Climbing the Ladder - The Second Rung

On Monday morning, I went through my usual routine before leaving for work at my new time, which was an hour earlier than I had for the previous year. I’d arrived back in Chicago late the previous evening, having basically spent every waking moment with Bev, and all sleeping moments as well. I had to take some time to chat with my mom, but otherwise, I’d focused on Bev and Heather. I’d waited to call Huifen until I’d returned to Chicago, dropped the car at my uncle’s house, and taken the L home. Huifen and I had a brief conversation before I’d gone to bed.

I had thought about the situation during the entire six-hour drive from Goshen to Chicago, and still didn’t know what to do. Fortunately, I didn’t have to decide immediately, as Bev had insisted we not make any decisions before her visit which was planned for the second week in August, when Heather was about eight weeks old. I questioned the wisdom of driving that distance with an infant, but Bev had pointed out that Heather would basically sleep the entire way, except for needing to be fed.

I was still amazed at the entire process of labor and delivery, and marveled at how tiny Heather was, but I also had very limited experience with babies, almost none, actually. And that scared me, because if Bev and I decided to become a couple, no matter how that was defined, I’d be responsible for a baby. I needed time to think about that, which Bev had obviously understood.

As I left the house for my first day as mailroom supervisor, I pushed those thoughts to the back of my mind where they could percolate like coffee, and hopefully provide me with a course of action that was good for Bev, good for Heather, and good for me. For the present, I needed to be on the ball and keep the mailroom running efficiently.

My first task would be getting Jack Clinton, who was replacing me in my old position, up to speed once his orientation was finished. Bob O’Day and I would be scrambling to cover everything in the morning, but Bob worked hard, and I was sure we could accomplish all our tasks, albeit a bit slower than if we were fully manned.

“Morning, Kane!” Mr. Nelson said when I walked into his office.

“Morning, Boss!” I replied.

“How’s your girlfriend?”

“Bev and her baby are doing great, though we’re not a couple.”

“Yeah, sorry, I forgot about that. What did she have?”

“A girl she named Heather Nicole. Anything big happen while I was away?”

“No. The temp did a decent job, so Nick and Bob managed. You should expect your new guy around 11:00am. They added some material to orientation.”

“Any problems of which I should be aware?”

“Nothing at the moment,” he said, reaching over to rap his knuckles on his credenza. “Knock wood!”

“Then I’m going to my desk,” I said.

“Let me know if you need anything.”

“Will do!”

I left his office and went into the mailroom where I sat at the supervisor’s desk, which was slightly elevated, and removed the daily checklist from the center drawer. The first task was the courier report from the previous week that had to go to accounting so they could verify the invoices they would receive. I hadn’t done those when I filled in for Nick as either he or Mr. Nelson had always done them. I filled out the form, attached all the receipts with a paperclip, then put it in a manila envelope which I addressed to accounting, which Bob would deliver on his morning rounds.

Next was sorting Saturday’s mail delivery, which was fairly light. I made quick work of it because I knew who was on each floor, and it was simply a matter of tossing the envelopes into one of three bins. I finished that in less than ten minutes, then checked my ‘In’ box for any special requests, but found only a pair of memos about new staff, including Jack Clinton.

“Morning!” Bob called out, coming into the mailroom just before 8:00am.

“Morning! How was last week?”

“Busy, but we handled it with the temp. I take it your friend had her baby?”

“A girl.”

“Do I say ‘congrats’ to you?” Bob asked.

“All I did was hold Bev’s hand! I didn’t make the baby, and she carried her, labored, and delivered her. If you congratulate spectators at Comiskey, then I guess you could congratulate me!”

“That must have been strange with it being some other guy’s kid.”

“I don’t see it that way, really. She’s Bev’s daughter, and that’s all that matters in my mind.”

“Anything I need to be aware of this morning?”

“No special requests, so it’s just a matter of making the runs for all three floors. We won’t see Jack until sometime after 11:00am.”

“Then I better get to it.”

Fortunately, it was a relatively calm morning, which meant Bob and I managed to complete all of our important tasks. Things such as checking the supply rooms had to wait, but generally speaking, missing a day on those wasn’t a problem, and Bob had ensured everything was properly stocked on Friday afternoon.

Jack was brought into the mailroom by Mr. Nelson just after 11:00am, and I was sure he’d had the same basic instructions Paul Dierks and I had received on our first day. As I knew Jack, no introduction was necessary for me, though as soon as Mr. Nelson left, I introduced Jack and Bob.

“You’ll shadow Bob today,” I said. “Just go with him and see what he does. Make sure you ask questions, because tomorrow you’ll need to fly solo. I’m sure both Mr. Nelson and Personnel made it clear, but remember, no fraternization during working hours, and do not speak to Suits unless they speak to you first.”

“Got it!” Jack said.

