Living Two Lives - Book 8

Chapter 1

All the thoughts and doubts about his family rushed back with a vengeance as soon as Andrew got back home. The only person that seemed pleased to see him was Scott, everyone else was ready for a moan and he hadn’t even put his bag down yet. The big issue for Rowan, his father and his mother, in that order of faux outrage, was that Andrew had removed the power cord from his amplifier. It was sitting in the boot of his car at that very moment. He listened to the ridiculous guff coming from the them and was oddly calm. Even the classic line from his father of ‘if you are going to live under my roof then you will treat your family properly’ didn’t get a reaction. The one-sidedness of it all was what struck him and stayed with him. Ever more regularly Andrew was left wondering why he was less of a member of the family than Rowan. It seemed like his parents didn’t actually like him very much, and were forced to tolerate him or something. For Andrew that was the missing piece, the neglect and borderline antipathy of his parents. His father was a lost cause and had been for years but his mother had changed since the birth of Scott. It was as if she wanted a completely obedient child that did what he was told and didn’t answer back or fight with his sister. Andrew escaped to his room and surveyed the disorder. It wasn’t a mess, nothing was broken, but it was as clear as day that Rowan had been snooping around his room while he had been away. The final straw was at dinner.

“It won’t be possible to have your party on the 17^th. We are going to be away and you are not having a party here without us.”

Andrew had been looking forward to the party, a chance to see family and friends before heading off to university. It was clear that this petty retaliation was his father’s attempt to assert control. A torrent of rage flowed in Andrew’s mind but his only response was resigned scowl. Bridges were being burned left and right. He went through to his room and sorted out his bags from Rome and just shoved all the crap with his parents to the side. He was fed up worrying about it all. What a shitshow.

Suzanne had called it correctly though. He was up the following morning at his usual time of 5.45 and after exercising headed out for a two hour run. Andrew had been consistent in doing his sit ups and push ups while he was away, although not necessarily first thing in the morning, but had not run or swum for the whole two weeks. He knew the first day would be a challenge so set a very moderate pace on the way out but was determined to get back into his routine. The hour out from the house was okay and the first half hour back was manageable but he was struggling for the final 40 minutes. Andrew slowed so much that it took him an hour and 10 minutes to return after an hour out. He walked round the block a couple of times as he recovered and let his heart rate slow and oxygen intake regularise. It was probably stupid to go so hard as soon as he returned but it was good to start to reclaim his routine. After a huge breakfast Andrew jumped in the car and went over to see his grandmother. He ended up being dragooned into walking to church with her, the first time he had been in church in several years. He could think of only one other time since he recovered from cancer, the same circumstance, accompanying Grandma on a Sunday morning. He survived the experience and was dutifully polite as she introduced him to what seemed like half the congregation after the service. After he walked her back to her flat Andrew headed over to the Food Bank.

As he lugged boxes around at the warehouse on that warm Sunday afternoon he thought about the last 24 hours. When he returned home there was a pile of correspondence waiting for him. His exam results had arrived the Monday after he left for Rome and so they had been waiting for him for nearly two weeks. When Andrew opened the envelope from the Scottish exam board he saw he had received 4 ‘A’s in his three Maths papers and Physics. That meant he was going to Cambridge, although that excitement was tempered by an envelope from Trinity College waiting in the pile as well. He quickly opened the envelope with the A level in History, which came from one of the English exam boards. Scotland and England still maintained separate education systems and so his CSYS results were separate from the A-level History one. He discovered he had only got a ‘B’ in the History A-level. He had a momentary pang of disappointment but then put it aside. Next, he opened the acceptance letter from Trinity College which was stuffed full of forms he needed to complete, most urgently his accommodation request form. This was all fairly standard and Andrew had gone through it all that evening ready to mail it all off on the Monday morning, but at the last minute he put in the other information section he was 6’5” or approximately 195cms. He had bought a longer bed for himself once he was 6’3” and still growing and so he needed to make sure that the College had a chance to assign him to a room with a sufficiently long bed.

Saturday night went from exciting and nervous over the results to mundane form-filling very quickly. The package of information from the College including information from the Student’s Union at the College, the Engineering Faculty of the University as well as a large sheaf of info from Trinity College itself. Thinking back on it all Andrew had no stand out memories of the induction papers, it was all swallowed up a month later by the reality. Cambridge run an (overly) complicated term system with archaic names and as a Fresher it was not clear at first when term actually started, as opposed to when it officially started in the eyes of the University. However, carefully reading of all the information clarified it. Freshers were expected the weekend before lectures started the following Thursday, so for Andrew he would be moving in on Saturday October 1^st for five days of induction and Fresher’s events before classes started on the 6^th. Returning students would be arriving on the 3^rd or 4^th. He had a month left to prepare.

It was these thoughts that kept Andrew mentally distracted all afternoon. He was working on autopilot and was in his own little world. Andrew thought about what he had to do during these final four weeks. Clearly the last week was packing and preparing for the trip down south, so he had three weeks left to kill. It felt very much like the start of the summer all over again, hanging around unsure what to do. Other than the party on the 17^th the rest of the time was his own, and even that had been cancelled by his father. Andrew was still thinking about this when he arrived at the Campbell’s after finishing up at the Food Bank.

It was just one more indication that life was changing; Julian was there as well as Leslie and her parents. It was great to see them all and the conversation flowed freely as he talked about Rome and the pair of them updated him on their life as they chatted with Mary and Brian. After dinner they sat in Leslie’s room, the scene of countless heart to hearts for him over the years, and talked in more detail about the last month and the coming year.

“Both sets of parents are very happy about our relationship.”

Leslie started the chat off.

“Julian’s folks have been really nice to me and you can see how Mum and Dad are with Julian.”

Andrew nodded as Julian piped up with his agreement.

“I think they both see how serious we are about each other. The good thing is that we have known both parents as friends for years before we changed our relationship.”

The two of them chirped away about their relationship, parents, university and just their overall happiness. It was wonderful to see but there was a self-absorption to it as well. They were totally into each other at present. Andrew headed home relatively early and let them be. Before he left he remembered about the cancelled party and figured he might as well tell Brian and Mary.

“I thought I would let you know. The party I was planning to have has been cancelled.”

“What happened? We were looking forward to it.”

Andrew had to pause and think about his words carefully, and try and keep the tone calm.

“Mum and Dad are going to be away and don’t want me to hold a party in the house when they are not there.”

That sentence invited many responses and questions but other than a quick glance between them neither Brian nor Mary said anything. What Brian did say shocked Andrew.

“Why don’t you have it here? Leslie and Julian will know three quarters of the people and Mary and I will know a good few as well.”

Middle class manners burst forth but Brian waved away all Andrew’s worries.

“You were getting it catered, yes?”

Andrew nodded.

“All they have to do is come to different house, two miles away, not an issue.”

Before Andrew knew it, everything had been agreed. His party 13 days hence, would be at the Campbell’s house, not his own parent’s. He thanked both Brian and Mary profusely and went on his way. Andrew lay on his bed that night thinking about Brian’s gesture as well as the next three weeks. He felt sad and conflicted that his parents thought so little of him, yet the Campbells were prepared to host a party for 40 people, a lot of whom they didn’t know. It would have been nice to have the chance to talk to Leslie about the summer and the upcoming term at Cambridge but as Andrew lay there he thought about life at Cambridge and realised he needed to stand on his own. It was too late to be doing a full evaluation of his goals but there was more to it than just his plan. Andrew thought about where he was going to live, thinking back to some of the conversations with Suzanne during their holiday. It was time to move out, but did he want to buy a house or flat in Edinburgh of his own? As he thought of that it popped into his head that it didn’t even need to be in Edinburgh, he could get a place anywhere. Did he want to get a flat in Cambridge? Sleep took a long time coming that night as Andrew lay thinking about everything.

He dragged his tired carcass out of bed at 6.30 the following morning and did his usual routine before heading over to Warrender to meet Suzanne. Andrew was on total autopilot as he swam thinking about everything going on in his life and what his options were. It took Suzanne grabbing his arm as he went past to jerk him out of his contemplation.

“Wow, you were off in your own world again there Andrew. Come on, let’s change and find somewhere for a quick cup of coffee.”

Half an hour later they were sitting in one of the numerous small cafes on Marchmont Road.

“Alright, what is up with you? You only zone out like that if you are doing some serious thinking.”

“Just a continuation of the feeling that everything is changing, that’s all. I was over at the Campbell’s last night and Julian was there with Leslie and the dynamic has changed quite markedly. I have been used to bouncing ideas off of Leslie but the chance never came up. And I have been thinking about buying a flat, either here or in Cambridge. I am feeling somewhat rootless this summer, all the changes, moving away, it is making me question a lot of things that I took for granted. When we talked last week about coming back home and our parents’ reaction to each other staying over, it struck a chord with me. I never talk to my parents about anything. Here I am thinking about buying a flat or a house in Cambridge, essentially leaving home and unlikely to return other than on a short holiday, and it never occurs to me to talk to Mum and Dad about it.”

