I found out later she wasn't lying.

The first stop was clothing, and Mom got the pants an inch too long for growth and the shirts one size bigger. Underwear and shoes were the right sizes. Then we went to the doctor's office, and I was poked and prodded. The doctor's office was upgrading the computer system, and the technician couldn't get to work. I asked if I could have the pick of the old equipment if I got to work. He thought for a minute, then said go ahead. I fixed it in ten minutes, and we loaded two computers, monitors, and accessories in the back of the SUV.

The next stop was at the courthouse, and I became Thomas John Billingsley, Jr. Mom said don't tell Dad. Let him find out later on his own, laughing. It's easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission laughing again. I told Mom I would remember that, and she said you better not. That's between husband and wife, only Bucko laughing. I asked what she would call me, and I learned my name was TJ Billingsley.

The last stop was school and testing. I scored off the charts in math and science. However, I needed a lot of work on History and English. I pulled Mom aside and asked for the History and English books for grades 7 to 12. I'll study for a week or two and retake those tests. Mom left a deposit, and we got the books and then headed home. Mom asked what I was going to do with the computers. I said after fixing their programming, they are for you and me. Mom said John is really going to be pissed now. He couldn't get the internet to work right, so he refuses to come out here without being able to communicate with his office.

It was dinner time when we got home. Mom cooked, and I unloaded the SUV and put the clothes in the laundry, computers in the office, and books in my room. During dinner, I told Mom I felt tingly all over last night. Then I asked if we should measure me and keep track. Mom thought it was a good idea, so after dinner, we marked my height on the closet door jamb with a pencil 4'2" and the date. She said well, do this again before going home next month, and left for bed. I was confused because dad was 4' 9" and Mom was 4'7". I must have grown quite a bit since arriving. I looked down and confirmed I was growing all over. Then, I read grades 7 and 8 in History and English and went to bed.

I awoke, exercised, practiced my huku, and sensed someone on the hill behind the house. So, I dressed, went out the front door, and circled around and behind the man. He had a camera with a large zoom lens and binoculars. I picked up a large rock and knocked him out. Then I stripped him, laid him on top of an ant hill, and took his gear and clothes back to the hilltop. I located his car using his binoculars and headed that way. The only thing worthwhile inside was his camera case with an extra lens and accessories. I took the cash and credit cards from his wallet, then threw his clothes, wallet, and key in the back seat. Returning home, I put everything away, took his credit cards to the office, and shredded them. I heard a loud scream going to breakfast after my shower, and Mom wanted to know what it was.

I said it must be the photographer I caught taking pictures of the house this morning. I knocked him out, stripped him, and laid him on an ant hill with his privates at the top. Then I took his clothes to his car so he could leave. The ants must have woken him up, stinging and biting his privates. He was on the hill for over 20 minutes before waking up, so the ants are probably in every cavity on his body. By the way, isn't your bedroom at the back of the house, Mom?

That woke Mom up, and she called Dad and said release the dogs of war on Stan Loman. TJ caught a photographer taking pictures of the back of the house, John. Our bedroom is at the back of the house. So, you do something, or I'll cut his balls off myself and hung up. Mom asked how long did I think he was there. I said not long because his engine was still warm, so he has no photos unless you did nude yoga this morning. Mom laughed and said no, I didn't do that and was still asleep. Thanks for taking care of the asshole. Mom said we should call the hospital and see if he was admitted laughing.

I fixed the internet connection and then hooked up the two computers. I worked all morning reprogramming the computers and deleting useless programs. Finally, at 11 a.m., I called Mom into the office and said check your computer and tell me what you think. She said it was faster than their computer at home. I'm not telling John about this either. He would just come out and spend all day and night in here. So, he's better at home with assistants to help him do all the work and get home before 9 p.m. Let's call the hospital and see if they will tell us anything.

The hospital must have had a brain fart today because a man with severe ant bites was admitted an hour ago in serious condition. His testicles had to be removed before bursting. His wang was severely damaged, his asshole and cheeks were swollen to twice their size, and he bites and stings on over 80% of his body. So, I asked Mom if sending him an ant farm, and a get well soon card would be ok. We both laugh our way to bed. I checked the photographer's photos. None were of Mom, but plenty of the house. His camera bag was another story. He had plenty of pictures of celebrities dressed and undressed doing naughty things. I'm sure he'll be pissed to lose those, and I put everything away, reading grades 9 and 10 in History and English, and went to bed.

I awoke, exercised, practiced my huku, sensed the area, and went hiking. It felt good to get outside and exercise again, like at home. I used to run every other morning with Mom. On the off days, we did yoga on the patio nude. She said it liberated her mind like running for the day ahead. I didn't mind helping her, and to admit it felt great. I stopped at what I thought was about two miles, turned around, returned home, showered, dressed, and went to the kitchen.

Mom asked where I went, and I told her for a hike to clear my mind. It did wonders, and I may try running when we return to the city. It's too rough of a surface to try here, but a fast walk is a great substitute. We ate breakfast, and I told Mom to schedule another test on Monday or Tuesday. I'm ready to complete this and work on online college courses I saw online. That way, I could study at home and watch you for Dad. Mom laughed and said Fat chance, Bucko, you're the one who needs monitoring, and I agree with your plan. We could take field trips together and use dad contacts to open some doors. Great idea, TJ. I'll get the testing scheduled today.

Mom went off to do something, so I checked the internet infrastructure and found it archaic and a jumbled cluster fuck. But that opened opportunities for me to explore and get information. Knowledge is power, and I'm going to need plenty of it. I need to get some computer supplies with the photographer's cash when we go to town for testing. It was nice of Stan Loman to pay in cash and indirectly give it to me. Too bad I can't use my laptop, but it would stick out, and people would notice. I can transfer my tool kit to the USB sticks, and then I'll be ready to build my fortune quietly.

I sensed Mom's return to the house, so I shut down the computer and started reading grades 11 and 12 books in History and English. Mom stuck her head in the office and, satisfied I was okay, went to the kitchen to fix lunch. Mom called me when it was ready and said, You’re set for testing on Monday. I said great and asked if while there could we do some shopping. I need a walking stick for my hikes to drive away predators. Maybe a second-hand or sporting goods store would have one, and she agreed to go shopping. I spent the rest of the day studying and thinking.

First, I wondered if the captain's escape pod put me to sleep automatically when it launched and woke me up when it stopped. It answered a lot of questions when I determined it did. Then, I wondered what I could salvage from the pod. I decided it would be better to wait and see what the digs in town were like first. Finally, I needed to get my clothes, put them in the pod, and seal the hole. I didn't want to risk someone getting lucky and finding it.

During dinner, I asked Mom if divorce records were available to the public. Mom said they are unless they are sealed for a reason. Why? Stan Loman's wife divorced her first husband, and I wondered if she or her ex-husband had started the divorce and smiled. Mom said that confirms it. You definitely need watching and laughed. I can't understand why someone on John's team hasn't considered it, but we'll check on it on Monday when we're in town. We watched some stupid TV show and then went to bed and woke up all tingly and covered in sweat in the middle of the night. I showered, changed the sheets, and then went back to bed.

I awoke, exercised, practiced my huku, and sensed the area. Mom was still asleep, so I did my yoga routine and showered. I noticed some changes to my body drying and looked in the mirror. My body seemed harder, and I went through another growth spurt all over. After dressing, I went to the kitchen, and Mom made breakfast. I told her about my overnight adventure and asked if she could call the doctor to see if my blood work had returned. Mom looked worried, and I said I was just wondering if I needed to take some vitamins with the growth spurts happening. Mom relaxed and said she would call after breakfast.

Mom called, and they said I was low on iron and minerals due to growth. They recommend going to GNC and getting a good multivitamin for young men. So, we drove into town, and I told Mom to stop at the yard sale ahead. I got my walking stick for $5.00 and paid $20 for a box of computer parts while Mom looked at the clothes. I put it in the back of the SUV and joined Mom. She got several things and then went to GNC. We got a multivitamin and a protein powder to mix and drink twice daily. On the way home, Mom said she and Dad always went to yard sales. I told Mom we should go next weekend to look and peoplewatch. Mom said that sounded like fun and agreed.

When we got home, Mom started the laundry, and I took my computer parts box and walking stick to my room and put them in the closet. Then, I started my review of the textbooks for Monday's test. We ate dinner, and then Mom showed me how to play poker. She said it was a surefire way to win Dad over because poker and golf were a business prerequisite. I asked where I could learn to play golf, and Mom got excited and said our club. I'll get your lessons set up when we get back. I said ok, it sounds like fun, but I drew the line at kissing ass, and Mom laughed. Mom gave a book on poker from Dad's library to read and went to bed. I read the book before going to bed and understood the game. I just needed practice, and Mom would give me that, so I went to bed.

