AWLL 1 - Book 3 - Pia

Chapter One

‘If you end up with a boring, miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it.’  -Frank Zappa

I rode along, still in shock, in the back seat of Pete’s car, and watched the scenery flow by. I tried to make sense of what Becky had told me; tried to figure out what I could do. Just thirty minutes before, things had looked so promising. Then my world was rocked, and I had a whole new set of problems for which I wasn’t really prepared.

The most immediate concern was how this would affect my year as an exchange student. The YFU rules were clear on that point — getting a girl pregnant excluded you from the program. And if you already were a parent, you weren’t even eligible to apply.

I replayed the conversation over and over in my head.

“Hi, Steve, it’s Becky,” she said softly.

“Becky? I’m just about to leave. What’s going on?”

“Steve, I think I’m pregnant.”

“What?!”

“I was supposed to start my period a week after we were together. I’m a week late.”

“Oh my God, Becky!” I gasped. “How? You’re on the Pill!”

She started crying, “No, I’m not. I stopped in June of last year.”

Shit! She’d gotten pregnant on purpose. There was no doubt in my mind. She had tried hard to have sex with me in December, but I wouldn’t. That’s why she was nervous when we finally did it! And June was before we had our marathon sex session! She had tried but failed then.

“You did this on purpose!” I said angrily. “Why?”

“Because I love you! Because I want you!”

“So you thought trapping me with a pregnancy was a good idea? How could you be so dumb?”

She sobbed, “You hate me now!”

“Becky, you know I have to leave now. I can’t miss my flight. I’ll call you from Stockholm tomorrow. Don’t say anything to anyone about this. Please!”

“OK,” she sobbed.

And I’d hung up. I really should have used a rubber the last time we were together. I tried to remember if I had missed any signs. Her nerves, of course, but that really didn’t register at the time. I thought it was because we hadn’t been together and she was unhappy with the ultimate result. There was also the smug look she gave Stephanie, but that was long after the fact.

I thought back to that first New Year’s Eve with her when she said she didn’t care about getting pregnant. She had most likely stopped taking her pills the day we took off our necklaces or shortly afterwards. Now, I suspected that was why she asked me to come back in a month. She planned to trap me! Stephanie had been right all along — I really was a dumb boy.

Becky was wrong about one important thing — I didn’t hate her. I was extremely upset, but I didn’t hate her. She had caused several big problems. First, I needed to keep this information from my mom and from YFU. That might be impossible, because Becky would have to tell her parents. If it had happened sooner, then I would have stood with her and we would have told them together. There was no way to do that now.

The big question in my mind was whether her parents would keep it from my parents. I thought they might. I knew my mom had made a bad impression on the van Hoeks, so they would at least be somewhat sympathetic. I realized that there was a real possibility that they would want us to get married. I didn’t think that was a good idea at age sixteen, and I was convinced that it would never work out in the long run. I’d already said as much to Becky, and a baby didn’t really change that.

No matter what, I’d help take care of my son or daughter. I just couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t do that. I didn’t like the idea of an abortion, either, something I would make clear to Becky. I was scared of being a father, but I couldn’t see killing an innocent baby because I was frightened or dumb or whatever. It just didn’t make sense to me. It wasn’t that I was opposed to the concept — I felt that Bethany had made the right decision when she had her abortion after the rape. Becky would have the final say, but I’d tell her how I felt.

In the end, my immediate fate depended on Becky’s parents and on Becky’s emotional state. If they told my parents, I’d be sent home by YFU. If they didn’t, I’d have to face the music when I came home. My mom would freak out, but I couldn’t predict how. What I was sure of was that I certainly didn’t want her interfering now, because she would likely go completely off the deep end.

My other immediate problem was the beautiful young woman next to me. This would be a dagger in her heart, one that could tear us apart forever. I had to tell her. The question was, should I tell her now, try to get her alone, or tell her by telephone after I talked to Becky. That last option seemed cowardly, and I immediately ruled it out. Melanie and Pete were my friends, and I was as close to Melanie as I was to Jennifer. It had to be now.

“Jennifer?” I said carefully.

“When are you going to tell me?” she asked suspiciously.

The connection. She knew.

“Tell you what, Jennifer?” Melanie asked.

We both ignored her.

“Now,” I said. “I’m going to tell you now.”

“Go ahead and say it,” she said. “Then we can talk.”

“That was Becky who called as we were leaving. She’s a week late for her period and she thinks she’s pregnant.”

