Good Medicine - Freshman Year

May 22, 1981, West Monroe, Ohio

“I’m really sorry,” April Nash said, her head resting on my chest.

“It’s OK. I understand. I promise.”

“You’re going away,” she sighed. “But I’m only sixteen, and I wasn’t ready.”

“I know,” I soothed. “I told you last night it was OK.”

“But you paid for the motel room!” she protested.

“Whatever,” I said dismissively. “We spent the night here instead.”

“Your Senior Prom night. On a small hill in Ulysses S. Grant Park.”

“With my steady girlfriend, whom I love.”

April took a deep breath and let it out. And then another.

“I could, uh, do something for you,” she said shyly.

“It’s not necessary,” I said gently, fighting the urge to allow her to do something I was positive I wanted.

“I want to,” she whispered. “But I don’t know how. I’ve never given a, uh, uhm, blowjob before.”

“I’ve never received one, either,” I said with a grin she couldn’t see.

“I’ve never even seen one before and never touched one.”

Not even through my jeans, despite my encouragement that she do so.

“That’s OK; no girl has seen it since I was in diapers! And nobody has touched it but me!”

“Do you do that?” she asked. “You know?”

I did. What else was I going to do? I was eighteen, and the closest I’d come to sex was feeling April’s firm breasts through her shirt! Despite repeated but careful attempts, she’d never let me go further. I’d been surprised when she’d agreed to me reserving a motel room for Prom night. I’d been disappointed when, after the dance, she’d told me she couldn’t go through with it. I’d offered the park as an option, knowing that the nice weather and a secluded spot would allow us to be together undisturbed.

My plan for Prom had only worked out because of dumb luck. Her dad, a widower, had been called out of town on business, leaving her alone for the week. Her older sister, Cassie, who was eighteen, had simply smirked and said she wouldn’t tell. Cassie and I had dated briefly in ninth grade but had never really hit it off. We were friends, but beyond a pair of goodnight kisses, nothing had happened between us.

That was the story of my life so far — date a girl for a few months, get a few good night kisses, and have the odd make-out session, but that was it. I was eighteen and had never so much as touched, let alone seen a bare breast. West Monroe was a quiet, conservative town in southwestern Ohio, and despite all the stories I heard from kids who lived in other towns, our school was not the hotbed of sexual activity that, say, Milford High School allegedly was.

I’d heard about that school during a regional chess tournament when some girl from near Cincinnati had talked about a guy who had invented something they called ‘strip chess’. I had no idea what the rules were, but that hadn’t stopped me from trying to no avail, to convince the two girls on our chess team to play with me. I’d never met the guy who invented it because he had more or less quit playing not long afterwards. Supposedly, he’d moved overseas, which suggested he was in a military family.

I had met April on the first day of Senior year. I’d bumped into her walking into the building while talking to my best friend, Dale, about what we’d done over the Summer. He’d been traveling with his parents, and I hadn’t seen as much of him as I usually would have. I wasn’t paying attention and literally walked right into April. I’d apologized, helped her pick up her books, and we’d exchanged a look. At Dale’s encouragement, I’d found her at lunch and struck up a conversation.

That’s when I discovered that she was Cassie’s little sister. She didn’t remember me, which wasn’t a surprise because I’d only taken her sister on three dates before we called it quits, and I’d never actually met April back then. Despite my having dated her older sister, she agreed to a date the following Friday. A few weeks later, I gave her my class ring, which she had to wrap with thread to keep from slipping off her finger. We’d been a couple ever since. There was a lot of kissing, and eventually, I’d been allowed to place my hand on her small breast, but I was never allowed to go any further. And that’s what led to ‘touching myself’ as April had just asked.

“I do,” I admitted. “It’s pretty common for guys.”

“And that’s my fault?” she asked.

I laughed softly, “Only partly. The joke is that teenage boys get boners from a slight breeze! And I don’t think that’s much of an exaggeration!”

“I’ll, uh, do that if you want,” she said shyly.

I was already rock hard from her previous offer, uncomfortably so. There was no doubt in my mind that she could see the outline of my erection if she looked. It had to be obvious, even to someone as innocent as April. I wanted her ruby lips on me so bad; I almost lost it just thinking about it. Several deep breaths kept things under control. Just.