Andrew gave Suzanne an edited version of his welcome home on Saturday night.

“The lack of structure of my summer has thrown me more than I can explain.”

Suzanne looked at him and smiled sadly.

“You are out of sorts, aren’t you? Well let’s knock some of these off and get you back on track. After the holiday I can see the benefit of having your own place, especially now that I know you can afford it. My opinion is that it is too soon to get a place in Cambridge, you will want a break from there, so go ahead and get a flat here in Edinburgh. Once we have finished up, let’s walk the neighbourhood and see what is listed and go and look at an estate agents, see what is available and when. It is a good time to be buying, before the students all get back. That is what I would do, but then I am biased and want you here rather than in England.”

She smiled at him, before lowering her head and biting her bottom lip. Andrew’s Pavlovian reaction was entirely predictable. He laughed and leaned over and kissed her.

“Bad Suzanne. You are right, there is no harm and walking around and seeing if there is anything that catches my eye. And the point about escaping from Cambridge is also a good one, at least until I know what life there is like.”

“It is good to see you smile. You also need to find someone to talk to, someone that you can bounce ideas off, a surrogate father figure if you don’t want to talk to your own parents. Leslie’s Dad?”

Andrew thought about that and what the alternatives were.

“Maybe, I will think about that some more, although he is the obvious choice. Just talking to you is helping calm me down. I don’t know that I need to talk to anyone right now because there is way too much guesswork. I think the conversations will be more meaningful in December after I have had a term at Cambridge. A lot of my doubts are just driven by having too much time on my hands. It sounds silly but I think I need to learn how to do nothing. Come on, let’s go for a wander and see if there are any flats for sale.”

For someone who thought of himself as a solitary person, all Andrew needed was a sounding board and the chance to bounce ideas off them and he was immediately more positive and balanced. It was also a startling revelation that Suzanne had clearly replaced Leslie in that role, there was no doubt she was his closest friend. He parked that for further thought later and concentrated on the task at hand. Hand in hand they walked for an hour or so around the area and Andrew jotted down the addresses of several places that had for sale signs outside. There was an estate agent close by and they walked over and he got details of the various flats. Andrew quickly whittled the list down to three, all top flats meaning there would be no noisy neighbours above him. He made appointments to view for the following two days and by lunchtime he was well on the way to buying something himself for the very first time. He drove Suzanne back into the centre of the city and headed over to Mhairi’s office to give her the heads up. Andrew left a message with her secretary and then headed over to see Tony feeling much calmer.

“Every time I see you it is after you haven’t been here for a month. How was Italy?”

“Hot, but a good time. How has your summer been?”

“Busy. It feels like it has been the busiest summer ever. You saw the shop when you came in, and that is a Monday afternoon. The Festival finished yesterday and there is a lot of spillover from that. But the biggest difference is that one of the other studios in town burned down. There were only four the size of mine, and that is now down to three. So more of the week is booked. The rumours about the fire are that it was an insurance job so I don’t even have to feel guilty about the extra bookings. Things are good. Can you stay for a while?”

“Sure.”

“Maggie is coming here after work and she will be pleased to see you, to chat to you. Want to give me a hand in the darkroom?”

Andrew shrugged and then nodded.

“Stacey, give me a shout if you need a hand, okay?”

Andrew followed Tony through and saw there had been one big change in the darkroom. The extractor fan had been replaced by one that was substantially larger, and he guessed stronger. Tony saw him looking at it.

“Yeah, Maggie badgered me to get that. All the chemicals in here, and what that doctor said to you all those years ago, she wants to keep the place as free of fumes as possible.”

Andrew was pleased that the air in the darkroom was much cleaner. Every time he was there he did think about his back, and often would have a psychosomatic twinge. The rest of the afternoon flew by as Andrew helped Tony do a batch of prints. Tony had invested in more drying frames where the prints could be clipped and the darkroom was littered with prints by the time they were finished. Once they were done Tony said goodbye to Stacey and locked the shop. Andrew put the kettle on while Tony got the group using the studio organised. Then they sat and chatted at his kitchen table.

“Do you think you will have time to do any additional shoots for Maggie before you go to university?”

Andrew looked at Tony and considered his response. It was more of a question really.

“Do you mind me talking to you about this, asking you a few questions?”

Tony smiled, as if anticipating Andrew’s hesitation.

“Of course I don’t mind. But why don’t we wait until Maggie gets here.”

They were saved from a long awkward pause by the lady herself. Andrew was pulled up and embraced before having to give a significantly more thorough account of his time in Rome. Maggie had questions about everything, the weather, the people, the food, the time at the beach, the history, their hotel. Andrew had answered Tony’s question in five seconds and they had moved on. Maggie was close to 30 minutes before she was satisfied. Then she asked the same question as Tony.

“When do you leave for Cambridge?”

“Friday the 30^th I think. Three and a half weeks.”

“Do you think you will have time to do some more shoots? Do you want to do some more shoots before you go?”

Even that second question made Andrew stop and think. A woman was asking him if he wanted to see her naked, while her boyfriend sat beside her. It was very odd.

“I asked Tony if he and I could talk about that and he suggested that we wait for you and then talk the three of us. Tony is a good photographer and I am always surprised that you want me to photograph you. In some ways I don’t know what my question is, but it seems strange, that’s all.”

Maggie smiled and glanced at Tony.

“The short answer is that it feels different, for both of us, when it is someone else, and especially you, taking the photographs. Over the last six months I have started to work less because the mood, the vibe of the shoot is different. Partly that is because you are the only person who has me pose outdoors. I really like these shoots. But like everything with me and modelling I have my own rules. Just as I don’t pose in certain ways and don’t want my photographs to be published, it is the same with being outdoors. I love the thrill of it, the illicit nature. It totally plays into the secret life aspect of my modelling career. I find that I want to be seen but not recognised. If we were shooting at a beach then it excites me to think I might be spotted by someone out for a walk or with their dog. But I don’t want them to walk past me and see my face. That shatters the whole idea of it being a secret. Me posing for my boyfriend is not illicit, that is part of our relationship, lots of women, and men, do it for their other halves. But to do it for you, then the excitement level is massively different. While at the same time it is with someone who is a friend and that we trust.

“And the thing to realise is we have tried. We went back to that beach out by South Queensferry but it was different with just Tony. It felt, oh I don’t know what the right word is, but with you it is dirty. Good dirty not nasty dirty but when I am posing for you I have this voice in my head telling me I am such a dirty girl. Which just makes everything even hotter. And when it is the three of us I will look over at Tony, or hear him tell me to move and pose in a certain way and then it amps up even more. I have this internal battle within me as to which of us is the dirtier one, Tony watching me pose for you or me posing for you being watched by Tony.”

Maggie stopped and her breath all whooshed out in a big sigh.

“Does any of that make any sense?”

It was a different facet but the same thing as dating Tanvi and Katie at school. Andrew was the safe one. Maggie got excited by being a model, being photographed naked. Tony enjoyed the whole situation, didn’t feel threatened by it, and that was a key point, and encouraged Maggie to have fun. Let’s face it, if it got Maggie excited to model, if it turned her on, then Tony was reaping the benefits. This wasn’t something that she started doing after they began to date. Tony had hundreds, more than a thousand photographs of Monica already. It was part of her overall appeal.

“Yes, it makes perfect sense. Let me think about Saturday morning first thing. I don’t have any ideas yet but I will think of something. How about Sunday we change it up. I will work at the Food Bank in the morning and we can go down the coast in the afternoon. There will be more people about, so it will be a more cat and mouse type shoot. How does that sound?”

Maggie didn’t say anything but from the look on her face it was clear that she was up for it. Tony looked over at Andrew and winked. The two of them looked like they were ready for him to get the hell out of the flat and so Andrew hightailed it. Even before he got to the bottom of the stairs he heard the bedroom door slam shut. The weekend was going to be interesting!

That evening Andrew sat at his desk and thought about the coming term.

The plan had always had six parts even although one and sometimes two parts were minimal. Career had always been the placeholder that he could skip over while still at school. Now he needed to think about it more carefully. Andrew knew he could graduate from Cambridge with a BA and MEng in four years. How good a degree he received was unknown but he was confident that he could at least graduate. So he was going to be a graduate engineer (and graduate computer scientist), but then what? Andrew needed to start to think about what life after university looked like.

Fitness was something he had embraced post-cancer and was now just a part of his daily life. Exercising and running would be easily continued at Cambridge and he would scout out a pool when he got there. The other exercise for the last two years had been his field hockey coaching; should he continue that? He loved coaching and had done well at it, especially during his final year. There was a men’s club at the College so he could play rather than just coach. But coaching was something Andrew was good at and would like to continue. He interrupted working on his goals and spent some time finding all the information from his first coaching course from two years before. Finally he located a form that had the number for Scottish Hockey. The following morning Andrew called them up and asked the very helpful lady who answered if there were any level 2 coaching courses being run that month. His luck was in, there was a course the following week in Edinburgh at Edinburgh University’s sports fields, less than five miles from home. There was space so within twelve hours of thinking about doing something more with field hockey, Andrew was signed up for the club coach course, four days the Monday to Thursday of the following week. He was pleased at multiple levels, getting back into the sport, improving his coaching skills and filling in some of his free time between then and the end of the month. Exactly what his level of commitment to hockey would be determined later but Andrew had now mentally committed to playing and/or coaching field hockey in the coming year. His fitness goal was set.

