Living Two Lives - Book 5

Chapter 1

Andrew leaned his head against the hall wall and resisted the temptation of banging it repeatedly.

“I thought Mhairi had crushed this. What can have happened already?”

Andrew would call his tone plaintive, others would go with whiny.

“It is even stranger than before Andrew. This time it is Rifkind the local MP.”

Andrew had told his mother that there had been some issues but that Mhairi had dealt with them, and had never got into the details.

“How the hell does the local MP know about me? Other than you telling me his name a couple of years ago at the election I have never heard of him or had any dealings with him. Do we let Mhairi deal with this?”

“This is the strange part. Brian called and gave me a heads up he wanted our number and would be calling. He called to check it was okay to give him the number. At first I was ready to tell him no, but they would have found it eventually, so I said yes. That was last night and he called late this afternoon. He was well prepared at least. He spoke very diplomatically and said he hoped that we could talk without lawyers. He wants to meet with you. I am not sure why.”

Andrew looked first at Leslie and then back at his mum.

“So he knows that Mhairi has been beating up the Education Department and he was low key and polite. Doesn’t change the fact that I want nothing to do with being the poster child for the Open University, the Education Department or this Government. I prefer my anonymity. When are we to return his call? Monday?”

“He gave me his private number and said we could call over the weekend. I did call Mhairi after his call and I have arranged for you and Dad to see her at 10.00 on Monday morning. You can call his office from there once we have had a chance to talk to her.”

Andrew did not talk to Julian about the future of the company on Saturday, he was not in the mood. On the Saturday night he was sitting studying and thought about Tanvi and Katie and how much he missed them. Mind you he was sitting studying on a Saturday night. Maybe he had a ways to go with balance. Sunday morning he was at the Pool and here Andrew thought of Ara and the third unreturned message. From too many choices and potential chaos to wide open savannah and nary an antelope in sight. A horribly tortured metaphor which pretty well summed up his mood.

Monday brought him back to the familiar confines of Drummond’s offices.

“You are going to be the top billing lawyer in the office if we keep meeting like this.”

Andrew joked with Mhairi.

“The Department of Education did get a hefty bill to remind them of the consequences of breaking the rules.”

They went through the upcoming call with Rifkind and wondered out loud as to the purpose.

“It is not the Open University marketing thing again I am sure. I sent them a large bill only ten days ago just for dealing with all that. They know that we will sue them if any of this comes out. The Open University, the Department, individuals. They also believe that if anything is publicised that Andrew will sound like the biggest Labour supporter in the country and will forcefully belittle everyone involved. The Open University and its senior staff, the Department of Education and its ministers and civil servants, and the government generally. There is no meat left on that bone.”

“So what is it then Mhairi? Rifkind said to Mum that he hoped we could keep the lawyers out of it. I called Brian on Sunday night and found out that Rifkind is a lawyer, at least so Brian says. Brian knows him slightly through political circles here in town. How Rifkind found out the connection between the families is unsettling on top of everything else.”

Time to stop speculating and deal with the man. Mhairi was first into battle.

“Mr. Rifkind, Mhairi Connelly from Drummond & Company. I represent Andrew McLeod. I believe you wish to get in contact with him.”

Pause.

“Andrew is still a minor. Mr. and Mrs. McLeod contacted me to ensure that any conversations were appropriate.”

Longer pause.

“You are a lawyer Mr. Rifkind. Andrew is merely ensuring that both sides in this exchange have legal representation.”

Short pause.

“Andrew will not attend any meeting without both myself and one of his parents present. He will say nothing unless I believe to be appropriate. And most pertinently he will not attend any such meeting without a detailed understanding of what the agenda is and who else will be there. Names, titles, departments.”

“Enough of this nonsense Mr. Rifkind. Good day.”

Click. Borderline slam. Andrew laughed.

“I could have done that without any help from you. I thought I was the one with the temper.”

Mhairi blushed.

“I am sorry Andrew, he was getting sanctimonious. I should not have lost my temper. He will call back shortly I am sure. Why don’t we grab a cup of coffee while I recover my equilibrium?”

Andrew thought it was hilarious. Mhairi got to say things to an authority figure that he only dreamed of. They were back in Mhairi’s office for less than 15 minutes when Rifkind called back.

“Get to the point Mr. Rifkind. I am perfectly capable of hanging up again. Let me repeat. Neither you nor anyone else from the Government will say a word to Andrew McLeod without me present and with our side being in full possession of the facts. You have lost the right to be trusted after the way his marketing contract was completely disregarded. Final time Mr. Rifkind, what is this all about?”

There followed a three minute pause. Andrew and his dad were on tenterhooks.

“I see. I am not sure what all the rigmarole at the beginning was in aid of. If you had told me that at the start none of that unpleasantness would have been necessary. We will call you back from the conference room in two minutes. My office phone is not a speakerphone. Yes Mr. Rifkind, Andrew and his father have been here throughout the morning and have listened to my side of our conversations. Indeed Mr. Rifkind. Two minutes.”

They talked as they walked through.

“The junior Minister who deals with the Open University is someone called Baroness Young. When we scotched all their plans she had the head of the Computer Science Department down to her office with the Vice-Chancellor. She wanted to hear for herself what you had done with the knowledge you had learned. Everyone is pissed at you for refusing to go along with all the publicity but the Computer Science Department has been extolled. The Administration is pleased that their political overseers are happy. A Professor Young is the toast of the campus. Rifkind was reading this all off of notes he had been given. Anyway, this Baroness Young took it upon herself to mention the success of small scale innovation and boosting productivity, control and security. She told her equivalent at the Department of Industry. He wants to meet you. He is a Minister of State, Sir Adam Butler. What caught his attention was the cheap price, Rifkind will give you more details. They are requesting that you go to London and talk to some people including Butler about it.”

Andrew sat in silence, partially stunned but his mind was also whirring. He thought back to all these senior lawyers and directors of firms and businesses that he and Julian and had bailed out. No clue and a couple of teenagers had fixed things and unlocked value for them. That was more than a year ago but there were still lots of businesses struggling to catch up. His dad and Mhairi could see he was thinking and sat and waited.

“Okay, let’s do this.”

Mhairi put her elbow on the table with her hand up.

“While my arm is like this it is okay to keep talking. If at any point I put my arm flat then please stop talking immediately. I will take over. Okay?

Andrew nodded. Did it go better than he thought? He didn’t know. Rifkind started off all false jolly but quickly calmed down. Butler wanted to meet to talk about their software. Andrew asked him who would be there. Rifkind didn’t know. Mhairi told him to pass on her details to the Department of Industry. Once they sent the agenda and invitees then they would schedule the meeting. Rifkind was startled when Andrew told him that there would be up to seven of them and to pass that along. It was cordial and polite but nothing more than that. Afterwards they sat and Mhairi and his dad looked at Andrew.

“Seven of us?”

“Dad, I have no clue why a government minister, a junior one but a minister none the same, wants to meet with a kid about computer software. What I was thinking about before the call was back to the start of all this. Brian useless at VisiCalc; Julian’s dad and his firm botching the install of their new computers; Kyle Turner and ComputerCom overselling systems and needing help to get them up and running properly. It was two teenagers who fixed it. What’s the nice work for nerd that someone once told me, oh yeah, enthusiasts? Two enthusiasts who fixed it. Companies made big purchases and screwed up the details. That is where the teenagers, Julian and I, came in. Once Leslie started helping us focus on the business part of the company then things took off. I think we’ve produced 70 versions of the software for ComputerCom. Normally nothing more than different graphics or logo, all at £20 a go. That is the secret. We are selling what the grown-ups want to hear. Control. Security. As to the seven people, it is the three of us, Leslie and her dad, and Julian and his dad, if they want to come. Having Brian and Mr. Strong there will add credibility to the story. At the end of the day, it is an interesting story, almost an anecdote you tell at a dinner party, I don’t see how the government learns from this, no idea. But I guess we get a trip to London out of it.”