“It can wait,” I said. “Until you’re really ready.”

“But you’re going away to school! I don’t want to lose you to some college girl!”

“I’ll only be about forty-five minutes away! I have my Mustang, so I’ll be able to come home whenever I want to.”

I was going to William Howard Taft University in McKinley, Ohio, due east of West Monroe. I’d be studying pre-med, and then I’d be going to medical school. After medical school, I hoped to get into a program that would let me train in trauma — working in the ER. But between now and then, I had four years of university, the MCAT, four years of medical school, the dreaded ‘Match’, and an Internship.

Truth be told, between continuing my karate training, playing chess, and going to school, I wouldn’t have much time to do anything else. Even coming home on weekends was going to have to be limited because I’d need to work to earn my spending money. Mom and Dad were paying for college, but as with their rule about my car and insurance, I’d have to work for anything extra.

“You won’t give me up for some cute college girl?”

“I love you, April. That’s why you don’t need to do anything you aren’t ready to do.”

On the other hand, I was ready! And not just for the tentatively offered blowjob, but for sex. I’d been ready for years but had never found a willing partner. And it sure wasn’t for lack of trying! The problem was, I didn’t want to lose April because she did something she’d regret or would upset her. I felt like Pinto in Animal House, a movie Dale and I had snuck into when it was in the theatre, with an angel on each shoulder giving me contradictory advice.

And speaking of angels, what would my priest say? Father Herman Alexandrov of Holy Transfiguration Orthodox Church would NOT approve of the thoughts in my head. He certainly disapproved of me fondling April’s breasts, which I’d reluctantly revealed in confession after it had first happened. As Head Acolyte, I was supposed to be setting a good example for the younger men. The challenge was that hormones and ‘setting a good example’ did NOT go hand-in-hand!

“Let me, please,” she whispered. “To show you how much I love you.”

And that was either exactly the right or wrong thing to say, depending on what my goal was. I gently sat up and turned April to face me. I was going to regret what I was going to say next, but I couldn’t let her do it. Not for THAT reason.

“You do not have to show me that way, April. You really don’t.”

“You don’t want me to?” she asked, blushing slightly.

Oh, I did. I VERY much did. But not this way. Not here. Not as some sort of proof of her love that did not need to be proved. I put my arms around her and looked deeply into her eyes.

“I love you, April. When you’re ready, we’ll do everything. When you’re ready.”

I was already regretting the words as they left my mouth, but I also knew it was the right thing to do. And that was what I strived to do — the right thing. To never hurt anyone if I could help it, to do my best to make people I loved happy, and to be a true friend. It wasn’t easy, but it did make life satisfying. I wasn’t perfect by any means, but I did my best.

I kissed April softly, and she kissed me back.

“I guess you should take me home. Cassie will be looking for me, and Dad is supposed to be home about noon.”

We stood up and walked back to my black Ford Mustang. I’d bought it used after my Sophomore year, using money I’d earned mowing lawns, doing yard work, and any other odd jobs I could find. When I’d turned sixteen, I’d taken a job at the local hardware store, stocking shelves, filling orders, and running the cash register. That paid for gas, insurance, and my dates and let me save a bit of money. Fortunately, my parents paid for karate, along with my chess club and tournament fees.

I’d started karate just after I turned fourteen. I’d figured out I simply wasn’t good enough at baseball to play in High School, wasn’t tall enough for basketball, wasn’t big or fast enough for football, and hated the idea of being on the track team. I didn’t mind jogging, which I did three times a week at the behest of my karate instructor, but beyond that, I had zero interest in running.

I drove April home, kissed her goodbye with one of our usual closed-mouth kisses, and then headed home to our four-bedroom tri-level house.

“Mike?” my mom called out. “Is that you?”

“Yes, Mom. I just dropped April at home.”

“Did you have a good time?”

What to say to my mom? Rachel Loucks, as everyone except me and my little sister Elizabeth called her, was a typical conservative Russian Orthodox mom. She was born to two Russian immigrants but married my dad, Peter, who was what you’d probably call a mutt. He knew of relatives from England, France, Germany, Italy, and the Netherlands. Mom knew I’d planned to stay out all night but didn’t know exactly what I’d planned. And that was probably a good thing.