Making a difference was a complete conundrum for him. He had made a difference, and a major one, already. What was the next step? Ever since he, Leslie and Faith had talked about making a difference all those years before when they were on the ward, Andrew had always defined it as making money to allow others to make a difference, the medical research Trust being the culmination of that plan. As he sat staring at the wall in his room he thought about his own contribution to making a difference. Was this tied into career? Despite the success that Julian, Leslie and he had achieved with computers and software, all three of them had moved on from that part of their lives. They had made a significant amount of money and then unceremoniously dumped the subject that had made them rich. Andrew had a degree in computer science and was not using it, and in fact was much more excited to be an engineer. Like his career goal this one would have to be revisited over the course of the coming terms. He was sure that part of his uncertainty was due to the sense that they had been lucky with the software design and the businesses they had created and that such luck was unlikely to repeat itself. Andrew intellectually acknowledged that they had made good software, that did as advertised and that they had identified an under-served niche and exploited it. He just thought they had taken the business as far as they could with just the three of them. Therefore making a difference was now a personal journey rather than a financial one, but it was unclear at present where that journey was going to take him.

Balance was something that Andrew had worked hard at over the last four years, recognising that this was not something he was inherently very good at. But post-cancer Andrew was more confident and was not stressed about meeting new people. There was an engineering society at the College, hockey at the College and University and the UOTC. Between the three of them he would meet a lot of new people, predominantly men but new people nonetheless. He was never going to be a ‘player’ but was also not stressed about meeting women either. If anything he needed to stop being such a slut. Andrew had a group of friends that he could rely on there in Edinburgh and so balance was under control. And all of this was before meeting other engineers at Trinity, other engineers at other Colleges as well as fellow Freshers at Trinity. One of the key things he wanted to experience was University and Collegiate life. Andrew felt he was approaching this with an open mind and confident outlook.

Karmic balance was something he would work on when he got there. He was giving back through the Venture Trust, as well as the smaller fund supporting individuals, in Scotland and northern England. But that was just spending money. He knew that there would be a Food Bank program in Cambridge and he would have the opportunity to volunteer. Andrew stopped as he thought about that and contemplated his volunteering. He had diligently worked nearly every Sunday for more than four years but it was in effect unpaid manual labour. It was for a good cause but there was no emotional investment. He thought back to the conversation Mary Campbell had with him at the start of the summer. He protected himself and did not confront his personal demons. Now there was no shame in that, Andrew knew that it would trigger memories of the children dying at the Sick Kids, his own struggles with cancer and most painfully Faith’s death. It was something to think about though. His own life was uncomfortably smooth at present. He was clever, fit, rich and able to attract and have sex with lots of women. The scales were tipped dangerously far over in his favour and he needed to start to redress that balance. Just thinking about his life in those terms increased his resolve; once he was established at Cambridge then he would challenge himself with new and more emotional volunteering. There was a world class hospital in Cambridge, Addenbrooke’s, and he would look to see if there was an opportunity to volunteer with cancer patients who were children. Other than that, as usual Andrew would look for opportunities to help others, but had no idea what form that would take.

Finally, this left University. There was no point in overthinking that as in four weeks he would be there. Andrew was looking forward to being challenged across the range of engineering disciplines and to see whether his current interest in structural engineering would continue. He was ready to embrace university life, and was looking forward to the university and collegiate experience.

He sat back and thought about his life, the overall plan and the individual goals and had a momentary feeling of pride and satisfaction. He had achieved a lot already and had the pieces in place to go on and achieve more. What that would turn out to be he did not know yet but he was confident that he could continue to fulfil his promise to Faith made more than four and a half years ago. Monday January 29^th 1979 was the penultimate time that Andrew spoke to Faith. Already close to death and in severe pain she had held off a morphine injection to have that final conversation with him and Leslie. The Saturday after so dominated his thoughts that he often overlooked the importance of that day. That was the day of promises, to live life to the fullest and to try to cram two lives into one, and for he and Leslie to work together, to remain close. Andrew thought about Leslie and was happy that she and Julian had found each other. Sure they were a bit too lovey-dovey at present but he knew he could count on them both. The summer of transition was coming to an end and the next chapter in his life beckoned.

 

Chapter 2

Andrew’s talk with Suzanne on the Monday morning had calmed him down, and the chat with Maggie and Tony sufficiently distracted him, so the rest of the week he was task focused which always appealed to him, and played to his nature. After swimming on Tuesday he took Suzanne and they looked at two top floor flats. The second one was very nice, it was only a block from Warrender which was ideal. What was very funny to watch was Suzanne’s role in all this. They never really discussed her viewing the flats with him, it just happened and her perspective was welcome. She played the role of the fiancé or wife very well, engaging with the estate agent and it was fun to watch. After they finished viewing the second flat they went to the usual café for coffee and a chat.

“I caught you smiling at me several times this morning, why?”

“I think that the agent is used to the women making decisions about houses. He listened to your questions and treated you as if you were the key decision maker in the purchase.”

Suzanne looked shocked.

“You are not upset, are you? I must admit it was fun to go flat shopping for the first time.”

“No, I don’t care. I thought it was interesting that’s all. I have heard my Mum moan about how car salesmen always ignore the woman and talk to the man, even when the car is for the lady. Here it seemed to be the other way round. I really didn’t care but it was interesting to watch. Enough of that, what did you think about the two places?”

They spent the next hour going through the pros and cons of the two places and thinking about the flat they were viewing the following morning. For the very first time Andrew was making an investment decision all on his own. He had not confided any of his plans with anyone else. Even when he popped in later to see Brian Campbell at his office he didn’t talk about the purchase. The visit was to make sure that Brian, and more importantly Mary, were okay with hosting the party.

“I know it was a spontaneous gesture on my part but Mary is totally supportive. Don’t worry about that. It made us both think whether we should have organised something like this for Leslie. We asked her later that night and she just waved it off. So don’t worry about the party. I am only sorry that you were unable to have it at your own home.”

Brian never asked any questions and Andrew provided no answers but they both knew what was being said. Andrew ruefully smiled, shook Brian’s hand and left. When he got back home after lunch he called Mhairi and told her of his plans. She listened and told him she would liaise with Creighton over the funds. Over the years she had been a good friend and wise counsellor to Andrew and they got on very well. That night as Andrew sat working his way through all the information Cambridge had sent to him he thought about what he was doing. Was it frivolous, a vanity purchase being made because he could? In his own mind he rationalised it as being independent, not relying on others, but also not being constrained by others. Would living on his own less than four miles from his parents during the breaks from university be worth it? Julian had done it as soon as he started university, although he stayed there year round. Eventually Andrew stopped going round in mental circles and decided it was something he was going to do.

That night for the first time since his exams he studied. Andrew had stopped at Thins in town, the main University bookseller, and picked up a copy of Strength of Materials. It was not on the course book list but was listed as a useful reference book to have or to have read. Andrew chose it as it dovetailed with his 6^th year project on resistance to explosives. The evening passed in a blink as he sat and worked his way through the book that, although 15 years old, was still fascinating and relevant. The total nerd in him was pleased to get back to doing some studying and he was going to remember and take the list of recommended reading from the Faculty of Engineering with him in the morning so he could stop by the library and see how many of them were available. It was small things like this that calmed his nerves and got him impatient and excited to be off to university.

The following morning after swimming he and Suzanne had a chance to view the third and final flat that they had selected. From the moment they walked in it was clear that the second flat from the day before was much better. They left as quickly as was polite and went back with the agent to his office. Andrew called Mhairi from his office and told her he wanted to purchase the second flat he had seen the previous day. Mhairi and the agent exchanged numbers and agreed to meet that afternoon. Andrew told him to deal with Mhairi and that he would be back the following Friday to sign the papers. The agent looked a little stunned that it was moving so fast but that was his issue and with a short goodbye Andrew and Suzanne left his office.

“That was awfully quick Andrew. Are you sure about this?”

Suzanne asked, not unreasonably.

“I thought about it a lot yesterday in the afternoon and the evening. Of course it is a stupid indulgence but it allows me to live my life on my own terms. I will think over the next two or three weeks if I want to rent out the second bedroom while I am away, which would mean that person was living on their own, or just leave it empty and have a home when I am here in Edinburgh. The terms are pretty short at Cambridge and I think I am only there 28 or 29 weeks of the year. I will be based here at least 22 weeks of the year and I think that going back home to the Princess and my parents after a 9 or 10 week gap will be painful. You know how Rowan is. It was bad enough after two weeks away in Italy. So yes, it is quick but it is around lots of students and businesses that cater to them, is less than a 50 metre walk to Warrender and seems reasonably priced. Oddly, the rest of the flats on the stair do not look like student digs. I may be wrong but from the look of them it seems the people living there are now working, maybe post graduates, when they see me they will probably freak out. Anyway, I am going to the Central Library to see if they have any of these engineering books. Do you want to come with me and get a lift home later or are you off?”

