Living Two Lives - Book 23
Gruinard
Chapter 1
Suzanne having a hungover lie-in at Leslie’s house meant Andrew was up early and decided to make a start on the developing of all the rolls of film from the day before. He had been working away for a couple of hours when he heard noises indicating the shop was getting ready to open. He hung up the strips of negatives that he had developed to let them dry and walked out to see who had turned up. He was surprised to discover both Maggie and Tony.
“I thought you would be sleeping off an almighty hangover?”
Maggie winced but gently shook her head.
“Leslie was in her own home and she and Suzanne were on a mission. Tony persuaded me to head home at 10.30. What time did Suzanne make it back?”
“She didn’t. When I got back to the flat I had a message on the machine from Julian saying that they had got hammered and she was sleeping there. I assumed you were with them.”
“No, I was drunk but not that drunk. Anyway, Merry Christmas, I haven’t seen you since Christmas Eve. How was the day?”
“It was fine. There is no point in rehashing it. How about you?”
Andrew stopped.
“Are you here to help in the shop?”
“I will if I am needed but I just wanted to have some company, get out of the flat. Why?”
“Has Elspeth shown you her pictures?”
Maggie nodded.
“Yes, after she described them to me I asked if she would show me. She thought about it for a moment but agreed. She asked that I not describe them to Tony. She is working to maintain the difference between herself and her modelling persona. Just as I had Monica, so she has Ursula.”
“I am developing the shots from yesterday, well making a start. If she was okay with you seeing the pictures then I wondered if you wanted to give me a hand. I don’t feel like we have had much of a chance to chat.”
Maggie smiled.
“Let’s get some coffee and I will let Tony know to bang on the door if he needs a hand.”
Developing the negatives was a one person process, so Maggie sat on a stool sipping her coffee.
“How did your Christmas Day go? Survive it.”
Maggie considered the question, it could hardly have been unexpected.
“Before I answer let me ask you one first. You talked about how your parents grew up working class, their own parents were servants and a bus driver, a shop assistant, that’s right isn’t it? How did your grandparents react to their children trying to be more, I guess more middle class? Did they make comments? Were they supportive?”
It was an interesting question and Andrew could see the underlying issue beneath it.
“So my Dad’s two parents had this huge age gap and so his father, my grandfather died in the 1950s. Now he was already an old man but this was before Dad met Mum, so he doesn’t enter into this. My Grandma is Dad’s mother and she is my only living grandparent. All three of her children, so Dad and my two aunts, have become middle class. Dad is a teacher, so is his oldest sister and my other aunt works for Scottish & Newcastle at their Head Office. Some kind of middle management. So that side of the family has embraced education and has moved socially. And Grandma seems to be happy with her life and their life. I mean when I go to church with her, like I will tomorrow morning, she is happy to brag to all her friends about how I am Cambridge University. But I will often take round fish and chips for dinner. So she seems to be happy to be herself, go down to the bookies, bet on the nags, but at the same time be proud of what her children and grandchildren have accomplished. But that is all through my lens. I don’t know if things were different 30 years ago when my aunts were leaving home, getting married, stuff like that. But what I see now is the finished product and there is stability to it.”
Andrew had been moving film through the development process as he spoke and took a moment for a sip of coffee.
“Mum’s parents are both dead. I was not yet six when my grandfather died and had just turned eight when my grandmother passed away. So my memories of them are those of a child. I was spoiled by them, Mum is an only child, and Rowan and I were their only grandchildren. But in the intervening years our contact with Mum’s extended family has faded away to Christmas cards and not much else. Or at least that is what it was like four years ago. But I did overhear Mum bitching at Dad about her aunts, uncles and cousins. From the little that I heard there seemed to be some catty comments. And I did hear her say that the comments behind her back were ten times worse. The one that stuck in my memory was how they were complaining that Rowan and I were going to private school. That seemed to be the big betrayal. Working as a teacher or a social worker, they didn’t care about that. It was our schooling that was the problem.”
Andrew took another sip of coffee.
“Goodness, I haven’t thought about that, thought about that side of the family for years.”
He finally stopped and waited for Maggie to start.
“My family think I have married well. Sure I have been promoted twice but I am still a secretary for the Council. And they know very little about the business. But they have been in the shop and know that there is a studio and darkroom through the back. I suppose it comes back to where do you draw the line with your family. My brother is an okay guy, we weren’t close growing up, in fact I tried to avoid him. He had too many friends that never looked me in the eye. But the woman that he married is a right shrew. She had a snide comment about the Christmas presents on Thursday. Right there in the living room in the flat in front of everybody. I don’t remember the exact words but it was a dig about how little we had spent on our presents. I had spent the most ever on them, but to her, based on where we were living and with Tony running a successful business it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t going to be a flash bitch and spend loads of money on presents. Then I would have called out for lording it over them. I feel stuck.”
Andrew knew that last issue well. It was always a struggle to get nice presents, meaningful presents, without going crazy. Mind you this from the man who bought his friend a Jaguar.
“Do you think it is wrong that I don’t want to invite them round to the new house?”
Andrew had to be careful.
“Maggie, I am not sure I am the best person to ask. Remember I walked away from my parents. I haven’t seen them in over a year, haven’t had any contact in that time. I have a little brother who probably barely remembers me. And it has bugged me for years. I have replaced my mother with one person and have replaced my father with a combination of at least three people, one of whom is Tony. I am not the poster child for getting on with your family.”
“Leslie didn’t say that in so many words but she did allude to it. I am still asking you.”
“The key is your parents. If they are okay coming round, and importantly dealing with your brother and his wife bitching at them about you, when you don’t invite them over, then do what feels right for you and Tony. The bigger problem would be if your parents think you are being unreasonable. The ‘families stick together through thick and thin’ mentality.”
“I don’t think Dad would be overjoyed about it but wouldn’t make a fuss. And Mum already has issues with her so I think she would be okay. I am still nervous about showing them round the house.”
“That isn’t going to go away. But tell them the businesses are doing well and that Tony sold his flat and you are going to work hard to afford it. One of the things you should mention to deflect some of the comments is talk about how many people the businesses all employ now. Stacey is full time with four part time assistants. Tony is hiring two people to assist him. Elspeth has an assistant and will probably need another soon. There is the accountant. And don’t forget Elspeth’s mother and her gang of pensioners going through all the boxes of prints. What is that, 14 or 15 already. All these people have jobs because of the business. You can stay true to your roots, be proud of where you came from, where your parents still live, and at the same time also be proud of where you have got to. And the opportunities your children will have.”
Maggie smiled and nodded.
“Thank you for all that. I needed to hear it from someone who doesn’t know any of the people. Did you even meet my brother at the reception?”
“I don’t think so. He was out on the dance floor when you gave me the quick tour of your family. I spent most of the rest of the night with Elspeth and Donnie.”
It was a nice transition.
“How did yesterday go?”
Andrew explained the different sets he had shot.
“And Donnie was fine?”
“I checked at the end of the session. I even told him I would be checking every time. He understood. But they are doing this together. Having him as a gopher on the shoot is ideal. They have both said they trust me but I still think it helps. The total pivot point was when I brought that magazine back. She was like you, she liked being a model, and was gradually thawing, being more daring, pushing herself. But it was for herself, or for her and Donnie. The magazine opened her eyes to this whole different world. A world where someone was publishing photographs of women her size, and a lot bigger. And in the space of less than a month she went from being conscious of her weight and her figure to wanting to flaunt it. And more than anything else that attitude comes through in the pictures. I think I took a shot yesterday of her standing there naked, her hands on her hips, with a facial expression of ‘here I am, deal with it’. In fact even more it was ‘here I am, don’t you wish you could run your hands all over me’. Elspeth puts on the wig, puts in coloured contact lenses, sticks the little rose tattoo on her wrist and changes her rings, these are all physical changes to mask her true identity but even although she models as Ursula Schmidt the attitude is Elspeth Robertson. She has talked to you about all this. She was the anti you at school. She calls herself the fat girl that nobody cast a second glance at. Now she knows that there are men that want to look at her, publishers that are paying her a lot of money to pose this way, and she is embracing it. She seemed very happy yesterday, they both did.”