“April and I went to Grant Park after the dance. We talked and fell asleep under the stars.”

“You behaved like a gentleman? Nothing you need to talk to Father Herman about?”

“Yes, Mom,” I sighed. “A perfect gentleman.”

“I know it’s tough, Mike. But you’ll find there’s a lot less trouble if you behave like a gentleman than otherwise.”

“That’s good advice, Son,” I heard my dad say from behind me.

“I’ve heard this lecture a million times,” I sighed. “I’m going to take a shower.”

“I think Liz is in the bathroom,” he said. “Have some breakfast first.”

“You’re lucky we’re in the Feast before Pentecost!” Mom declared. “How about some bacon and eggs? And juice.”

The fact that it was the ‘Feast’ meant I could dispense with the usual Wednesday and Friday fasting rule we followed. No animal products of any kind were permitted on those days. At this point, after eighteen years, I was so used to it that I didn’t even think about it. I just glanced at the Church calendar on the fridge each morning, and if the square was pink, I knew it was a fasting day. If it was white, I knew it was a non-fasting day.

“Sure. And some tea, please. That Russian stuff you have from Grandpa.”

“Coming right up!”

She had breakfast on the table for me about ten minutes later, and after a brief before-meal prayer, I started eating.

“Hi, Mikey!” my little sister said when she came into the kitchen.

She knew I hated being called ‘Mikey’, and she did it simply to get my goat. I’d told her to stop so many times I knew it was useless to protest. To my family, I was Mikhail Petrovich Loucks, though my birth certificate read ‘Michael Peter’. My sister was Elizaveta Petrovna Loucks, though her birth certificate read ‘Elizabeth Petra’. I was named for our maternal grandfather and my sister for our maternal grandmother, with our dad’s name supplying different forms for our middle names.

“Hi, Lizzy!” I sneered in response.

After she started calling me ‘Mikey’, I simply started calling her ‘Lizzy’, though I always altered my pronunciation of the ‘i’ to sound more like an ‘e’. But not quite enough for Mom and Dad to get upset. There was no way that implication was true; that much was certain. My little sister was the object of lust for every single male in a twenty-mile radius, save me and my dad. The rest of our extended family lived outside that radius, as did our priest.

She was gorgeous, and the main problem was she knew it. She had a reputation as a major tease, and her behavior fit exactly with her favorite song, Dancing Queen by ABBA, though she was only fifteen, not seventeen.

You’re a teaser, you turn 'em on 

Leave 'em burning, and then you’re gone 

Looking out for another 

Anyone will do 

You’re in the mood for a dance 

And when you get the chance…

ABBA was, at best, OK. I strongly preferred REO Speedwagon, Styx, The Who, Billy Joel, and my dad’s Beatles and Rolling Stones albums. I also listened to a bit of Siouxsie and the Banshees and The Cure, suggested by a British exchange student who’d been in our school the previous year.

“Dad, don’t forget we need to be at the school at 4:30pm this afternoon for graduation,” I said as I finished my breakfast.

“How could I forget my eldest and only son’s graduation?” he said in mock outrage.

“Just making sure!” I said with a smile. “I need to shower, dress, and get to the hardware store. I’ll be home by 3:30pm.”

School had finished on Wednesday for Seniors, and I’d started working full-time at the hardware store again on Thursday. I needed to make as much money as I could over the Summer to tide me over until I found a job in McKinley. Mr. Orlov and my grandfather, Mikhail Ivanovich Borodin, knew several people in McKinley, and I hoped that they could help me find a job that I could work around my class schedule.

“I bet it was HARD last night,” Liz said sotto voce.

But not quite soft enough to escape my mom’s hearing, which at times seemed uncanny.

“Elizaveta Petrovna Loucks!” my mom said in a stern voice, reprimanding her.

I simply ignored both of them and went to take my shower. A bit of Irish Spring soap and Head & Shoulders shampoo, and I felt clean enough for the day. I brushed my teeth, put on my Brut deodorant, slipped on my robe, and went across the hall to my room to dress. Ten minutes later, I kissed my mom goodbye and headed out to my car to drive the five miles to the hardware store. I parked in my usual spot and went inside.