I awoke, exercised, practiced my huku, sensed the area, grabbed my walking staff, and took off hiking a new route. I figured if I had four or five trails, I wouldn't get bored and could take a different one each time. This one took me north, and I turned around after two miles and returned home, showered, dressed, and went to breakfast. After breakfast, we spent the day in the garden, breaking for lunch and finishing at 5 p.m. We cleaned up, and Mom said it wasn't bad, but she hadn't been out since I arrived. A couple of hours twice a week usually does it. We played poker until we were tired and went to bed.

I awoke, exercised, practiced my huku, sensed the area, did my yoga routine, showered, dressed, and reviewed my textbooks until Mom came out. We ate breakfast, loaded the books, and went to school. I passed both tests with a 92 in history and 95 in English and would receive my diploma in the mail. We also got a letter stating I graduated high school for backup. Then we went to the courthouse and filled out the form to get the information on Stan Loman's wife's divorce. Mom paid the $125 fee, and we read it in the parking lot. We were laughing because her adultery was the reason for the divorce. Multiple prison employees testified during the trial, including Stan Loman.

I told Mom she should ask the husband for the PI's report. He got screwed on child support but tell him he could get some payback now. She laughed all the way home and made the call. Dan Brown was happy to email Mom a copy of the PI report. She promised to do something nice for him in return. When the report came, we laughed our asses off. It wasn't admitted at trial because she pleaded guilty to stopping the report from entering the court record. The short story was about how she ran a female-dominant sex club in the prison. Guards who played along and let their wives have sex with inmates and watched got promoted. Dan Brown wouldn't go along, so Stan Loman stepped into his place. From what we can tell, it's still going on, and I asked Mom what she would do.

Mom called a friend in the state police. Tad Davis asked Barb how she was doing. After some banter, Mom laid the problem at Tad's feet. She said the head state of prisons was involved, and his wife. So, I'm emailing you a PI report and divorce court record. Call me when you get your promotion, Tad, and hung up. Mom explained that John couldn't touch something like this because it would become political, whitewashed, and covered up. This way, a proper investigation is performed, arrests are made, court trials, and prison. Mom added that once they're convicted, Dan Brown can sue for damages in civil court and get some money back. We played cards and then ate dinner and went to bed.

I awoke, exercised, practiced my huku, sensed the area, grabbed my walking staff, and took off hiking a new route. I had an idea of eventually connecting two trail routes to go out one and come back another. So, if Dad gets popular, no one could lie in wait to ambush me. Hopefully, I'd be at least a foot taller and 60 lbs. heavier by then. I turned around and headed home. Then, I realized we had never shopped in town yesterday with all the excitement. I'll need a drop box for my special orders when I find out all the details of the new digs. I showered, dressed, and went to the kitchen for breakfast with Mom.

While eating, I asked Mom if she and Dad had a dog. Mom said she loves dogs, but John hates them, so no pets. I said too bad because almost all successful politicians have dogs in their families or at least in their ads. According to the internet, only three presidents didn't have pets while in office. Of those, Andrew Johnson took care of mice in his bedroom, and Donald Trump treated his family like pets. So, only James K. Polk didn't have a pet. One out of forty-six isn't good odds. So, Mom, our chances of sleeping in the white house are doomed. Are you going to cope with not having tea in the rose garden or hosting state dinners? Mom was laughing hard, so I continued and said I'd been dreaming of staff kissing my ass all day. Do we lower our expectations and settle for the governor's mansion, Mom?

I left Mom to settle down and went to the office to practice writing code. The sooner I become familiar with the antiquated structure, the more I can incorporate my tools and have some fun snooping around. Mom and I used to have fun taping into the leader's private communications. She taught me it's good to know what's being planned to prepare or screw up their plans by leaking information. She said knowledge is power and never forget it, and I promised her I wouldn't. She said Dad was a go-with-the-flow kind of guy. I'm more of a thorn in their side or a roadblock kind of girl laughing. Your dad will eventually get flushed down the toilet, and I'll be sitting pretty picking their pockets. Thank god you're like me now. Let's have some fun.

Mom brought me out of remembrance, saying your dad called, and the campaign has turned dirty. Stan Loma's campaign has started releasing attack ads. Our vacation is ending on Friday. We have to close up the house and then head home. Your golf lessons begin immediately, and you get a new wardrobe. Isn't it exciting that TJ and Mom left laughing? I yelled Mom, have you been drinking your breakfast again. Mom laughed louder, and I thought shit, I had better get busy. I went through the office desk drawers and found a package of USB sticks. Then I took them to my room and went through the computer parts box. I found a suitable cable to alter and sighed in relief.

I looked in the office and laundry and finally found a tool chest in the basement. It had a soldering gun, solder, and wire strippers, so I was set. I took everything up to the office and put it in a drawer. Then Mom found me and asked where I was, and I said hiding. She said get your ass in gear and help me get out the furniture and bed covers and storm windows from the barn. I followed Mom, asking where is the barn, and she just laughed. We brought out the furniture and bed covers first. Then, we placed them in the rooms needed and put them on what we weren't using. The rest was beside a bed or furniture to put on later.

We had lunch, and I asked Mom where we were. She laughed and said North Carolina on the border to South Carolina. So, we live in Richland County, South Carolina. So, we were driving home Friday after we winterized the pipes. Then the fun begins for you while I sit back and watch, laughing. I said you're cruel, throwing me to the wolves and watching them eat me for lunch. Mom said, laughing yes, and it will be fun to watch. We set out the storm window and doors next, then called it a day. Dad called and asked about our progress. Mom said we were leaving Friday morning because of TJ's help. Otherwise, it would be next week. Oh, and TJ has something to tell you.

Hi Dad, it's TJ. Mom said you're upgrading your computers again and was bitching about the cost and hassle. Mom also said you're a betting man, so I am learning poker and golf. She said I need to beat you occasionally to keep you humble. Anyway, I have a bet that could save your campaign and company a few hundred grand. If I win, you buy me a top-of-the-line laptop for school and set golf clubs yearly during my growth period. If I lose, you will probably buy them for me anyway, but you covered your ass against a political attack. All in or fold, Dad. Oh great, Dad, repeat to my witness, and I'll tell you what to do. Mom was laughing and said to dad I told you to be careful.

I told Dad something was seriously wrong at your company. Follow my thoughts and take notes. Computer increases in speed every four or five years to justify an upgrade. Operating systems change every three to four years to accommodate or drive the new technology. Businesses like yours upgrade every five to seven years and depreciate their equipment over that period. Then, donate it to take a write-off on taxes. As a result, your IT and accounting departments are setting you up for tax problems and penalties and costing you a shit load of money.

Check my information yourself and tell no one. If I'm right, your friends will confirm the upgrade time frame. Then, look at the equipment depreciation schedule. If it's high, you are still depreciating equipment from two upgrades ago and no longer have it. Finally, get outside help, if I'm right, like a PI and forensic accountant. Have fun, Dad, and see you soon, and hung up. Mom asked how I thought about Dad's problem, and I said the doctor's office. They shouldn't have upgraded yet, but they were already installed. That reminds me, should we bring ours home or leave them here? Mom said to bring mine and leave hers. She has one at home already.

Mom started dinner, and I cleaned my room and then brought my dirty clothes to the laundry. I started a load, returned to the kitchen, and asked what we were doing tomorrow. Mom said she was in town to notify friends she was leaving. Then do some shopping and return by lunch. I'll have a half day off, and then we'll tear out the garden in the afternoon. While we were eating, I said that's great. I can say goodbye to all my girlfriends, knowing they will be heartbroken. It will give them time to settle down before I kick them off the property. Mom laughed and said I'm sure they will. We finished dinner and went to bed.

I awoke, exercised, practiced my huku, sensed the area, did my yoga routine, showered, dressed, and went to the kitchen for breakfast. Mom was already gone and left a note. So, I ate quickly, got my clothes, and went to the pod. I put my clothes inside, took my computer out, and closed the door. Then I sealed the hole and returned home. Next, I made the transfer cable with the soldering gun, solder, and wire strippers, transferred my tool kit to the USB sticks, and then transferred them to my computer in a hidden encrypted file. Then I went upstairs, put my computer at the bottom of the computer parts box, and reloaded the box. Finally, I was ready for the move, so I returned to the office, hacked into Dad's company, and checked emails first.

Brad B. in IT and Tamera S. in accounting were the ring leaders. First, I checked Brad's computer and found his bank account. He had too much money for an IT tech, so I opened another account under his name and set up a new username and password. Then, I transferred 225k to the new account and left 25k in his account. I thought if he looked, he might not see the missing 0. Then I checked Tamera's; hers was normal, so they were waiting for the big payday. Then I checked Dad's, and I shouldn't have. So, I put in a USB stick, copied his emails and photos, went to his executive assistant's computer, did the same, exited, and shut the computer down.

Mom came home, saw a change in my mood, and asked what was wrong. I asked if she separated from dad, would she be okay financially. Mom laughed and said her parents put their real-estate holdings and money in trust and left it to her. Your dad, without the company, is a broke dick. Why? I said, please don't get pissed off because I was trying to help Dad. I hacked into his company's computer and found the two people responsible were Brad B. in IT and Tamera S. in accounting. So, I went to his computer to leave a message in his email. I saw his most recent emails and then checked his photos. I copied them and his executive assistant's emails and pictures so you could see them. I slid the USB stick to Mom, and she put it into her computer and laughed. I warned the sob if he cheated on me again, I'd lock up his cock and make him pay for years. Mom hugged me, kissed my cheek, and thanked TJ. I've known for some time but couldn't prove it.