“Do you enjoy doing the shoots? It is another model getting very explicit right in front of you but then disappearing off with her husband. Why are you doing it?”
Andrew had often considered that very question.
“There are several parts to it. Despite being very conventional and knowing lots of people in positions of power and influence, I have a rebellious streak to me. And I think even more I have a rebellious streak against society, against societal norms. Part of that is due to my disdain for religion. I got Elspeth and Donnie to pose in her mother in law’s house while she was at Mass with their children. But with both of you there is also the very strange way that you are subverting the norms of society. Married women should not be masturbating with a dildo in front of a stranger and getting photographed doing it. And that stranger bought them both their dildos. That is not normal. Now both of your husbands are there but it is still abnormal. And so part of it goes back to the conversations we had when I was a teenager. You talked about the illicit thrill that you got from modelling. And you both still do, but so do I. I get the thrill of being the photographer, of being part of this illicit little secret. And without getting all deep into the psychology of it, you both want, and almost need, to do it. You are always going to be a complete exhibitionist, and Tony knows that and encourages you. And Elspeth is always going to be a bigger woman but she has this need to be desired because she is bigger. Not despite the fact she is 13 stone, but because she is. I told her we were going to photograph her on scales the next time, her personal demon. A huge part of this is who you both are, and you don’t have to deny it, suppress it, anything like that. You can just be free and go for it. Would 95% of the population understand, probably not but it doesn’t matter. You are hurting no one with your actions. And the final part is very personal. For many women I have been the ‘safe guy’. It was like that at school, and is still like that now, both at university and with my own modelling, so I have to accept that I like being the safe guy. Two happily married women trust me in very intimate situations and it gives me a lot of satisfaction that they trust me over anyone else.”
Maggie nodded.
“The safe guy thing is key. I hear everything else you say but for me, and I am pretty sure it is the same for Elspeth. Being able to act the way we do, pose the way we do and not have to worry about how the photographer is going to react, what he is going to say or try and do, that is key. It is something that we are both going to have to deal with after June.”
“I will still be up visiting all the time.”
“Yes, but it will be to see us, your grandmother, Leslie and Julian, see Nikki and Fran. She was lovely by the way. Such a nice lady. The visits won’t have time for you to shoot Elspeth and I all day. Never mind getting the film developed.”
“There are studios in London, you will just have to come and visit.”
Maggie smiled triumphantly.
“I am glad you asked before we did. We had come to that conclusion.”
She stopped and looked at him.
“I can only speak for myself, although I am pretty sure Elspeth is the same way. This is something that is part of me. I love posing for you. Tony loves me posing as well. Not just the memories of my modelling days but it excites us. You had to listen to him shag me all over the Norfolk Broads. It will be something you will be doing for years.”
She smiled again.
“Although it will be an interesting conversation to have with your girlfriend or eventually your wife.”
Maggie laughed at his expression. They had worked away as they were chatting and had 14 of the 23 rolls developed and printed. Andrew figured he would be back first thing the following morning and would try to get them all finished before he went to church with his Grandma. He drove over to Leslie’s house and collected Suzanne, who was looking and feeling more than a little sorry for herself. They got back to the flat, laden down with bags from her trip to the sales. Andrew hadn’t been swimming yet so they went over the road to the pool. An hour later Suzanne looked much better and after showering and getting dressed they sat and had a late lunch.
“Thank you, I need this.”
Suzanne demolished the first sandwich and cup of coffee before finally pausing and remembering the art of conversation.
“Wow, I really did need that. How was your night?”
“Great. It was good to see Don and Pete and he gave me lots of insight into Sandhurst, from two people who have just been commissioned from there. Half the night was just bullshitting about the teachers and the people in our year, well the guys mainly. Pete ran into Rob Derry last week and he is still a dick, stuff like that. Julian’s message made it sound like you had a fun time.”
She laughed.
“I will not bore you with all the shopping talk. The four of us had a great time and Nikki expects us through to see them before New Year. When we got back to the house we were knackered and our feet hurt. Julian opened the wine and went through and made some amazing omelettes for us. Totally hit the spot. But we were on the second glass of wine before they even arrived, the third by the time we had eaten, and then. Well it just went downhill from there. Maggie had it right and she escaped before the worst of it. Leslie was in an even worse state than me. Julian got me to drink at least one glass of water but I woke up feeling rough as shit, still in my clothes. There was still no sign of movement from Leslie when I left. Julian was telling me that she doesn’t let her hair down like that very often. It was a fun night.”
“The best kind of drunken night, when it is 10 paces to the bed.”
“Exactly. So it is Saturday lunchtime, Hogmanay is Wednesday and we are spending it with Julian and Leslie. What else do you want to do, need to do?”
“I will escort Grandma to church tomorrow morning and have lunch with her. I am going to get up early tomorrow and get the last of the developing finished. That is what I did this morning. Once we are done here let’s phone Nikki and see if we can go through and see them tomorrow afternoon, spend the night there and come back on Monday. I should go and see Mhairi, she wants to talk about some engineering stuff with me. I will do something with Grandma on the 2nd and I may have another photography session. Other than that I don’t have any plans. I may see if Pete wants to go out on the night of the 1st, it will be quiet. Apart from going through to Glasgow what would you like to do?”
“When are you going south?”
“Sleeper on the 3rd I think, that or the morning train on the 4th. Actually if I go down on the 4th I might fly. It doesn’t matter. Why?”
“Can you see your grandmother on the 3rd rather than the 2nd?”
“Sure.”
“Good. I want to spend a couple of days with you up north, maybe even two nights. Can we do that?”
“Sure. Is there a reason?”
“I want to show you some things, and explain what I want to do with my career.”
“Of course, that will be great. Do you want to take it easy today?”
Suzanne just smiled and kept eating. And Andrew was about to discover also wearing her playsuit. Just in case! After they phoned and confirmed going through to Glasgow Andrew led Suzanne through to their bedroom. He just laughed when he discovered the playsuit under her clothes. Once the cuffs were buckled Andrew clipped Suzanne’s arms behind her back and then pushed her face down on the bed, before lying beside her. She looked miffed that they were going to talk first.
“You are veering dangerously close to being a brat. Stop it.”
The pout disappeared and she lay there looking chagrined. And devastatingly attractive.
“That’s better. Remember the conversation we had about accommodation, escalation? I couched it in terms of being concerned about you wanting ever more extreme things, harsher punishments, things like that. But you seem to have plateaued, you know what you need but also know you don’t want to go further. Is that true?”
“I know what I don’t want, what I hate. Outside my sex life, outside the bedroom, I don’t want any part of being submissive. I have come to think that it actually fuels my drive outside the bedroom. I have more of an attitude of ‘don’t fuck with me’ now. I don’t know that I was ever a pushover but I find that I am more determined to succeed in my career. So there is that. The two things that we tried and I freaked out about are more complicated. I have decided that I do want you to take photographs of me, naked, after we have fucked, cum leaking out of me, tied up, everything. Even just saying that is such a turn-on. But it is the whole ‘in the bedroom’ thing. I want to submit to you, the thought of pictures like that is amazing. It comes back to the whole no control aspect of my sex life. But as you constructed it the first time? That freaks me out. Like I said, between us, in the bedroom, in the house, I want to experience that. But I have no interest in being exposed. Ha, ha, pun intended. So that is something I would love to have happen but knowing they are just for us. I would love to be able to look at them the day before you returned from Cambridge, even just in the afternoon if you have been down at the office all day. Just thinking about that, thinking about pictures like that, it vibrates like a tuning fork within me.”