Andrew was clearly corrupting Suzanne and unleashing her inner nerd for she came with him to the main Library and hung around while he checked out three of the other books that were recommended reading. From a quick look at the shelves it seemed like most of the recommended reading was available. He would get to Cambridge ready to go.

Suzanne invited Andrew in for lunch and he sat and chatted with her mum and sister over soup and a sandwich. Suzanne’s mother laughed when Andrew had thirds of the soup and expressed her gratitude for not having boys. He laughed but did stand behind them, Suzanne being the tallest at just under 5’8” with both her mum and sister a couple of inches shorter.

“Can I ask you something slightly personal Andrew?”

Vanessa looked a little nervous.

“Sure. What is it?”

Andrew would not reply if it was too personal.

“Do you think that having cancer made you taller?”

Her mother and sister both instantly scolded her but it was not a big deal all these years later.

“Stop, it is okay. It is something that my parents and I have talked about many times. I have even asked once when I went for one of my six monthly check-ups. According to what I have been told there is no way of knowing. I received a long course of radiation followed by an intense course of chemotherapy so I was not a normal 13 year old and I was still quite a runt before I was diagnosed. I think the main reason for my height and size is diet and exercise. I was released finally from the hospital on the 19^th of January 1979 and since then there have been precious few days when I have not done my sit up and push up exercises. Probably less than 10 in the nearly five years. In addition I try to run six days a week for at least 30 minutes and swim for about 30 minutes 5 days a week. I also coached hockey twice a week for the last two years at school, so I exercised all the time. And as you saw at lunchtime I eat a lot. As in ‘make my mother despair’ eat a lot. One of the key things is that whenever possible I have had lentil soup for breakfast and dinner ever since I was released from hospital. We were told that vegetable protein would be even better than animal protein in helping me regain my weight and strength after I was given the all clear, so I eat well and exercise a lot.”

Vanessa looked horrified.

“You have lentil soup for breakfast?”

“I know but after a while it became second nature. So yes, when I get back in from my run at 6.30 in the morning I have a bowl of lentil soup followed by four Weetabix. Then I am off to the pool to meet Suzanne. Why do you think I ate so much soup at lunch? I would have soup with every meal if I could.”

Suzanne’s mother looked at him thoughtfully.

“No wonder we had no trouble getting Suzanne up to go swimming when she started last year.”

She shook her head.

“And to think I once kept Suzanne away from you for a term.”

Andrew could see he was going to get embarrassed with praise shortly if he didn’t do something about this but Suzanne just looked at him and laughed.

“Quickest way to get Andrew to leave is to start praising him. Look, he is all set to bolt for the door. Nobody will ever accuse him of singing his own praises. Come on, I will see you out.”

Every day Suzanne demonstrated that she knew him better than anyone else. When they got to the door Andrew grabbed her under the arse and lifted her into his arms. Pushing her back against the doorframe he very thoroughly kissed and caressed her, any initial resistance having long crumbled away. Lowering Suzanne back onto her feet Andrew smiled and walked out to the car. As he rolled the window down to shout ‘cheerio’ he saw her standing there with her mother both of them smiling at him.

On Thursday morning Andrew faced his biggest challenge of the summer. He had to go clothes shopping. For Maggie. He nearly bottled it but steeled himself and entered the lion’s den. He was the only male and probably the youngest person by at least 20 years which of course meant he was immediately pounced on and mothered by the shop assistants. He haltingly explained that he was trying to get a surprise present for his girlfriend and the whole process turned out to be comparatively painless. He found what he was looking for with little fuss and one of the assistants with some of Maggie’s attributes even showed him how it looked. It was an easy sale, both for them and him. He left with his first purchase, and even made an impulse purchase at the till; so far so good. The staff at the second store were not as helpful but he persevered, got what he wanted in the right size and left. The tough part was over. The next morning he was in and out of the camping store in less than 20 minutes. He arrived thinking he was getting one item but left with its big brother. He was set for the weekend.

The last two days of the week Andrew also spent more time with his Grandma and Auntie Vi. He would have liked to take them out somewhere and let them explore but Vi was much frailer than Andrew remembered so they stayed in. He would arrive around 11.00 and he played cards with them, had some lunch and just chatted about life. Early afternoon he would leave them to watch the horse racing and he headed home to continue his studying. On Friday afternoon he went back at the library to swap a couple of the completed books for new ones to see him over the weekend. Andrew ended up staying there all afternoon completing one of the books and taking the chance to catch up on the latest computer science magazines. It was just after 5.00 when he came back out onto George IV Bridge and was stopped by an elegant older lady who looked vaguely familiar.

“Andrew? How are you?”

“Eh, I am well. Please forgive me, I feel I should know you but I can’t place it.”

“We only met once. I am Freya Moray, the friend of Jim Barnes.”

Andrew laughed out loud and immediately apologised for his rudeness.

“I am sorry, that was rude of me, but it was merely the way that you said Jim Barnes. I think it is his goal in life to get me to call him Jim, something I have so far managed to steadfastly avoid. It is nice to see you again Mrs. Moray.”

“Freya please, you must call one of us by our first names.”

She had a delightful laugh and he blushed and nodded.

“If you insist then thank you Freya.”

Andrew was slightly mystified why this very elegant Edinburgh lady at least 10 years older than his mother was standing in the middle of a busy street chatting to someone she met once. She apparently was the diversionary tactic because no sooner had the thought crossed his mind then he was once again hailed.

“Andrew McLeod, how are you?”

Andrew closed his eyes for a second and when he opened them Freya caught his eye and winked with a kind smile.

“Lord Barnes, how are you sir?”

His mother would have been so proud. Freya actually laughed out loud at this point which distracted them both. It is not often you catch an elegant Edinburgh matron looking like she has been caught with her hand in the cookie jar but Freya nailed it. This caused him to laugh in sympathy and now Lord Barnes looked even more confused. Freya walked over to him and gave him a quick peck on the cheek and then turned to face Andrew.

“Andrew and I were getting reacquainted and the mode of addressing you came up. I had prevailed upon Andrew that at least one of us had to be called by our first name and he had agreed and it was just too funny to hear him call you Lord Barnes so soon after the discussion. You could not have timed your arrival any better my dear.”

Lord Barnes laughed and shook his head, a move spookily reminiscent of Andrew’s own reaction at times.

“Where are you off to this evening?”

Andrew indicated the bag of books he was carrying.

“Just some light reading. I picked up some engineering books that were recommended as background or pre-course reading.”

“I see. Would you care to join Freya and me for a drink and an early dinner? We have tickets for the SNO at the Usher Hall and have a reservation just across the road there.”

Andrew looked, and probably acted, shocked but they were both insistent. Eventually he had to give in gracefully as they rather railroaded him into having dinner with them. As they crossed the street the thought occurred to him that perhaps he should have bought the damned computer magazine and gone home an hour earlier. Once they were seated the conversation picked up again. It was Lord Barnes who started.

“The reason that we were both so insistent on you joining us is that we have talked about that wonderful evening at the North British many times. You would not believe how many times we have dined out on that story. Sandy Page is a minor celebrity in the legal profession just for being the father of Allison. It actually has worked out very well for him as we are more than acquaintances now. I heard from him that Allison and you did not last, I am sorry.”

Andrew looked at the two of them but realised they were being sincere.

“I never got much of a chance to spend time with the Pages, Allison and I were both very studious and so when we went out it was more as a reward for all of the time studying. I only met them once, the weekend after that dinner. As you can imagine they had one or two questions.”

Freya laughed loudly at that.

“I am not sure I ever told you of Allison’s mother’s reaction in the toilet. She was so utterly, what’s the word, flummoxed maybe. Allison just blew her mind that night. Allison made a comment to me during the course of the evening that you saw things in her that no one else did. I think that is what I remember most from that evening. Jim has told me what you did for Moira and it is the same thing, expressed differently.

“Andrew, you are not a user of people, are you? From the little that I know about you that is obvious. It is also not a common characteristic in one so young. No that is not right, there are lots of people who are not users but there is something different about you. You go out of your way to give maybe, I don’t know but it is very intriguing.”

“Those are very kind words and normally I deflect praise with a vengeance but you have made me think about some things so I will merely say thank you and will reflect this evening on the way you have explained me to me.”

Andrew steered the conversation away from Allison and that dinner and he sat and watched and learned how to make small talk. He was with two masters and the chat flowed freely between them. Andrew saw how they made an effort to include him and wished he could take notes. He was watching intently when Lord Barnes commented upon it.

“I am sorry for being so obvious, but one of the things that I am not very good at is small talk. I was watching the two of you do it very smoothly, it was reminding me of the night we all had dinner, and I remember thinking at the time that the evening went so smoothly because the two of you made it seem very natural, not forced. I was sitting here thinking I should have a notebook out jotting down some pointers.”