“What the fuck?!” Melanie swore, loudly.

“Holy shit, Steve!” Pete exclaimed, but his voice was quiet.

“Pete, Melanie, just be quiet and let me talk with Steve,” Jennifer said firmly.

They nodded their assent.

“I’m going to assume she quit taking her pills,” Jennifer said. “And she got pregnant on purpose.”

“So it would seem. She said she quit taking them the day after we broke up last June. Remember she asked me to see her in a month? And she was determined to have sex with me? Well, now I know why. She didn’t get pregnant then, but I suspect that’s because it had only been about four weeks since she stopped the pills. At Christmas she pushed me hard to have sex, but I refused. I did have sex with her a couple of weeks ago, mostly because I had promised her a goodbye fuck.”

“And I stupidly told you to do it,” Jennifer said with a hitch in her voice. “Your sister was right, Steve.”

“Don’t I know it!” I sighed. “I’ve pretty much maxed out on the ‘dumb boy’ scale this time.”

“What are you going to do?” Jennifer asked.

“I don’t know,” I sighed. “If she tells my parents, my mom will call YFU seconds later and I’ll be on a plane home within 24 hours. Those are the YFU rules. You know my mom will have a field day. And life as I know it will end. It’ll be worse than anything that happened before.”

“Oh my God, that’s right! You showed me the YFU rules. Oh Steve, I’m so sorry.”

“Well, my family doesn’t know. I’m pretty sure that she hasn’t told her parents, but obviously she’ll have to. If they don’t tell my parents, I can stay in Sweden. A lot depends on how the van Hoeks deal with this. I’m going to make sure Becky tells them that she purposefully trapped me. Hopefully, that will help.”

“So what will you do, then?”

“I’m not going to marry her,” I said. “That’s simply not happening. I’ll tell her that in no uncertain terms when I call her from Stockholm. As for the baby, I’ll tell her I want her to have it and I’ll do whatever I can to help take care of the baby and her, but I won’t marry her now, or ever.”

“What about an abortion?” Jennifer asked.

“Well, it’s not my call, but I’d say ‘no’ if she asks me. I just can’t see killing an innocent baby just because I was a dumb boy.”

“That’s one way to look at it. Another is fixing a problem that you can easily fix.”

“You know me,” I replied. “Could I ever kill my own child? Even an unborn one? Would I even consider it?”

“No, you couldn’t,” Jennifer confirmed.

“Jen, forget YFU. Forget Sweden. Forget Becky. What are YOU going to do?”

“What can I do except love you?”

“You’re not angry?”

“I’m pissed beyond words,” she growled. “I’m pissed at Becky for being such a conniving little bitch. I’m pissed at myself for telling you it was OK to fuck her. I’m pissed at you for being a dumb boy. Yeah, I’m angry!”

“And?”

She sighed, dropping her shoulders, “And I love you. More than I can ever say. We’ll work through this. I am not going to abandon you.”

I slumped towards her and she just held me. We rode in silence for several minutes.

“That little bitch has some nerve, Steve,” Melanie said. “That’s about the lowest thing I can think of doing. I have no idea why she thought that would work with you!”

Jennifer spoke softly, “Melanie, she knows his sense of right and wrong and his absolute adherence to his commitments. She counted on that to make him her life partner, but she miscalculated horribly. Steve’s sense of right and wrong will ensure he does everything in his power to take care of a child, but that same sense of right and wrong tells him he could never marry someone that conniving and that underhanded.”

“You’re right, Jennifer,” Melanie agreed, “So, how do we help Steve?”

“I don’t know yet,” Jennifer said. “First, he has to talk to her and have a longer conversation.”

Pete spoke up, “Steve, I have an AT&T calling card I use to call my parents from school. Maybe you could call Becky from Detroit. We should have enough time.”

“Not a bad idea, Pete,” I replied. “You’re right, we should be at the airport in plenty of time. Maybe I can deal with some of my fears before I get on the plane. That would help a lot. Of course, my biggest one is already gone because Jennifer is only pissed at me, not telling me she never wants to see me again. Pissed I can deal with.”

Both girls giggled, and Pete chuckled.

“What about Stephanie?” Jennifer asked.

“I don’t even want to think about it,” I said with resignation. “She’ll be so disappointed in me that I can’t even begin to imagine how upset she’ll be with me. I’ll wait to tell her until Becky and I sort things out further. It’s better for her not to know right now. I’d appreciate if the three of you kept this to yourselves as well.”