Andrew ran his hand over her arse and between her legs. Suzanne shuddered as his fingers caressed her slick lips.
“You can tell how much I hate the idea!”
He licked his fingers, Suzanne watching him wide-eyed.
“And the other thing.”
Little Miss Pouty peeked out for just a moment before Suzanne sighed and carried on.
“Devil. Okay, the other thing that upset me, the prostitute fantasy in Rome, that is much more straightforward. I thought I needed to be bought to let go and submit to whatever you, the punter, wanted. But in the two years since then I have been more honest. I don’t need to be bought, I am happy and willing to do whatever you want. I think that we could do the same scenario again and I wouldn’t freak out. Because we both know it is nothing more than role-play. It was nothing more than that back in Rome but now it is part of the theatre of our time together. In fact can we try? Go and find the garter, slip some money in it and talk to me like you did that day. If I ‘Paula’ then we know there is more to it but I really don’t think I am going to care. Because we both know that the garter, the money and the words are irrelevant. There is literally nothing that you can say to me that won’t excite me and the whole time all I am going to be thinking is ‘shut up and fuck me’.”
After a bit of searching Andrew found the garter and ran it up her leg, snug around her thigh. He lay down on the bed again, a random pile of notes between them. He looked at Suzanne.
“Do it, I know what to say if it freaks me out.”
Andrew picked out a ratty old five pound note, the faintest whiff of beer on it, change from his night out with Pete and Don. He threw the rest of the money onto the bedside table then looked Suzanne in the eyes.
“You are worth a thousand times more but yet you will sell your body to me for a lousy fiver.”
Andrew slid the note under the garter and got in position over Suzanne. She was still prone on the bed and he leaned on her without pressing down, supporting himself so that he was able to whisper in her ear. And as he knelt there nothing came to mind. There was nothing Andrew could say that he hadn’t said already, there was nothing he could do that they hadn’t done already. Suzanne was one hundred percent right. It had nothing to with being a hooker, it was all about needs and giving Suzanne what she wanted, what she needed. It was really odd, but it felt like she had all the power. Lying there helpless, her arms restrained behind her back and yet.
It didn’t make Andrew angry and even to call it annoyance was too much but it irked him. Just for a moment before it flared and faded. He pulled her hips up and was balls deep in one thrust. One of them groaned, maybe both of them. Andrew fucked Suzanne hard; more and more they fucked hard. They made love a lot but the rest of the time was energetic and vigorous. They both had bodies that were made for hard fucking. Andrew could pound Suzanne and she could cope with it, often she would egg him on. But she also had strong legs and thighs and she would squeeze him, she could be a big strong woman and not feel self-conscious of it. They both came with moans and groans and he flopped down on the bed beside her again. Suzanne’s legs slid back down so that she was lying flat on the bed.
“You didn’t say anything?”
“I was right there beside your ear and I couldn’t think of anything to say. You called it absolutely correctly. I was running through all the things I was going to say to you, tell you all the things I was going to do with you, and nothing seemed to make sense. It all sounded false and weird in my head. Everything that we have done in the last two years is because you want it, you need it. It is not because you were ‘made to’. I think that realisation is very powerful, it is an acceptance of who you are, it is you being honest. And I know that.”
“Move so I can blow you Andrew. Let me get you hard then make love to me.”
Andrew scooted up the bed and leaned against the headboard, his legs wide, then helped Suzanne get into position. She looked up at him before she started.
“When we were doing this and you had the flogger in your hand and you were telling me it was a lousy blowjob, I had 10 seconds to get you off or I was in the front room. I was so frantic that I managed to get that fat head of yours into my throat. Can we try and do that again?”
Andrew thought for a picosecond, was he willing to help his friend practice deep throating? Hell and yes.
“Slide down a bit. I want you to take the side of my head and push down.”
He looked taken aback.
“I want you to force me to do this. I will have my eyes closed. If I open my eyes then let go so that I can rise up. It will be the visual equivalent of Paula, okay?”
He nodded.
“Actually, it will be just a pause so that I can get some air or whatever. Now that I know that I can do this I want you to push me hard, okay?”
Andrew must have looked freaked out or something.
“Stop looking so worried. Worry about not coming in seven seconds, you know what you are like.”
Ouch.
In many ways it felt like it was going to be similar to hitting Suzanne, it felt wrong. But what made the difference was Andrew could see her face. When spanking or punishing her with the crop or floggers he normally couldn’t see her face. But after being told off for the second time he grabbed her head and really tried to push his dick down Suzanne’s throat. And what made it okay was the happiness on her face. Suzanne opened her eyes for a moment, winked at him before firmly closing them again. Andrew later swore it was at that moment his dick slipped into her throat. Suzanne held it there before opening her watering eyes and he pulled back out. She took a deep breath.
“I do like a man who can take control.”
Another wink.
“I want to try for a ten count. Count out loud for me.”
And with that she lowered herself back down, Andrew held her head and pushed hard. It seemed easier the second time.
“One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, ni-.”
Half way through nine her eyes popped open and he yanked his dick out as she gasped and coughed.
“Damn. Try again.”
With another deep breath they repeated it. The look of triumph on her face when the count got to ten was so sexy.
“Help me up please. I need you inside me so badly.”
At first, Andrew started to help her into his lap but almost without conscious thought instead he pushed her flat on her stomach and lay beside her.
“I hate it when you understand me so well.”
Suzanne’s smile was radiant.
“When the head of my dick pops through your ring, you can come then. Not before. Understand?”
Suzanne suddenly looked apprehensive.
“Er, I didn’t. I mean that. Er.”
“You haven’t cleaned thoroughly?”
She shook her head.
“Do you think that is going to stop me. We both know you are a dirty girl. This will just prove it.”
Andrew was not sure Suzanne’s eyes had ever been any wider. He bounced up, pulled her to the end of the bed and fucked her hard, in the pussy. Once he was nice and slick he pulled out and positioned himself ready to bugger her. He wondered if this might trigger a ‘Paula’ but she was silent. Well other than the groans and the exhortations to hurry up and take her. Andrew wished he had had the patience to tease her more, drag the moment out but he was perilously close to the edge himself so just pushed hard and popped into her hot tight arse. Suzanne screamed and came, her arsehole tightened up even more than normal and Andrew came about a second and a half after her. Despite coming earlier it felt like a gallon of cum pulsed out of him. He had been so turned on. He leaned over, his head between Suzanne’s shoulder blades, trying to catch his breath.
They both made it to the shower and for the first minute washed back to back, neither one of them interested in examining too closely the water running off their bodies. But it was these moments that were the most intimate. Cleaning up, washing each other after smashing through another taboo. However hard you clean there would still be occasions when it was best not to look too closely. They both accepted it and just didn’t overthink it. The sensations, the visual, the taboo, the whole experience meant that they were prepared to deal with the occasional consequences. Lots of soap.
Chapter 2
While Suzanne finished her shower and got dressed again Andrew made fresh coffee and took it through to the living room. She padded through, barefoot, took a sip of her coffee before cuddling up next to him on the couch.
“I think you fucked the hangover out of me.”
He smiled at her happy face.