“Morning, Mr. Orlov,” I said to Ivan Orlov, my grandfather’s best friend, who owned the store.

“Good morning, Mikhail Petrovich! How was your dance last night?”

“A lot of fun! What do you need me to do today?”

“Replenish the loose hardware, please.”

That meant refilling the bins with nails, screws, bolts, and nuts. It was slow and time-consuming, and I had to be exact. It would keep me busy for most of the morning. The store did a good business, being the main hardware store for our town and six or seven surrounding towns. The attached lumber yard also did a booming business. I went into the back room, kissed the icon of the Theotokos which was hanging on the wall next to Mr. Orlov’s office, crossed myself, and got to work.

As usual, Mr. Orlov’s wife, Ivanka, brought lunch for us. She treated me as if I were family because we went to the same church. The other three employees my age, kids who went to the local Bible church, weren’t afforded the same special treatment. That said, they would have objected to both the mostly Russian fare as well as the fact that we stuck to the fasting rules, which meant, for example, that during the entirety of Great Lent, we ate no animal products, with a couple of minor exceptions when fish was permitted by the traditional fasting rules.

After lunch, I swept the sidewalk, washed the front windows, and ran the register while Mr. Orlov did his paperwork in his office. I enjoyed the varied work, and I looked forward to the money I’d earn over the Summer. The only downside was that I’d be working eight hours every weekday and four hours on Saturday. Once I factored in my karate lessons, which were three evenings a week, and the time I needed to spend with Dale playing chess, I wouldn’t have much of a Summer before I left for college. I’d just have to make the most of it.

I needed to leave early due to my graduation ceremony, so I kept close track of the time. I’d looked forward to graduation for twelve years, and I wasn’t about to miss it! At one point, I’d felt that my High School diploma was my ticket out of West Monroe forever. It wasn’t that I hated the small town, but I wanted to see the world. My sum-total experience of life outside West Monroe was the once-a-year trip to see the Cincinnati Reds play at Riverfront Stadium, a few trips to Illinois to visit my paternal grandparents, and a few to Pittsburgh to see more distant relatives, where we’d also gone to a couple of Pittsburgh Penguins games, and a fondly remembered trip to Florida to visit Disney World when I was thirteen.

The whole world, waiting out there to be discovered, was calling me. But something told me this was where I belonged. If not in West Monroe, then Rutherford, or possibly McKinley. I shook my head as I thought about how I’d wanted to get out of here for so long, but now I was having second thoughts. Maybe the solution was to see the world but come back.

I showered for the second time that day, then dressed in black slacks, a white shirt, and a blue tie. After putting on my loafers, I retrieved my deep blue graduation robe from the closet, grabbed the matching cap, and went down the half-flight of stairs to the living room, where my parents and Liz were waiting. We walked out of the house, piled into my dad’s Mercury, and headed for the school.

West Monroe was part of a county-wide school district, and the High School was about fifteen miles from our house. It had positively SUCKED to ride the bus, and as soon as I could, I’d bought my car and started driving to school. The only downside to THAT was having to drive Liz and her friend Emmy as well. Mom had insisted, and I didn’t see any way to refuse without looking like a jerk. Liz and Emmy took full advantage of the situation, doing whatever they could to annoy me on the drives to and from school. I’d finally resorted to blasting the radio as loudly as possible without destroying my eardrums.

We pulled into the lot, and I joined the throng of students streaming into the school in preparation for the graduation ceremony. April and her dad would be there, not just for me but because Cassie was graduating as well. That meant I could at least count on a congratulatory kiss from April, maybe even a GOOD one, as opposed to the closed-mouth ones I usually received unless we were someplace completely private, which didn’t happen often enough for my tastes.

Everyone thought these ceremonies were tedious, and to a point, they were right. But what they represented was anything but boring. It was an important ritual, passing from child to adult, though I’d felt like an adult for the past two years. I’d started driving and working at the hardware store, and my parents actually treated me like an adult. I’d also been appointed Head Acolyte shortly after my sixteenth birthday, which was a position with serious responsibility in our church. And speaking of church, as I took my place, I saw Father Herman sitting with his wife, Anastasia, and his two boys, Anthony and Ivan, who was usually called John.