Mom had brought home lunch, so we ate. Then I asked if she could use evidence since I hacked into the company to get it. Mom laughed and said yes, I can if someone sends it to me like Stan Loman. Then Mom asked if I could hack into Stan Loman's campaign office and get their FedEx account number. I said yes, that would be easy, but why? Because Stan's office is going to send me the file. I already have a post-nuptial agreement signed by John. Now you are adopted, he has to pay child support and my support for the next four years. The last time I caught him cheating, he agreed to wear the device to prove he wouldn't cheat again. So, we're going back and playing stupid until Stan Loman is taken care of and his problem at work is solved. Then, I will put the device on one night and go to California for a few weeks or months.

We can stay at my house at the Riviera Country Club. Well, it was my parent's house, but now mine and we can have fun for two weeks or months. Poor John will be cock locked and know I caught him. I'm so happy I found you. I could scream. But we must play it cool until it settles down, making John feel safe and secure. I told Mom you're not considering putting one on me, are you? I would hate to kill you if you did because I love you. Mom hugged me and promised not to do something like that to me. Just that serial cheating asshole, John, Mom said, laughing.

The afternoon was shot with all the planning and drama, so the garden, storm windows, and doors will be done tomorrow. I got Mom the FedEx number from Stan Loman's campaign office. Shit will start hitting the fan soon, and a lot of it. Mom also assured me the cabin and house were hers, so Johnnie Boy would have to find a new place. I said you should put some sleeping pills in his drink the night we plan on leaving. We'll put him in his car, and he'll have no keys to get into the house. Maybe pile his clothes in the back seat. Mom loved the idea and said we make a great team. So, we ate dinner and went to bed.

Chapter 2


I awoke, exercised, practiced my huku, sensed the area, grabbed my walking staff, took off hiking a new route, turned around at two miles, and headed home. After my shower, I dressed and went to the kitchen for breakfast with Mom. She had breakfast ready, and we ate, then attacked the garden and took a short break. Next, we put up the storm windows and doors, finished at 2 p.m., ate a snack, showered, and relaxed until dinner. While we ate, I asked Mom to remeasure me and document the door frame so we could take it with us. And that's what we did, and I grew another 3" to 4'5". Mom laughed and said Johnnie Boy is buying you new clothes this time, and they will be really nice. We'll shop until we drop on his credit card. Then he'll flip, having to do it again soon. We went to bed early to rest up for leaving tomorrow.

I awoke, exercised, practiced my huku, sensed the area, did my yoga routine, showered, dressed, and carried my computer parts box and clothes to the car. Mom had breakfast ready, so we ate. Then I disconnected my computer, disabled the internet, and loaded it into the SUV. Then I helped Mom carry her stuff to the SUV. Finally, we were done, and the last thing was to turn off the water and drain the lines. We left at 10 am and got to the South Carolina house at 1 pm after stopping for take-out lunch. Mom and I ate lunch at the kitchen table, and then she showed me my new room upstairs. It was nice and big, with a study desk for my computer, and after hugging Mom and saying thank you, we unloaded the SUV and put everything away. I set up my computer and checked the internet connection, which was slow. So, I went outside to the box and opened it. I studied it, then removed a resister and closed it up. The speed was a lot better, so I was happy for now.

Mom ordered Italian delivery for dinner, so I asked where Dad was, and Mom said at the office. I asked Mom to hand me her phone after selecting his cell number. She did, and I called Dad and said Mom should be at your office in 5 minutes. She is pissed you weren't here to greet us and is on the warpath and hung up. We laughed, and I said put a note on your door saying assholes sleep on the couch. Squeeze his balls while we're here so he knows you're upset and will try to do better. And put a PS on the note for a credit card to buy the clothes your son needs for the PR shots. We finished dinner and went to bed.

I awoke, exercised, practiced my huku, sensed the area, grabbed my walking staff, took off running a new route, took it easy, and guessed about two miles. I still felt good, so I made it three, turned around, and came home. After stretching, I showered, dressed, and went to the kitchen to a smiling mom. She said your asshole father came home drunk and couldn't enter the bedroom. I had wedged a chair under the door handles of the double doors. He cussed up a storm, slept on the couch, and left early this morning, but she held up his wallet and phone, smiling. Mom said hurry, and we've got shopping to do.

Our first stop was a super golf store with an indoor driving range. I was fitted from head to toe with apparel, and then they selected clubs for me. From there, we went to get suits, business casual, casual, exercise, and swimwear. Oh, Mom liked the Speedos and hammocks with board shorts over them. She said something like making young women aroused and the men jealous. Then we went shoe shopping and to several jewelry stores. Mom said it wouldn't seem right not to have a nice watch, a bracelet, and a gold chain with a medallion. But the bracelet and medallion had to match, which took some time. Finally, she found a small jewelry store with just what she wanted in the older part of town. We stopped for my laptop, accessories, and cell phone on the way home. She left Dad's smoking hot wallet and cell phone on the entry table after taking one credit card in case we forgot anything.

Next, Mom started a load of laundry, and I put the non-washable items in my room and returned to the kitchen. Mom said get dressed up in business casual with your bracelet and medallion. After that, we'll go to the club and sign you up for golf lessons, add you to our membership, and then get an early dinner. While Mom was introducing me to her friends at the club during dinner, her phone was vibrating up a storm in her purse. We stayed late socializing, and Mom introduced her son to key people. Then we went home to a dark house. Dad's wallet and cell phone were gone, so we sat down, and Mom played back her phone messages on speakerphone. I took my vitamins and drank a protein shake, listening to Dad ranting and cussing, and then the phone went dead, which was the last call. The first few messages were calmer, like Barbara, please call me immediately. Then they progressively got more desperate and viler. After the last call, Mom said either Dad ran out of steam or passed out. Let's go to bed. You have golf lessons early, and I have a spa day planned. I hugged Mom goodnight and went to bed with us laughing our asses off.

I awoke, exercised, practiced my huku, sensed the area, did my yoga routine, showered, dressed, and met Mom in the kitchen. On the way to the club, Mom got a call from Murlean, Dad’s secretary/receptionist. She found Dad passed out drunk in his office, so she called paramedics, and they took him to the hospital for a checkup. Mom got the name of the hospital and then chatted with Mullein. They were laughing and conversing like lifelong friends by the end of the call. Mom said your father got drunk in his office and fell, hitting his head on the desk. We'll stop by the hospital on the way home and visit him laughing. Mom said she has felt revitalized since my arrival, and the weight of John off her back makes her feel like a young woman again. I told her, but you are a sexy young woman, Mom. How old are you, by the way? And she punched me, laughing, saying it’s none of your business, Bucko.

I spent the first two hours on the practice range, learning the clubs, stance, grip, and swing. David Lloyd, the club pro, was impressed with my progress. Then I played 18 holes with three ladies making a foursome. David acted as my caddie, giving me tips and advice along the way. We finished at 11:30 a.m., and David said to return to the practice range early tomorrow morning. We'll review everything on the practice range again, and then I'll play the course with him only observing. I thanked him for his help and went to get lunch. After lunch, I changed into my swimsuit and went to the pool.

This was the first time I had swam since leaving on vacation from my home planet. There was a large pond behind our house, and Mom and I would play hooky from work occasionally and skinny dip in the pond. That's where I learned how to swim and dive off the dock. Mom said Dad hated the water, so it became our thing to do together. As I improved, we would goose each other and try getting away, and a young girl brought me out of my enjoyable remembrance with "Are you new?"

I said no, I've been around for fourteen years and my creator's pride and joy. She allowed me to update automatically as I grew and got older. She said I was her chef de' ceuvre. I don't know what that means, but my creator spoke French when she was excited. They call me TJ, and you are, and the poor girl was laughing so hard she couldn't talk. So, I said, for now, I'll call you Giggles. Nice meeting you, Giggles. I'm going swimming now and dove into the pool and swam laps. Mom was lying on a lounge when I got out of the pool, so I went over and sat next to her. Mom told me to get dressed so we could go home, get ready for dinner, and visit Dad.

I told Mom about my first golf lesson and 18 holes on the drive home. Then I told her about tomorrow morning, and Mom said I could drive the golf cart to the club. She showed it to me when we got home. Then, she made me take her on a test drive up and down the street to be sure I could drive it safely. I put my golf gear in the cart, took my wet swimwear to the laundry, and showered. I dressed casually, put on my bracelet and medallion, and met Mom in the kitchen. I felt tingling throughout my body and thought, "Oh no, not again so soon." We went to a Mexican restaurant for dinner. While waiting for our dinner, I told Mom about meeting giggles. She thought it hilarious and wanted to meet giggles and be introduced as my creator. We were both laughing when dinner arrived.