“I loved lying there with you chatting away. It really was amazing when I slipped the money into the garter belt and I couldn’t think of anything to say that wouldn’t sound false or contrived. I was leaning over you and all I could see was your face on Monday night, your arms restrained behind your back, bent in half on the bed and the look of bliss. It is the wrong context to call it serene, we were fucking too hard for it to be serene but you were just so happy. I can totally see the importance of being true to yourself, how you let yourself go. I didn’t understand, and given how much I keep learning I am sure there is a lot still for me to try and understand, but being submissive is very powerful. That completely confused me at first. But you just let yourself go, trust the other person. I can’t speak for anyone else but I feel the pressure to perform, to make the experience as wonderful as possible for you. You have handed me this incredible trust, literally helpless in my arms or in front of me on the bed, and I have to match this gift, try and top this gift.”
He shook his head.
“I will need to think about some more. Everything about this is surprising.”
Suzanne leaned up, spun round and straddled him on the couch. They kissed for a long time.
“They are two sides of the same coin. It isn’t just me lying there expecting you to make it special. I want to rock your world, I want you to slump over me, collapse on me, at the end. When we are both shattered it is perfect. So thank you.”
Andrew wasn’t sure what he was being thanked for but he took it.
“We talked when we were first in bed about escalation and how my needs had plateaued. I am confident and comfortable enough in myself, in us, for you to push me. I have no idea what it is, like the throat fucking there just now. It sort of came to me when I remembered September or whenever it was. Don’t be afraid to try new things with me Andrew. If it isn’t working or is upsetting me then I know I can say ‘Paula’ whenever I need to. Even little things like being able to say it with my eyes today. You have earned my complete trust and I am not afraid of trying a new dish. If there is some squid in it then I will let you know and we can order something different off the menu.”
That might have been the most important thing of all. It was becoming normal this version of their sex life. It was not mainstream, the vast majority of people would not and could not understand it, but to them it was no different than any other way to have sex. Some people were once a week, with the lights out on a Saturday night. Andrew and Suzanne were at the other end of the spectrum.
“Can I ask you about escalation?”
“Sure.”
“I fought my nature for a long time before finally acknowledging this is who I am. I don’t think my sexuality has changed, I don’t know that my limits have changed, what I like, what I dislike. All that has happened is that I am accepting of who I am. Do you think you have changed?”
“Do you mean have I become dominant, or more dominant?”
“Yes. Because to me you seem calmer about the whole thing. Take this morning. I am not sure that a year ago you could have held my head and forced your dick down my throat. Yet within 10 minutes of me asking you to try it you were amazing. I loved how you kept the pressure on my head. I couldn’t just lift off, I had to open my eyes and get you to let me lift off. It was so visceral, so controlling. I fucking loved it.”
“Your face is key. I actually had the same thought, at the same time. When I am spanking you or using the crop or flogger on you, I can’t see your face. So I have to deal with the way I am wired and you know I don’t like doing that. But today it was completely different, because I could see your face. Think about it, one minute I am all tentative, then you wink at me, and suddenly my balls are bouncing off your chin. As you are more accepting of who you are, and most importantly of what you need, then I am right behind you.”
Andrew thought for a moment.
“I was about to say it is the societal programing that gets in my head and makes me uncomfortable. But it is not that at all. More than half the bloody planet thinks that men are better than women and that what we are doing is something that I should have the right to do, regardless of whether you hate it or not. So it is not society. Deep down it is Leslie and the teenage years of programing that she did. We never talked about submission and sex or anything like that. But she, orders of magnitude more than any other source, is the reason I am the way I am. I would never want to disappoint her in the way I treat women and I think that is the core reason that I struggle with the spanking and stuff. And yes, I know that you have told her how you are, what you need, but it is too deeply programed for me to go against it now.”
He shrugged. Suzanne, still straddling his lap, looked thoughtful. Then her face broke into a mischievous smile.
“So all I need to do is get Leslie to tell you to spank me and all our problems are solved?”
Andrew was merciless in his tickling.
“All joking aside it is true. I can see exactly how it all makes sense. From my perspective I do think that you are becoming better at being dominant. I see it in the way we act here. Just simple things like getting sent to my room because of Vanessa. Fucking me in my less than pristine arse just now. There is a real vibe of ‘I am going to do what I want, because I am in control’ which is just perfect. And more than anything else, what is great is that you don’t treat me any differently outside the bedroom, or outside the flat. No it is not even that, because I loved the way you treated me in Amsterdam. The confines, the boundaries, are different but you know when to do it, and when not to. On Christmas Eve you had no interest in a discussion about the Scottish business environment but you were perfectly happy for me to be a part of it and you went through and made coffee and talked to Christine and Mary. Complete control to no control, in what? Two hours. It is the parameters of my life that you respect. But stop turning it back to me. What about you? Do you think you have become more dominant with me?”
He thought about Suzanne’s question.
“Complicated. I do things to you, with you, that I do with no other people.”
He stopped.
“Almost no other people. Let’s put that aside for the moment.”
Andrew had to stop again. Too many thoughts swirling in his head.
“There have been times recently when I have thought I wanted more, and where I conversely thought I went too far and needed to dial it back. I have come close to fucking other women with the intensity that I fuck you but have never quite matched what we have.”
He looked down, uncomfortable with where his thoughts were going. Andrew felt Suzanne’s hand on his chin forcing him to look at her.
“Tell me Andrew.”
“Because you can say ‘Paula’ I can let go with you. Sometimes I worry that you would not say ‘Paula’ even when you wanted to, or should. I worry much less about saying or doing the wrong thing with you. And there have been moments with other women when I have wanted more.”
He pursued his lips and sighed.
“So I think I have become more dominant. With you definitely and I think about it with other people.”
“You seem upset by that.”
“Leslie’s programming.”
Suzanne stood up and pulled his to his feet. She undressed first him then herself before lowering herself down onto him. They made love for a long time on the couch, revelling in the closeness, the kissing, the connection between them. When Andrew finally came Suzanne wouldn’t let him move, her jeans underneath them to catch the mess and save the couch.
“I forget that it is a sacrifice for you. I too often take advantage of you, knowing that you will do everything possible to make me feel wonderful. I don’t know how I would cope without you.”
As Andrew sat there kissing Suzanne all he heard were the three words that she didn’t say at the end of the sentence. Their third showers of the day were quick, a spray down of their groins and legs, and then they headed off into town. That night they watched Crocodile Dundee, exactly the right movie to make them laugh, and to distract Suzanne’s calm and Andrew’s overthinking minds. They made love, softly and gently when they returned to the flat and fell asleep in each other’s arms.
The following morning Andrew slipped out of bed and didn’t even do his exercises. He was conscious that he had the rest of the rolls of film to develop and limited time so was in the darkroom before 6.30. But he was disciplined and focused and finally after four hours he was done. The last few minutes were waiting for the prints to dry, or be dry enough to remove from the darkroom. Suzanne was in the shower when he returned to the flat and so he laid out the final two packets of prints to let them properly dry. He used the desk in the boxroom, a room that no one ever was in. It had a desk, a chair and his double bass. It was the perfect place to leave the prints. He grabbed a quick shower and then they headed off. Suzanne took Leslie’s car and went for Sunday lunch with her parents while Andrew walked across the Meadows to go with his Grandma to church.
“The family all asked for you on Thursday, quietly of course so as not to cause a fight. The day went pretty well actually but it was still awful. You should have been there, even your parents realised that. Have you heard from them?”
“The only address they have now is the College Grandma. They don’t know the address or the phone number of the flat. So the only way they could be in touch is by letter to university. Unless they asked you to pass on a message.”
They were slowly walking up the hill to the church.