I ended up eating lunch at my desk, which I’d expected I’d have to do, and had to juggle tasks for the afternoon, but between the three of us, we managed to complete all the important work. At 5:00pm, I went to Mr. Nelson’s office to see if he’d had any complaints.

“Just the usual whining,” he said. “Nothing to do with you or your team. How was your first day?”

“We skipped some of the minor tasks, but we’ll ensure those are done tomorrow.”

“Which ones?”

“Replenishing the supply rooms, but Nick had Bob do that at the end of the day on Friday, so I doubt anyone noticed, and restocking the paper by the copiers, but Bob checked after lunch and none of them were low enough to be a problem. We’ll take care of both of those in the morning.”

“Good job, Kane! See you in the morning!”

“Thanks, Boss!”

I headed home, happy that I didn’t have to go to class, as I was tired from the long drive, the late arrival home, getting up an hour earlier than I had in the past, and working a longer day. On the plus side, I found my grade report in the mailbox, opened it before going into the apartment, and was happy to see that I’d received an A.

I went in and saw the light blinking on the answering machine, so I kicked off my shoes and went over to the phone. I rewound the tape and pressed ‘Play’.

Jonathan, this is Doctor Lochner. Please call me as soon as you get this message. It’s fairly urgent. Thank you.

I had a sneaking suspicion that Doctor Lochner was concerned about the fact that I’d had Violet in my apartment, but as I’d decided before I’d gone to Ohio, I no longer cared what she thought because I was convinced she was needlessly holding Violet back from living her life. In my mind, unless Violet had new experiences and did things outside her comfort zone, she’d never get past what amounted to a solitary life. She’d taken the step of finding a friend, and to me, that meant she had to be a friend and do the kinds of things friends did.

I debated what to do, as in my mind I had no obligation to return Doctor Lochner’s call, nor follow her instructions. At best, I’d listen to her advice and then decide what I felt was best. I decided the thing to do was to call Violet to let her know I was home, and find out if she knew why Doctor Lochner had called. First, though, I called to order a pizza, as I hadn’t had a chance to do my usual weekend shopping.

“Hello?” Violet said when she answered the phone.

“Hi, Violet, it’s Jonathan.”

“Jonathan!” she exclaimed happily. “How is Bev?”

“Just fine. She had a baby girl she named Heather Nicole.”

“Totally cool! Are you guys a couple now?”

“No,” I replied. “We discussed the future, but we didn’t come to any conclusions. She’s going to visit in August.”

“With the baby?”

“Yes.”

“I’d love to meet her and see the baby!”

“I think we can arrange that,” I replied.

“Thanks!”

“I had a call from Doctor Lochner,” I said. “She left a message on my answering machine.”

“About?” Violet asked apprehensively.

“She didn’t say, just that she wanted me to call right away. I take it you told her about getting together at my house last weekend?”

“Yes, I tell her everything.”

“Did she seem concerned?”

“No more than usual, I think. I’m not really very good at reading people.”

That didn’t surprise me, given Violet’s limited interactions with people. As far as I could tell, except for Doctor Lochner and me, she only had the usual interactions everyone had with employees of the businesses she visited, plus the professor who had taught our course.

“What did she say?” I asked.

“Not much, really. She just asked what we did and how I felt.”

“I’m not sure I should call her,” I said.

“Why?”

I decided I had to treat Violet as an adult, albeit with a bit of care so as not to make her uncomfortable the way I had by inviting her to my uncle’s house for dinner.

“Because I don’t agree with her methods,” I said.

“What do you mean?”

“Just what I said,” I replied. “I think she helped you in the past, but now I think she’s deliberately holding you back and preventing you from growing and experiencing life. I’m not talking about going crazy, or doing anything risky or foolish, but acting like a normal nineteen-year-old.”

“But I’m not,” Violet protested, her voice barely audible.

“You are,” I replied as gently as I could. “You had something terrible happen to you, and I can’t even begin to understand it, but I think getting out of the house and doing things will be good for you. I hope you agree that the baseball game we went to, playing video games at my apartment, and doing homework together were all good things.”

“They were,” Violet replied tentatively.

“Then why not continue to do those things, expand your activities, and begin to really live life? The evil people who mistreated you are in prison. There’s no reason you should behave like a prisoner. In fact, that’s how I see Doctor Lochner now — like the warden at a jail. I’m sure she helped you, but now she’s holding you back. I plan to tell her that.”

“Are you sure you should?”

“I’m certain I should tell her that I see nothing wrong with anything we’ve done. Do you?”

“No.”

“What are you doing on Saturday?”

“Nothing.”

“You could join me while I do my regular Saturday errands and we could have lunch together. If you don’t want to be in my apartment, we could go to Mr. Greek Gyros.”

“Could we play video games after your errands?”