The McLeod family trip to London was an interesting time. His mum, Scott and Rowan went off to shop at Harrods on the first day leaving Andrew and his dad to meet up with the Campbells and the Strongs, together with Mhairi Connelly at Westminster Abbey. From there it was a one minute walk to the Department of Industry. Rifkind was there and he did the introductions. Too many names and faces. Adam Butler was the guy in charge, the Minister of State for Industry. He was a smooth politician and managed to not annoy Andrew so that helped. After 10 minutes of pleasantries and dancing round the subject Butler came to the point

“We asked you here today because it is the kind of story that, if it is not going to be told broadly, we at least can understand and learn from. Janet mentioned you one day while we were waiting to be called into cabinet. We were passing the time in the waiting room and she told me the story of the schoolboy doing an Open University degree. Not only that but making a successful business out of it. She was disappointed that we were not going to be able to publicise this success but we both understand that it is not your wish. Thus this meeting. Why were you successful and are their lessons that can be learned?”

Andrew was impressed with Butler. He was at least saying all the right things and in a manner designed not to offend or annoy him. Everyone was looking at Andrew to start.

“When the meeting was arranged and I saw both the agenda and the attendees I realised the importance you are placing on this. Thank you for that courtesy. Computers are a generational divider. That is perhaps the key thing to take away from this. You are all middle aged gentlemen. Senior civil servants and a minister who are running this department. Mr. Campbell is the managing director of a company in Edinburgh,” Andrew told them the name, “and Mr. Strong is a senior partner at his own law firm. Successful men in their respective fields. Brian came to me to assist him in fixing his computer system and then creating templates in VisiCalc. Using those reports he contacted the police and a large and sophisticated fraud was uncovered and prosecuted. Mr. Strong’s firm bought into the hype of computers and invested a large amount of money in buying them and the VisiCalc software. The company that they bought the computers from was great at sales and lousy at installation and service. His firm hired Julian and I to get all their computers installed correctly, and that was nothing more than patience and a little knowledge and also install the templates that I created. They also paid handsomely for the privilege as the first person sent to negotiate with us was a patronising fool because of our ages.”

Julian senior looked chastened but nodded.

“Once that was sorted out then Julian and I worked over New Year and got the systems up and running. Nothing fancy just making sure everything was connected and loaded correctly. The company that had sold the computers to Mr. Strong’s firm was being sued by a lot of businesses so I sold the VisiCalc templates to them and Julian and I went to work for them on the weekends fixing systems just like we did for his dad’s firm. 80% of the time it was starting over, re-installing everything and connecting everything correctly. We would also install the VisiCalc templates at these firms.

“The second key thing to take away from this is that we at no point provided the perfect solution, that doesn’t exist. We gave a temporary solution to a problem. Julian and I are avid readers of computer magazines. Software, that is the programs that run on computers, is changing and evolving all the time. The templates that I sold were a temporary fix. What they did was that they allowed the firm to maximise the productivity of their investment. We did not tell them to buy a bunch of expensive computers. They did that all on their own. We turned up with patience and a £20 bundle of templates and made things better. Most users of the computers will have modified or created their own templates within a year. But for that year, suddenly it was not tens of thousands of pounds of under-utilised or not working investment, it was productive.

“Then Leslie started to get more involved in the business. Julian and I do the coding, the creating of the software, but Leslie is the business brain behind our success. Leslie talked with the sales director of the company that we originally assisted, a company called ComputerCom.”

Andrew noticed a slew of sharp glances between several of the civil servants.

“Leslie and Kyle Turner at ComputerCom worked together to figure out what else businesses need. What all head offices want is control over the branches. Is everyone is doing what they are told, presenting the right image, and generating sales? All these things and a hundred more. We came up with a program that lets a branch enter in a limited amount of information on their computer. ComputerCom sold them the program and the modem necessary to communicate with a central computer.”

There was a pause here while Andrew explained what a modem was.

“Kyle sold control. Every night the branch’s computer reported to the central computer the key information. Sales, cash, number of items, whatever the head office wanted. We’ve produced more than 70 versions of the software. All basically the same but tailored to each individual business’ need. And we sold it at £25 a branch. We know that it will be superseded and soon. More powerful computers, faster modems, better software. For a year or two until something bigger and better comes along an organisation will have control, all for £25 a branch, or office, or shop. It doesn’t matter. As long as there is a computer there is the opportunity to exercise control.

“That brings us to the present. We sold the last version early in the New Year and ComputerCom are installing it in most of the petrol stations in the country. Other businesses have recognised that there is a market and larger, full time businesses are now selling solutions. We are working on something else instead.”

Andrew finally stopped. He had no idea how long he had been talking but his mouth was dry and he needed some water. Butler sat looking at him for a moment.

“A fascinating story with lessons I did not expect you to emphasise. Your software will not help decide whether to invest in new computers or not, but if an investment is made then your software will help an organisation get the most out of that investment?”

“That is a good way of looking at it.”

“Your point about the generational divide is also well taken. I look around the room and the three of you and Ms. Connelly are the only ones under 40. That is something to think about.”

“There are lots of people in government who are interested in this. I had to attend a residential session at the Open University campus in March. There are 20 of us taking my course at the moment and of them I think six are in government. In their own time doing the same thing that I am. It is not many but there are probably a large number of people who haven’t the time or money to do a computer course but still have an interest and perhaps some skills.”

“Do you have any details of these people? If there are people doing the same course as you then at least we would have some knowledgeable people that could attend meetings such as these.”

Andrew looked through his folders of computer stuff. He had brought a ton of paperwork in case he was asked an obscure question. He found the slips of paper with the contact info eventually.

“Here you go, the two contacts that I made at the course. There is a Steven Glamp at the Treasury. He gave no indication of his role and we never talked about it. He is in his early thirties I guess. Nigel Mountjoy is at the Ministry of Defence and just said he couldn’t talk about what he did. Older, probably late thirties. These are the two that I shared info with. I am sure Professor Young at the Computer Science department can provide details of the rest.”

The meeting had 10 minutes of scheduled time left and they were about done.

“You said you are working on something else. Can you tell us about it?”

Andrew looked at Leslie and suggested she handle this part.

“It is an asset management system, computerising all the paper records. It is the largest item on most organisations balance sheets. We are taking the concept of control and trying to extend it to this area. It will be a longer term project. We have some good working versions of the software but have been unsuccessful in getting any interest yet.”

A previously quiet man at the end of the table asked.

“Where is the value?”

“It is control again. Organisations spend thousands and millions of pounds buying equipment and have it installed all over the country and even all over the world. Is it still there? What is its condition? How long is it supposed to last? Has it been maintained? Do we need to replace it? Can we afford it? I don’t doubt that all of this information is available but is it being controlled. Here is an example. Andrew was at an Army camp last month. A small place in the middle of Scotland. He told me it is an ex-POW camp from the war. Built then and still in use today. Does anyone know anything about this camp? Are the buildings all still there? How much time and money is being spent maintaining something that is 40 years old. And that is young for a lot of government buildings. Buildings from the Napoleonic era and even earlier are all still in use. The program allows a business to start to exercise control. Stop spending unnecessary money. Make the right decision.”

That was a sneakily masterful speech.

“Why are you struggling to sell this? It sounds like something any organisation should consider.”

This was Butler again.

“We are no different than any small business. In fact, we are even smaller. Julian just finished school, I have just completed first year at Edinburgh University and Andrew still has two more years of school. We are hardly IBM. That is why we were lucky to team up with ComputerCom. A large part of our success is due to their organisation. Without it you would never have heard of us.”

Brian spoke for the first time.

“Gentlemen, there is a third point which is also key to all this. The software, the program, needs humans to enter data. A business can buy the computer and buy the software but if the staff don’t use it, or use it wrongly or don’t trust it then it is not going to drive productivity. Computer programs are taking away jobs. There will be fear and suspicion. Any organisation that wants to exercise that level of control will have to fight resistance to it.”

Before they knew it they were standing back out on the street in front of the office, they looked at each other and sort of collectively shrugged. They found a café for lunch and chatted about how the meeting had gone. Mr. Strong summed it up.

“I can see that Butler was personally interested and Rifkind tagged along to support his constituents. I don’t know why there were four people from Industry and one person from the Treasury there. It seemed overkill to me. The other thing I noticed was the first time Andrew mentioned ComputerCom several of the civil servants exchanged looks. And not friendly looks. The government never allowed ComputerCom to fix the botched install. It seems like all is not well there.”

Mrs. Strong and Mary Campbell had come down as well so the three families had dinner together that night. Mhairi had excused herself and left to catch a plane back up to Edinburgh. She had been very quiet all day, given that the tone of the meeting was so friendly. Andrew spoke briefly to her before she left.

“What are your thoughts on the day?”