“I don’t know what to say to that Andrew. It is incomprehensible that you have lived on your own for three years and your parents don’t know where. They have never asked?”
“No. You talked in the summer and again when I was up this term that things were thawing slightly. Did they ask about me?”
“Let’s talk about it after church.”
Later over lunch she continued the story.
“It all comes down to you, Gavin and money. He thinks, and Vera doesn’t contradict him, you believe you are better than the rest of the family because you made all that money. You bought the flat before you even left Edinburgh and moved out before you started at Cambridge.”
Andrew had had to stop himself interrupting at least twice as he listened to his Grandma but he tried to listen to what she said.
“It is a fight I cannot win Grandma. You see me all the time, you have had dinner here in the flat with Suzanne and I, a fish supper out of newspaper. You know as well as I do that I don’t believe the money makes me better somehow. That is a fig leaf that he is clinging on to because neither of them want to look at their own behaviour. I would eat more than my share of the shit if I thought that everyone was taking some of the blame.”
Andrew could feel himself getting worked up about his parents.
“I am going to say some cruel and blunt things. My father did not believe that I was his son. When he saw the picture of his own father at a young age he calmed down for a couple of years. But once I made a little money while at school he started to treat me differently again. But going on about the money is just an excuse to not have to deal with me. I didn’t understand Mum’s lack of reaction. The best I can come up with is that although she believes Dad is biologically my father she doesn’t know for sure. And since Scott came along she can love him, and know that Dad loves him, unconditionally and for sure. I think my parents are embarrassed by me, as it reminds them of their own behaviour in the run up to their wedding. I was born nine months and a few days after their wedding.
His Grandma was speechless and looked horrified.
“Now I have no way of knowing or proving any of that. But Grandma, I made an awful lot more money than Dad thinks I did. He wants to be upset at me, he wants to be upset at Mum and he is probably trying not to be upset at himself. My parents knew where I was for six months last year and three months this year and there wasn’t anything from them. Not even a birthday card. They are treating me like I am no longer their son, so I am treating them like they are no longer my parents.”
Andrew left his Grandma in tears that afternoon. As he trudged back across the Meadows he didn’t feel down. He was sorry that his Grandma was upset but it needed to be said. And he felt better for saying it. He was being parented by Jim and Freya. Jim, Brian and Tony in concert acted as father figures for him but Andrew was mothered by Freya, totally. A psychologist’s dream. He wasn’t close to Rowan and didn’t really know Scott. He wondered if he ever would.
He packed for a couple of nights and Suzanne was back not long after him. She too packed a few things but a lot of her clothes were at Nikki and Fran’s flat anyway so she didn’t need much. Suzanne was driving and Andrew was relaxing in the passenger seat on the hour long journey through to Glasgow.
“Will you talk to me about the other people?”
“Other people?”
“Yesterday you mentioned that you are only dominant with me, but then you qualified it.”
That is what he got for upsetting his grandmother.
“What would you like to know?”
“Everything. Tell me as much as you are willing to share.”
“It was two people, Meredith and Helena. Meredith was the woman that I had regular sex with last year, 3rd year. We were friendly but not close friends at the start of the year. Rather than deal with crowded bars, all the hassles of finding someone, getting to know them, all that crap, we decided to not go out with anyone else during term time. We would stay over two or three times a week and it was.”
Andrew stopped and thought.
“We never did figure out the right word. Recreational maybe? Who the hell knows. It was physical release, a way of getting what we both needed but without any unnecessary complications or emotions. We became better friends over the course of the year. She graduated in June and is working in South America at the moment. But two or three times, roughly once a term, one or other of us just needed to fuck the other person. And while I was not as energetic with her as I am with you there were a couple of times where I just pounded her hard. And she was the same. The very first night she used me as a human dildo. Fucked me, came a lot, then impatiently waited for me to recover then repeat. So that was one.
“The other was Helena and it was much more nuanced. We talked about the two of us, our sex life. She loved that she set the pace, we were relentless and endless most of the time. But she also talked about the maddening inconsistency of loving that while at the same time wanting just to be taken every now and again. I think she talked about it in a ratio of eight out of ten were great as they were but the other two out of ten she wanted me to just take her. But we talked and never really got an answer to the whole question of knowing when. There were two or three occasions over the years with her when I did that. The first time I fucked her in the arse was like that for example. But we talked about how you need to get close to people, start to understand the body language, the words, the way they are looking at you. So we never got close to solving it. But those are the two people where I feel I have been able to let go, at least slightly. But nothing like with you.”
Suzanne looked very happy.
“I am so pleased that you chose to share some of that with me. You are this veritable black hole when it comes to stuff like that. Helena and I did not really talk about stuff like that when we met. But I really liked her and it would have been fascinating to compare notes.”
“That sounds far too much like school.”
She laughed.
“You have a point there. You have never brought up submission or dominance with any other woman?”
“I have never talked about it. I have used a couple of ties once or twice but it is pretty low key. I have been tied up a couple of times as well. But it tends to be a one-off thing, a bit of ‘done it once so I can say I have done it’.”
“But nobody else has given off the vibe, made you think you could raise it?”
“Never, at least that I have discerned. But you know how clueless I can be at times. It is the exact converse of your situation. If I was a true dominant I would have no idea how to find someone to be with. Think about all the things that you want done to you, that you need done to you. I cannot begin to imagine talking about that with someone. I can understand how isolated Nikki felt as she was growing up. And she was still isolated at 28. I think that was how old she was when she confessed to me. Imagine being confused, afraid, unsure, desperate to explore, all these different things, and it has been that way for more than half your life. But at least there is a scene, a gay and lesbian scene, where she was able to find someone like Fran. Helena was the Vice-President of the Student Union at the College and she said there were quite a number of students who were either openly gay or. I am not sure quietly gay is the right phrase but anyway she said that there was a move to create a Gay and Lesbian Society at College. I think several of the other Colleges have established them already. So times are changing.
“With you, with us, I don’t know where to start. I know we don’t talk about Phil much but did she ever explain how she learned. She was a post-grad right? So 24 or close to it. Where did she find out about herself?”
“She never really talked about that. She was the friend of a friend of one of the other women in the flat, she didn’t know any of the other three of us when she moved in. It really was utter luck that we ended up in the same flat. Maybe she could tell what I was like, I don’t know. Fran will tell me that she can normally spot a lesbian amongst the student nurses or doctors. Maybe it is as unscientific as that, you pick up on a vibe.”
They pulled off the motorway and 20 minutes later were in the flat. There were huge hugs from Nikki and Fran. Andrew had picked them both up to hug them.
“I think you are the only man ever to sweep me off my feet.”
Nikki was laughing and Andrew looked at Fran.
“Has she been at the wine already?”
Fran nodded.
“You are just going to get her drunk and take advantage of her, aren’t you?”
Fran laughed and Nikki didn’t know who to hit. Guess who she picked.
“The last time you were here you woke me at 6 in the bloody morning with a hangover and I had to listen to you pair of horny rabbits fucking in our guest room, well Suzanne’s room. Shit you know what I mean.”
Nikki took another big gulp of wine and Fran rolled her eyes.
“Please tell us you didn’t spend Christmas on your own again.”
“I wasn’t on my own for Christmas. I saw Suzanne at the beginning and end of the day.”
He grimaced.
“Let it be. It is done. I didn’t get back to Edinburgh until the 22nd and I had a good day of thinking. How about you two? I thought you were senior now Fran, why were you on call at Christmas?”
“We talked about it. We don’t do the family Christmas thing and it is just the two of us. So we decided that I might as well volunteer for the Christmas Day shift and let some of the others with young families enjoy the day. I was called out twice, once a false alarm so it wasn’t too bad. And I have done my one holiday shift for the year. Anyway enough of that. How was Mustique?”