Mom put on rubber gloves and a mask the hospital supplied when we arrived at Dad's room. Mom said she would have a short conversation with Dad, so watch the door and chucked. I heard a sharp scream, then mumbled, talking. Mom returned, threw the gloves and mask in the trash, and we left. On the way home, Mom said your dad is an idiot. He thought he could have a piece on the side and run for public office, and no one would notice. I told his balls I noticed, and Murlean is now his office balls reminder. The whore executive assistant was fired per his instructions to Murlean. So now it's just him and Mullein until after the election. I changed my mind, and the device goes on when he comes home from the hospital. Mom smiled all the way home. I hugged Mom goodnight, told her I liked my hot, vibrant new Mom, and went to bed laughing.

I awoke, exercised, practiced my huku, sensed the area, did my yoga routine, showered, dressed, and set up my laptop. First, I cleaned the bloatware, adjusted the bios, and updated the sign-in. Windows was too easy to get into. So, I devised a solution, and now the laptop boots up to a blank screen with a blinking cursor. And unless you know the passcode, you're screwed. Once past the blank screen, Windows starts and asks for another code. I loaded my tool kit and put it into a secure hidden folder, then shut it down and went to breakfast. I ate a cold breakfast, took my vitamins and protein drink, and drove the golf cart to the practice range.

I got a bucket of balls and warmed up, starting with my irons and finishing with the drivers. The club pro, David Lloyd, came out with two more buckets and showed me how to fade a shot left or right with the drivers. Then, how to make a ball run, bite, and reverse with the irons. From there, we went to the sand traps and the putting green. David arranged for me to join a group of three young ladies in their early thirties for a foursome. They were a lot of fun to play with and funny, too. At one point, they were shaking their hips more than normal. I told them it was unfair to tease me and that I could get disqualified for having an extra club in my bag. That sent them into a laughing fit. And that only encouraged them to show more cleavage and bend over more.

In a deep, low announcer voice, I say this is Jack Wild for National Geographic, and you're witnessing a rare event today. Three lionesses are on the hunt for prey. Oh my, this is unbelievable. They're sending out a mating call and hunting at the same time. Out here on the plains, we call it bag and tag em. But wait, I smell something. Yes, it's like perfume. They are diffidently in heat. Tune in next week and see if they attract the Stud Lyon they want to enhance their hunt. Of course, they'll devour the poor guy, but watching it will be entertaining. Till next week, goodnight from the hunting grounds of humanity. I'm Jack Wild.

I finish the round by myself, leaving the ladies and David Lloyd, the club pro, laughing hysterically on their knees. And I shot a four over par, so I was happy getting better so quickly. After changing, I went to the pool and found Mom lying on a lounge and making a growling noise sitting down. Mom asked if I was hungry, laughing, and I said yes, seeing you in that suit all the more. Is it new? Mom said yes, your father bought it for me while we were shopping, but he'll never see it laughing. I told Mom I'm staying close to protect you from the wolves. Mom, look! The other ladies are covering up and leaving, realizing they've been outclassed, and Mom laughs again. We enjoyed the afternoon by the pool, then went home after stopping at CVS for Dad's sleeping aid pills. It was a good thing we did because the hospital called and said they were discharging Dad in the morning.

We showered and changed clothes, then went to dinner at a local steak house Mom liked. From the welcome we received, they liked Mom, too. After an enjoyable dinner and some banter, we went home, and I took my vitamins and protein drink. Then we moved Dad’s things into the guest room. Cleaning out Dad's side of the dresser, I held up a pair of his underwear. And I said, tightly whities? You poor woman, no wonder you're kicking him out of the bedroom, and we both laughed. Then I asked Mom if those were skid marks pointing to discoloration in his underwear. Mom had to sit down because she was laughing so hard. After moving Dad's things, I told Mom we needed to wash our hands. Finally, I hugged Mom goodnight and reminded her of my golf lessons in the morning.

I awoke, exercised, practiced my huku, sensed the area, grabbed my walking staff, and took off running my route, increasing my speed and stride. I felt good when I reached the turnaround point, so I increased my pace again and returned home. After stretching, I showered, dressed, went to the kitchen for breakfast, vitamins, and protein drink, and then drove the golf cart to the practice range. Sitting in the cart for a few minutes, I established a warm-up routine from David Lloyd's lessons in my mind, then got two buckets of balls and began.

I went to the start's shack and signed up for a round when I finished. Then I went shopping in the pro shop and picked up some polo shirts, towels, and new golf balls I wanted to try. I was called to fill out a group of Spanish businessmen for their round. They spoke Spanish, and I quickly picked up the language by the third hole. They were here to finalize and sign a deal to supply auto parts to Auto Parts Is Us. Auto Parts Is Us was going national, and the deal would make them millions. I hoped it wasn't Peso's.

I called Mom on the ninth hole break and told her to buy 10k shares in Auto Parts Is Us now, and I'll explain later, then hung up. These guys may be good businessmen, but they were terrible golfers. I made even par and beat them by ten or more strokes. I ran into David Lloyd, the club pro leaving, and he said I watched your round. Keep practicing, and I'll enter you in the junior Tournament in two weeks. By the way, those ladies had to change their panties because of you, and he left laughing.

When I got home, Dad had Mom back up against the wall, yelling at her, so I kicked him in the balls as hard as possible. He screamed, dropped to his knees, then passed out. I hugged Mom and asked if she was alright. She said I arrived just in time because your father had woken up five minutes before and saw his new friend when he went to pee. Mom was laughing because Dad screamed my dick is caged. Mom struggled to talk and laugh simultaneously but said I walked in just as Dad caught her. Mom hugged me, thanking me for the help. I asked Mom if that made me Dad's official home balls reminder or if we double-team him, you from the front and me from the rear. Mom had to sit down because she was laughing so hard.

When she settled down, I told her the cage looked cute, and if she shaved Dad, he would look like a little boy. Mom's eyes widened, and she said great idea and ran to her bedroom. When Mom returned, she had clippers, a towel, a washcloth, and a jar of hair removal cream. I helped strip Dad but told her I was not touching that pointing at his dick. She said I'm not either putting on rubber gloves—no telling where it's been or what diseases it has and started the process. When Mom finished, I told her it was a work of art, and she said great idea TJ took out her phone and took pictures.

Mom and I were eating lunch when Dad started to moan and then threw up. We finished lunch, Mom cleaned up the mess, then sat and watched Dad. He finally woke up and realized he was nude on the floor. His hands went to his crotch, and Dad felt the cage and new grooming job and screamed. Then Dad looked around and saw Mom and I sitting at the table, smiling at him. Mom said good afternoon, John. Meet your son TJ. TJ, this sad example of a man is your dad. I would ask you to shake hands, but he's been rubbing his crotch, and no telling what diseases he's carrying. So, say hello, for now, laughing.

I said Hi, Dad, I'm your son TJ, and Mom has told me a lot about you. She said you have an illness, slutidus or whoreidus. Mom wasn't sure, but they're similar. So, Mom searched for a device that could cure you or reduce the symptoms. Mom made a promise to help you get better, and I happily agreed. I'll have to tell you I was like you nude when Mom found me. I asked why I couldn't stay that way, and Mom told me a dad is an important man and we must always dress appropriately. So even though yours is smaller than mine, I'd cover it or risk her removing it.

That's what I love about Mom. We both have the same wicked sense of humor and think alike. I bonded with Mom during our stay at the cabin. I don't know you yet and am not impressed with what I have seen. But if I see or hear you threaten Mom again, you'll regret the day you were born, and that's a promise. Now, the pleasantries are out of the way. Mom said you're a very busy, important man that practically lives at the office. So, take care of business and Mom, and I will understand. Mom said TJ was right. It would be best if you got to the office right away. Murlean said your desk is full of messages, and some are very important. Dad reluctantly got up and went to get dressed. Mom complimented me on how I handled Dad.

Then she said we were going to be serious in front of him but laugh in private. He's dazed and confused now, and let's keep him that way until we leave. Then Mom asked about the stock, buying 10k shares at 2.85 each. Mom was surprised I picked up the language so fast that I had a gift and needed to use it. So, she'll order the best language program for the 8 or 10 most popular languages used worldwide. Mom said she had a friend in the State Department and that maybe he could help. She would call him now and made the call.

I went to check on Dad, and he was gone, so I returned to the kitchen. Mom was thanking someone named Trevor, then hung up. Mom said Trevor was a friend in college, and they kept in touch. He's sending the State Department language program they use to train embassy employees and diplomats. It's a twelve-language program; when you finish, we return it to him for restocking. I told Mom that was great. I needed something to do besides golf. Maybe when all the shit settles down, we can check out some online colleges. By the way, Dad flew the coop, so we're safe for now. Mom laughed and said he probably left by the backdoor, too embarrassed to see us again. Let's get cleaned up and go to dinner. I'm craving Chinese tonight, so get a move on Bucko laughing.