“Why do you say that you are bad at small talk?”

Lord Barnes was curious.

“I am shy by nature and so there are times when I find it very hard to be outgoing and jovial.”

Then for some reason Andrew followed on and explained about his concerns with leadership, how it did not come naturally to him and his worries about it, especially within the military context.

“I think that the fact you are aware of it, and have been for some time, will help you. You have four years at the UOTC which will assist in that, together with the annual camps etc.”

Lord Barnes was trying to be positive.

“Charming social skills will only get you so far in this day and age, it is not the Napoleonic era after all. The Army is looking for competence above all else. If you are defending the North German Plain being able to make small talk with judges is the last thing they will be worried about.”

He did have a point and Andrew smiled at the analogy. Then Lord Barnes changed the subject in a way to make him even more uncomfortable.

“Julian Strong, senior that is, was telling me that his son had been very successful in business. Your name came up in the course of the conversation so I just wanted to offer my congratulations. That is a hell of an achievement although it appears that no one within the city knows about it.”

Andrew looked, as Freya would say, flummoxed not expecting that their success would be more widely known. But this was nothing more than a proud parent talking up his son to his colleagues.

“Thank you. They were private sales so there was no press. Maybe Siemens made a press release in Germany but I am not sure. If there was any press interest here I am not aware of it.”

Freya looked unsure and intrigued so Andrew turned to her.

“I am friends with Julian Strong’s son also named Julian and we created some computer software that we were able to sell. We licenced it to a couple of different companies last year.”

He was never going to be allowed to get away with so little.

“You mentioned Siemens and licencing it in Germany. How were you able to do that?”

Freya sounded even more intrigued now. So Andrew spent several minutes talking, in general terms, about how first he, then he and Julian and then finally the three of them created some software and how the government of North Rhine-Westphalia came to hear about it. He glossed over all the UK government dealings, they would miss their concert if he carried on.

“You are the master of telling a story without sharing many of the details. No, don’t apologise it is perfectly alright but there is so much more to that tale than you are sharing isn’t there?”

Freya had him pinned to the table like an exhibit at the museum.

“I have tried to not dominate the conversation and am conscious that you have concert tickets so yes I have skipped some of the more mundane parts of the tale.”

Andrew suddenly laughed out loud and took several seconds to stifle his smiles.

“I was suddenly struck by how, back in the autumn of 1980, I was resolutely determined to keep Moira’s father at arm’s length. Here I am, nearly three years later, sitting having dinner with him and his lovely companion and being gently but thoroughly interrogated. It just made me laugh. I was not great at dealing with parents a couple of years ago.

“In answer to your unasked question, there is a lot more to the story but I am not best placed to tell it. The three of us were very lucky and were fortunate to have made a little money from what started out as a weekend or evening hobby. But all three of us are at university, well I will be in a couple of weeks, and it is something that none of us are sure about pursuing further.”

Lord Barnes smiled and interjected for the first time in several minutes.

“Moira and Allison both said the same thing about you, and we talked about it earlier. You deflect praise away even when it is more than justified. Interesting. Are you excited about going up to Cambridge?”

The change in topic was jarring in its abruptness.

“I am, I found this summer trying at times, it was a time of constant transition. School to university and boy to man were only the two most obvious ones. My life had a structured framework here in Edinburgh and I will need to re-establish that when I get to Cambridge.”

“How do you mean?”

“I want to do well at my course obviously and so there is that unknown in terms of how much studying I need to do to stay on top of my work and especially my lab work. Here, I would visit my grandmother twice a week during term time, I had CCF at school and I did volunteer work on a Sunday afternoon. All of these will change. Nothing is insurmountable it is more the sense of the unknown. Moira must have talked to you about similar things at Oxford a couple of years ago.”

“You are right, the first term was quite a challenge although she seems to have thrived there. She is involved in the Union and enjoying the whole university experience.”

Here he paused for a second before carrying on.

“I don’t think you realise how grateful I am to you Andrew. My relationship with Moira was badly fractured when you met her and it was through your efforts with Moira that we were able to reconnect. I know that this is just one more instance of things that will make you uncomfortable but it is important to me that you realise that I will be forever grateful to you for helping Moira three years ago.”

Andrew of course had no idea what to say at this. He was not expecting such a heartfelt declaration from Lord Barnes.

“I am very touched by these words and all I can say is thank you.”

Why he said the next couple of sentences he would never know.

“I know that it is short notice but I am having some friends round for a party next Saturday night, including Julian Strong senior. I would be delighted if you could come. It is a chance to catch up with all the people who have been important in my life up until this point. I would be pleased if you and Mrs. Moray were able to attend.”

Bloody hell, say something nice to him and he let his mouth run away from him.

“That would be very nice and we can attend.”

Oh well nothing he can do about it now.

“Great, it is very informal and will be a huge mixture of guests across backgrounds and ages. It is being held at the Campbells house. My apologies for asking Freya, but I don’t think your occupation ever came up in conversation, do you mind giving me the 20 second version so that I can introduce you at the party?”

Lord Barnes actually snorted he laughed so hard and Andrew was glad to see that whacks on the arm were universal.

“Jim is laughing because normally everyone knows who I am and my job. It is nice to meet someone who knows nothing about who I am. Don’t look so worried, I am the Deputy Secretary at the Scottish Office.”

Andrew knew enough about government titles to know that she was a very senior civil servant. Oh lord, what had he done? What was that Chinese curse? Time saved him from any more idiotic statements and Lord Barnes and Mrs. Moray hustled off to the Usher Hall for the concert. Andrew retrieved the car and headed home to the safety of his room and a bag full of engineering textbooks, letting the tension flow out of him. He really was much better studying than talking to people!

The absurdity of the situation less than 12 hours later made Andrew laugh like a deranged fool in his car. Dinner with a senior judge and a senior civil servant and yet here he was the next morning driving in the dark to photograph his friend naked. The location that morning was Blackford Hill, another of the vantage points offering views out over the city. Andrew had read about the seven hills of Rome, both in his Latin class but also on his recent visit. In Edinburgh there was a similar, although much less well known, contention that Edinburgh was built on seven hills as well. And Blackford Hill was one of Edinburgh’s ‘seven hills’. And like Arthur’s Seat it was within the city, not as close but still surrounded by the city. From the time before the city swallowed it up, Blackford Hill was the site of an observatory complete with towers housing telescopes.

Sunrise was more than an hour later than earlier in the summer and so Andrew met Tony and Maggie in the carpark on the hill at 6.45 with the first rays of sunlight due to extend over the horizon within 20 minutes. The morning was brisk but the chill in the air was not dampening Monica’s enthusiasm. Still Andrew managed to shock her when he asked her to strip, right there in the car park.

“What naked?”

“Yes please. I have bought some clothes for you for this morning’s shoot.”

Less than a minute later Maggie was naked, not even wearing shoes, in the car park. She was sheltered and hidden by the door of the car but it was still a daring and quick strip. Andrew produced his second purchase first. He had bought a pair of long over the knee boots, tight to her leg below the knee then loose above it. Andrew thought of them as a longer version of pirate boots. Monica’s smile was wide as she slipped them on. They weren’t perfect, no man was going to get the sizing right buying boots without the woman there, but they were comfortable and Monica was able to walk in them. When she tried on Andrew’s first purchase it was perfect. Perfectly indecent. He had bought a hip length trench coat, that flared slightly below the waist. Worn with jeans, trousers, a skirt, it would look elegant and lovely. Worn with nothing at all except over the knee boots, well Monica looked absurdly sexy. She seemed stunned by the outfit but Tony was immediate in voicing his approval.

“Bloody hell Andrew. How do you think of these things? That is the hottest thing I have ever seen.”

The utter frank admiration from her boyfriend made Monica stop and realise how she was looking. Right there in front of him Andrew saw her nature kick into gear and the shoot was on. Even the 15 minute walk to one of the vantage points was incredible. Monica walked in front of Andrew and Tony and even without any additional hip movement it was mesmerising. Her natural gait had the loose tails of the coat moving and it just constantly brought their eyes to her arse. Her pale thighs, stretching all the way up to just below her arse cheeks, kept both their focuses on her lower half. Monica could have been one of those mythological half human half beasts and neither of them would have noticed. The lower human half was outstanding.