“Of course, Steve. For you, of course we will,” Melanie said lovingly.

Around 1:00pm we stopped for lunch at a Stuckey’s. I wasn’t particularly hungry, but I ate anyway. I figured I was going to be completely out of sorts for the next few days and not eating properly would be pretty foolish. We got back on the road, and other than a quick stop at a Rest Area to use the facilities, we drove straight through to Detroit. Pete dropped the girls and me at departures, along with my luggage.

A Skycap looked over my travel documents and put the appropriate tags on my bags. I had a small carry-on shoulder bag that I kept with me. It had a book, my toothbrush, toothpaste, and a couple of packages of cherry Jolly Ranchers. I also had my passport, travel documents, address book, Traveler’s Checks, and a few other things in there. More importantly, I had Birgit’s letter in there, and pictures of Jennifer, Melanie, Stephanie, and one of the gang we had taken at East Fork.

We waited while Pete parked the car and walked back to where we were standing. When he arrived, we went into the terminal and I checked in at the special departures desk for Northwest Orient Airlines, and then with the YFU coordinator, who checked off my name on a list. I let her know that I needed to make a phone call and would go to the gate as soon as I was done.

Pete found an AT&T payphone that was in a relatively quiet area. I punched in the string of digits from Pete’s card and then Becky’s number. I was happy when she answered.

“Steve? You can’t be in Stockholm yet!”

“No, I’m in Detroit at the airport. I had some time before I have to board the plane so I decided to call you. Pete, Melanie, and Jennifer are with me. Pete drove me here, and the girls came along for the ride. They all know what you told me.”

“Oh,” she said softly.

I think that alone told Becky where this was going. Jennifer took my hand and squeezed it.

“Becky,” I said quietly, but firmly. “I don’t hate you. Let’s get that out of the way first. I do not, and could not, hate you no matter what happened. I am extremely disappointed with you and very upset with you, and I’m unbelievably angry. I can’t believe you got pregnant on purpose!”

“I know. After I told you, I cried for hours. I made a huge mistake, Steve. A huge one.”

“Our break-up sex last year was all about getting pregnant, wasn’t it?”

“Yes,” she admitted, stifling a sob, “but I guess it wasn’t long enough after I went off the Pill. I hoped I would get pregnant and then you would be with me. I was so foolish.”

“Yes,” I said, “You were. I guess I need to know what you’re thinking.”

“You aren’t going to marry me, are you?”

“No, I’m not going to marry you. That’s just not going to happen. I want to be clear. It’s an absolute, final, clear ‘no’. I will never marry you. Do you understand that?”

Jennifer smiled and squeezed my hand again.

“Yes,” she sobbed. “I guess I originally thought you would decide to marry me if I got pregnant, but deep down, I guess I knew it would never happen. I’ve made a real mess of things now.”

“That’s for sure. Can we work together to figure out how to deal with this? I’ll help you. Will you help me?”

“Yes, I will. It’s my fault.”

I figured a bit of levity could help.

“I believe I was there at the time as well,” I said. “And I enjoyed it.”

“We both did, didn’t we?” she said, sounding a bit brighter, but only slightly.

“Becky, forget about blame, please. Your parents, my parents, and the entire world will spend forever finding fault and assigning blame. I just don’t care about that. We had sex and made a baby. That makes me at least partly responsible.”

“I don’t understand how you can say that when I tricked you!”

“What’s the single most important thing you know about me?”

“You have a strong sense of right and wrong and you always take responsibility for your actions. It’s why Daddy likes you so much.”

“About your dad, did you tell him yet? Or your mom?”

“No. Not yet. I can wait a bit, if that helps.”

“It does. I’m worried that your parents will tell my parents and I’ll get sent home from Sweden because of the YFU rules.”

“Oh no! Could that happen? Oh my God, Steve, I’m so sorry!”

“Nothing can be done about that now,” I said. “Do you think your parents will tell mine?”

“Maybe not, now that I think about it. Your mom said some really nasty things to my dad about me and about how they raised me and how terrible they were. He was shocked at how crazy your mom sounded and the terrible things she said. He actually commented that he was surprised that you were so different from your mom in how you handled things. I think he thinks she’s crazy!”

“I don’t think I can argue with his assessment of my mom,” I said. “If they don’t tell my parents, then we can work on sorting this out. I assume you’re going to have the baby even if I don’t marry you?”

“Yes,” she said. “I am.”