Driving to the restaurant, I asked if Dad would suffer chaffing wearing the device and wearing tighty whites. Don’t women have silk or synthetic underwear that wouldn't irate the tip of his old play toy? Mom said I didn't think of that, but your right. We can't let him get infected and have him go to the doctor's office. We'll stop on the way home, get him some lotion and panties, and then leave them on his bed with a note. He'll love our thoughtful gift laughing.

We arrived at Mom's favorite Chinese restaurant, and they were happy to see Mom again. I've been exposed to so many different foods since arriving here, and this was an experience to remember. Mom noticed my smile and asked about it. I told Mom I didn't remember anything, but there was a sense I'd tasted certain things before. Hamburgers, sandwiches, and everyday food didn't surprise me. But the Steak House, Italian, Mexican, and Chinese really surprised me. I was unfamiliar with the food, savored the new tastes, and enjoyed every bite. Mom said I forgot about that, and we'll expand your taste buds frequently going to LA. There is a culture-rich city, and I miss eating there. We will explore together.

Now tell me, when do I sell "Auto Parts Is Us" smiling? Well, Mom, the businessmen thought it would pass $40, then come back down and settle around $25 or $30. I'd start selling slowly at $30 and speed up the higher it gets. A hundred or two per trade and jump up from there. Then, when it starts to slide, sell all remaining shares or keep them. You already made your money back, so it wouldn't hurt to hold 500 shares. Mom said your dad would be pissed if he knew you had a stock tip selling at $2.85 and would reach $40 or more.

We best not tell him about the stock and go and get him some new panties, laughing. So, we stopped, and Mom got two variety packages of colors. Six panties per pack were yellow, white, baby blue, pink, green, and red. I saw the packages checking out, and they were the hip-hugger style. Then we stopped at CVS, got some antibiotic cream, and went home. Mom wrote Dad a note, put everything on his pillow, and went to bed laughing after our nightly hug.

I awoke, exercised, practiced my huku, sensed the area, did my yoga routine, showered, dressed, copied my log-in program to my desktop computer, went to the kitchen for breakfast, vitamins, and protein drink, and then drove the golf cart to the practice range. I got two buckets of balls, went through my warm-up routine, and registered at the starter's shack. I joined three teens on the high school golf team for the round. I was ignored, and that was the way I wanted it. I shot a one under and was happy, but they were pissed. Things were about to turn ugly when David Lloyd, a pro shop employee, stepped outside and asked what was happening. They accused me of cheating, but I didn't fill out my card. I just added it up and confirmed it right, and signed it. David said we let you practice free of charge as a courtesy to your school. He pointing to me pays the full membership price. You three are banned from the club, and I'm calling your coach. They left pissed, and David asked what I shot, and I said one under. David laughed and said those guys rarely break ten over par. No wonder they were pissed. Play with mature groups from now on and left.

Mom met me in the kitchen and asked if we purchased those clothes. I said yes, and then she measured me. Then, shaking her head, she said get your new clothes and bring them down here so we can exchange them. We can't afford to have Dad stoke out before election day laughing. And, of course, we couldn't just exchange clothes. Mom had to add silk boxers, belts, slippers, and a robe. Then I got a pair of running shoes and sandals. Then we went to Mom's side of the store. I sat on a bench and watched, and when she held something I liked, I gave it the okay or the out sign. Mom wasn't looking, but the sales staff was and were laughing, and Mom finally saw what I was doing. Mom was satisfied with our trip, leaving with more bags than going in.

When we got home, laundry was first, then weighing me. I asked my height now, and Mom said 4'7". Then she said I got your pants an inch too long, so hopefully, it will last a few months laughing. I weighed 80.5 lbs., and Mom shook her head. We can shop in the Garment district downtown when we go to LA. Bypass all the middlemen and wear designer clothes for half price. My Mom and I used to make the trip every two or three months, much to my dad's despair. Mom and I just laughed and went shopping. New York is the same, but everywhere else is full retail. Mom started another load of laundry, then dinner. I checked Dad's bedroom, and still no Dad.

I went outside and checked the mail, and my high school diploma arrived, along with language programs. After putting the mail on the kitchen table, I asked what language I should learn first. Mom first said Japanese, Spanish, and Chinese because they are important trade partners. Then, work your way through the other programs. I told Mom that Dad hadn't come home when we ate dinner. She said we'd wait a week and then do something. He needs us, and I bet his campaign is getting nervous about not having us show up at events. We finished dinner, hugged, and went to bed.

I awoke, exercised, practiced my huku, sensed the area, grabbed my walking staff, and took off running my route, keeping my speed and stride. I felt good when I reached the turnaround point, so I returned home. After stretching, I showered, dressed, went to the kitchen for breakfast, vitamins, and protein drink, and then drove the golf cart to the practice range. I had warming up down to an art and went through two buckets, then went to the starters shack. The college team had a spot, so I filled it. The Coach gave me green reading advice, which helped much to the despair of his team. Coach Sanders said you guys could listen and learn, too, instead of bitch and moan. I was three under for the day and thanked Coach Sanders for his help. David Lloyd asked my score and laughed at the college team's response. He said most college players don't listen to their coaches. They either bloom from competition or slowly die when they reach that level.

The coach is more a cheerleader and director than a coach. The few exceptions keep coaches from leaving. Unlike other sports, golf is an individual sport and has big egos. You did good today, and remember you can always learn something new and leave your ego at home. Saturday is the qualifier for the Tournament, so arrive early and warm up. They go by their last name, so you'll go early. That can be good or bad. So, give it your all and hope for the best. The top 20 qualify, so practice and play hard for two days. David left, and so did I.

Mom was making lunch, and I asked what she was doing on Saturday. She said nothing. Why? I said the Junior Tournament Qualifier is Saturday. Mom said she would go and don't say anything to your dad. He will learn about it from a reporter and look like a fool, not knowing his son is in Junior's Tournament. So do your best, and we'll hope for the best. Think about TJ. You just gave us our ticket out of here. Mom and son tour golf courses while Dad holds down the fort. You do well, and the invitations will pour in, and poor dad's left alone in a cage. We both laughed, and I promised to do my best.

We ate lunch and then played poker for an hour. After that, I went upstairs and started the language program for Japanese. It was eight disks, so I listened to four, then went to dinner. After dinner, I stayed up late, finished Japanese, and went to bed.

I awoke, exercised, practiced my huku, sensed the area, did my yoga routine, showered, dressed, went to the kitchen for breakfast, vitamins, and protein drink, then drove the golf cart to the practice range. I was early and got three buckets of balls. I wanted more distance on the drive off the Tee, so I went through a bucket doing that and then started my routine. And I spent time on irons for approach shots to the green. I figured I could compete if I could get more distance on my drives and approach. My competition was bigger and stronger, but I wanted to beat them with strong, solid drives and then kill them on the approach and putting.

I got lucky, and the first group of men was short one player. And they were good, solid players. They played a lot of golf courses doing business selling commercial real estate. I thanked them for the competition and told them I was playing in the Junior Tournament Qualifier this Saturday. My competition is bigger and stronger, so you helped me a lot. They laughed and said kick some ass for us, and we parted. David Lloyd came out, and I said six under, and he was happy. I got home, and Mom was excited to learn how I did. I told her six under, and she danced around and finally settled down. I said getting storm windows and doors for the house would probably be a good idea. When Dad finds out about the Tournament, he would do almost anything to get inside.

Mom made a call right away, and then we ate lunch. After that, I went upstairs for Chinese language lessons. I got in five disks because of my early start. Then, returning to the kitchen, Mom had dinner ready, and we ate and talked. The storm doors and windows will be installed tomorrow, and the locks will be changed. Mom laughed and said I cried on the phone, saying our house had attempted to break in and I'll pay extra for peace of mind. We finished dinner, then I went back upstairs, completed the Chinese language lesson, and went to bed.

I awoke, exercised, practiced my huku, sensed the area, grabbed my walking staff, and took off running my route, concentrating on my speed and stride. I felt good when I reached the turnaround point, so I kept a steady pace and returned home. After stretching, I showered, dressed, went to the kitchen for breakfast, vitamins, and protein drink, and then drove the golf cart to the practice range. Again, I was early and completed my warm-up before the course opened.

I asked the starter shack man if I could go alone to prepare for tomorrow's Tournament Qualifier. He said no one is here yet, so go ahead. I envisioned playing against pros at the top of their game. But I played to my strengths, and it was shaking them up. The key to winning was to shake, rattle, and roll the other players. Force them into mistakes and keep the pressure on to the end. I was as ready as possible and added my scorecard, then smiled. Ten under, but I couldn't claim it because I played alone. David Lloyd asked how I did, and I said well. I played alone, so I have no score, but I'm ready for tomorrow and left.

I told Mom to sit down so she doesn't hurt herself. I need you tomorrow, so sit down. When she did, I smiled and said ten under, and I'm ready for So Cal, too. I got a big hug, and she asked if anybody else knew. I said I played alone, going out early before anyone showed up. So, there is no official score, and we are the only ones who know. We ate an early lunch, and I went upstairs to start the Spanish language program. I had finished five disks when Mom called for dinner. We ate, and I said they go by alphabet, so I will tee off early and finish early. Then we can ditch the chaos, and dear old Dad and Mom laughed. We may want to pack a bag and lock up the house before so we don't have to go home. I hugged Mom and went upstairs to finish Spanish. For some reason, I felt it was important and didn't know why. When I finished it, I went to bed.