The boots were a constant during the shoot, they were not coming off. But the coat was a constantly changing prop. Andrew knew what Monica would show, and more importantly what she would not, so often would be positioned off to one side or the other. If Monica’s pussy was pointed towards six o’clock then Andrew was never closer than seven, mostly eight o’clock. He was able to photograph her body, capture both her cheeks, but the direct pussy shot was not photographed. Monica wanted to go so far but no further. After several of those shots Andrew had Tony stand right behind Monica, out of shot but with a clear view. He then captured her expression when she did the over the shoulder looks. It was a moment for video as she wiggled her arse and he could hear Tony groan. That Monica was having fun was confirmed by the fit of giggles. As the sun rose against the horizon Andrew worked with Monica on some full frontal shots. Monica back lit with the rays of the sun bursting round her was a great shot. The final roll of film involved Andrew’s impulse purchase. It was a wide brimmed summer hat, with a floppy brow. It had been discounted to sell at the shop and Andrew had made the snap decision to buy it. Some of the shots with Monica wearing it and the coat were lovely. As the coat was first opened and then discarded changed the look and dynamic of the shot but Monica’s face was so open and happy. The last half dozen shots were just Monica in her boots wearing the hat. But Andrew had her play with the brow so that her features were obscured. With her facing east rather than being backlit her incredible body was highlighted and there was much more of a conventional glamour pose to the shots. When the last frame was taken Tony came over to Andrew with a smile and patted him on the back before going to help Monica.

The final act of the first shoot of the weekend was the walk back to the car. As usual when they took some pictures at first light there was nobody around. But as they carefully came back down the hill following the path to the car park they could see that there were three other cars there. Monica was suddenly conscious that she was showing a mile of leg and barely keeping her pussy covered.

“Stop worrying. You are only disappointed there are not more cars there. You look fantastic. So what if you are showing off your legs. Depending on how many people are around tomorrow you might be showing even more.”

Tony’s blunt but accurate assessment made Monica shiver. The look she gave Tony made Andrew worry that he was going to get nicked for speeding on the drive back to the flat. With a hurried agreement on the timing of the next day they sped off. Someone was about to get very lucky.

 

Chapter 3

After that exciting early morning the rest of the day was incredibly quiet in comparison. Andrew studied at the house until after lunch but all four other family members seemed to want to talk or annoy him so he retreated to the library to carry on reading the engineering texts. Andrew found it therapeutic and he could ignore the world. The library was noisier and had more distractions but they were all background noise and not directed at him specifically. He and Suzanne had dinner together and then as usual went for a walk. There was little focus to their chat and they didn’t even torment themselves by making out, well not too much. It was just a continuation of the ongoing realisation that Suzanne was the most important person in his life. She had laughed when he told her about the hockey coaching course and had then ruined his day with a spectacular wind-up and tease.

“Andrew! Bloody hell. Mum is going to be out both Tuesday and Wednesday at some charity event she is helping organise. I am going to be home all day. On my own. In bed.”

Andrew looked gobsmacked and stricken as Suzanne kept her the frustrated, angry pout on her face for just the right amount of time. Then she bit her lip, lowered her head and winked at him. She took off with a shriek as Andrew chased along the seawall.

“That was just mean. I would threaten to put you over my lap but that is not much of a threat, is it?”

Suzanne was giggling and shaking her head.

“Bad Suzanne.”

When Andrew walked Suzanne up to her house when he dropped her off they made out for a very long time on her doorstep. There was a strong sense of masochism in the way they tormented each other.

The following morning Andrew was at Commonwealth Pool as it opened and was down at the Food Bank warehouse by 10.00. Dave was surprised to see him there so early but accepted the proffered excuse that he was helping a friend move some stuff that afternoon. Andrew chatted to Dave and Gord before he left. They were both coming to the party the following weekend and Andrew mentally shook his head at the thought of Gord and Lord Barnes having a chat over a beer. The mix of people at the party consumed his thoughts as he hauled cases of food round the warehouse for the last hour. He had decided to go with the scattergun approach and invite everyone he knew all at once. So there were going to be family, school friends, a couple of teachers, business people as well as Leslie and Julian’s parents who qualified as friends. He had invited Dave and Gord and after talking to Brian Campbell had even invited his MP given that he had helped them several times. Andrew had been very surprised to hear back from him that he and his wife would be attending. His only disappointment was that Harry and Josephine would not be attending. It might be the farm that his parents were going to. But other than that he was not too stressed about it, although he sincerely hoped that no one would make a scene with Fran and Nikki. They had called to let him know that they were definitely attending and would be there as a couple. His nerves had been calmed the previous week when he decided to tell his Grandma in advance, her generation being the least likely to accept this situation. He should not have doubted her as she took it totally in her stride, remembering Nikki from Christmas Day several years earlier. It was a positive validation that things would be okay. Just as the conversation with Brian had been full of unsaid subtexts so it had been with the rest of his extended family. He only had seven close family members beyond his parents and siblings. Both his father’s sisters and their husbands were coming, his cousin and her husband were coming and so too was his Grandma. Andrew’s mother was an only child, and both his aunts only had one child each, and one of them now lived in Australia. They had all taken the change of venue without comment but that didn’t mean the phone lines weren’t burning up in the background. Frankly that was his parent’s problem not his. He had asked Brian, Doug, Mhairi and Creighton to be discreet and not broadcast his accomplishments too loudly. But Andrew had told them not to lie either and so there was a risk that some information would become known but he was surprisingly unconcerned about it. This was the coda to the first part of his life.

Such thoughts and musings were extinguished at 1.00. He took his camera bag, his tripod and his purchase from Millett’s from the boot of his car and transferred it over to Tony’s car. It wasn’t much bigger than Andrew’s but it had four doors and Maggie would have more space in the back. Andrew at his height was in the front. They hadn’t even set off when Maggie threw her arms round his neck from the back seat and kissed his cheek.

“Given that you are off to Cambridge in three weeks this is hardly a surprise but you are a right clever clogs, you know that, don’t you? Sure we chat a lot and even talk about the modelling. Yet you have ramped up the intensity of the shoots. I have been posing naked for seven years now. I started a month after a turned 18. Never have I been so excited about what I was doing, how I was posing. I don’t know if it is the locations rather than the studio, whether it is because Tony is there now that we are a couple, but there is something almost scary how well you know what I will respond to. I have been stark naked for hours in a studio in front of groups of guys numbering into the high teens. And it was exciting, but it was nothing like yesterday morning. Walking about Blackford Hill in those new clothes I felt more exposed than when I was naked in a studio. It must be the outdoors that does it because it was crazy the way the coat moved and I was conscious I was naked under it. We have posed all over Edinburgh but.”

Maggie paused and drew breath.

“It was when you had me bending over that it started to make more sense. What you are doing is a very selfless act, which is a crazy thing to say since I am the one getting naked. Yet it is true. You are my friend, our friend, and you respect me. But you also know how to nudge me forward, let my emotions and excitement take over. You were off to the side keeping the shots within my limits but then you had Tony stand right behind me. I thought my heart was going to explode I was so excited. Tony’s eyes were seeing everything the camera couldn’t capture and I knew it. I am totally beside myself to see the expression on my face. I heard you take three quick shots so it probably changed. And then the two of you teasing me as we walked back to the car park. I am like a high wire walker on a windy day, trying to walk the fine line of just wanting to flash the whole world while also being shy and concerned if people found out what I am like. And you take me to these places where I am up high on the wire and then you just add more wind. It was like that at the quarry with that tee box right behind the bushes. I loved the mundanity of their conversations while I am standing naked 20 feet away.”

Maggie leaned back in her seat and exhaled again.

“I am excited about what you have planned for this afternoon, in case it wasn’t obvious.”

Andrew looked over at Tony who was laughing quietly.

“She has been like that ever since yesterday morning. I am not a young man anymore.”

Maggie shrieked and whacked Tony on the arm but they all laughed. Maggie was clearly an exhibitionist; a word Andrew had never heard and didn’t know. But Maggie had a desire to show off. She had strict self-imposed limits of how she would pose but the shoots with Andrew and Tony were challenging her. And she was loving it.

The journey down the coast did not take long, less than an hour. The found the signs for Yellowcraigs and were able to park in the carpark without a problem. But the car park was a lot busier than they had anticipated and so the three of them walked down to the beach leaving all the camera gear in the boot of the car. As soon as they got to the beach it was clear they were going to have to try somewhere else. It wasn’t packed but there were a lot of families around and looking down the beach they could see kids playing in the dunes as well. It wasn’t going to work.

Robert Louis Stevenson, the author of Treasure Island, was a Scot and had visited the area. This area and the little town of North Berwick just along the coast played up the fact that parts of the story, especially the shape and topography of Treasure Island itself were based on islands just off the coast there. None of the three of them knew this detail although they spotted a large tourist board near the carpark giving them the basic details. It was a comparatively quiet and remote beach but it was not empty, it was too famous.

So they were back in the car and headed further along the coast. One of the disadvantages of being the son of a man who liked history was that Andrew had been dragged to many a historic site around Scotland. One of them had been a heavily ruined castle called Tantallon east of North Berwick. Andrew remembered little of the visit, and none of the history, other than it was remote, windy and desolate. So they drove up to the little car park which had three cars in it; one of them in the staff space. This was not Edinburgh Castle with hordes of tourists. The three of them paid the £1 for entry and walked along the grassy path to the wreck of the castle. They passed one couple on their way back to the carpark so there was only one car load of people walking around and through the ruin. Maggie, now channelling her inner Monica, was in a button up dress with a little jacket over it and a simple pair of sandals. The one other set of visitors were a couple of around 40 and what appeared to be the parents of one of them. And they had split up and were wandering around so the initial shots were of Monica looking frustrated and playing with the buttons of her dress. But then, just as at Craigmiller, they were on their own. That seemed to be the challenge for these shoots, having people around, but not watching. So Andrew shot a couple of rolls of film but it was the same as Craigmiller, just a different ruined castle. The day was threatening to turn into a bust but Tony spoke to the local pensioner manning the ticket office and he told them of a ‘secret’ beach less than a mile away. It was secret in that it was down a private road which was barely passable, Tony would have to be careful of his car.