“Julian’s point at lunch is the key one Andrew, I don’t know why there were so many people there. There is something else going on. Leslie’s comments were very clever. The guy who asked about the value was the Treasury guy. The government is looking for ways to cut spending across whole swathes of the public sector. I know it sounds fantastical but I think they wanted to hear what you had to say. They wanted to hear how computers will save millions. Leslie built them up and then Brian threw the bucket of cold water on them by reminding them that it takes people to make this happen. I don’t think we have heard the last of this. Can you imagine if you sell the new program to the government?”

Andrew spent the remainder of the weekend thinking about exactly that.

 

Chapter 2

Nothing happened of course. They got home and received pro-forma thank you notes from Rifkind and Butler. Everything about AIMS was an exercise in frustration and patience. So instead Andrew thought about women. He had gone to see Tony about booking the studio.

“Hey Andrew, I wasn’t sure I was going to see you again after those two clowns sabotaged your birthday shoot.”

“Not your fault Tony. I was annoyed with them but then remembered what you and Danny told me about favours owed and acknowledged. The whole idea of people who just take. I have dumped these two into that category. I am unlikely to see them again but if by some chance they needed a favour in the future then they would be shit out of luck. It is all I can do.”

“That is the right attitude. A couple of guys have had quiet words to me about them. Kenny in particular is on thin ice. Anyway, enough of them, how’s things?”

“Good, great in fact. I came in to ask how much it cost to rent the studio for a couple of hours, and if you would rent it to me.”

“Of course I’ll rent it to you. It is normally £20 an hour but I will give you two hours for the price of one.”

“Thank you. When is it available?”

Tony went and found his diary with the different bookings marked. He and Andrew agreed on an evening near the end of July.

“I am guessing Monica is going to model for you again?”

Andrew nodded.

“She was as upset as you were at those two. But I have a little money saved and I want to practice working with a model. I think it will be a slower pace. You know what I can be like, geeky and fastidious. I will play around with settings, lighting, shade, depth of field. All the while trying to deal with the fact it is Monica.”

Tony laughed.

“I was going to say you two are an odd pair of friends but you are not a normal fuckwit teenager. I am nearly 15 years older than you but I find you easy to chat to. And Monica has been modelling for us for more than four years now, since not long before you first met her. Yet she is friends with the schoolboy.”

“I know, it confuses me a lot to be honest. But then I give my head a shake and don’t question my good fortune.”

“You have that right. Do you think you are going to do more studio shoots, work with models?”

“I think I will see how this next shoot goes. If I burn through five or six rolls of film then I will need to review them and.”

Andrew stopped.

“I have to figure out why I am photographing her. It is extremely unlikely that any other model will be comfortable with me doing naked shots. So I need to think about who and why I am photographing someone. I am a reasonable photographer, know all the essentials and have learned some useful skills. But it is not going to be a career. I am going to be off to university in two years to study Physics or Engineering. Do you mind me asking you why you have the Friday night club?”

Tony opened his mouth to reply but then paused.

“I was going to say several things but I had to stop. Because I can seems a poor answer but it is probably the main one now. At first there were lots of reasons, improving my skills, learning to work with a model, but the club has been running twice a month on a Friday night for more than five years. I have packets and packets of prints and negatives of all the women I have shot. But half of them are scattered around the flat upstairs. It is not as if I am doing anything with them.

“All of us have our own businesses or are wealthy enough to enjoy this hobby. I think we all like taking pictures of naked women. Even the guys who are married. I hadn’t really thought about it that way. Once or twice when it has been the same two models for six months then there gets to be a sameness to the shots. That is what made the last shoot so annoying. Monica has been a model for nearly four years. We have shot her more than 25 or 30 times. It wasn’t like she was a new model. If anything we have started to use her less. There is only so many shots you can take of her tits and arse.

“Go on, you better get out of here before you have me questioning the whole club.”

Andrew laughed and shook Tony’s hand before heading out. That had been three weeks earlier and now the day of the shoot had arrived. And it was utterly different than the first attempt. Tony had let them into the studio before leaving them to it.

“Remember I am Monica. Be clear and demanding of what you want. You are the photographer and I will follow your direction. And don’t beat around the bush. If you want me to stick my tits or arse out then tell me. Don’t get all coy. Okay?”

“Yes dear.”

Andrew dodged out of the way of a swipe.

“Arse.”

“Yes, stick it out please.”

The two of them headed over to the sets laughing. Monica had the same dress on as at the first shoot three months earlier but when she got to the set she unbuttoned it, quickly removed it and stood naked in front of Andrew. She had been wearing no underwear.

“We will go through all the usual shots in the run up to this moment but I thought you should start here.”

Andrew had seen Monica naked four weeks earlier and yet this was infinitely more intimate. Andrew smiled as he realised how Monica wasn’t really following the photographer’s directions yet. And he wasn’t about to complain. But then the geek and scientist within him kicked in. There was a statuesque model standing naked in front of him so he started to work on composing the shots. At first he let Monica assume the poses but soon he was getting her to move her body for him. Andrew was drawn to her legs and arse. He really was turning into an arse man. Monica stood wearing heels and a smile, her back to Andrew but looking over her left shoulder at him.

“I don’t want bored indifference and I definitely don’t want feigned ecstasy either. I want to see the real you, the mischievous smile, that glint of wickedness that I know is lurking right below the surface. You are standing here naked in front of me, letting this 16 year old schoolboy photograph your magnificent body. Think about how many taboos you are breaking. Imagine the look on the faces of these old shrews that you work with.”

Andrew wondered if he would have to remove one of the lights. Monica seemed to radiate happiness, cheekiness, appropriate given the view, and Andrew felt the shots were much better. Finally Andrew got her back into some clothes and it was then that Andrew made an important discovery. Often women look even better when they are wearing clothes, either partially or fully. Huge amounts of it were in his mind. But when Monica put the dress back on, still wearing no underwear, that knowledge influenced how Andrew saw the shot, and how Monica as the model acted. From his time with Moira Andrew knew the mind was a powerful and important part of sexuality. That evening just confirmed it.

And the two of them had fun. Andrew took his time at certain points, and did take the time to play around with the lighting, noting down a lot of the settings as he tried different shots. It was clear to both of them that this was not going to be the only time they did this.

“Would you model for me again, every couple of months, while I work on improving my skills?”

“Of course I will. You know that I enjoy this. So sometime in September once you are back at school?”

“Yes. Would you like me turn up in my school uniform, maybe wear it while I am shooting?”

“Stop it, you are so bad. Of course you need to wear your uniform. You can’t wander round the studio with nothing on, that is my job.”

Andrew had been trying to tease Monica and make her blush, but his attempt rebounded and he flushed at her retort.

“I should know better than to cross swords with you.”

“You keep your sword to yourself.”

It was the full stop to the session, as both of them were laughing, Andrew while fanning his blushing face.

“I surrender.”

A very naked Monica came up to him and kissed him gently on the cheek before going through to the little changing room and getting dressed. Five minutes later the two of them were standing chatting to Tony.

“I heard a lot of laughter in there tonight. It sounded like it went well.”

“It is different when there is only one photographer. I hadn’t realised how I never stopped when it is the lot of you. There is always someone shouting instructions. Tonight when Andrew had to rewind his film and load a new roll then there was a pause. Moving a light, changing settings, it was more, I am not sure what; the whole session was relaxed and fun, but maybe it was nothing more than not as frantic.”

As usual they walked over to George IV Bridge to get their separate buses home.

“Thank you for that tonight Andrew.”

“Should it not be me thanking you?”

“Nah, I had a great time. I loved it when you told me to just be myself. I could see you wanting to tell me to be Maggie not Monica. You didn’t need to say it, I understood what you meant. I have been doing those, what did you call them, feigned ecstasy faces for most of my shoots for, well forever. I don’t think I have smiled as much or laughed as much in a session since I started modelling. You made it fun. And then there are all the subtle and blatant undercurrents to the shoot as well. Again, you used the right words. I am breaking a lot of taboos doing these shoots, and I love it. Anyway off and get your bus and stop corrupting us poor older women.”

They both laughed but then Maggie pulled Andrew down and kissed him. She was tasting forbidden fruit and they both knew it.

“Enjoy your summer Andrew.”

Andrew spent the journey home rationalising monthly photo sessions. He needed a long shower when he got home.

The following week Andrew met up with Julian and they talked about the future.