I awoke, exercised, practiced my huku, sensed the area, did my yoga routine, showered, dressed, and packed a bag of clothes for two days. I went to the kitchen for breakfast with Mom and took my vitamins and protein drink. Then, we locked the house and drove to the practice range. Mom left me to get ready, and I was almost warmed up before people started arriving. I had just finished putting when my name was called.

I was last to tee off, so I closed my eyes and said shake, rattle, and roll over them. They tried to shake me, and I laughed and asked if they feared getting beat by me. That set the tone for the round. They were going to show me who's boss, and it backfired on them. I passed them on the 8th hole and never looked back. I was playing pros, not Junior's. Mom hugged me when I sank the putt on the 18th hole. We did our scorecards and shook hands, then the press conference. I played humble and shy and got away with it almost. David Lloyd pulled us into his office and laughed. David said TJ, you should be in movies with your acting ability. That was total bull shit out there, and you know it. Playing it the way you did, you dodged the hard questions laughing. Did you know you set a new course record today? You beat the old record by two strokes. Get ready for next weekend. It's 54 holes on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.




Chapter 3


We shook hands and left for the coast to stay with one of Mom’s friends at the beach. Three courses were within an hour of her house, so we were set for a week. Sandy welcomed us and said she saw the news conference, and Mom laughed. Mom told Sandy it was all an act to avoid the hard questions. It worked this time but won't next week. TJ wanted to get out of town quickly so that Dad couldn't track us down. Stuck at a news conference and glad-handing Dad could have made a surprise visit. Now, he has to answer questions he has no answer for and will look foolish. John has been gone for three days and hasn't called but is in town. So, TJ and I are doing the same to him, and he can get a taste of his own shit. Sandy said Welcome to your hideout and Mom and I laughed.

I asked Sandy if jogging and running on the beach are popular here. She said yes, usually before 9 a.m. But don't wear your good shoes here if you run at the beach. You'll ruin them, according to my friends. It has something to do with the salt water and wearing out the sides above the sole. You best go to the outlet mall off the freeway and get a pair of cheap trainers. I said you should know better than to say those two words to Mom, Sandy.

She's already calculating whether we need a trailer or hire a semi for the trip home. And please don't tell her it's open 24 hours a day. We'll never see her but to unload and shower if necessary. Sandy and Mom were laughing, and I said she'd wear dark clothes and sneak into Dad's apartment in the city at night. Steal his wallet again and leave smoking on the side of the highway. And poor dad spent a few days in the hospital the last time, and of course, I got new clothes to go along with it. Mom said stop, that's not true, laughing. I said ok, tell Sandy what part isn't. Mom said you left out the part that he promised to buy you new clothes, and we all laughed.

We ate take-out Italian, and Mom asked Sandy what stores were at the outlet mall. Sandy started laughing, and Mom said I still have one of his cards, and he'll want to make up with us. So, Sandy and I could pick up a few things while you play golf. I also asked Sandy if there was a golf superstore, causing everyone to laugh. Then Sandy said she called a friend, and I could play free and out of the public eye at the TPC. All they ask is you wear some of their gear during the Junior's Tournament. They are used to amateurs, so they'll have everything covered to protect your status with receipts.

Rob Carson, my friend, said the NCAA controls the amateurs from high school to college. Those institutions have compliance officers who coach their students on what they can and cannot do. He said I would be on a watch list for the NCAA. You don't go to high school or college under the NCAA's control so you will be under a microscope. Rob has a book for me to read to protect my status and advise me. Finally, Mom and I agreed to Sandy's plan and went to bed.

I awoke, exercised, practiced my huku, sensed the area, grabbed my walking staff, took off running on the street today, and enjoyed the ocean air and breeze. I turned around at an estimated three miles and returned to Sandy's house. After stretching, I showered, dressed, and went to the kitchen for breakfast, vitamins, and a protein drink with Mom and Sandy. Then, we went to the TPC course and met Rob Carson.

Rob was one of the club's pros, so we started on the practice range. He gave me tips on getting lift or driving the ball low when it's windy. Then, I played a round under his supervision and learned a lot. Where and when to aim for the side fairway instead of the middle. I also learned how to adjust my swing to control the ball's distance. Finally, on the last three holes, Rob showed me how to get more distance out of drives off the tee.

We ate lunch, and Rob explained how my game would change as I grew. Then, I would have to adjust my mechanics with my growth until my late teens. After each growth spurt, get remeasured for your clubs. Short clubs screw up your mechanics and cause injury. Finally, find a coach I can visit once a month or so. Also, call for advice when you're having trouble or talk about a golf course.

Then he took me to a classroom, and we talked about the mental part of the game. Things other players use to throw me off my game. Rob said my Mom was a prime target for other players to use. He said to come up with short replies to upset them. Don't get pulled into an argument or banter. They won then, and you lost your focus. If it gets bad, call over an official and ask him to get the idiot to shut up. And get some good earplugs to wear in case it gets bad. I used to wear them all the time, which helped me focus.

Finally, Rob gave me a book on maintaining my amateur status with the NCAA. He said rules constantly change, using NILs and bonus payments as examples. Leaving, Rob gave me a pass for the week and said to see him before I left for receipts and clothing. I thanked him for all his help and called Mom.

Mom picked me up, and we went to the outlet mall. Mom had left Sandy there to pick me up, so they had most of their shopping done. I wasn't so lucky, and two women chose things for me. And surprise, the mall had a golf outlet store too. I got a set of good reusable earplugs. They looked like hearing aids and had a switch to turn on to block outside noise. They used the same batteries as hearing aids, so we bought plenty of those. We finally left to go home for dinner. Mom said she didn't use Dad's card because he would know where we were if she did.

We spent a relaxing week with Sandy and no interruptions. I practiced every day, and Mom and Sandy did their thing together. Finally, on Thursday morning, we said goodbye to Sandy and headed home. We were ready to get home, and when we did, a car was parked down the street with a man watching the house. Notes littered both the front and kitchen doors from Dad, so we ignored them and unloaded the SUV. Once everything was inside, we locked the house and unpacked, then did laundry. Next, I went to get our mail and returned. There was a note from the post office. Please come to the post office for extra mail that wouldn't fit in the mailbox. I showed Mom the mail and said judging from what we have here. We can plan to be away for a year.

Mom said let's lock up and go to lunch, then the post office. On the way back, stop by the clubhouse, get your start time for tomorrow, and visit with David Lloyd. If Dad comes by the house, he'll be sitting awhile laughing. So that's what we did, and the post office had a plastic box full of mail for us. Then, at the country club, David had us fill out a form to join the NCAA. He said it would be great if I finished in the top ten, but I would have more perks for a higher finish. But it had to be postmarked today to qualify, so we signed up. He rushed off to get it sent by registered mail for us today. Mom said something was going on, let's stay and eat, then talk to David again.

We got the scoop when David returned. The club got recognition for holding an NCAA event, but all the players had to be members. It set them up for future Tournaments and his bonuses, and we all laughed. David said he lined up this Tournament to get the club on the NCAA Tournament list. I tee off early again because of my last name, and we went home and saw Dad sleeping in his car, so Mom didn't want to wake him up. We hugged goodnight and laughed our way to bed.

I awoke, exercised, practiced my huku, sensed the area, grabbed my walking staff, and took off running my route, maintaining my speed and stride. I felt good when I reached the turnaround point, so I kept the same pace and returned home. After stretching, I showered, dressed, went to the kitchen for breakfast with Mom, vitamins, and a protein drink, then drove the golf cart to the practice range. Mom didn't want the hassle of parking a block away. And boy, were people pissed we drove up in the golf cart.

I completed my warm-up, and I was called to the starters shack. I put my earplugs in and reported. Unfortunately, Tony Adams, the leading amateur, thought I shouldn't be here and yelled insults about Mom, me, Dad, and the dog we didn't have. When that didn't work, he shoved me to the ground, got disqualified for gross misconduct, and had to be removed. Mom went to the lead official, chewed him out, and told him to get his shit together and watch those two other assholes pointing to his friends in my group. I finished the eight under, and Tony's friends were two over par ten shots back.

At the press conference, I said I would make a statement only about Tony Adams. Then, answer other questions. If one of you asks about Tony, I leave. Tony Adams took exception to me being here. He tried insulting me, my family, and a dog we don't have. Officials should have stopped him when he started but did nothing. So, Tony got physical and disqualified. It's sad to see the game of gentlemen degraded by a spoiled, entitled teenager throwing a temper tantrum. If I knew it was golf hockey, I would have sent his balls to his throat and had his teeth join them. Now, questions and press played nice, and we left and drove the golf cart home with Mom laughing.