I’d learned Russian when I was little, but over the years, it had faded, and now it was mostly what we used in church, plus the odd greetings and a few swear words as well. My mom still spoke decent Russian, and my grandparents were fluent. Father Herman spoke enough to get by, though his wife and kids didn’t speak any at all. When I was little, most of the conversations between adults I heard at church were in Russian, but now they were mainly in English, for which I was grateful.

Our school didn’t offer Russian, but it did offer Latin, and I’d taken that rather than Spanish or French because of my desire to attend medical school. I’d also studied a bit of Greek on my own, as well. Between those two languages, I figured I’d have a tiny advantage in medical school, and everything that I’d heard told me that ANY advantage I had would factor into my success.

The speakers droned on, and I watched as Dale gave the valedictory speech and my friend Jocelyn Mills gave the salutatory speech. I’d missed out on both those honors by a fraction of a point, having only earned B’s in two of my four quarters of geometry during my Freshman year. Everything else had been straight A’s, but geometry had vexed me to no end, and no amount of studying or review had allowed me to score high enough on the exams to receive anything higher than a B. Jocelyn had received a single B for one semester of English her Sophomore year. Dale had straight A’s.

I did feel bad for Jocelyn. That B had been the result of mononucleosis. She’d managed to complete every other requirement, but the necessary reading and term papers were just too much for her. They’d made allowances, but she wanted to graduate on time, and that had resulted in that single blemish on her record if you could even call it that. She and I had been friends since kindergarten, even longer than Dale, whom we’d met in second grade.

We finally got to the part I’d truly been waiting for. I smiled broadly when the Principal called my name in his booming voice, and I walked across the auditorium stage to receive my diploma in its deep blue cover. I shook his hand, then the hand of the School Board President and the Superintendent of Schools, and returned to my seat. When the last name was called Liza Zales, we all stood and waited so that we could move our tassels and be officially graduated. The command was given, and everyone cheered.

There was no procession out, so I quickly found Dale and Jocelyn, and the three of us hugged as we often did. I was surprised when Jocelyn kissed us both on the cheek and then we waited for parents to come and take pictures of our little trio. The only things the three of us didn’t do together were go to church, play chess, and practice karate. Otherwise, when we weren’t in different classes in school, weren’t working, weren’t in church, Dale and I weren’t playing chess, or I wasn’t in karate, we were inseparable.

We triple-dated quite a bit, which was one reason I wasn’t alone with April as much as I would have liked to have been, but neither Dale nor Jocelyn were at THAT point in their relationships, either. Dale and I had commiserated over our fates, as his girlfriend, Stacey, who was seventeen, thought pretty much along the same lines as April. As for Jocelyn, she had no intention of, as she put it, ‘giving it up that easily’ to her boyfriend Carl.

After lots of pictures by all three sets of parents and five sets of grandparents, including both of mine, I went to find April. As I’d feared, I got a simple closed-mouth kiss and a hug, which caused Cassie to roll her eyes. She was standing behind April, so I stuck my tongue out at her.

“As if!” she mouthed at me.

She and I had never teased each other before. I wasn’t sure how to respond, so I just winked, and then the hug with April was over, preventing any further teasing. I wasn’t sure what Cassie’s game was, but I suspected she knew that April and I had not ‘gone all the way’ as I’d planned to on Prom night.

After receiving congratulations from April’s dad, I went back to my family, and we headed home. My friends would arrive in about an hour with their parents for a small graduation party, so I quickly changed into comfortable clothes and helped my mom get the snacks and drinks ready. Dad had arranged for pizza to be delivered from the one pizza shop in town, and that would be our meal for tonight.

The party was exactly as you would expect a party that included parents to be. We ate, talked, and listened to our parents reminisce about the last eighteen years. Dale, Jocelyn, and I quickly grew tired of the ‘I remember when’ stories and got permission from our parents to take a walk. We went out the front door and walked up the driveway to the road.

There were no sidewalks on the road that ran past our house, as we were just outside the town limits, so we walked single file against traffic as we’d been taught to do from the time we were little. It was still light enough out that cars coming our direction could see us without their headlights on, but that wouldn’t last long. We walked the mile or so into town and then could move to the sidewalk.

“I can’t believe we’re done!” Jocelyn said happily.