“I need to do some extra shopping during the afternoon for things for my new place — a bed, a desk, and some other furniture. You’re welcome to come along.”

“I’d like that! What time should I come over.?”

“Meet at my apartment at 10:00am?”

“Sure! See you then!”

We said ‘goodbye’ and I hung up, then dialed Doctor Lochner’s number. It rang through to her answering service who said they would relay the message. Ten minutes later the phone rang and I answered it.

“Kane,” I answered as was my habit from work.

“Jonathan? This is Kelly Lochner.”

“Hi, Doctor. What was so urgent?”

“I wanted to speak with you about your date with Violet.”

I almost laughed, because she was totally mischaracterizing the situation.

“Violet and I have not gone on any dates, except in the broadest, most general way that word is meant of a guy and girl doing something together. But neither the baseball game nor her spending time with me playing video games was a ‘date’ in the way I think you mean. It was two friends, one who happens to be a guy and the other a girl, going to a baseball game and playing video games.”

“Need I point out how things were with you and your girlfriend back home?”

“My relationship with Bev and my relationship with Violet are different,” I replied. “The more I’ve thought about it, the more I’m convinced I was wrong — Bev and I were never friends, we were a couple from the time we were toddlers. We just didn’t realize it. But that’s not how things are with Violet.”

“Perhaps in your mind,” Doctor Lochner countered. “What about Violet’s?”

“What about it? We’re friends. We’re doing things friends do together. If I was hanging out with a nineteen-year-old guy going to ballgames and playing video games, would you have the same concern?”

“You’re forgetting her emotional trauma.”

“No, I’m not. May I speak bluntly?”

“That does seem to be your style.”

“Is that a ‘yes’ or ‘no’?” I asked.

“Yes,” Doctor Lochner replied curtly.

“As I see it, you’ve basically locked Violet in a prison with no means of escape. She’s trying, very hard, to find a way to live a normal life, and you are doing everything in your power to stop that. You disapprove of just about every attempt she makes to try to be normal because you’ve decided she can’t be normal.”

“Are you a trained, professional psychologist?”

“No, of course not. I’m just a regular guy who is friends with Violet and who sees her very differently from how you see her. To be blunt again, you only see her as a victim, an idea which I reject completely. She’s a person, just like me, with struggles like mine, needs like mine, and desires like mine. I’m helping her realize her needs and desires; you’re holding her back.”

“You’re mistaken, Jonathan. The kind of emotional trauma she experienced does not go away.”

“So, then what? She lives an unfulfilled, lonely life because you think it’s too dangerous for her to have normal experiences? How is that a good thing? At that point, you might as well lock her up in a mental hospital with her sister, drug her, and forget about her.”

“That’s not it at all!” Doctor Lochner protested. “But that is how it could end up if you aren’t extremely careful.”

“That sounds like damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Well, in my admittedly limited experience, it’s better to try than to not try. Not trying guarantees failure; trying means there is a chance of success. Look, let me be blunt, unless you have some kind of legal power to stop it, I intend to be Violet’s friend, go to ball games, play video games, and study together. That’s what she wants, and I’ll be damned if I’ll let you keep her a prisoner of your fears.”

“You have no idea the danger you’re putting her in.”

“Walking across Michigan Avenue is dangerous,” I replied. “A pedestrian was killed a couple of weeks ago outside the Hancock Center. Should I stop crossing busy streets? Fifty thousand people die in auto accidents every year. Should I refuse to drive or ride in a car? Planes crash, including one right here in Chicago three years ago that killed nearly three hundred people. Should I refuse to get on a plane?”

I’d never actually been on a plane, but I wouldn’t think twice of getting on one.

“You’re not judging the risks correctly because you do not have the education to assess them properly.”

"I may only have a High School education, and an average one at that, but one thing I do know is that life is risky. My dad died in a plane crash before I was born. My friend Lily’s dad died in his forties. My mom’s best friend’s husband died in Vietnam. A friend of mine was murdered a couple of months ago. I read about kids dying of cancer.

“The only thing we can do in life is acknowledge the danger, accept that it exists, and live our lives as best we can, understanding that our lives might end at any point. To me, that means living each day to the fullest extent I can, not cowering in a corner out of fear. I’m sorry, but I can’t agree with your approach. Violet told me what she wants, and I intend to honor her request.”

“You have no idea what you are doing!” Doctor Lochner protested.

“Actually, I believe I can say the same about you, or at least that you refuse to accept that you might be doing more harm to Violet than she’s already suffered. Now, unless you have some legal power I don’t know about, I think this is the end of the conversation. And if you don’t have that power, then it’s up to Violet to decide what she wants to do, not you. If I were you, I wouldn’t make her choose between us, because I know who she’ll choose.”

“You’re being irresponsible, Jonathan.”