“It is the end of July, the agreed upon time to see where we are with JA and whether it makes sense to keep trying with Jullesand. What do you think?”

“The way that Leslie talked when she was explaining the program, I know that the program that will be successful, we just have to get our foot in the door somewhere. Plus I am learning a ton. The database techniques in the latest course are great. We can use all of them on the program, free up space to store more data. I want to keep going. What about you two?”

“We are the same, we want to continue. I agree with you about Leslie’s presentation. I think we will be able to sell some software. For me personally it is the opportunity to put the techniques from the course into practice. It is also a way to make money. The most significant way to make money that I will have for many years. What about the future? I have two more years of school. Do we commit each year and see how that year goes? I have no idea where I am going to university, I am not 100% convinced that I even need to go to university.”

“You are thinking about working in the computer industry full time? And not even go to university? Wow. Although I always tend to forget that you are at university already. You would have a degree at 18.”

Julian stopped and thought for a minute.

“I like the idea of a review every year. Unless things go badly, I would assume we have two more years before we get to the crunch. Let’s see what happens. I think we should go hard at it for the next year and see how we do.”

They were agreed. Andrew confirmed this with Leslie and on the first Saturday in August in 1981, almost exactly two and a half years after Faith died Andrew finally told someone the whole truth. Leslie was there and it was a pretty raw hour. They talked about the two months at the infirmary, talked about Friday January 26, 1979 the day their paths diverged, and talked about the aftermath of Faith’s death. The goal to make a difference, fund research to find a cure for cancer. How much money they wanted to make. The only thing that neither of them talked about was the final weekend. Andrew didn’t know that he could talk about that with anyone. Julian got pretty upset at the points where they got upset, especially the Friday where Andrew got the all clear and Faith got a death sentence.

“Fuck me guys, that is the.” Words failed him. “Saddest, most moving, most inspiring thing I have ever heard. Andrew, you go to dinner with the Campbells every week. You lived and their daughter died and they have you round to dinner every week?”

“It goes back to the conversations in the last days of Faith’s life. I hold her memory dear, I try to live a life she would be proud of. That is why I am so driven, in some ways I am trying to cram in two lives. Leslie’s mum and dad came to see the fire and the bond that Leslie and I have and they support it. Brian is my financial advisor, everything I do with money I discuss with him first. So there you go. The only other people who know this are our parents, no one else. We thought that you deserved to know the truth. It will also help you understand my mercenary tendencies.”

“First of all thank you for trusting me. That is a pretty intense story and I can understand why you have never even hinted at it. I know that everyone is amazed at the strength of the relationship between the two of you and that the story as normally presented just does not seem to adequately explain it. I will go and think about the company and what we are trying to do if we succeed. You have given me a lot to think about.”

The following weekend was when Andrew was going to showcase his prowess with a hockey stick. When Dave found out why he was missing work at the Food Bank the following week he laughed but did Andrew a favour and did not tell Gord. He would never have heard the end of it. Julian called on the Monday morning and told Andrew he would be over to collect him within the hour. When he arrived he was excited.

“Bring all your camera stuff. June agreed to take some photographs. Are you free this afternoon?”

“Bloody hell, calm down. Yes I am free all day. Let me get my gear and some rolls of film.”

Twenty minutes later they were on our way. Julian was going to drop Andrew off at his house and then go and collect June. He wanted to do the shoot at the house. Julian’s mum was already away and his dad was leaving to play golf shortly. Andrew laughed at his enthusiasm and then remembered his own excitement during the shoot with Tanvi. Never mind the shoots with Monica.

Julian opened the front door and then ran back to his car. He had been watching too many episodes of The Professionals as he left with a screech. Andrew walked in and carried on through to the kitchen. Julian’s dad was there finishing some toast.

“Morning Andrew. How are you?”

“Good thanks Mr. S. It will be different for you to have Julian out the house come September. You won’t have me hanging around all the time as well.”

Andrew was over at the Strongs a lot.

“It will be different. His mother thinks he will be over all the time to be fed but I suspect it will be when he wants his laundry done. As you know we had Julian when we were older. We have spoken to him more in the last two years than the previous five. What we came to appreciate is that he is his own man. He always was that man but he removed our blinkers. You helped with that. The day you turned up and told me off for harping on about going to the golf club. Then the two of you go out and make a tremendous success of your business. I will never forget when McBride came back into my office and told me you had doubled the fee. I think I told you then I didn’t know whether to laugh and congratulate you or throttle you. Probably a bit of both.”

They both laughed at the memory.

“And then Leslie started to get involved more and more with the business side of the company. That woman keeps you on your toes. The two of you barely move after she leaves. Head down, fingers whirring away. She made you believe in your own ability. And then to cap it you are hauled down in front of a Minister at the Industry Department and you are articulate and clear. I was watching their reactions to you. You impressed them, sadly not enough for them to buy lots of your programs but things are happening down there I am sure.”

The doorbell rang.

“Oh that will be Jim. Would you mind letting him in while I go and grab my golf shoes?”

Andrew went to the front door and came face to face with Moira’s dad. Of course, Jim.

“Good morning Lord Barnes. Mr. Strong is just getting his golf shoes.”

Andrew stood aside hoping that he would walk back to his car and wait there. Fat chance.

“Hello Andrew, still not calling me Jim, eh?”

“Oddly enough, no sir.”

They both laughed, Andrew’s more strained than Lord Barnes’.

“How are you? Moira must be excited about starting at Oxford soon.”

“Bittersweet Andrew, bittersweet. We have been on our own for more than 10 years. The house will seem big and empty without her. It was too big when it was just the two of us. I am thinking of selling up and moving into something more manageable.”

“I can understand that. It must have been difficult for you parenting a teenage girl on your own.”

“It was the day to day stuff that was probably the worst. Underwear, monthly necessities stuff like that. What the hell did I know about that sort of thing? The mothers of some of her friends were very kind. It is not like she could talk about that sort of thing with her father. ‘Dad I need to get a new bra; can we go to M&S’.”

“Actually, knowing Moira I am surprised that she did not say exactly that!”

They both laughed again.

“Maybe we spared each other some small indignities. You did a good job of keeping her calm. I was despairing about the Maths issue, but you worked wonders, both tutoring her in the material but also stopping her getting down on herself. That was the thing that made all the difference. Belief in herself and her abilities and calming her down. I am glad I have run into you like this, it allows me the chance to thank you personally.”

Andrew was not sure he would be so fulsome in his praise if he knew the relaxation techniques.

“You are welcome. I learned a lot about myself over the course of the year as well. It was interesting to see the importance of the mental and the psychological aspects of learning. I am off on Friday for a three day coaching course in field hockey. I will see if I can reproduce it on the sports fields next year.”

“You are going to coach the women at the school?”

He sounded amazed.

“Assistant coach, that is all. I go to all the games to support my friends anyway, so the coach asked if I wanted to coach. In fact that is not right. She told me I was coaching. She made me an offer I couldn’t refuse.”

“The headmaster is okay with this?”

He sounded really old fashioned at that point. It was time to dull that sharp edge down.

“I’ll always be supervised. Changing rooms strictly out of bounds. Commonplace sensible conditions. Other than that it will be out on the field, working on drills for the most part. Encouraging the team during the game. Not much different than I do at the moment.”

Lord Barnes seemed to calm down.

“Of course, I should have realised. Sorry, I got rather carried away there for a second. Although I think they will need to be proactive with some of the parents. Parents of teenage daughters need no help in rushing to conclusions.”

Andrew chose a diplomatic silence.

“Oh there you are Jim, sorry for the delay. Shoes got moved and I couldn’t find them. Andrew keeping your entertained?”

“As always. Andrew told me to my face the first time we met that I was to be treated with circumspection. A turn of phrase hard to forget. He is a guarded young man.”

Mr. Strong looked at him.

“Andrew is a great keeper of secrets. Julian is a more mature thoughtful man from hanging out with Andrew, even although he is two years older.”

“Come on let’s go. I can see he is getting uncomfortable again. He will never win at the poker table. You can read that face.”

Jim Barnes laughed and clapped Andrew on the shoulder. Five minutes later he was finally alone.

Now that he and Moira were but a fading memory Andrew was no longer as intimidated by her dad. He actually seemed a nice man. He was still a senior judge of the Court of Session so Andrew would prefer to limit his dealings with him. Julian and June arrived at that point. June looked tense and uneasy so Andrew gave Julian a look and told him to go and make some tea. No one needed tea, he just wanted to talk to her alone.