“It was Martinique, not Mustique.”
Andrew gave another recounting of his two weeks modelling.
“So you spent a week in the Caribbean with a collection of hot women, two days in Florence and Pisa with another hot woman, and three days in Paris with some hot women and a whole collection of Parisian housewives, all of who you made their day for them. And you got paid.”
“Well it rained twice, and I capsized the boat once.”
Andrew ducked and dodged the whacks.
“Yet Renee’s mood totally infected your own?”
“I suppose it did. It is one of those things that I had all the pieces but I had never put them all in place. She is a successful model with a career that has lasted five years. But she can see it coming to an end. It was tough to live it through her. I mean I waltz into this thing and have had to deal with no rejection, nothing like that. I have never been in an audition. When she talked about the stress of the audition process, what it is like to be an early cut, it got to me. I have been part of the process that did that to other women. So part of it is guilt at being so self-absorbed and not seeing the side of all the models that were rejected.”
“So are you going to carry on, like they want?”
“Maybe. If the additional shoot goes well next term, and the final shoot is good as well then I may carry on. Part of them wanting to continue to use me is that they have not been successful in finding a replacement. I think that once they get someone suitable then their interest may wane. I will see.”
Fran looked over at Suzanne.
“Have you seen the commercials?”
“Just the first couple, but Leslie saw them all at the start of the month. She said that they completely freaked her out. Way too much of Andrew’s arse. I think Julian was sufficiently distracted though.”
“Will you bring the tape through and show us Andrew?”
He looked at Fran surprised.
“Really?”
“I am sure we are going to be just as freaked out as Leslie but I really want to see what they are like.”
“You do realise that I am with women your age, older in fact? You need to be ready for that.”
Nikki and Fran looked at each other and then burst into giggles.
“That just makes us want to watch them even more.”
Andrew shook his head and promised to pack the tape on his next visit. The time with Nikki and Fran was never arduous. They had a quiet life and his time there, their time there, reflected that. There was lots of chatting about anything and everything, but with a very different perspective. They watched a lot of news, a lot of television generally, and so in many ways were more up to date with politics, entertainment, society in general. Not only was Cambridge its own little bubble, Andrew sat isolated in his own bubble within it. There was a lot happening in the world he knew little about. They were particularly despondent about attitudes to gays. There was a significant anti-gay sentiment in the UK, with close to three quarters of the population expressing anti-gay views.
“It is very discouraging. Between AIDS and how it is hitting the gay community disproportionately, as well as all the fuss about these books in London. For a while it felt like there was more of an acceptance, a more tolerant attitude but it is as bad as ever.”
“Do you feel threatened?”
“No, but we have self-censored for so long that we are hidden in plain sight. I don’t know what the answer is but things are not great. It is one of the things that unites all Tories, homosexuality is a sin.”
Everybody went to bed pretty drunk that night, the talk about anti-gay sentiment had upped the alcohol intake.
The following morning, after a long slow run, Andrew was sitting drinking coffee in the kitchen when Fran wandered through. Nikki and Suzanne were nursing nasty hangovers and were in no rush to get out of bed. He poured Fran a cup of coffee and they sat at the table.
“You listened last night to what the community is facing. But you didn’t say much. What do you think?”
“I think that there is a generational split. There are some people at university who are anti-gay but I would not say they are the majority and definitely not three quarters. But you have the churches stirring everything up in the background. It is one of these things that seems to make people irrational. I don’t understand why people are threatened by it. But I don’t have faith, and don’t understand how people can be taken in by bigots masquerading as religious leaders. Actually I have answered my own question. I do understand, it is about power and having someone to rally everybody against. I heard it described as the fear of the other. You see it in politicians and church leaders all the time. You see it in Northern Ireland. So it is a way to maintain power, rally everyone around a common enemy, fear of change and fear of the unknown.”
“Can I ask you something? Do you talk about us?”
“As a lesbian couple?”
“Yes.”
“All the time. You met Helena at the wedding but I have talked about the two of you to most of my friends at university. Most people are interested and nobody makes any fuss. But I doubt I would be friends with someone who was virulently anti-gay. Anti-gay and church going are pretty interlinked. All of my friends at university are secular. Why?”
“We always assumed you talked about us, I just wondered.”
The conversation that morning and the previous night stirred something in Andrew. It was the first step in stopping being so passive. Once the hungover pair were ready to face the day they drove out to where Nikki and Fran had made their commitment. The whole place was shut up, the couple who ran the place were not there, so they just walked round the back of the building and the two of them stood quietly, arm in arm looking down over the view, thinking back to the summer day four and half years earlier.
“Can you believe it, it will be five years in the summer.”
“I know I was thinking the same thing. It was the summer between 5th and 6th year.”
“Are you still taking photographs Andrew?”
“Not during term time but yes I help out Tony during the breaks. I enjoy it, and have learned from being on the other side of the camera.”
“The pictures from our ceremony were wonderful, our friends have commented on them.”
“I think I took 250 shots that day and you have an album with 25 or 30. I am quantums better now, I am better at composing a shot, even things like being more confident that the picture will be in focus. It is the only wedding I have ever photographed.”
It didn’t go unnoticed that Andrew called their commitment ceremony a wedding.
“But it is the one thing that I still spend time on. If you don’t spend time on something then you are kidding yourself if you think you are good at it.”
“Everybody likes our pictures, nobody could accuse you of being full of yourself with that attitude.”
“I think when you know you are very good at something, where something just comes easily to you, then it makes it easier to realise and acknowledge that other things are several levels below that. Maths and engineering are like that. I just get it. But nobody goes through life being brilliant at everything, it just doesn’t exist. I am competent at many things, but no more than that. You know this Fran. You are a competent surgeon, could step in across a whole range of situations in an emergency but you are brilliant at pediatric surgery. That is why you specialise. They wouldn’t call on you for brain surgery, even although you could assist in a life or death situation.”
“I see what you are saying. It all comes back to time, doesn’t it?”
“Always.”
Suzanne and Andrew left the two of them to have some more time with their memories. They walked back to the car and sat in out of the wind.
“Do you ever think you are being overly modest?”
“How do you mean?”
“You tend to downplay a lot of your achievements.”
“It is just the way I am, but it is also true. Look at my bass playing. I am technically competent and can play reasonably well. So in Paris we were in a little jazz bar, that was the set up for the scene in the commercial. I can play the notes as they are written but I can’t just pick up my bass and jam along. It all comes back to time. You see guys in bands, rock groups, jazz bands, it doesn’t matter. They have put the time in to make their playing look effortless. In the evenings at school and at university if they went, they practiced, so that they were able to make it look effortless. I didn’t. I got a degree in computer science and practiced my double bass about an hour a week, some weeks not even that. It is the same with the Ferrari. You cannot sit behind the wheel of a 170mph sportscar and just be good at it. I have driven the car a total of less than 10 hours. The first day I maxed out at 135mph at the end of the straight. The second day I got to 147mph and even then it was hairy getting it round the corner. Len, the guy from DK who brought the car up, he got her to 155mph by the end of the straight. But he drives every weekend, puts the time in. That I got my speed up to less than 10mph behind him is great. But I must have done 20 laps where my speed was 145mph or just beyond. I got all the easy gains quickly but to catch Len would require days, weeks of practice. And Len would tell you he is merely a competent club racer. There are racers that could get the car well beyond 160mph.