“Good. Then we’ll have a lot of stuff to figure out once the baby is born. What do you think about waiting a couple of weeks to tell your parents, then I call and we tell them together?”

“Would you? Really?” she said through a stifled sob.

“Yes, I would. Then we can all discuss the best way forward. But, and I want to be clear on this, I am going to tell them in no uncertain terms that I won’t marry you and you are going to tell them that you got pregnant on purpose and deceived me by stopping your pills and not telling me about that.”

“Daddy will be so upset with me!”

“Yes, he will. But I’m going to tell the truth. I always have, you know that.”

“Yes, you have, that’s another thing Daddy likes about you. He’s going to be so angry with me.”

“Maybe at first,” I said. “But he loves you. He will be disappointed with you, and that will last much, much longer.”

“OK. You’ve always handled Daddy really well, and I trust you.”

“I’ll call you from Sweden on Saturday the 14th. Plan on 4:30pm your time. Make sure your parents will be there, please. And make sure we can use your dad’s speakerphone in his office.”

“Yes, I’ll make sure. They’ll wonder what’s going on, but I’ll figure something out. I promise.”

“When I call, let me do the talking first and I’ll say my piece. Then you have to say that you quit taking your pills, didn’t tell me about that, and purposefully got pregnant in an attempt to win me back.”

“Yes, I will,” she sobbed.

“We’ll work this out, I promise.”

“OK.”

“I have to go. I’ll talk to you on the 14th. Take good care of yourself and of our baby.”

“I will!” she said brightly.

I hung up. I reached into my pocket and handed Pete a $20 bill. He tried to refuse, but I insisted.

“So, I got half the conversation,” Jennifer said, “Is she going to cooperate?”

“Yes. She’ll try to talk her parents into not telling my parents. It’ll be a bit awkward to come home in a year to a three-month-old baby and have to tell my parents, but that’s better than getting sent home. I’m just sorry I can’t be there when she gives birth, most likely in March, I guess.”

“March 13th would be interesting,” Jennifer smirked.

“Yeah, Stephanie’s birthday. Talk about a stark reminder to her what a dumb boy I am.”

“You have to tell her!” Jennifer said.

“I know,” I sighed. “I know. I’ll do it once I sort things out with Becky and her parents. Stephanie is going to be really upset and disappointed and say ‘I told you so’ and ‘I warned you she was dangerous’. Anyway, let’s go down to the gate.”

We walked down the concourse, quickly went through the metal detectors and a hand search of my bag and the girl’s purses, and went to wait at Gate A-5. I checked in with another YFU coordinator who again checked off my name on a list. We had about twenty minutes before boarding, so the four of us found a spot along the wall. I leaned back against the wall and Jennifer sat between my legs and leaned back and I wrapped my arms tight around her.

“I love you so much, Jennifer. Thanks for standing by me. I don’t really deserve it as stupid as I’ve been.”

“Steve Adams, you made a mistake. I love you. I won’t let one mistake wreck this, even if it’s a big one. And if I had just told you not to do it, you wouldn’t have. I really should have known better. Every time that girl is involved, bad things happen.”

“I made my own decision,” I said. “Please don’t blame yourself, OK?”

We sat quietly until the YFU coordinator announced we were boarding in five minutes. We stood up and Jennifer and I just held each other. I felt tears running down her face. I kissed her long and hard, then once more, this time softly. I released her, gave Melanie a hug, and we kissed each other on the cheek, then Pete and I clapped each other on the back.

“Melanie, Pete, thanks so much. Take care of my girlfriend for me, please.”

“You can count on it!” Melanie said.

I put my arm around Jennifer and walked over to the coordinator, who crossed me off her list and pointed me to the door to the Jetway. I walked right to the door, turned, hugged Jennifer tightly, and then kissed her softly.

“I’ll miss you. I’ll call you from the Anderssons' and then from the Anderbergs'.”

“I love you, Steve, and I’ll miss you so much!” she sobbed.

“I love you too, Jennifer.”

I let her go and handed the gate agent my flight documents. She reviewed them, handed them back, and sent me down the Jetway. Just before I turned to enter the plane, I looked back, waved, and blew Jennifer a kiss. She smiled and waved. I stepped onto the plane and a stewardess directed me to my seat, a window, just in front of the wing.

Our seats were assigned such that people going to the same countries sat together. To my right, in the middle seat, was Pam Simpson from Wisconsin and in the aisle seat was Trevor Gunn from Michigan. It took about twenty minutes to board everyone and close the doors. The announced flight time was just under nine hours. We’d be landing in Stockholm around 9:00am local time.