“Are you okay? You seem tense?”

“I’ll be fine. He is just a bit eager that is all.”

She cracked a small smile for the first time. Andrew nodded.

“You set the pace. I was going to let you do your own posing, you have a talent for that. Do you have any particular pictures you want to do? Does Julian?”

“No. It is more try it and see sort of thing. I will relax and get into it, I know I did at Tanvi’s shoot. That is why we are doing this, I imagined myself as the model.”

“Okay I will go and get the camera set up. We have three rolls of 36 so we have lots of film to work with. I thought we would start in the garden.”

The photo shoot was a much more than a typical photo shoot. Andrew and June kept up a constant dialogue as he took different shots. Andrew would get the photo composed, the basic position set and then the two of them would talk about the difference certain things made. Silly little things like lifting a heel to tighten the calf muscle, the positioning of the hands, tensing the neck but without looking like you had lockjaw. Because it was him and June, and Julian was off to the side watching, it was much more personal yet impersonal at the same time. It was a two hour lesson of what June had looked at in all the magazines and what she had practiced in front of her mirror. Andrew hadn’t expected to learn so much.

Tanvi’s shoot was more innocent than this one. She had smiled and posed but there was not sex in the pictures. Beauty and poise but not sex. June on the other really responded to the camera. She looked right at the camera and half her poses were her staring at the lens looking wild. It was fascinating, in that it was totally safe, nothing inappropriate and yet also very sexy. Julian was a lucky guy. As soon as the shoot was over Andrew packed up and said he would see them later. The front door closed with finality. Andrew smiled as he walked down the hill, he was lugging his camera bag but it wasn’t too bad.

The last two weeks of the holiday were at the farm, but first Andrew had to head to St. Andrews for the hockey clinic. It was held at the University Sports Centre with accommodation provided next door in a hall of residence, mostly filled with tourists for the summer. The introduction was the worst part, there were 16 of them on the clinic, with Andrew the youngest as usual. 14 of the class were women with most of them in their 20s apart from a couple of outliers. The other man was much older, late 40s maybe and he explained he had accepted a position at an all-girls school and he needed to teach the basics. Andrew’s reason and participation was the subject of much scrutiny, especially the first morning and lunchtime. However, his repeated responses that it was the wish of the coach of the 2^nd eleven that he get certified eventually stopped them. The actual coaching part was good. They had broken down moves and drills so that you could teach it. You did not have to display much hockey skill which was just as well. There were a couple of snide comments but mostly they encouraged each other. The first night there was a big organised night out as part of the course. The only problem was that it was in a bar. It didn’t really bother Andrew. He had some reading with him so after dinner he went for a walk down to the Old Course and stood and soaked up the history. He walked down to, and along, the beach where they had filmed the ‘Chariot’s of Fire’ opening sequence. Andrew was not sure about splashing through the surf but he would try and run there in the morning.

Andrew was up at his usual time and after exercising went for his morning run. He did run along the beach but resisted the temptation to try and run through the surf. He was showered and breakfasted before anyone else at the clinic had even showed up. He guessed there were a few hangovers and walked over to the sports centre with his textbook. He would have warmed up but there was no one to practice passing or shooting to and so he put the stick down and sat and read his textbook until the rest of the group arrived. And yes he did realise that he could have had an extra 45 minutes in bed but he was a creature of routine.

The morning exercises were an abomination. Andrew tried not to smirk too hard, all of these women were better than he was even being horribly hungover, but this was not the finest morning of coaching Scottish Hockey ever produced. Most of the afternoon session was spent breaking the offensive and defensive parts of the penalty corner. They wanted Andrew to play goalie but the equipment did not fit fortunately. So instead he had to run out like a maniac and practice blocking shots. He did learn a lot, the two guys having the lowest knowledge base were bound to learn the most. Andrew thought he may not embarrass himself too badly at school after all.

Dinner that night was much more subdued. The group was relatively homogenous. The three older attendees sat together and shared war stories, all were experienced teachers. The 12 twenty something women hung out together, they were much more inclined to have a good time. A few brave souls had recovered enough to want to go out on the town again. And then there was Andrew. So he went out again for a walk after dinner. Andrew thought about Kenzie and whether they would get together during the next two weeks. It had been a long three months since he and Moira had parted.

Sunday morning was a repeat of Saturday. He ran further and felt good when he sat down at breakfast. Unlike the day before Andrew was not alone. He walked over to the sports fields thinking about his life. The life he was leading at present was lonely. He had nothing in common, and was at least seven years younger, then most of the participants on the course. He practised his double bass alone and did not play in the school orchestra. He studied alone, even Suzanne who studied with him, just sat alongside him. It was not as if they were studying the same things most of the time. The Open University was all on his own, late into the evening. The Food Bank was not conducive to chatting. The whole mess with Katie and Tanvi had ended. Even his friendship with Don and Pete was a school day friendship. They never hung out after school or at the weekend. Andrew and Pete had started to go to some gigs together but that was still infrequent.

Andrew wondered about other people’s life at school. Was it any different? He had more real friends and solid acquaintances than before he had cancer. What was the nature of teenage friendship? If you saw the same people outside school as at it then maybe friendships grew. Heriot’s pupils were scattered all over Edinburgh and the surrounding area. It had felt good to tell Julian the truth about how he and Leslie had really met. Andrew belatedly realise that he should have spoken to Suzanne more over this holiday. He would call her that night when he got home and see if we could go out before the start of term. He needed to try harder.

Andrew got his head back into the clinic just in time and spent the morning working on teaching stick handling or dribbling. Some of the girls ran and it was like the ball was glued to their stick. Him not so much, part of the problem was that Andrew was tall and not used to the crouching stance that the experienced players used. He was much more upright and awkward. There were a couple of catcalls of ‘Lurch’, and they weren’t wrong.

All good things must come to an end and it was finally over. They all passed, no surprise, and received their certificates. The goodbyes were short and four hours later he was home. Just in time to swap bags and head out to the farm.

 

Chapter 3

The time at the farm always went quickly for Andrew and these two weeks were no different. He dealt with the dairy and beef herds, worked through a list of chores in the farmyard every morning and then sat and completed and corrected paperwork in the afternoon and evening. Josephine had let the paperwork slip, maybe in anticipation of his visit, and it took him until the penultimate evening to get caught up. HIs evenings were his own as there was no sign of Kenzie. Josephine left him meals in the freezer and so he was on his own the last week. The reason for Kenzie’s absence was alluded to but never confirmed. It seemed that she was pregnant and now had a steady boyfriend, the expectant father. Andrew hoped that it would work out for her. She was a wonderful young woman and she deserved the best. She would always be his first. So given this development he threw himself into the work. At the end of the two weeks he was ready for school to start again. Working on the farm always made him ready for the library.

But it also reinforced the feeling of loneliness that he had thought about while at the coaching course. It had been a summer without balance and other than occasionally seeing and talking to Leslie he had been on his own for large chunks of it. And even when he was with other people he felt isolated. Andrew knew this was partially his nature but he felt the disconnect from his family as the time at the farm came to an end. The other four had gone to Sweden, which with a not yet two year old was either the height of bravery or the depths of folly. Andrew tended towards the later. But the bonds of family were slipping, it was becoming clearer and clearer. One notable thing, in his own eyes, was that he did not talk about Maggie with Leslie. For whatever reason he was reticent to talk about his time in the studio and had been all year. She knew nothing of the three photo shoots. It was the first secret that he had kept from her, and he wasn’t sure why. It was Leslie that drove him back into town from the farm at the end of his two weeks as the family were not back until the next day.

Things got much worse when they returned. Andrew had to endure the usual start of term school shopping trip with his mother. He was now 6’2” and fourteen and a half stone. What made this one different was that his mother informed Andrew that he would have to pay for the new school uniform. Andrew was surprised but brought sufficient money with him to get the updated uniform. Because he continued to grow taller he needed new shirts, trousers, blazer and shoes ahead of his first day on Wednesday. What caused the fight was the conversation on the way home.

“Your dad and I were talking while we were away. We are going to need you to contribute to the family budget for the next two years. I am only going to be part-time until Scott goes to school and we are struggling with the school fees for Rowan.”

Andrew was taken aback.

“When you didn’t think you could afford my school fees you told me I would be going to Firhill.”