Mom asked where I came up with the balls in the throat and his teeth joining them. I said when dad you pinned against the wall, I wanted to do that to him. Mom hugged me and said I have my bodyguard and son all in one. Then she told me Tony's friends didn't know what to do without him. If they fall again tomorrow, they will withdraw for sure. I asked what she thought happened to Dad. He had to know about today. Mom said John probably figured you would tank today, and it would all disappear. Expect to see him at the final for sure.

We played poker for the rest of the afternoon, ate dinner, and watched the news. The press beat Tony Adams down, and they said if he wasn't suspended for the year, money changed hands. The officials should also receive penalties for their inaction. Mom said watch your back tomorrow and double-check your scorecard. Officials don't like getting called incompetent. I promised Mom I would be careful, and we hugged goodnight and went to bed.

I awoke, exercised, practiced my huku, sensed the area, did my yoga routine, showered, dressed, went to the kitchen for breakfast mom, took my vitamins and protein drink, then drove the golf cart to the practice range. We were the first ones there, and I went through the practice routine and then spent the rest of the time putting. I was called and found I had new partners. Tony's friends dropped out due to illness, which didn't affect their ranking. It didn't matter to me. I scored a ten under for the round and eighteen under for the tournament. My closest challenger was four under, and the officials called me the winner under the mercy rule after taking a vote of participants.

I got a trophy, a certificate, and a winner's bag approved by the NCAA. I thanked the club, David Lloyd, Rob Carson, and the TPC for their help. But I couldn't have done it without my biggest supporter, my Mom, Barbara Billingsley, and my hard-working Dad, John Billingsley. Thank you. After the press conference, I asked Mom what she wanted to do now, and she laughed and said to pack quickly were driving to LA. We packed quickly, locked the house, and were on the road in 90 minutes. We brought all the mail, stopped by the post office, put a hold on the mail, and hit the road. Mom said three days of driving, 10 hours a day. We may stop in Arizona for some rest, then push on to LA.

We were on the road an hour when Dad called Mom, and she answered. Dad was pissed we left, and Mom said Jack, you disappeared for three days. We went on vacation and came back for the Tournament. Again, you were a no-show, so we're touring golf courses honing your son's skills. And John, your dam lucky your son said your name in his speech. I sure as hell wouldn't have the way you have acted. Get your shit together, and I left you a care package by the gate. Goodbye, John, and hung up.

We stopped outside Atlanta, GA, the first night because we left late. Mom got a double bedroom, and I said I don't usually go to bed on the first date. Mom laughed and said there was no reason to get two rooms for a few hours of sleep. I asked if we were sleeping, and Mom threw a pillow at me, laughing. We stopped outside of Oklahoma City the second night. Then Mom put her foot down on the gas, and we made it to the Arizona and California border on the third night. We left early to finish the trip and drove to Mom's house at Riviera Country Club.

Mom said we beat traffic, pulling into our driveway at 3 p.m. I said that's not traffic shit and Mom laughed and said you'd get used to it. Mom had called ahead, and a maid service cleaned and aired out the house. So, we unloaded the SUV, and I was shown my room, and I put my things away. Mom did the same, and then we went to a Mexican restaurant nearby for dinner. Mom said in the morning, we would go to the country club and add me to her membership. I can play golf, and she will enjoy a spa day laughing. I told Mom I'd take golf and running any day over a 2500-mile car ride, and we both agreed. After dinner, we returned home and crashed.

I awoke, exercised, practiced my huku, sensed the area, grabbed my walking staff, and took off running to find my route, keeping a steady speed and stride. I felt good running again, and I found a good course and reached my turnaround point, so I kept the same pace and returned home. After stretching, I showered, dressed, and went to the kitchen. I took my vitamins and protein drink, then waited on Mom. Mom said we'd stop for breakfast, get my golf gear and swimming suits, and laughed. We stopped at Carl's Jr. and then went to the Club House. I was added to Mom's membership and given a credit card with my picture so I could charge things to the account.

We separated. Mom went to the spa, and I went to the pro shop. I told them I was new, but my Mom and parents were long-time members. They gave me the basic rundown of how things worked, and I said it sounded the same as our club in South Carolina. I won a Junior tournament there before we left for the long assed drive here. I got two buckets of balls and went to the practice range. It felt good to swing the clubs again after the long drive.

A man walked over, and he was Phil Robertson, the club pro, so I told him my name. He laughed, and I saw a few news reports on you recently. Set a new club record score at qualifications and called the Tournament under the mercy rule. I said, "Wow, I have a fan 2500 miles from home," Phil laughed. I told Phil my Mom and I had moved into her house here and would be staying for a while. Then I asked if it was hard to fill out a foursome or the course rules for playing a round. We returned to the pro shop together, and Phil introduced me to everyone as an experienced player to fill out a foursome in the mornings. They put my name and phone number on the list and told me to check in before going to the practice range. Then they gave me a locker for my clubs, and I went to lunch and the pool.

That's when I met up with Mom and said, "Hey, baby, are you someone famous?" Can I get your autograph? Mom laughed. She asked how it went, and I said ok. The way they do things here is strange, but I'll get used to it. Then I asked if her parents had a golf cart, and Mom said shit, I forgot about that and made a call. She said it's in storage, but it will be ready tomorrow. Let's go to the market and get food for the house.

The market was fun because I'd never been to one before. I told Mom, and she had to take me to every department, and then I had to get a second cart, which was filled halfway when we checked out. We stopped and got pizza to go and drove home. I brought the bags in, and Mom put the food away. When we finished, I enjoyed pizza for the first time. Mom said it was supreme pizza and her favorite. I agreed it was good, and we ate it all, watched TV, hugged goodnight, and went to bed.

I awoke, exercised, practiced my huku, sensed the area, did my yoga routine, showered, dressed, went to the kitchen for breakfast, vitamins, and protein drink, then waited for Mom. She came out in sweats, drove me to the club, and dropped me off. I went to the pro shop and signed in, then got my clubs and two buckets of balls. I had just finished warming up when I was called. Three men older than Mom were my partners for the round. Getting used to the course, I shot an even par and beat my partners.

They were in the fashion industry and asked my name, and one man laughed. Tell your Mom to give Trey a call and give me his card. Barb was a clothes horse years back. Does she still go crazy shopping? Mom hasn't changed at all. She lifted Dad's wallet to get me a new wardrobe, which was burning hot when she finished. Dad passed out when he found what she had spent and went to the hospital for two days. All three were laughing as they left.

The golf cart was ready, so I drove it home and parked in the garage. I went into the kitchen, and Mom was going through the mail, so I asked her what a clothing horse is, and she laughed and asked why. I played golf with three men, and one knew you. He wondered if you were still a clothing horse. His name was Trey, and I gave Mom his card. Mom said she and her mother used to buy clothes at his store. We'd complain he didn't have enough, get more next time, and laugh all the way home. So, whenever we went to his store, he'd yell the clothing horses had arrived and feed them quickly.

Mom called and said hello, Trey, it's Barb. TJ, my son says you were calling me a horse. Were you trying to corrupt my son Trey? Mom was laughing and said I missed you too. I was tired of the sleepy life, so my son and I returned to Riviera Country Club. TJ won a Junior tournament in South Carolina, and now we're getting hundreds of letters to come and visit. Really, you want him to work for you, and I get clothes too. She laughed and said we'd stop by tomorrow around one and hung up. Mom looked at my face and laughed, then said TJ, I'm not selling you for clothes, laughing. Trey wants you to model for his clothing line, and you get paid. As a bonus, I get some free things too.

Seriously, TJ Trey is a respected designer in the industry. His clothing is really popular with the fashion elite. Now, he wants to expand his line to the upper middle class. When Mom and I visited Trey's store, we thought it was his, and it wasn't. All he did was work there, designing and selling clothes. I said so now you want me to model to feed your horse? And we both laughed. I'll do it on one condition. Like Dad, I don't touch it and don't want to be handled by men there. They can be flaming gay, and I don't care. Make sure Trey knows going in that I have a phobia. Measurements and all that crap are fine. Women don't bother me, only men, so that you know, Mom. We both laughed.

I went upstairs and put in the next language, French, and completed four disks before dinner. Eating Mom said Dad got his care package and now is more pissed than before. I think he tried to take it off and found he couldn't. Then we left and left him with a dozen panties and cream. I said let's see what he's doing now and got my laptop. When I entered his company site, I went to John’s emails, showed Mom his photos, and shut down the computer. Mom said my god, he a pervert, and I can't believe he's doing that shit. And he has his whore still helping him. Well, that's it. We're changing our last names back to my Maden name, Jackson.

I'll set it in motion while you are at the country club. It's non-reversible now, and I don't want anything to do with John again. We will fly back in a week and have movers set up. In one day, the house will be empty and up for sale. I'll keep the cabin but not the house. He won't know until it's all over and done. I hugged Mom goodnight and went to bed. I finished the French language program and went to bed.