“So I try to accept that I can’t be good at everything, because I can’t practice everything. Do you know who is a great driver, an instinctive driver? Julian’s dad. He won all three races at Julian’s stag do. The last race he was kept back for nearly a lap before he was allowed to set off and he still won. We were all amazed. I think he was more amazed than anyone. I am surprised that he hasn’t bought a sportscar yet. When he does Leslie and Julian are going to be humbled, he is a good racing driver.”
Fran and Nikki rushed back to the car and they jumped out to let them into the back seat.
“I am glad we decided on a summer ceremony, it is bloody freezing out there.”
After lunch they chatted over coffee before the trip back to Edinburgh.
“Can you keep some holiday in July. Graduation is right at the end of June and I thinking about having a party at the house.”
“Really? I thought you were going to rent it out again?”
“I still might but I thought it would be nice for the two of you to come down and see the place, have a break, use it as a base for a trip to London. You can play tourist. Even if you don’t want to spend all the time there it would be great to show you the place.”
“That sounds great. There is a lot to see and do in London and having a place to stay would be fantastic. When exactly?”
“I need to schedule my final week of shooting for Hermès so as soon as I know when I am going to be away then we can coordinate the time. I want to get the modelling over and done with, at least this contract, so am going to push for early July. So either of the last two weeks of July should be fine. You can add your suggestions to what I should do with the room of no purpose.”
“What do you mean?”
“There is a reception room on the ground floor. At least that is what the estate agent called it. I don’t know what I am going to do with the room. It is sitting empty at the moment. And as the kitchen is in the basement and you have to go past this room every time it is not ‘out of sight, out of mind’. The exact opposite in fact. It is the little stone in my shoe that irritates me all the time.”
“You can’t make it a study?”
“It is too big, the room is almost 20 by 20, and it has two French doors that lead out onto a little terrace, balcony thing. Like I said, on the selling brochure it was called a reception room.”
Nobody came up with any suggestions but both of them were excited to come and stay, to see the room for themselves. Once the coffees were finished they said their farewells, Suzanne would be back in 10 days or so, and headed back to Edinburgh.
Chapter 3
The following morning Suzanne dropped Andrew off at Drummond’s and he sat with Mhairi.
“How was the first Christmas with Callum?”
“Silly.”
Andrew looked confused.
“What is your earliest memory? What is the first thing you can recall?”
He stopped and thought about this unexpected question.
“Two things. I do remember watching the television for Armstrong on the moon. What was I, four? Yes just after my fourth birthday. I think that is the clearest memory from that time. But I also do have vague memories of waiting for Dad to get home from work. I would lean over the gate and watch for him walking up the street. But it is non-specific, I couldn’t tell you when, how often, anything like that., but I would have been two or more likely three. Why on earth are you asking me that?”
“The production that Christmas Day was, that’s why. Callum won’t be one for another month and will remember nothing of this time. But it didn’t stop us, or Neil’s parents, from going crazy. We had to go and buy another storage unit for his nursery, he got so much stuff. So when I say it was silly, I mean it. So silly that we went furniture shopping on Boxing Day to hold the presents that our not yet one year old son received. And he won’t play with them in a year, and won’t remember any of this.”
Andrew didn’t know how he was meant to respond to that. Sympathise? Mock them? So he shrugged.
“That is what the two of us have had to do as well. Just shrug and try not to get so carried away next year. But who are we kidding. Anyway, you didn’t come here to listen to me prattle on about parenting. There are documents I need you to sign to set up C&D Software Solutions, that is the main purpose of getting you here. I also have your explosives licence for you. You will have it if you want to try some practical experiments for that project of yours.”
Andrew was pretty sure that he wasn’t going to be doing that but it was there if he needed it. Even if he wanted to do a demonstration there were still going to be a whole lot of hoops he would have to jump through. But the option was there.
“Thank you.”
“The last thing is engineering patents are.”
She stopped.
“All over the place is the best way of describing it. Some are very standard, a new design for a piece of equipment for example. But for what you are looking to work on? I am struggling to be able to give you clear and consistent advice, which as your lawyer annoys me. I do not know whether you would be granted a patent for a construction technique. When I reviewed existing patents there are not many examples that I can cite. I talked to you earlier in the year about the importance of patent lawyers in getting a patent granted. I have asked around, and not just to them because it is obviously in their interest to highlight how important they are. But it is a commonly held belief among lawyers both here and down in London that you do need to use them to assist you to navigate through the process. Now they might have done a really good job of getting us all to buy into their propaganda but it does appear to be true. So to take this further I think that you need to hire someone to investigate this further.”
Andrew sat for a moment or two thinking about what Mhairi had laid out.
“So there is only so much that Drummond’s can do as non-specialist lawyers?”
“Yes. You are starting to pay to educate us.”
“Okay. Would you still be involved?”
“Would you like us to be involved?”
“That was singular you not plural. Will you still be involved, Mhairi?”
“I am being slow this morning, sorry Andrew. What do you mean?”
“I would like you to lead the process. This is something that is going to be a single meeting and then leaving him or her to go and investigate further. I want you to be there.”
“Oh. Sorry, in my mind I had assumed that you would take away the list of recommended firms and go and talk to them. Of course I will lead the process if you want. It does not reduce the cost for you Andrew.”
“Oh I know that.”
He stopped and smiled over at her.
“Julian owns 10% of the engineering company, just as I own 10% of his computer company. There is no need for us to do that but it made sense in a way that didn’t even need to be talked about. This is the same thing. Everything that you have advised us on over the years has been successful, wildly successful so why would I change something? You are stuck with me.”
Mhairi beamed with pleasure but it was true. When it came to dealing with legal matters there was nobody that Andrew trusted more. The paperwork was all ready and so he spent the rest of the afternoon signing in all the marked places. The creation of C&D was the one simple thing about it. Once that was all dealt with Andrew thanked Mhairi and headed on his way. He had even remembered to collect his explosives licence.
As Andrew walked up through the New Town and centre of Edinburgh his mind wandered. Here he was still investigated engineering patents when his intentions were to apply to work in intelligence. It was only looking back on it later that he could make sense of some of these things. Firstly he had the money to be able to do this. Andrew spent a lot of money with Drummond’s over the years. He knew that at the time but didn’t think about it. So having the money was definitely part of it. But the other was how it kept options open. He wasn’t sure he thought about it that way at the time but looking back it was clear. He may have put engineering aside at the time but he was not closing the door to it, the exact opposite.
Suzanne had made a simple healthy dinner and after they had eaten, and Andrew had cleaned up, the two of them were sitting on the couch. Andrew was about to turn the television on when Suzanne asked him a question, in the form of a statement.
“You never talk about the photography business. Both Leslie and I were surprised when Maggie told us that you owned 50% of the business.”
Andrew was clearly expected to respond to this.
“What would you like to know?”
“It feels like I am prying but it is noticeable, and it was to Leslie as well, that it is the one part of your life that you never talk about. Hell we even talked about other women over the weekend. Is it a big secret? And I knew from Leslie that Maggie used to be a nude model, although she confirmed it herself on Friday.”
So instead of watching some mindless rubbish on television Andrew told Suzanne about photography, going all the way back to starting when he was 12. All the history during his teenage years, how the three of them started the photography business together, the new studio, Maggie and Tony’s house, he told her everything. Except about the current arrangements with Maggie and Elspeth.
“It was something where I made my first money, all the way back before I had cancer. Tony is 14 years older than me but he always treated me well. And I learned a huge amount about life from him. Way more than from my own father.”
Suzanne understood Andrew’s need for parental figures.
“I have sat here and listened to you explain nearly 10 years of history. It is very you. Neither of them went to university, Maggie moonlighted as a nude model, yet they both became close friends. Do you think you can spot intelligence?”
Andrew thought about what Suzanne was asking.