That was the local high school.

“I had to work to pay my fees and I have done so for the last two years. Is Rowan being told the same?”

“Don’t speak to me like that Andrew. We are not having one of our children going to private school while the other goes to the local state school. Rowan is not going to work. You have the money so stop being so selfish.”

“Why is Rowan not going to work?”

The argument raged back and forth, not that there was much of an answer coming from his mother. Andrew managed to bite his tongue and not accuse Rowan of being too selfish and not prepared to try and help. The sense of grasping from his mother was acute. The only significant expense the family had was Rowan’s school fees. Andrew was paying for his own education and had paid off the family mortgage.

“Look Andrew, I am done with this debate. You eat more than anyone else in the family and your father and I think since you insist on being treated like an adult you can share the burden like an adult.”

Andrew was very pleased that his parents did not know how much money the company was making. All the books and records were with either Mhairi or Creighton. Andrew sat and stewed in his room about the demand but recognised that there was a kernel of truth in his mother’s demands. The reality was that Andrew was making multiples of his parent’s combined income through the payments from ComputerCom, even if they didn’t know it. Andrew realised that if his relationship with his parents had been stronger then he hoped he would have been more generous with his money to the family. But Rowan went out of her way to be a bitchy princess, his father enabled and favoured her and his mother seemed more invested in Scott than either of her older two children. And that was before the issues he had with his parents which predated even his cancer. It was a right mess.

So the next morning at breakfast he gave his mother £400, £100 a month for the rest of the year, towards the family budget. He then left to go swimming before he had to deal with either of his parents. After the first swim in more than two weeks Andrew felt great and called Leslie from the payphone in the foyer of the Pool. They met up and went for a walk.

“I don’t feel like I have had a chance to have a long chat with you in a while. At least since we were at Perth.”

“I know I can’t believe you are back at school tomorrow. I still have a month before 2^nd year starts. Is there something specific?”

Andrew told Leslie about Maggie and her alter ego Monica, and then about the previous day with his mum.

“Wow, why did you not tell me about Maggie? We will talk about the photographs in a minute.”

“I don’t know. At first it was one of those slight acquaintances and I don’t think it was a deliberate omission. After a while I decided not to talk to you about her because of what we spent a lot of time discussing, her nude modelling and potentially modelling for me. To be honest I wasn’t sure how you would react.”

“Did you think I would disapprove?”

“I didn’t know and I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

“Why tell me now?”

“I am lonely Leslie. It has been an isolated summer. Sure I have done a bunch of different things but it is not much different to the first summer with your dad two years ago. And I didn’t like keeping something secret. You don’t need to know every detail of my life but this seemed too significant especially as I am planning to do several more shoots. And then after yesterday I just needed to talk to you. Thus the brain dump of the last hour.”

Leslie smiled and even that small gesture made Andrew relax.

“Thank you for telling me. I was shocked when you told me, thinking that it was illegal or something but she is 23 so that is just nonsense. It is interesting to hear you talk about your conversations with her and how it has helped you mature. Why do you say that?”

“It has given me an attitude of what is the big issue? She has told me she enjoys modelling, she likes the extra money, she even admitted that it excited her. Like she has this secret. Which it is I suppose. It is nothing but part time work for some camera clubs, it is not as if she is on Page 3 or anything like that. When I listen to all the drivel at school it makes me realise that for most of the world, the country, society, whatever you want to call it, this would be a big deal. ‘I have seen Monica, the model with the big tits, naked’ when in fact it is my friend Maggie who does it for a bunch of different reasons. Now she does model as Monica, she does have big tits and I have seen her naked yet the two of us laughed and joked through most of the session and we are both looking forward to the next one. It is the attitude that you gave me that memorable afternoon on the ward that is driving this.”

“Me? I never talked about this.”

“No, but you repeatedly emphasised to let the woman set the pace. So I have done that for the last two years but as part of that one of the key things when I am with someone is knowing that they are really into it. Turning a woman on turns me on, it is one of my major triggers. This turns Maggie on, and so the two of us get into a positive feedback loop. I don’t need hundreds of pictures of Monica. I didn’t spend time with her last year during term as part of a strategy to bed her. It all grew organically. It goes back to the whole thing with Mum about the money. This costs me very little and gives me a lot of pleasure. She is a typist at the Council, and she likes the extra money. I am happy to pay her. Which contrasts with the way my parents went about it.”

“Don’t get sidetracked on that just yet, let’s deal with this. First of all I am not disappointed in you, surprised yes, but disappointed no. It is interesting how you have tied it all back to that afternoon in hospital. If anything I am intrigued by the idea that you are photographing models this way. It is quite unlike you, you are normally more passive, reactive.”

Her smile turned into a chuckle.

“I am a bit stunned to be honest. It is not something that had remotely crossed my mind. Will you show me the photographs?”

It was Andrew’s turn to be surprised.

“You want to see them?”

“Like I said I am intrigued. It is not that I don’t believe you but there will be something about seeing the actual pictures that will make it more real. Does that make sense?”

Andrew nodded.

“No, I understand.”

“Okay, that is the fun stuff dealt with. Now the family. I am not sure what to think about this. On one hand the unfairness of the difference in treatment between you and Rowan is bullshit. But I do see your point that you are much richer than they are and what’s the big deal. It is as you said, if you were closer to the family this would seem less of a cash grab. But at the same time if you were closer to your family then you are likely to have given them some money already. I don’t know that there is anything that you can do about it. Get through the next two years without a big blow-up. Keep them away from the businesses, the less they know they less temptation there is for them. Does that seem cruel? Or too calculating?”

“Yes, but also appropriate. I am moving the second computer down to Julian’s flat which is easier for buses. I don’t know that I will need much from them in the coming year. Going out to the farm and longer trips like that, but you brought me back on Saturday so even then. It just seems sad that here I am 16 and pretty successful but all they see is a burden and someone who they can get money out of. The lack of obvious love just gets to me sometimes.”

There wasn’t much Leslie could say to that because it was true. It was the nature of the relationship that Andrew had with his parents and his sister. There wasn’t much of one.

School started on the Thursday but the new prefects had to show up on the Wednesday afternoon for two hours. It was an odd sensation for Andrew to be part of a small exclusive club. There were 18 of them, split 15 boys and three girls. Hannah and Mary were in most of Andrew’s classes but Diana was someone he knew only from hockey. The 15 guys were split roughly five jocks, five nerds and five joiners. You know the type, join lots of clubs, organise stuff, in the orchestra and doing the Duke of Edinburgh Award. Andrew knew about half of them reasonably well, nerds and joiners mostly, the rugby and rowing types not so much. Hannah came up to him.

“Hey Andrew, a friendly face, whew.”

“It is not that bad is it Hannah, I thought we had each other’s back?”

“Most of the time but put 35 overachievers in the same room and you’re bound to get some trouble.”

“I suppose so. It will be fine. We will be too busy dealing with annoying 2^nd years to worry about that.”

The headmaster arrived with a couple of returning prefects. There followed an hour of clichés. Most of them applied but goodness he did go on. There appeared to be no end of things to do. There were rotas for everything. Duty for this, for that, there was a prefect at everything. Big ones were keeping an eye on the playground during break and lunch; attendance at events; showing parents round on admissions days. The equivalent of interning in the early 80s. It would be different for Andrew to be part of an obvious group like this. The CCF was the only other thing he did where he stood out like this. But then he noticed he was the tallest person there, so he was going to doubly stand out. This was going to challenge him, talking to and dealing with people, dealing with people seeing if they could push his buttons. Hmmm. Andrew walked out with Hannah as they headed for the gate.

“How was your summer Hannah?”

He was making polite conversation.

“Fine. The family holiday was to Portugal for three weeks. I was going to try and get out of going this year but when they pulled Portugal out the bag I thought I could cope for one more year. How about you?”

“It was a very mixed bag. Rained on for a week in Perthshire at CCF camp, nice weekend in London.”

Glossing over the meeting with a Minister of State.

“A couple of weeks working at a friend’s farm. Oh and a hockey coaching clinic as well.”

She turned to him in surprise.

“That is still happening? We knew there was a blow up at Easter and thought that was not happening. Really, you are going to coach the hockey?”

“Unless Hendricks has changed her mind. I passed the Level 1 coaching certificate about three weeks ago. Next Thursday I will be down at Goldenacre, actually playing sport for the first time since primary school when I was the world’s worst rugby player. We’ll see. The reaction will be interesting. Don’t tell anyone and then watch their faces when I walk out with my hockey stick.”

