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Not My Secret

Dick Spears


Not My Secret

Based on a True Story

Dick Spears

BE’s Place Books


Not My Secret

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Not My Secret

Evey was the first person I told about losing my virginity. Looking back now, it seems strange that I ran to my best friend’s mom the morning after the momentous event, eager to tell her all about it. But then...then it made sense. And in hindsight, I guess it still does.

Evey was more my mom than my own mother. Brent and I grew up in the same neighborhood, a few blocks apart. With our early September birthdays, we were two of the eldest kids in our class at school, and quickly became friends back in kindergarten. We played on the same soccer team and joined Boy Scouts together. So it was natural for us to spend a lot of time at each other’s houses, though that really meant his house. My house was...

...well, let’s just say my parents didn’t mind me spending so much time over at the Carlson’s. In fact, I’m not even sure they noticed.

So Evey was the one who bought me and Brent ice cream when we got good grades. And Evey was the one who consoled me in eighth grade after the fight I’d stupidly started with Tom Akers, though it was her husband Jerry who showed me some moves I could’ve used, if I’d known them. She’d even given me dating tips before I asked Michelle Johnson out, not that anything came of it.

So of course it felt natural to walk into the Carlson kitchen early Saturday morning, say hello to her while she cooked breakfast, and then blurt out that I’d done it the night before.

“Hi, Jim,” she said automatically. Then she paused and raised an eyebrow. “It?” she asked.

“Had sex,” I said as I slid into one of the chairs around the little kitchen table. “Went all the way with Jennifer Bartlett.”

“I see,” she said as she cracked two more eggs into the pan and whisked them. “So you fucked.”

I blushed. “Um, yeah.”

She smirked and pulled another plate from the cupboard. “Give me a minute. Then you can tell me all about it.”

While she took a few moments to finish cooking, I took the time to admire her. She wore one of Jerry’s dress shirts, as was normal for her in the morning, and it hung down just below her butt. I knew she didn’t have anything on under it, as it rose up when she stretched into the cabinet and flashed me her ass. A petite blonde, she had curves in all the right places and didn’t look at all close to her age of forty-six.

I’d once felt guilty for staring at her, but when she caught me, her eyes had twinkled. “If I didn’t want men to look, I wouldn’t dress like this,” she’d said.

She obviously still felt the same way, because she just grinned when she turned and saw me checking her out.

“Brent should be here in a minute,” she said as she slid a plate of eggs, bacon, and toast in front of me. “Would you like to wait and tell your story once?”

“What about Angie and Jerry?” I asked, referring to Brent’s older sister and dad.

“They’re sleeping in.”

I shrugged. The Carlson house never kept a real schedule, particularly on weekends. The only thing that was firm is that we they all ate dinner together, every weeknight and most weekends. Me too, if I was over. Instead, I focused on the eggs.

A few minutes later, Brent wandered in, wearing his cotton sweat pants and going bare-chested. He gave his mom a quick hug and then headed to the coffee maker. Evey made herself a plate and slid into the chair across from me. When Brent joined us, I put my fork down and began.

“So,” I said, “I went out with Jennifer Bartlett last night. Dinner and a movie.”

“This was your...fourth date?” Evey asked.

I nodded. “Anyway, after the movie, she wanted to go to this big party at Cheryl’s house.”

Evey looked at Brent. He shrugged. “A girl in our English class. Her parents went to Vegas for the weekend. She invited almost everybody.”

“And you didn’t go?” Evey asked him.

“Nah. Getting wasted with a bunch of kids I don’t like that much didn’t sound fun,” he said with a straight face. “I had better things to do at home.”

Evey smirked and turned to me.

“Was the party fun?”

“Yeah!” I said, but she tilted her head and gave me the look. So I revised my words. “Well..., not that much, really. Other than what happened with Jennifer, it wasn’t that great.”


I furrowed my brow. “Some of the guys were real assholes when they were drunk. And one of the kids got sick in the kitchen.” I scratched my head. “Come to think of it, it was pretty lame.”

“Other than what happened with Jennifer,” Evey said.

I grinned. “Yeah. Other than that.”

“So what happened?” she asked.

“Well,” I said, “we were hanging out in the living room and one of the kids said happy birthday. I told him my birthday had been Tuesday, but thanks. So somehow the kids started giving Jennifer a hard time, telling her she should give me a really good present. She told them that her birthday had been two days before mine, and that I should give her a really good present. Well, the other kids started daring us, and so, we um, went to one of the bedrooms and did it.”

“That’s it?” Brent asked.

Evey gave me a mock glower. “Details, Buster.”

I pinkened a bit in embarrassment, but Evey leaned forward and put her elbows on the table.

“Details are important,” she said. “They’re what separate a great experience from a horrible one.”

Like the detail that her top button was undone and I could see quite a bit of her cleavage, given the way she was leaning.

“Spill,” she said.

I turned to Brent for support, but he just shrugged and kept eating.

I shifted in my seat, a little from discomfort and a little because my dick was hardening looking at Evey’s breasts.

“Someone gave us a condom,” I said. “After we locked the bedroom door, we kinda stood there for a minute, not sure what to do next. So I suggested we kiss. We sat on the bed and did that for a while.”

Evey leaned back and smiled. Her foot brushed mine under the table.

“Go on,” she said.

“So after we kissed, we started undressing each other. That wasn’t new—we’d gone to second base on our last date.”