“If being someone’s friend is ‘irresponsible’ then I’m not sure what being responsible would look like. I see no point in continuing this conversation. Have a good evening.”

I didn’t wait for her to reply, and simply replaced the handset in the cradle. I wondered about calling Violet, but decided I’d wait to hear from her, as I knew she’d have a meeting with Doctor Lochner on Tuesday evening. I was reasonably certain that Doctor Lochner would provide some kind of warning or attempt to guide Violet away from our friendship. That would, as I saw it, cause Violet to react badly to Doctor Lochner.

As I thought about it, being responsible meant doing my best to be a good friend and helping her enjoy her life. I had no idea what that meant for her, as my needs and desires were likely very different. I felt that if I listened to Violet the way Anala listened to me, I could be the kind of friend Violet needed.

The pizza hadn’t arrived, so I called Bianca to confirm that she and Shelly would be visiting on Wednesday, then called Phoebe to confirm our date on Friday. I had a pretty good idea that it would be our last date unless something significant changed. I’d been tempted to simply cancel our date, but in the end, I didn’t see any more harm in going out with her than I’d had with having dinner with Lily. It was simply a matter of being honest with Phoebe as I had with Lily and Rachel.

The pizza arrived and I paid the delivery guy, then immediately put half the pizza into the fridge for the following night’s dinner. I ate pizza, read the Wall Street Journal, and then updated my portfolio. When I finished, I decided to turn in because I wanted to be fresh in the morning.

“How did your first two days in your new role go?” Anala asked when we met for coffee on Tuesday evening.

“So far, so good,” I replied. “The main difference is that I stay in the mailroom most of the day, so I’m actually getting a bit less exercise. I took the L the past two days, but tomorrow, I’m going to ride my bike. That means getting up a bit earlier to make sure I have time to shower when I get to the office.”

“How were things in Ohio?”

“Everything went well with Bev’s delivery, and she and Heather are doing fine.”

“What about you and Bev?”

“She’s going to visit in August, and bring Heather with her. At Bev’s request, we postponed any decisions at least until then. She raised a number of concerns, though I called them challenges rather than problems.”

“What were they?”

“Mainly about me being able to take responsibility for a girlfriend or wife and a newborn, her desire to go to college and childcare, and moving to Chicago. She’s lived in the same house since she was born.”

“I’m curious, and you don’t have to answer, but how did your mom manage to buy a house?”

“When I was about five, she found a small house she could rent for about the same as the rent on our small apartment. Two years later, the owner wanted to sell, and after talking to my mom, the owner agreed to some sort of mortgage where the owner held the note. That was about ten years ago, and was when she took the second job to make ends meet. We also grew vegetables, especially tomatoes which we could sell, and I trapped rabbits and when I was older, I hunted deer. All of that let us live in that house, and ensured that Mom never missed a payment. She’ll keep paying until around the year 2000, if I remember correctly.”

“That’s a testament to finding a way, no matter what the obstacles.”

“I see what you did there,” I replied with a smile. "Basically, the main problem Bev raised was that she was accepted to UC and her mom is going to care for Heather while Bev is in class. If Bev moved here, I’m not sure how she’d go to college, because we don’t have what amounts to free childcare, not to mention free room and board, and her parents helping pay for all Heather’s expenses.

“There will be child support, but that won’t be a whole lot because the baby’s father is working a minimum-wage job over the Summer, and plans to go to college in the Fall. What that means is that Bev will get whatever the legal minimum is, most likely directly from the State of Ohio, and the baby’s father will have to pay that back, plus the normal child support once he has a full-time job after college.”

“Has she looked into school in Chicago?”

“No, because that was never her plan. She sent her applications right before she got pregnant, if I have the timing right.”

“I don’t think those challenges are insurmountable,” Anala said. “But you’re wise to consider all the practical issues. What about your heart?”

“I have no idea,” I replied. “I love Bev, but…”

“You’re confused,” she interrupted.

"Obviously. It’s a heck of a commitment and I haven’t even turned twenty. I’m barely established here myself. So far, things are going OK, but it’s only been a year.

“What’s the next step on your ladder?”

“Basically what I told you before. It depends on Mr. Matheson. It could be a runner on the Exchange floor, but I’d prefer to move into an analyst position. I’ll take the classes at Circle, continue to trade my own account, work hard and see what happens. It’s probably two to three years away.”

“Other than your conundrum with Bev, it sounds as if everything is going according to your plan.”

“Except for getting you into my bed,” I replied with a silly grin.

“Do you really want to risk being disappointed for every future encounter?” Anala asked with a smirk.

“You’re that good?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Better!” she declared, laughing softly.

“I’m willing to risk it!”

Anala laughed again, “Of course you are!”

We finished our coffee, and because of my new schedule, I said ‘good night’ and headed home a bit earlier than I had from our previous meetings.