Hannah laughed.

“Talk about getting hearts all a twitter during the first week.”

Andrew looked at her

“I have been out supporting them for two years Hannah, I think we are past the vapours.”

“Wait and see Andrew. Do you have time for a cup of coffee? Come on let’s go and have a chat.”

They walked round the corner to the café he usually went to for chats. They grabbed a couple of coffees and found a seat.

“You live in a bubble Andrew, and you don’t really let anyone in. You are charming, kind and funny and you have been nothing but nice to the girls in the class since the day we started. I remember you giving Pete crap for not talking to me in English. Here we are two years later and Pete still is a bit wary. You on the other hand just go for it. But then the bell rings and Andrew disappears. You are one of the brightest people in the class and yet you study relentlessly. You tutor and you tutor well. Suzanne and Paula raved about you and Suzanne still goes on about it to this day. You dragged Moira Barnes kicking and screaming through Maths. Word is she passed and is off to Oxford. But then you disappear, you let nobody in. You went out with Allie and she loved it. But there is this reserve to you. Everyone gets to see what you want them to see. Allie did not want her heart broken so she stopped before it could get any worse. You never give anybody a chance. My god you dated Tanvi and Katie at the same time, sometimes both together. Half the 6^th year wanted to murder you. You know all this but you work your way through a relationship, figure out it will never work for reasons you never share and then you keep everyone at arm’s length. There are nine girls in our year and at least 4 of them would go out with you if you asked.”

She stared him in the eye.

“Do you know why? Because you are a nice person. A kind person who looks out for his friends. Everyone saw what you did for me at New Year. I know that word had leaked that the other girls were starting to treat me badly. It never bothered you in the slightest the obvious reason that everyone was speculating on. You kept me close all night and checked to see if I was okay. You pushed to talk to me but you knew the point to pull back and you never bugged me about it. That party stopped most of the crap. My mother wanted you to come to dinner that week after the hug. I wanted you to come to dinner after that hug. My god Andrew, you are solid. If you made an effort and reciprocated people’s feelings then people would respond to you more. Then there is the legend that is Andrew McLeod and his superhuman control. You have been the perfect gentleman on every date. Gentle, patient, considerate and not grabby. How is this possible?”

“There is one of the big reasons that I don’t date in school Hannah. You know how private I am. Do you really think I want it discussed on a Monday morning that I got to second base on Saturday night? Grow up. A lot of what you say is absolutely true. I am secretive and I have been told several times that I live life on my terms. People have to adapt. I am probably guilty of pushing people away. But I have never talked about a date with anyone from school. There is a chicken and an egg situation here. I would be less secretive if I felt people could keep a secret.”

Hannah looked stricken at his response.

“Most of this is our own doing.”

“Some of it is but the larger issue is me. I grew up friendless, and it really struck me when I was off with my cancer. No one cared, no one visited. It also made me realise what was important. So when I got a reprieve I vowed to change. I tried to do my first push up on Saturday January 20, 1979, which was the weekend before I even knew that my cancer was in remission. I couldn’t manage it for two weeks, I was so weak. I think I have missed one day’s exercise in all the time since. I vowed to be a better person, give more to get more. That is why I was friendly to you and Kate on that first day. It all just snowballed from there. But remember the shitstorm that happened when I went out with Suzanne. I still remember you making Rob Derry cry, a favourite Hannah moment. Finally, being blunt, a lot of girls are not ready or are scared and confused. I am never going to be that guy. I would rather have these people as my friends. Allie is friendly but there has been a distance for more than a year. So give it a rest Hannah. I have my flaws but I am not as bad as you make out.”

His life was a series of repeating vignettes.

“When you put it that way I suppose you are not. Do you want a girlfriend?”

“Yes I do. I am lonely and can be too solitary. But I do a lot of things. I need to trust a girlfriend to let her in and I don’t trust anyone at school. One of the reasons I don’t have a girlfriend is because I have a lot of female friends and I think my girlfriend will get jealous. Suzanne tells me that all of you can be catty with her just because she is in my form class. I walk in with Suzanne and maybe Tanvi and Katie, we’ll see about that one, and all four of us are laughing, you are telling me that you won’t be jealous?”

Andrew shook his head.

“Alright. Decision time Hannah Adams. Would you like to go out with me on Saturday night? You will be my girlfriend and I will not go out romantically with anyone else. We will hold hands and I will kiss you hello, goodbye and at random moments when the mood strikes me, I encourage you to do the same. Everything else we will talk about and explore while we date. What do say Adams? Put up or shut up.”

Hannah looked like the proctologist had just paid a surprise visit.

“You will go out with me?”

“Yes. You can tell everyone that we are dating. But that is it. No details. If we are going to date then only us and not however many other females are to be kept out of the loop. Discretion. If I hear from Suzanne about any of our dates then I will assume you want to break up and we will be over. Oh, and as an incentive, if you say yes the kissing starts today.”

Andrew smirked at her. She burst out laughing at him.

“You are so full of it young man.”

She didn’t give Andrew an answer but they left having settled up. In the doorway, before stepping out onto the street, she turned and leaned up on tiptoes and kissed him full on the mouth.

“I accept Andrew. My boyfriend Andrew McLeod. Boy, are there are going to be some catty comments tomorrow.”

Why did he do it? Something needed to change, and Andrew was a feeling more than a little down as term approached. He enjoyed going out on dates and missed having female company. How things had changed in three years. Hannah was right about the catty comments. Woozah. First day was the usual, trying to remember how to be pupils again. Classes were utterly unchanged for him that year other than his desire to drop Latin. He went to see Mr. Carruthers after school.

“I would like to drop Latin effective immediately please. I passed the ‘O’ grade and do not want to carry it on through Higher.”

No point in beating around the bush.

“The school’s requirement is to take a language through until the end of 5^th year Andrew. I don’t think it will be allowed. Why do you want to drop it?”

It is difficult to tell the Latin teacher that you hate their subject but he managed to without being too derogatory.

“I have no interest in it sir. I have taken it for four years and don’t wish to do it anymore. I don’t want to be disrespectful but I feel it would be a waste of time. I am going to study Engineering or Natural Sciences at university and I want to focus on those.”

“I can see that you have given this some thought. You were also top student last year. If you drop your language then you will not be eligible.”

Andrew had beaten Vinnie once, he was welcome to it.

“I will have to accept that. You know me sir, I will be in the library studying the whole time, not wandering around telling the other pupils I am skipping class. Hell, the head will probably just assign me extra prefect stuff for all I know.”

“I will talk to other staff about this. The issue will be ensuring that this does not encourage others.”

Andrew understood that one. He needed to be doing something else as opposed to just not doing Latin. He would need to think about it.

The start of 5^th year was unlike any other, as Andrew had to deal with so many changes. Classes were the easy part, everything else became very odd for a long time. The most noticeable change was that he was treated differently. Maybe he was an outlier but prefects were never part of his consciousness. Other than Valerie Grbac delaying a beating he could not remember any dealings with them. They did a reading at assembly and that was that. Andrew had the oddest feeling that now that he was a prefect people were staring a lot more. So he felt more visible, and literally was more visible. He was one of the tallest people in the school. Mentally he had less places to hide. The staff treated him differently as well, suddenly he was worthy of being noticed, this also struck him as odd. Andrew had been nursing a grudge against Caldwell since the fight in second year, but even he was more cordial to Andrew now. The biggest change he noticed was Cousins. They were never going to be close but his tone and attitude changed with him. Never one to miss the chance to overthink something Andrew was pondering this as he swam on Friday morning. He worked hard to hide his achievements, sure he was a nerd at school mocked for studying all the time, but there was a lot that he did not talk about. Andrew wanted people to underestimate him, to overlook him, getting recognised as a prefect was the complete opposite of his usual behaviour. There was a life lesson in there somewhere, he just didn’t know what it was.

The changes to his nicely structured life continued. The prefects had a small common room that was for their use only. At break time he had to join the rest of the ‘team’ there. For many, if not most of the people there, it was not anything unusual or special. Thirty people, all part of the same team, sitting in the locker room. Standard fare, not a big deal. Andrew found it all rather unnerving, especially at first. Lots of questions, mostly from natural curiosity, as to the background of each prefect. His cancer came up early in the conversation. Andrew was at the stage where he referenced being off for two terms without thinking about it. The specific instance being discussed was why he had missed signing up for the Duke of Edinburgh Award.