Pam was a cute sixteen-year-old from Eau Claire, Wisconsin, with brown hair, brown eyes, and a medium build. She was going to be living in Uppsala, which was near Stockholm. Trevor, from Grand Rapids, was also sixteen, and was 6’2", skinny, and blonde. He was going to be living in Luleå in the far north of Sweden.

The plane pushed away from the gate and taxied to the runway. Almost immediately, the engines screamed, and we hurtled down the runway and into the air. I simply stared out the window and rehashed the day’s events in my mind, and thought about Jennifer and Stephanie, and how much I would miss them.

We reached our cruising altitude of 37,500 feet fairly quickly, and headed northeast towards Canada and the Atlantic Ocean. I chatted with Pam and Trevor, and that helped take my mind off Becky and our child growing in her womb. Trevor was a first baseman on his school’s baseball team and Pam was in her school’s marching band. Neither of them was into chess or computers.

The cabin crew started serving dinner, and I selected chicken. After we ate, they offered The Muppet Movie but I declined the headphones and turned on the light to read my book. I had Sir Basil Liddell Hart’s The History of the Second World War which I had started reading about a week before, and was about 100 pages into, out of 900 total. Trevor and Pam had decided to watch the movie, so I had complete silence.

I drank several cans of Coke as I had no plans to sleep on the plane. When the movie finished, both Trevor and Pam napped for a few hours before breakfast was served. Less than an hour later, we began our descent into Stockholm’s Arlanda airport. I saw numerous small towns and farms as we flew closer and closer to our destination. We dropped lower, and the tires screeched as we touched down.

We slowed quickly and turned onto a taxiway and then onto the ramp. We pulled up to the terminal, and the engines were shut down. I noticed Airstairs being moved up to the plane, as there was no Jetway for us. We got up, and I grabbed my bag and my fedora, and got in line to file out of the plane. I walked down the stairs onto the tarmac, then into the terminal building, where a YFU coordinator met us.

We quickly went through the customs and immigration controls and my passport was stamped. We went as a group to the baggage claim and I found my bags and put them on a cart. Once we all had our luggage, we were divided by those who were being met at Arlanda and those who had to take trains elsewhere. I said goodbye to Trevor and then Pam and then followed a tall Swedish man to meet the host families.

I saw a tall blond man and a beautiful woman holding a sign that said “Steve Adams” in big block letters. That had to be Mr. and Mrs. Andersson. Next to them was a stunningly beautiful, blonde, teenage girl who had to be Karin, Birgit’s little sister. I could see a resemblance to Birgit in both Mrs. Andersson and Karin. I wheeled my cart over to them.

“«Hej», Mr. Andersson!”

“«Hej», Steve!”

We shook hands, and Mrs. Andersson kissed me on the check. Karin greeted me with a big smile and a quick hug. We wheeled my baggage cart to the curb and waited while Mr. Andersson went to get the car. I laughed when he drove up in a silver Volvo 244DL.

“Something funny, Steve?” Mrs. Andersson asked.

“Yes. A friend of mine picked me up to go to dinner a few weeks ago in a silver Volvo 244DL and at the time I thought I’d see a lot of Volvo’s here. It’s funny that it’s the identical model and color!”

“The 244DL is the most popular car in Sweden right now!” Mrs. Andersson said with a smile.

Mr. Andersson pulled up and got out to open the trunk. We loaded my bags in the car and Mrs. Andersson told me to get into the front seat while she got in the back with Karin.

“So, Steve, first we take you to our apartment and we have some coffee and biscuits, and then we go to see Birgit. After that we have lunch and perhaps you wish to nap. After dinner at home we will take you to see some of Stockholm. Tomorrow, we’ll have breakfast, then put you on the train to Göteborg.”

“Mr. Andersson, I’ll actually be going to Helsingborg. There was a change of plans. I’ll explain later, but here are my train tickets for tomorrow.”

“OK,” he said. “Please, you must call me Lars, and my wife you must call Annika.”

“Thank you, Lars! Also, I need to buy some flowers, please. And I’ll need to exchange money so I can pay for them.”

“Of course.”

We pulled away from the airport and headed into the city. I was actually in Sweden. I was away from home for a year, or so I hoped. I was going to see Birgit to say goodbye. All of that was exactly as I had planned. What I hadn’t planned on was having my pregnant ex-girlfriend waiting for me back in Ohio.