AWLL 1 - Book 8 - Stephie

December, 1982, Chicago, Illinois

'If you end up with a boring, miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it.' 

-Frank Zappa

I arrived in Chicago just before 3:00am on Christmas Day, under a light rain that matched the tears occasionally rolling down my cheeks. Surprisingly, there was a spot near the door to the apartment building, so I parked, grabbed my bags, and hurried inside. I kicked off my shoes as I let the apartment door shut the world out, walked down the hall, and simply collapsed on my bed, not even bothering to get undressed. My last conscious thought was that I'd made it to Chicago in one piece before my exhaustion -- mental, emotional, and physical -- claimed me, and I fell asleep.

I was jarred awake by the ringing of the phone. I blinked several times and looked at the alarm clock -- 6:00am. I unplugged the phone by the bed but could still hear the ringing of the other extension, then the click of the answering machine. I couldn't hear the message being left, and I simply didn't care. I pulled Stephie's pillow, or what had been her pillow, before I broke up with her, over my head and fell back asleep.

I was again jarred awake, this time by pounding on the door, which I heard even through the pillow covering my head. I squinted at the alarm clock and saw it was 9:30am. I shook my head, trying to clear the cobwebs.

"Mr. Adams? Are you in there?" a deep voice said, followed by more knocking.

I dragged myself out of bed and walked towards the door.

"Mr. Adams? Chicago Police officers. Please open the door if you're in there."

Shit. The police. My car was out front, so they knew I was here. I had no idea what they wanted, but whatever it was, it couldn't be good.

"Coming!" I hollered and trudged the last few steps towards the door.

I opened the door to see two uniformed police officers and someone I recognized from the rental office who had a ring of keys.

"Mr. Adams?" the taller of the two officers asked.

"Yeah," I said, still groggy and out of sorts.

"We were called to make a well-check on you. It seems your family is concerned that you might have tried to harm yourself."

That had to have been my dad or my little sister. Probably both. I wondered who had called my house and figured it had to have been either Melanie or Trudy.

"I'm fine, Officer. I got in about 3:00am and went right to bed. I didn't even take off my clothes."

"You don't mind if we come in for a moment, do you?" the shorter, heavier cop asked.

"I'm fine, Officers. Honestly. My girlfriend in Ohio broke up with me and I came home. That's all there is to it. I'm upset, and I really just need to be alone right now."

"Do you have your ID?" the taller cop asked. "Just so we can be sure we're talking to the right guy?"

I fished my wallet from my pocket and handed over my Illinois driving license. The cops looked at it, looked at me, and handed it back to me.

"OK, Sir. Because you're telling us you're fine and you look fine, that's all," the tall one said.

"Call your family, kid," the other cop said. "They're worried."

I nodded, thanked them, and shut the door. I turned on the stove to heat the kettle and prepared the teapot. I looked over at the answering machine and saw the light blink six times. I sighed and walked over to it, turned up the volume, and pushed the button to play the messages.

Steve! This is Melanie. I called your house, Kara's house, and Bethany's house to try to find you! I found the ring in the trash can. When I called Kara, she wouldn't talk to me! Please, call me!

The machine beeped, indicating the end of the message.

Son, this is your father. If you're there, please call me back as soon as you can, no matter what time.

Another beep.

Steve, this is Nancy Blanchard, please call me as soon as possible. Obviously something happened and Kara won't tell me anything other than that she broke up with you! Please call!

Another beep. I heard my little sister's voice, and she sounded frantic.

Steve, you have me totally scared! Please, please call me! I'm freaking out and I need to hear that you're OK! Call me! Please!

Another beep.

Steve, this is Bethany. I'm here to talk if you want. Call me soon, please. And call your sister right now! She's beside herself with fear!

Another beep.

Steve, this is Jennifer. Bethany and Melanie both called me in the middle of the night. I'm worried. Please call me. And please call your dad and sister. They're frantic!

Another beep.

Yankee, quit bein' a durn fool and call your sister and your dad! I know you's upset and all, but you gotta call. Then call me. Please!

A final double beep indicated the end of the messages. I hit the button to erase the recordings, unplugged the phone, and went to take a hot shower. I spent quite a bit of time under the hot water, trying to chase away the cobwebs and trying to make sense of what had happened just twelve hours earlier. Eventually I turned off the water and decided to go for a run because, despite it being December 25th, the weather was warm, in the low 60s.

I turned the heat under the kettle to low, then went outside. I followed my usual route that took me to Washington Park and ran along the paths under the trees that were barren like my soul. I felt empty, confused, and totally defeated. I had been prepared to give Kara exactly what she'd wanted from the moment we first met -- an engagement ring. But then, just a minute or so before I would have done it, everything had gone straight to hell. Fate, that conniving bitch, had screwed me over one more time.