“Why were you off for two terms?”

It was one of the guys in 6^th year that asked.

“I forget that not everyone knows. I had skin cancer in 2^nd year. I was not here for the first two terms that year. I did all my studying at home.”

It was always interesting to watch people and see how they react when he told them he had survived cancer. It came up less and less as he got older but at the time it was one of those things that made people very uncomfortable. He knew that from direct experience. Andrew never talked about it when he came back and never wanted to be defined by it. Now it was just who part of his life history, something to make reference to and move on.

“It was three years ago now. I was given the all clear and I go for check-ups every six months. I have to be careful in the sun but other than that it does not affect my life. But because I was not here I never got any of the details of the Duke of Edinburgh Award scheme until February. Travis told me about it.”

He survived the getting to know about Andrew session and the focus turned to someone else.

The first day when school started Pete came up to him and asked if he wanted to go to a gig the next night. Simple Minds had been around for three or four years by then but were still playing small venues. Pete, by far the most musically open of Andrew’s friends, wanted to drag him along to the Nite Club the next night. Andrew told him sure but he would get back to him if he needed one ticket or two. Pete was going down after school to buy the tickets.

“Two tickets Andrew? Who else is coming?”

“I am going to ask me girlfriend if she wants to come to the gig with us.”

Andrew knew it was childish but Pete’s reaction was everything he could have wished for and more. He stopped stuttering and managed a complete sentence.

“Girlfriend. I have spent the last two years listen to you go on about how you don’t have a girlfriend just lots of friends that are girls. What the fuck, man. Who is it?”

“You’ll meet her tomorrow night if she wants to come. As for the other stuff, I decided to change. I still have lots of friends, some of whom are girls, but now I have a girlfriend. It is different, but everyone has to change. It will be you soon.”

Andrew knew that last one would throw Pete off his game. Ever since he saw Pete at the cinema 18 months earlier with one of the girls from the year behind them Pete was cagey about talking about stuff like that. He was as bad as Andrew. Andrew asked Hannah at English and she was happy to come, so he turned and told Pete that he needed two tickets. Pete looked at Andrew and then at Hannah.

“I am going to be stuck between you two love-struck idiots all year. You better not start passing notes to each other through me!”

They all laughed. The rumour mill started that day and by the time Andrew arrived at school on Friday Suzanne was in full interrogation mode.

“Anything you want to tell me Andrew? Any interesting changes in your personal life?”

There was a gleam in her eye.

“You know very well there is. Stop hamming it up. I am going out with Hannah. She is my girlfriend.”

That stopped her in her tracks.

“Girlfriend. I didn’t think you knew how to say that word.”

“You are right. I have been a confused and selfish arse for the last two years. Hannah gave me shit about it so I decided I needed to change. I have not treated the people close to me very well. You especially. School last year would have not been nearly as much fun without you. I am sorry that Paula had to move away but I was the beneficiary of that. I got to hang out with you every day. I need to apologise to a bunch of people for not treating them as well as they deserved.”

“When did this transformation take place? Was it because Katie and Tanvi dumped you?”

“That was a wakeup call no doubt. I need to treat people better. Women that I am going out with especially. I don’t know how this will work out, but I am going to work on being a better person.”

His punctuation was his trademark shrug.

“And Hannah got there first. Boy are there going to be some interesting comments on that. When did this all happen?”

“Wednesday after prefect orientation.”

“Shit. Two days ago. Wednesday.”

He knew that would get a rise out of her and he smiled.

“Stop smirking you big old doofus. Talking of which, have you grown again?”

“Much to my mother’s disgust. She is threatening to stop feeding me but as I am working on learning to cook that is less and less of a threat.”

They were at Assembly by now.

“When do you have to do your reading?” she suddenly asked.

“Don’t know. Nobody has mentioned it. I am dreading it but it is not like I can get out of it. I would not mind going sooner rather than later. Just get it over and done with. Fewer people to be compared to.”

He had smiled at Hannah as they walked past her on the way to their section. Suzanne was bemused at the change in him. Andrew just needed the routine of exercise, schoolwork and study on the computer course. They were familiar and necessary to his peace of mind. Thank god for them because the rest of his life was disorganised and chaotic. Life that September felt very messy.

Andrew needed to make spending time with Hannah a priority. They went to the Simple Minds gig and had a great time. He saw them twice that year and the two gigs got all mixed up in his head. This one was more memorable for being there with Hannah. Afterwards they said bye to Pete and headed off home.

“Can we do something tomorrow night as well Andrew? I had fun tonight but I would like to spend time with you where we can hear each other.”

“Sure, dinner and a movie?”

“One out of two. How about dinner and then have a chat about us, figure some of this out. I would like to get to know you better and find common interests. How about that?”

“Sure. I normally eat on Lothian Road since it close to the cinema but we can go anywhere you want.”

So the next night they were sitting in a curry house. Oddly, Tanvi had never taken Andrew to a curry house, so this was a first for him. Hannah was concerned that he would not like it but it was great. Andrew went on to have thousands of curries since then but this was the first, at the Bombay Bicycle Club near Tollcross.

“How was Friday for you? I am guessing Suzanne passed around all the pertinent information.”

“Strangely fine, actually. It is all part of getting older. Remember the fuss when you took Suzanne out on a date in 3^rd year. Now it is less of a big deal. What will be interesting is the dynamic at hockey. You will need to make sure that you are seen not to play favourites with me during training and during the match. Thursday is when they select the squad for 1^st and 2^nd elevens. Most of us will be in the 1^st eleven squad, so there will be less interaction anyway. I presume you are coaching the 2^nd’s with Hendricks.”

He shrugged.

“Nobody has said anything to me about it.”

The conversation moved on and they talked about a bunch of stuff. It was time to deal with some of the more uncomfortable stuff.

“I think we should talk about the physical side of our relationship Hannah. You talked on Wednesday about me being very passive and so if we are going to date then I think we should talk about expectations, wants, desires, what is allowed and not allowed.”

He was a little flushed being so blunt but this all needed to be talked about.

“That is a bit blunt isn’t it Andrew?”

“Maybe, but we are not 14 anymore. Things are different at 16, that was one of the reasons that so many parents freaked out when I went out in 3^rd year. Now it is none of their business, it is between you and I. Look, I have never been able to read signals, and so one of the consequences of that is, as you said, I am very passive. I would hate myself if I read the signals wrong and did something that wasn’t welcome. So why not just talk about it. It seems odd that we cannot talk about something we may be doing.”

“Yeah I can understand that. And I agree you are clueless at reading signals.”

He had a momentary twinge as he thought about Ara. Oh well.

“This makes sense although it does feel a little weird to be talking about this like a normal conversation right here in the middle of a restaurant.”

Andrew cut her off.

“Hannah, I want a full physical relationship with you. We are a couple and I want us to do the full range of couple’s things together. Might as well get it out there. That is what I want.”

He sat back and waited for a response.

“No gentle build up to that one eh?”

He shook his head.

“Hannah, I have to do some things differently. Going out with you is part of that but I also have to be more assertive with what I want. What it does not mean is that if you are not ready for all of that we are going to break up. What I am trying to be is more honest, more open. I figured this is easier than checking every step of the way when in reality we both want the same thing. Let me blunt Hannah. Am I going out with you just so I can fuck you? No.”

She looked like she was ready to bolt for the door.

“But do I want to fuck my girlfriend? Yes. No point in lying. And like I said, I am not going to dump you just because you are not ready. But I am and you should be aware of that.”

“I really need to be careful what I wish for! I was not expecting this much openness and honesty but since you have put me on the spot I will try and respond. I want to be your girlfriend in the way that you describe but it may take me a little while to get there. Most of this will be new to me.”

Delicately done.

“Great, I understand completely and will respect that. But what you have to do is guide me. I am not going to take the lead on most of this stuff because I will worry that I am forcing you. So we need to communicate. If we do that then everything will be fine.”

“This seems so dispassionate in some ways but it also clears up all the confusion.”

She started to blush.

“Can you imagine me telling you to touch different parts of my body. Oh my.”

As Andrew appraised her body he smiled. Oh my indeed.

 

That was a preview of Living Two Lives - Book 5. To read the rest purchase the book.

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