Bull went into monk mode when he and Serena were called to do an interview for one of the local rescuers for a house fire they put out a few weeks ago. Serena was always in touch with the local TV station, and they proposed for the station to interview the hero at their location. The two were the first ones to arrive and were waiting for the rescuer to come. Bull walked over to Serena holding out his arms and Serena tilted her head and planted her palms on his chest. She slowly used them to smoothen the fabric of Bull’s navy blue uniform. “There you go, Bull. You look like a million bucks,” Serena said placing her hands on her hips. Her eyes crinkled as she bounced up and down. “You always look so handsome! I love a firefighter especially in uniform!” she whispered. Bull grinned weakly as Serena caressed his stubbled cheek after planting a long kiss there.

“Thank you, ma’am.”

“You’re welcome,” Serena said wincing at the lipstick stain she left.

“Go on and sit, Bull. I need to clean something off your face before we get started.”

Serena wiped off her lipstick and then for some odd reason, took out some powder and blew it on his face, like it was the final touch to make Bull’s face perfect. “You’re chipper today,” Bull said dusting the leftover powder off his pants.

Serena hummed absently as she put away her make-up kit. “Oh, Bull. You’re a close friend. Is there anything I can't hide from you?” she sighed whimsically as she sat down next to him, her skirt parachuting before falling in perfect over her legs. 

“Not a thing,” Bull jested in an accent that sounded British. “What’s on your mind, Rena?”

Serena looked down and smiled. “Aren’t things just perfect right now? I think about how it was when Randy and I first started living together, barely had enough money to make a meal, and how different everything today. It feels like everything is perfect.” Serena’s lamenting, looking happy, but conflicted. “So is it the right time to start a family?”

Fuck! Bull’s heart rate dropped like the final nail in his coffin, the sickening snap of the rope that’s around his neck, the execution shot that rang out. He felt like he was going to cry. “Rena—” Bull stuttered, lost for words.

Serena’s eyes widen.“Oh no! No Bull, I’m not pregnant! I’m not!” she said. “It’s just one of those talks Randy and I been having lately. I always thought I wouldn’t be ready to have kids until I was at least thirty-five, but it just seems like if there’s a perfect time, then it's now.” Serena frowned when she saw Bull wasn't even looking at her. His gaze was fixed on the floor, trying not to spin out of control. “It sounds stupid, right? I should just wait a little longer, right?”

“I think you should do what you feel is right. I know it sounds cheesy, but if your heart’s telling you that’s what you want, then go for it. If you’re having second thoughts, give it some time. There’s still so much more to life.”

Serena smiled and embraced him, running her hands over his broad back and shoulders. “Thank you, Bull. I can always count on you to make me feel better,” she whispered in his ear. 

Bull didn’t feel up to doing the interview as the word “heartbreak” was written all over his face but did so anyway.

Bull made it through the interview but barely made it out of the news studio and into his car before collapsing against the steering wheel, gasping for air. He was having a panic attack and cried catching his reflection in the rearview mirror, looking awful, like a bully who punched him in the face. Then, Big Bull had banged on the steering wheel.

His sighs were guttural and his throat felt raw from the emotional outpour. He didn’t realize he’d been talking, until his phone blipped and Siri told him “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that.” Bull sniffled and pushed his hand against his forehead, feeling hot and sweaty. His fingers trembled as he considered the interruption. “S-Siri,” he stuttered.

Blip-Blip: “Yes, Bull?”

“Call Dustin,” Bull hiccuped.

Blip-Blip: “Calling Dustin.”

“Bull, what’s up?” Dustin’s voice crackled through the speakerphone. Bull tried to catch his breath. “Bull man, are you okay?”

“D-Dustin I need you to come get me. Take me home. Take me home. Just take me home, Dustin.”

“God! Bull, Bull, calm down. Slow down. Where are you? Are you still at the studio?”

“Yes—Yes. Please, just—I need you to get down here⁠—”

Dustin cut him off.

“I know—I know you need me to come take you home. Bull, you’re freaking me out. Are you in trouble? What the hell's going on?”

“I’m okay. Just can’t drive. It’s been a long day,” Bull said barely getting that much out, feeling his gut lurch.

“Alright. Alright. I’m on my way. Just hang tight. Don’t kill yourself. It’ll be okay. I’ll be there in a few minutes. Now, tell me what happened—” Dustin tried to get Bull to stay on the phone but Bull hung up.

Bull was shivering and too agitated when Dustin came. During the ride, Bull didn’t answer any of Dustin’s questions; crying quietly with his forehead against the window.

When they got back to their apartment complex, Dustin ran around the side of the car and opened the door. He wrapped his arm around Bull’s big shoulders and led him up the stairs. Once inside, Dustin lowered Bull onto the couch. “Bull, are you okay? What the hell happened out there?”

Bull tried talking but quickly hyperventilated and wept. When he finally stopped, his breath came out shaky. “I don’t know—” Bull said. He knew he couldn’t tell Dustin what was making him freak out. “I’m fine. Just exhausted, man,” Bull said.

“You had a panic attack, Bull. You’re not okay, man.”

“I’m fine, Dusty,” Bull said setting his face inside his palms. “I’m just freaking drained, too much going on at once.”

“Get some sleep. Maybe being on camera made you nervous. How’d it go?” Dustin said.

“I don’t even remember,” Bull snickered. “I just know I’ve never been so damn scared in my life.”

“No worries, bud. It’s a first time for everything.”

Bull walked to his bedroom without saying another word and closed the door. He let his face sink against the limp, worn-out pillow that he rested his head on every night for the last few years. It wasn't long before his heavy eyelids can’t peel open anymore and he fell into a deep dreamless sleep.

When Bull’s eyes opened again, it’s because he can feel the singeing hallway light pouring in onto the back of his eyelids. His door was cracked slightly and he heard Dustin’s soft voice muttering. Bull tried honing in and focused his attention on what Dustin was saying and who he was talking to.

“What do you mean what kind of panic attack? Like full-blown, can’t breathe, crying, shaking, fucking panic attack, Randy!” Dustin whispered into the phone. Bull tried to get a look at Dustin through the sliver into the hallway, but he heard his fingers curl around the door frame. He quickly saw Dustin peeking his head in and Bull quickly closed his eyes and pretended he’s still asleep.

“No, he didn’t have to go to the hospital. He calmed down by the time I got there, but he didn’t tell me what happened.” There was a pause and Bull assumed Randy was asking more questions. “Yeah man, he just said he was exhausted. That’s all he kept saying.” Dustin sighed leaning his hand against his forehead while against the wall outside of Bull’s bedroom. “I mean what else can it mean? He’s been working so hard. I think he’s burnt out, man.” Dustin muttered against the receiver.

Bull sighed knowing Dustin was clueless about how in love with Serena he is.

“I mean yeah I think Bull needs some time off. Yeah, just tell me what Matt and Nolan say. Yeah, I’ll let him know. I’ll tell you what he says. We’ll make this work, Randy.” There’s a long pause and then Dustin spoke again, “No, no, Randy, stop. Stop it, Randy this isn’t your fault. We’ve all been working really hard, I think it’s just a testament of how important it is for us to check in with one another other. Randy, it’s okay, it’s going to be okay, I’m sure he isn’t mad at you.”