“I think I can spot nice people, that is more likely. I don’t know about intelligence. I listened to her, and it was as clear as day she wasn’t stupid. If I can spot it, then with Maggie it wasn’t very difficult.”
“I am trying to figure out how to talk about the fantasy shoots. You so matter of factly tell me that you photograph middle-aged women as they realise a fantasy to be a model. And some of them get naked. Was that what you were doing on Boxing Day?”
Andrew nodded. Well that was how it had started….
“And from that you have built up this business?”
“Maggie and Tony got inspired by what I did with computers. Tony owned the shop and the studio and lived above the store in a flat. It was all his, no bank loans, no mortgage, nothing. So we talked and he converted the flat into two more studios and he and Maggie moved into Julian’s old flat along the road. They are renting off him until the end of the month.”
“I can’t believe you have built a four story studio over in Fife.”
“It was the house. We got the house and land for nothing. We didn’t pay a penny to the guy who owned it, but we had to spend £200,000 stabilising the slope. Now we did that by building the studio. On Monday the 5th Tony is going to be working from there full time and Maggie is going to become a commuter.”
Suzanne went back over various parts of the 10 years.
“Did you not worry about spending so much money on the business?”
“No I didn’t. Firstly it is very profitable at the moment. But the other thing was when I thought about my money I never factored in the royalty payments from licencing the software. Everyone knows about the initial amounts but we have received almost £2m in royalties. And remember 10% are mine. When Tony and Maggie asked me to go into the business with them Creighton had just let me know I had received more money. When you didn’t know you were getting it, or forgotten about it, then just allocating it over to the photography business was easy.”
Suzanne was jumping about that night.
“There is a sense that you are proud of your working class heritage.”
“I don’t know that is right. I got teased about being part of the establishment last year.”
“Yet you are very close friends with a Maggie and Tony. Neither of whom would fit into the Heriot’s and Cambridge circles of your friends. It is another way that you and Leslie are very alike. I see it with her when she is talking about investment opportunities. But she and Maggie are really close, as close as she and I are. It was interesting that first night the parents met them. It was sneaky that you were there as well. I am not sure that Julian or Christine would have been so friendly otherwise. I doubt they meet many people like them regularly.”
“Yet once they realised how successful Tony had been then they calmed down. I remember thinking that money talked at the time.”
“They could easily send their children to private school. Do you think they will?”
“No idea. Tony’s parents are dead, and have been for more than 15 years. He has a less intrusive family, whereas Maggie is dealing with how to be successful and quite wealthy when the rest of the family is not. She was brought up in a council flat, her parents still live there, yet she has bought a four bedroom house on a bluff overlooking the Forth and Edinburgh. I think she will take a while to deal with that issue. It is not like she is buying a flat in this area. A step up the property ladder. She jumped straight to the top. The house is big, the terrace looking out to Edinburgh is lovely and the views spectacular.”
“You sound jealous. Have you seen it.”
“Yes I was there on Thursday. And no I am happy for them but it is not for me.”
“You were there on Thursday?”
“I spent the morning doing stuff in the house for them. Tony gave me a key.”
It upset Suzanne to think of Andrew on his own. The conversation dried up and they sat and watched television for a while. Andrew made one phone call but otherwise they snuggled together. When they went to bed Suzanne sat in his lap every time. Neither of them said it to the other person but it was very clearly making love in every meaning of the phrase. Andrew wasn’t sure who held who the tightest.
The call had been to Tony and at 7.30 the following morning Maggie came down to Andrew’s car, wearing her coats and carrying a bag. She whacked him on the arm when she climbed into the car.
“You might have given me a warning.”
Andrew smiled.
“You are naked under your coats and are already excited.”
Maggie didn’t deny Andrew’s comment. They drove back to Torphin Quarry, scene of one of the very first shoots they did outdoors. But Andrew had waited until it was bright enough for the golfers to have teed off already. When they parked the car beside the reservoir they could see golfers on the course.
“Are we going to the same place?”
Andrew nodded.
“Will we not be seen?”
“For sure. I want to time it so we don’t have to talk to anyone but three or four groups of golfers are going to see you walking over to the hiking trail. Not really dressed for hiking.”
It was that nice little sweet spot for Maggie. She was conscious of her naked state under her coat, there were lots of eyes on her, but everyone would be at a sufficient distance for her to be anonymous. And that was before she was naked at the top of the quarry. The spot where it was safe to pose at the top of the quarry face was just beyond a tee box. As they approached it the golfers who were starting to play the hole got distracted. For a moment Andrew thought they might come back to question them. But once the two of them were off the golf course, and hidden by a bank of gorse bushes, they were alone. What Andrew found interesting was that Maggie immediately took her coat off. He was still several minutes from being ready to take the first shot but she took the blanket he was carrying and sat down, about 12 feet away from the tee box. Now she was below it and hidden by the bushes but when the next group of golfers stood on the tee box every word was crystal clear. Maggie smiled and gently squeezed a nipple. Andrew only took one roll of film and would not take any shots when there were no golfers close by. The first 24 frames took 30 minutes to shoot, four groups going past oblivious to the naked lady posing away mere feet from them. The second 24 frames took less than three minutes. Lord Sutch was buried deep in Maggie and it took all her efforts not to scream to the world. But it was ridiculously sexy, and effortless. On the walk back to the car Maggie was smiling, her hips swishing hypnotically.
“It is such a simple scenario. It shouldn’t affect me as much as it does. You didn’t even take any shots when there were no golfers about.”
“If we do it again then Tony should bring his video camera, so that we can hear them at the same time as you are posing.”
“Are we going to do anything else?”
Andrew nodded but gave no details. But Tony had given him the address of the laundromat that they were going to try and use. It was 10.00 and it closed at 1.00 on a Saturday. Andrew handed her the bag, which contained some random dirty clothes.
“Go in and put this lot through the wash. Sit and wait, I am going to wait for one of the two spots outside so that I can use it later.”
“How are we getting home?”
“Tony will be here in an hour.”
So Maggie Brown sat in a quiet laundromat waiting for the washer to finish wearing nothing but her two coats. Andrew was able to snag one of the two spots outside and wound the window down on the old Golf. Maggie saw him taking some shots so she did a quick looksee and then flashed a mile of naked thigh for Andrew to capture on film. Andrew realised he was smiling as much as Maggie.
It was a student who looked after the laundromat on the Saturday morning. She was happy to get £30 to sit in the back and read a textbook for an extra hour. How Maggie dressed for the shoot was a joint effort. All of them made suggestions, but the end result was simple. Everything was tight on her so there were lots of shots of her peeling clothes off. Sweatshirt, jeans, camisole, everything highlighted Maggie’s body. The set up shots were carefully mapped out. Andrew got a whole roll of film of Maggie loading two machines with all her laundry and her taking off her sweatshirt and adding it to one of the washers. 40 minutes later the three sheets blocked the view into the store, other than a few carefully arranged slivers of gaps. But the shots of Maggie stripping down were great and when she sat on the chair, naked, to wait for the wash cycle to run, her nipples were hard and tight. She kept looking over at the front windows, wondering if anyone was peeking through the tiny gaps. The whole shoot ran 15 minutes long but the student was happy for another £10. She had kept her part of the bargain and there had been no sight nor sound of her throughout the shoot. They stopped at Tony’s shop and returned the light stands that they had used to support the sheets. Andrew left the eight rolls of film there as well. It had been a return to simpler times, it hadn’t been as explicit as the morning and there was a lightheartedness to the whole day. But it had still struck a chord with Maggie and Tony was dragged off to the flat for husbandly duties. And privileges. Andrew would see them the following evening at Leslie and Julian’s.