And that is how they ended up at Seacliff Beach. And it was pretty much as the local had described it. The road down was rutted and full of potholes but they made it there and when they got to the carpark there were only half a dozen other cars parked. There were people about but not too many. When they walked down the short path to the beach it was perfect. A wide open, sandy beach, with a few people scattered about. There was one family close to the path but 400 metres of beach stretched away to their right. Two couples were tucked up against the undergrowth, almost hidden and Andrew wondered if the place was a local make-out spot. Once they were beyond the last of the people they selected a spot near the eastern end of the beach. The sand was only metres away from a rocky promontory and depending on who was watching there may be the chance to take some shots there as well.

The final purchase Andrew had made at the camping store was a simple windbreak, an essential for Scottish beaches, with the Atlantic Ocean and North Sea winds. Andrew had gone to the shop to buy a small windbreak, just large enough to give some privacy. But he had found a nine panel windbreak that was 20 feet long. It was also five tall, it was more of a moveable fence. Andrew held the stakes while Tony used the mallet to drive them into the sand deep enough to stay upright. Tony then threw a towel down just at the edge of the break so he could see past it and keep an eye on the other people wandering about. Monica in the meantime had quickly stripped and was cavorting around, posing behind the windbreak. She too was on a beach towel and was rolling around. Andrew shot her through a progression of poses where she went from flat, to on her hands and knees, to kneeling, then sitting before finally realising that she could stand and all that was visible was her neck and head. Andrew was moving around to try to capture the people in the background. They would be nothing but indistinct smudges but he knew that the fact they were there was important to Monica. The shoot was good, it was fun, but there was something missing. Andrew took the third and final blanket and went beyond the windbreak. He leaned back against a tuft of grass, his camera not obvious to the other beach goers. Monica stood waiting for his next pose instructions.

“Tony, bring your towel and come and kneel behind Monica.”

Looking confused Tony did as requested. Andrew checked through the lens, there was no sign of him.

“Okay, all I can see is your face Monica. Without saying anything tell me what Tony is doing to you.”

A seagull squawking in the distance as there was silence behind the windbreak. Monica was standing there trying to parse apart Andrew’s instruction. But it was obvious that Tony understood first. Her face was suddenly shocked and her head whipped round. Then the penny dropped and Andrew started to capture the range of emotions. He didn’t take many shots, he didn’t need to as Monica altered between lusty and happy, sometimes even happy lust. The last two shots were just as she gripped the tops of two of the stakes and moaned, and then the look on her face when she opened her eyes to see Andrew capturing the moment of her release. Andrew took one final shot of Monica standing there exuding relaxed embarrassment. Again Andrew was keen to develop this roll to see if he had captured the progression.

The final part of the day didn’t even involve the camera. Monica scooted over to the towel that Andrew had sat on and just lay back, legs out straight, her ankles crossed. The three of them chatted away first while Andrew packed up his camera and Tony pulled up the windbreak and rolled it up and put back into its carrying case. But then the three of them sat and chatted away for 20 or 30 minutes, Andrew and Tony facing west towards Monica and down the beach. For the first time Maggie lay naked in front of them, not pretending to be a model, just being herself, accepting that this was a part of her nature. Now she was hidden from the rest of the beach by the tuft of dune grass but there was no pretence, no need to hide behind her Monica persona. It was Tony who started the chat.

“How are you feeling? You okay?”

Maggie smiled and nodded.

“I am fine. Way more than fine, great. Surprised. And very relaxed.”

The three of them chuckled quietly. Tony turned to Andrew.

“I am 32, and I started photographing models, naked I mean, when I was 19. So I have been doing this for more than 10 years. But I don’t think the way that you do Andrew. Mags was joking about you being a genius on the drive down but I wonder if there is something to it. Can we talk about this weekend? Where did you get the ideas from?”

“I know that this is going to be a shit answer but most of it is from watching people around the city. I was walking down to a meeting and I saw a woman in higher than normal boots, not as high as the ones I got, but closer to the knee than I had seen. I remember thinking that Monica would look great in something like that. That was the spark. It was the same with the coat. I was walking along George IV Bridge behind a group of tourists. One of the women had a coat on similar to the one I bought. She had on tight jeans and the coat was just tantalisingly long enough to cover her arse, but only just. Again, just a nothing moment, but I am very visual. I think that is why I enjoy photography, capturing the visual of a moment. And then today well they were all places I had either heard about, Yellowcraigs Beach, or a place I had been dragged as a child by my father, Tantallon. I went to Millet’s to get a small windbreak for privacy, and keep the worst of the wind off us, but saw this huge long one so bought it instead. The last hour was triggered by your reaction to Tony yesterday. Having him there allows you to be naughty. I am the audience, I am the one capturing your illicit and secret life, but Tony is there to provide the spark, to goad you on. The photos don’t change, there is nothing captured that you haven’t done before, yet they are completely different.”

The two of them absorbed that for a moment.

“It is true. I am showing off to you both at the same time, but in very different ways. Andrew, I have asked you about this before and you have always fobbed me off but you are spending a lot of money doing this. And we all know that you are mainly doing this for me rather than for yourself. I am concerned about how much money you are spending.”

She stopped and smiled.

“You are not getting the coat or the boots back but you need to stop spending so much money on me. And there is the modelling fee you pay me and the studio fee to Tony. Are your parents okay with you spending so much money?”

Andrew smiled but thought about the answer. They were coming to the party in six days, they deserved to hear the truth from him.

“The money is my own not from my parents so that is not an issue. Until the last hour Monica was the model, the person who got naked for the camera. As part of that illusion I thought that it was important that our shoots were always no different than any other. That appears to have changed as you are lying out naked in front of us, well me. If we do more shoots, either at Christmas or next year then we can talk about whether I am shooting Maggie or Monica, that is for you to decide. As for the money, well there it is complicated. Together with two of my friends, Julian and Leslie, who you will meet on Saturday, I designed some computer software and was able to sell it. I made a lot of money while I was at school but you know what I am like. I don’t smoke, I hardly drink, I don’t do drugs, I am the world’s most boring teenager. So this is one of the ways that I spend a little money. It was daunting going to the ladies’ department of M&S on Thursday but at the same time it was fun in that I was shopping for you. And not just for a birthday present but for something for a shoot. Same with the boots. They are just props to make the shoot as exciting for you as possible.”

Andrew finished with his trademark punctuation, he shrugged. Maggie and Tony looked at each other almost daring the other to ask the first question. Tony cracked first.

“I have a thousand questions but I don’t know where to start. Let’s start with this. You are rich, went to private school and are about to go to Cambridge. I don’t mean this to sound as harsh as it will come across but why are you hanging out with a secretary who secretly likes to pose for naked photos and a guy who owns a camera shop?”

Andrew smiled at the directness of the question.

“First of all you are my friends. We wouldn’t be doing this if it was a chore or we didn’t get on. So that is the most important part of it. But I have learned a lot from you. My relationship with my parents is strained and so I have a variety of other people that I use to get advice about life, about growing up. You two are too young to be my parents but I have learned a lot from the two of you. You first employed me when I was 12 Tony. Okay, you were struggling with your ankle but you took a chance on me, when you didn’t have to. But then we had several conversations about give and take, knowing how to spot when someone is just a user of people. I helped solve the colour developing problem and as a result less than six months later I got a deal from Danny on my stereo equipment. You explained to me about spotting people that just take, or use, and it is one of the most important life lessons of my teenage years. And Maggie, you taught me about life and most importantly the attitude of ‘what’s the big deal?’. I have never met the judgemental shrews in your office but I can picture them, you see them on television, in the papers, just around the city. I love that you get a thrill out of this secret hobby. It is neither naughty or scandalous but it has that aura about it. It is interesting the dichotomy of on one hand thinking ‘what’s the big deal?’ while on the other realising that if it wasn’t perceived as somehow scandalous then it wouldn’t be such a thrill.”

Andrew stopped talking and shuffled his bum round so that he could look at them both. Maggie ruefully laughed.

“I think it is my own prejudices that are being exposed. I never thought I would know a rich person, never mind be friends with one. Who knew?”

And with that the two of them dropped the money. They didn’t ask any questions about the amount or any of the detail as to how he had made his money. Andrew’s grandmother’s hobby was to have a flutter at the bookies. Andrew’s was to buy clothes for his friend to wear, if only for a few minutes before she took them off and posed naked for him and his camera. What’s the big deal?

“What about the party? What have you said to anybody?”

Maggie sounded concerned.

“I have said nothing. Some people will know each other but there are lots of people who will be meeting for the first time.”