I awoke, exercised, practiced my huku, sensed the area, did my yoga routine, showered, dressed, went to the kitchen for breakfast, vitamins, and protein drink, then drove the golf cart to the practice range. I told the pro shop guys I was unavailable today but would be tomorrow, then went to the practice range. I went through three buckets practicing everything Rob taught me until it felt like second nature doing it and called it a day. I kept my clubs in the cart and drove home. Mom was surprised to see me early, and I told her I skipped a round today in case she needed me. Mom smiled and said, "Let's go to the courthouse now and get it done.”

Mom filled out the paperwork, and our last name would be Jackson as soon as the judge signed the document. Then, we drove to Trey's factory workshop. Mom had a private conversation with Trey, and they came out smiling. Trey wanted me to model not only his new line but sportswear, too. A show was coming up in a month, so that I would be busy in two weeks. Fittings and modeling lessons every other day until the show. On the ride home, Mom said with my modeling show coming up, we'll wait until after the show to move and put the house up for sale.

Mom stopped at a barbeque restaurant for dinner on the way home. It was another pleasant new dining experience for me. Mom watched me devour the rack of ribs with a smile. All the sides were delicious, too, and I thanked Mom on the ride home. When we got home, I asked Mom what was in the mail she was opening this morning. She said many invitations to visit courses, sponsor offers, and a lot of junk mail. I told Mom we should review the sponsor's offers when I return from the club. We hugged goodnight and went to bed.

I awoke, exercised, practiced my huku, sensed the area, grabbed my walking staff, and took off running my route, keeping a steady speed and stride. When I reached my turnaround point, I increased my pace on the way home. After stretching, I showered, dressed, and went to the kitchen. I took my vitamins and protein drink, then drove the golf cart to the practice range. After signing up at the pro shop, I warmed up on the practice range. Unfortunately, no opportunities to play a round came by 10 a.m., so I headed home. I cleaned up and met Mom at the kitchen table.

She had a stack of sponsor offers, so we went through them. I selected the brands I used and had Mom call Titleist first. It was the golf ball and irons I used, and I wanted to know their offer. David Brooks was the contact listed, so we asked for him. I wondered how it would affect my amateur status. He said they were paying you under NIL rules approved by the NCAA. I told him we would like to sign with them but in a unique position. I'm fourteen, and I graduated high school already. I'm going to be enrolling soon for online college courses. So, we need some advice if we fall under the NIL rules. David Brooks sounded excited and said he would ask the legal department and call us back and hung up. We did the same with Callaway for my drivers and FootJoy for my shoes.

I told Mom to let them do all the research and see if we could accept their offers. David Brooks called back first and said our legal department now hates me because you laughing. You can accept our offer if you first sign up for online college courses. If you could get that done right away, we can sponsor you. We told him we would do it immediately and call him back tomorrow. We thanked him for his help and hung up.

Mom said to search for the most popular online universities and check their enrollment time frame. Then, sign up for four basic courses right away. We can look for other universities that offer the courses you want to specialize in later. I gave Mom four and said to call them and say my son is being denied entrance to an amateur golf tournament because he isn't a college student yet. Then lay on your charm and tell them about me. The University of Arizona should be the first call. They will fall all over themselves when you say he's fourteen. Mom laughed and started calling the list.

I went to my room and pulled out my gift bag from the Junior Tournament to see what they gave me, and I was surprised. A Samsung Galaxy Tab A8+, a $100 gift card to Best Buy, and coupons for discounts on golf products. I took the Galaxy tab downstairs to show Mom, and she said Great, you just made my son very happy. Thank you, and she ended the call. She smiled at me and said you're enrolled at the University of Arizona, effective today. I paid the enrollment fee, and we now have to fill out the online registration form and send your high school diploma to them, but it's done. The admittance office said the key words to use with the Tournament is you are a college student enrolled at the University of Arizona.

Mom and I completed the online application form, entered the payment code, and pressed send, and it was done. Mom said to get your diploma and the paperwork we got from the high school. We must copy it and send it to FedEx today so they can complete your application. We were leaving the FedEx store when a voice behind us said Barb, is that you? I thought I recognized that ass laughing. And Mom turns around and asks, "Are you still looking up girls' skirts, Rad?" and they laugh and hug.

Then, Mom says I better introduce you to my bodyguard, or he'll kick you in the balls. He did it to John the other day, and they know each other laughing. Rad, this is my bodyguard and son TJ. TJ, this pervert, and I have known each other since grade school. Rad holds his hand out, and I ask Mom if he is a hand washer. Mom doubled over laughing, and Rad looked confused. When Mom recovered, Mom told Rad what had happened at our house. I shook Rad's hand when he left, and he started laughing when I did. Mom had to promise we would go to Universal tomorrow to see him before Rad would leave.

Mom stopped for Chinese take-out on the way home. While eating dinner, Mom said Rad was a movie producer and had an office at Universal Studios. I asked what Universal and a studio were, and Mom laughed. Mom said I keep forgetting this is all new to you. Universal Studios is where they make and produce movies and TV shows. It's hard to explain if you haven't seen movies. You will enjoy seeing it tomorrow, I promise. Skip going to the club tomorrow because Universal is about an hour's drive from here, and we want to arrive early. We hugged goodnight and went to bed.

I awoke, exercised, practiced my huku, sensed the area, did my yoga routine, showered, dressed, went to the kitchen for breakfast, vitamins, and protein drink, then waited for Mom. She came out, and I asked her why the golf course had strange rules. I have to go inside the pro shop and sign up, then wait for a group short a player. The other day, singles and two people teed off while I waited. Are we on a restricted or reduced membership because you were away? Mom said no, let's stop by the pro shop and straighten it out quickly, then go to Universal.

Mom and I walked into the pro shop and asked to speak to the manager. A man came out of the back and said I'm Ben Perkins, the manager. Can I help you? Mom says I'm Barbara Jackson Billingsley. Does the name ring a bell? Mr. Perkins says yes, your daughter of a founding fellow and board member. Mom says yes, and this is my son TJ. So, the next time TJ walks in here and asks for a Tee time, he's given one understood Mr. Perkins. Yes, Mrs. Billingsley, it will be done. Mom said good, because I'm unhappy with several things I've noticed on my return. Let's hope you and your staff aren't one of those I bring up at the next board meeting. Mom said to have a good day, and we left, leaving every employee nervous and scared.

Mom explained on the way to Universal that her dad owns the land the club and course sit on. It's in a trust that I control now, and all the country club pays is the taxes and a small percentage of the revenue for rent. So, Mom said the next time I walk into the pro shop and they call you TJ, correct them immediately. It is Mr. Jackson, and Mom changed our last names back to her maiden name. And she said calling members by their first names breeds contempt. We both laughed, and I said who would have thought me kicking Dad in the balls would do to you. It was like dad's balls were the switch that turned my Mom into kicking ass and taking names sexy businesswomen. We laughed the rest of the way to Universal. We sat outside Rad's office, waiting for him to finish a meeting.

Finally, the meeting broke up, and Rad came out and said, Let's go the set. I've arranged a screen test and bit part for TJ. It's a short two-line read. The bit actor is sick, so that TJ will do the role. Your clothes are fine, TJ, but you need makeup, so let's get it done. Mom and I read the script, and I ask who writes the shit, and we both laugh. Rad asked if I wanted a few trial runs and said no, let's do it.

The set is a school setting with students gathered and waiting for school to start. The director yells action, and My girlfriend enters school with a lot of makeup on, and I laugh. She sits down, and I console her. Classmates gathered around to hear, so I said I didn't think she was ugly. I thought you looked like a whore with all that war paint on, laughing again. Everyone on set was laughing, and the director yelled cut! Okay, next scene, hurry and improvise more people. The script is crap, so spice it up as TJ did.

Rad and Mom pull me to makeup, laughing. Rad asked Mom if TJ is always like that, and Mom said no, but he refused to read feminized scripts. It's obvious whoever wrote that script dislikes men. The ladies removing my makeup said listen to the lady Rad laughing. Then a bull dike rushes in, asking where the little fuck was who screwed her script. I said he had just left, but you could catch him if you run. She rushed out, and everyone was laughing again. Rad said, let's get TJ out of here. I thanked the ladies for their help, and we left the back way to Rad's office.

Rad had Mom fill out a SAG application. He said all actors have to join, or their work is limited to bit parts like today. Rad said here is an agent's card and a friend of mine. Call and schedule an appointment to see him. He keeps his clients busy. Tell him Rad says your wife is fair game if you don't treat us right. We thanked him and left for the drive home. David Brooks from Titleist called and asked about our progress. Mom said TJ is a college student enrolled at the University of Arizona. Mom gave David our location, and he said I would be there in two days and hung up.












Chapter 4


Mom asked what outside help Dad needed at his company. Oh, you mean a PI and Forensic Accountant? Mom said yes, Forensic Accountant. What do they do differently than an accountant? A forensic accountant is like a PI but with the books. They follow the money and tell you where it went, who authorized it, and hopefully how it was done. Then, when they submit their report, a lawyer or prosecutor can use it as evidence to sue or prosecute the thieves in a court of law. Why?


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