“Me either!” I agreed. “I’m afraid this will be our last full Summer together.”

Dale was heading to UW Madison to study business, and Jocelyn to Purdue for pre-law. None of the three of us had much interest in computers, though we’d all received A’s in the one computer class our school offered. I found the devices interesting and frustrating at the same time. That said, I did enjoy playing chess against Sargon, though it could kick my butt on the highest difficulty levels.

“What are you guys doing next Summer?” I asked. “Most likely, I’ll come home. Mr. Orlov said he’ll let me work all Summer.”

“I’m not sure yet,” Dale said. “I might just stay in Madison during the Summer. Maybe take a class and work. If I take a class each Summer, I can have some easier semesters later on.”

“I have an on-campus job that goes over the Summer,” Jocelyn said. “It’s the only way I can manage my tuition. Mom and Dad just don’t have enough to pay for everything that the scholarship I received doesn’t cover.”

“I was lucky,” Dale said. “I received a full scholarship, but it’s a state school, so it’s not so expensive. Without that, I’d never be able to afford it. Mike, how do you plan to deal with karate?”

“My instructor gave me the name of an instructor in McKinley. A Japanese guy, I guess, from the name. And before you ask, the school has a chess club.”

“What about church?” Jocelyn asked. “You go like a million times a year!”

I laughed, “It does seem like that, doesn’t it? Every Wednesday and Saturday night, every Sunday morning, and all the Feast days, plus extra days during Great Lent. There’s a Russian church about five miles from the college, so I’ll be going there. Father Herman knows the priest and says he’s a great guy.”

“Where do you think you’ll go to medical school?” Dale asked.

“Someplace that will take me!” I said with a laugh. “I really don’t care.”

“What about April?” Jocelyn asked.

“I’m only going to be forty-five minutes away,” I said. “I’ll see her as much as I can. What about Carl?”

“We’ll break up by the end of the Summer,” she said. “He’s joining the Navy, and I’ll be at Purdue. Maybe we’ll reconnect at some point, but I don’t think he’s the one.”

“And that’s why you keep your knees pressed tightly together,” Dale teased, as we often did.

“Just like Stacey does!” she replied. “I know you haven’t gotten past first base with her! I take it you two are done?”

“Probably. She’s going to the University of Iowa a year from now to major in English. It’s close, but not close enough, really. Besides, I am tired of being a virgin!'”

“You and me both,” I laughed. “But I don’t think we have much say in the matter!”

“Boys!” Jocelyn huffed, as she often did when we complained about our nonexistent sex lives. “Is that ALL you think about?”

“No,” I laughed. “I think about church, chess, karate, and work.”

“In what proportions?” she asked with a smirk.

“Sex might be the thing foremost in my mind,” I allowed.

“Might?” she teased. “That’s why you booked the motel room. The UNUSED motel room!”

“Now you’re just being mean!” I protested. “I don’t see YOU offering any help in that area!”

“Ewww! That would be like being with my brother! You two are my best friends. It would just be gross!”

“Speak for yourself,” I said softly.

I’d had a thing for Jocelyn since we were in eighth grade, and she’d started to develop. Before I’d uttered those words, I’d never, ever let her know how I felt. But what she’d said had hurt badly for some reason. I couldn’t say why, but it had. We’d never dated, never kissed, and never even flirted. Perhaps it was the kiss on the cheek earlier that had changed things in my mind. Whatever it was, her rejection was like a dagger in my heart.

Both Dale and Jocelyn looked at me, but I just shook my head, letting them know I wasn’t going to say another word. They knew that when I did that, it was useless to try to talk to me. I abruptly turned and started for home, with my two friends hurrying to catch up to me. I was sure Jocelyn knew that she’d upset me, but I couldn’t imagine what she could say or do at this point. She’d made her feelings clear. And so had I.

We arrived back at the house, and I said ‘goodnight’ to everyone, said ‘goodbye’ to my friends, forgoing our usual hug, and went to my room. I shut the door, put on the stereo, and took out a notebook where I jotted my thoughts. It wasn’t really a diary or journal, just a collection of my thoughts. I wrote a few sentences, then stripped off my clothes, put on a pair of pyjama bottoms, and got into bed. I reached over and turned off the light, and quickly fell asleep.