“How are you going to introduce me?”

“I am not trying to be a shit but how would you like me to introduce you. It can be something as innocuous as you are Tony’s girlfriend and I met you at the shop or I can introduce you as a model I have worked with. How much detail I share, we share, is up to you.”

“You would tell people, your family, that you have worked with me as a nude model?”

“Maggie, I am not ashamed. Sure there will be a lot of questions but I am not going to lie. I know that you are always concerned about your privacy, about people finding out about your modelling, so I assumed it would be Tony’s girlfriend and then you can build from that with people as you see fit. But if you tell some of the other guests that you work part time as a nude model and that is how we met then I will confirm that and answer the questions.”

Andrew saw Maggie gulp and Tony trying to hide a smirk.

“Let’s go with the first version to start okay?”

“Sure. I am glad we had the chance to have this conversation before I remembered at 4.00 next Saturday.”

“Who else is going to be there?”

“A whole mix of people, some family, some school friends, a couple of teachers, a couple of guys from the Food Bank, a real mixed bag.”

Conveniently not mentioning the MP or the Court of Session judge.

Maggie finally decided it was time to put some clothes on and so Andrew and Tony shook the sand off the towels before heading back to the car. It had been quite the weekend.

Because of the shoot Andrew had skipped dinner at the Campbell’s on Sunday night, and had told Brian that he wouldn’t be there when he had stopped by his office earlier in the week. He also needed to get ready for the hockey coaching course the next day. He was amused, although a little disappointed, that Leslie and Julian had not been in touch. The first blush of young love was obviously keeping them focused on each other to the exclusion of everything else. Andrew would see them at the party at the end of the week but there were only a few chances left for them all to hang out before he headed south at the end of the month. Andrew was not going to sweat it, the two of them were very happy and he also knew that they would come out of this phase. Still he missed his friends and it was now likely that it would not be until Christmas that he would have a chance to hang out with them. He was musing about this when the door of his bedroom was almost wrenched off its hinges by hurricane Rowan moaning about something. Andrew had his hockey gear on the floor making sure it was all ready for the course the next day. Mind you what he would have been able to do at 9.30 on a Sunday night if it was not was beside the point. Andrew often speculated that Rowan burst into his room because she could and to see if she could cause a scene. He couldn’t recall the last time he had been in her room but she had no such qualms about his. He smiled as he thought about his new flat, a Rowan free zone.

Mid-September in Scotland can be wonderful, miserable or anything in between. Actually that could describe weather in any month in Scotland but September often could be warm and sunny, extending the end of summer, or cold and blustery, an early portent of a miserable winter. Luckily for Andrew and the other 18 participants on the course it was the former. The course was being held at Edinburgh University’s playing fields about four miles from his home and a couple of miles south and east of the main campus of the University in the centre of the city. As on the previous course it was predominantly female, 15 of the 19 of the participants were women. The ages were slightly older than on the level one course, most people appeared to be either side of 30, so five years older than last time. The four instructors did a once round the group on introductions, name, background and why they were there. There were way too many to recall all of them but more than half the group were the same as last time, school coaches looking to increase their skills. The rest were club coaches doing the same thing including one of the other men, and Andrew. He was still baby-faced only needing to shave twice a week, at most, but his height and size made him appear older so he just said he had been a school coach and was now going to university, leaving it ambiguous as to whether he was going as a student or coach. With that they were off.

Unbeknownst to Andrew, he had incorporated several parts of this course while coaching that year, particularly the breakout drills. This part was both easy and interesting as he saw how the instructors broke down the explanation, drills and training in a better way than Andrew himself had done. The practice on the field brought back lots of memories from windy Thursday afternoons at Goldenacre as he had coached the team earlier in the year. His size, the oversize stick he used and the experience of endlessly doing these drills resulted in him being repeatedly told not to hit the cross field passes so hard. Andrew didn’t argue but thought about how all of the defenders on the school team were able to cradle his passes and shoot them up the wing or into the path of a breaking midfielder. They were sitting on the sidelines at lunchtime on that first day when one of the women came over to talk to him.

“Hello, I am Fiona Stewart, you coached at Heriot’s last year didn’t you, the pupil coach?”

Andrew stood up and introduced himself.

“Andrew McLeod, and yes I was the coach of the 1^st eleven at Heriot’s last year.”

It turned out the woman was one of the coaches of St. Margaret’s School but he didn’t recognise her.

“You are already working on your level 2 coaching certificate?”

“I am off to university at the end of the month and I enjoy coaching so I thought ‘why not?’ I am more likely to play but it is good to have the technical backup for coaching if the opportunity or need arises.”

“You are doing this for fun?”

Fiona was looking at him oddly. Andrew smiled and nodded.

“Sure, I like to study and this is just another aspect of that. One of the teachers asked me to be an assistant coach and so I did the level one certificate. I enjoyed coaching and seeing the positive outcome from all that hard work. Now I am getting some more detailed instruction on some of the things I stumbled into last year.”

Here Fiona laughed.

“Yes I could see you looking underwhelmed when Rich told you not to hit the cross field passes so hard. I remember your back line using that very effectively against us. I presume they all learned to cradle your passes?”

“Yes, I got them used to dealing with me and so when they passed between themselves or tackled the opposition they were ready.”

“Your team were ferocious tacklers, tough on the ball and strong.”

Andrew laughed again.

“I used to make them tackle me and defend the ball from me. If they beat me I had to do five push ups with the player on my back. There was no quarter given in our tackling drills.”

“Really?”

Fiona asked disbelievingly. Andrew nodded.

“No wonder your team was the best in the league last year.”

He changed the subject away from his exploits.

“So far they have worked on areas I am strong in. It will be different when we do the dribble drills, particularly the switch to backhand.”

They chatted away for the rest of the break before the course resumed. Andrew was as shit at the dribbling as he predicted but surprisingly okay at the passing drills. The days were long and tiring but he learned a lot. Thursday, the final day, was spent attacking and defending penalty corners. Andrew had power but lousy control, he could hit the ball really hard but it was as likely to be five feet wide as on goal. The instruction for them as coaches was different than just trying to hit the ball hard and again he learned a lot through the process. By the end of the fourth day his wrists and shoulders were aching but he managed to get his level 2 coaching certificate. Andrew was also convinced he needed to play hockey not just coach it. He made a point to say goodbye to Fiona Stewart and headed home.

Each day after the course Andrew stopped off at Tony’s for an hour or two and developed some more rolls from the weekend. By the Thursday evening he had all 10 rolls from the two days developed and printed out. He left the prints with Tony and they would go through them on Saturday morning. Maggie was going to be there as well and they could finally see how the shots had come out. The rest of Andrew’s evenings were spent reading chapters of the engineering textbooks. He didn’t read every page or do every exercise but it got his brain working again and his mind back into the routine of studying. Andrew was getting excited about the start of university. But first he had to complete the purchase of his flat the next day and make sure all the last minute details were sorted for the party the day after.

 

Chapter 4

Buying the flat was anti-climactic, like all of the business transactions Andrew had been part of, there was a lot of signing his name on various forms. Mind you at least he could sign his name now and didn’t need to get Leslie or his father to do it. But it was over by 10.00 and Andrew received the keys as Mhairi received the title documents which she would file with the Registrars of Scotland.

“I will get the title registered this morning, I will send one of the assistants over to Register House to get it filed right away. I will see you tomorrow night.”

Andrew left and walked back to the car where Suzanne was patiently waiting. They drove back up to the flat, found somewhere to park and walked to the flat. Without furniture it looked big but he was pleased at the state of the place and started to imagine the changes he would make. The inspection had found nothing so bad that it was a deal breaker but there were several things he was going to upgrade. The two of them wandered about for a bit before heading out again. As Andrew closed the door he could not help feeling that he needed to plan better. Suzanne alone in his new flat and they never took their clothes off. Andrew smiled and shook his head only to see Suzanne standing there, bottom lip firmly trapped between her teeth. He chased her all the way back to the car.

The rest of Friday was spent on the preparation for his party. It was going to be around 35 people with his Grandma as the oldest. It would have been Rowan as the youngest but since she was no longer attending there would be no one younger than 18 at the party. Andrew had never been much of a drinker, watching the farmers out at Harry and Josephine’s New Year party grimly drink themselves into oblivion had had a profound effect on him at 14 years old. It was something he was going to be careful with at Cambridge especially in Fresher’s Week. So not for Andrew a horde of late teenage men and women drinking too much and causing mayhem. He wanted to have a party as a thank you to family and friends for everything over the last five years. So had invited an eclectic mix of people from the various parts of his life for a thank you celebration. The numbers had gotten a little out of hand but he was looking forward to it. The issue with his parents he just shoved down deep, buried it within his psyche, and concentrated on the practicalities instead. A lot of the rest of the day was spent making sure that the caterers were organised, confirming there was enough food and going to the off-licence and buying the booze. He probably bought way too much but he was sure the Campbells would use up in short order.

That was a preview of Living Two Lives - Book 8. To read the rest purchase the book.

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