Evey looked at Brent. “What’s second base these days?”

“Breasts,” he said.


“Anyway,” I said, “we ended up undressing all the way. She played with my dick for a bit and I wanted to go down on her. She said no because she was all gross down there.”

Evey frowned. “Gross? Really? Was she?”

I shrugged. “She told me to get the condom, so I didn’t find out. We did it missionary, and then with her on top. I think she came before I did.”

“You think?” Evey asked, blinking. “You think?”

I blushed. “Well, how would I know?”

Brent smirked and looked at his mom. “You’d know.”

She rolled her eyes. “Depends on the woman.” Then she addressed me again. “Did you try to make her come afterward?”

I shook my head. “I was getting rid of the condom in the bathroom when someone started knocking at the door. We got dressed and went back into the party. A little while later she asked me to take her home.”

“Doesn’t sound good,” Brent mumbled.

Evey shushed him. “Sounds like an okay first time. Are you going to see her again?”

“I’m going to ask her out for Friday next week.”

“Good,” she said, “that’ll give you some time.”

“For what?” I asked.

“To do some reading,” she said with a smile. “I know just the books. I’ll have them for you when you get back from your hike.” She looked at Brent. “You’re still going?”

He nodded. “Eldorado Canyon.”

I blinked but decided not to say anything about the reading assignment. I’d long ago learned that when Evey started a project, it was best to just let her finish it. Arguing wouldn’t do any good, nor would trying to dissuade her.

Besides, I thought, the books might be fun.

We drove to the trailhead mostly in silence. I was busy remembering the time with Jennifer. Brent was behind the wheel and focused on the road. As we hiked, my mind eventually drifted to the conversation with Evey. An hour up the trail, I worked up the nerve to ask Brent about the books.

“They’re interesting,” he said with narrowed eyes.

“So she gave them to you?” I asked.

“Of course.”

“And you didn’t tell me?”

He shrugged. “I don’t tell you everything. “

“Even though I’m your best friend.”

“Well, some things are private.” He looked up at some clouds forming in the West. “How long do you think before it rains?”

I fumed a bit at him changing the subject, but knew not to argue immediately. Brent could be stubborn, especially if he thought he’d said what needed to be said. Fortunately, he could be persuaded to change his mind if I found the right logic.

So I thought hard while we continued to hike. When we stopped for some water and trail mix in a small clearing with a fallen tree, I thought I had the argument.

“Look,” I said, “your mom wants me to get better. Wouldn’t talking about it be better than just reading on my own? I mean, it’d be like a study group. Like when we read The Scarlet Letter in school. I read, we talk, and your mom’s happy. It’s what she’d want, right?”

He laughed. “You have a point there. But I don’t want to have study group with you.” He grinned. “You’re not my type.”

“Too tall,” I joked.

“You have a dick.”

“There is that.”

“Well, at least tell me about them.”

“Um, okay. Well, the Illustrated Kama Sutra has some cool pictures, but you keep wondering if people actually do all this. The Joy of Sex is okay, but kinda dated. The book on fantasies was okay. The oral sex one was cool.”

I nodded, soaking in his words. He passed me some trail mix, which I ate between swallows from my canteen.

“Thing is,” he eventually said, “they’re just books. How much can you learn from a book?”

I shrugged. “How else am I gonna learn?”

He didn’t answer.

We started hiking again, but at a slower pace. The trail widened enough for us to walk side-by-side. I kept thinking about the books.

“I learn best by doing,” I said eventually. “I mean, I’ll read the books, but I think Jennifer and I can figure it out, you know? It’s not that hard.”

He shrugged. “If she gives you another chance.”

I frowned. “Why wouldn’t she?”

“It doesn’t sound like it was very good for her. So why should she do it with you again?”

I mulled his words over. I was pretty sure Jennifer wasn’t in love with me. Yeah, she liked me, and I think she thought I was attractive, but was that enough?

Evey was right. I should’ve made sure Jennifer came. If not then, then later, somewhere else. I had fucked up.

“Well,” I finally said out loud, “at least I’m no longer a virgin.”

“It doesn’t change much,” Brent said. “I mean, if you don’t tell anyone, how are they gonna know?”

“Yeah,” I said, “and telling the kids at school would be a bad idea.”

He nodded in agreement.

I remembered something Brent’s dad had told us a few years ago. Real men don’t kiss and tell.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have told your mom,” I said.

“Nah,” he said. “You can tell Evey anything. She’s only interested in what’s best for us. Besides, she’d find out anyway.”

I laughed. “That’s true. Remember when she discovered our Penthouse stash?”

“Oh, god, yeah.”

“And we’d thought we’d hidden them so well.”

“I think every mom knows to check under her son’s mattress.”

I shrugged. Mine didn’t. But then mine never set foot in my bedroom. I could be building bombs in there for all she knew. Or for all Dad knew.

That’s where I was really jealous of Brent. Evey cared. So did Jerry. Brent and his sister weren’t just obligations that got in the way of golf tee times and earning even more money.

When I was with Brent and his family, I was more than just another body in the house. Unlike home.

Thinking about my family, I fell into a funk for the rest of the hike. Brent noticed toward the end, and tried to cajole me into better spirits, which worked a little. Not a lot, but enough that I was able to at least enjoy the scenery toward the end.

But it returned in the car.

Brent looked over, “Hey, man, why don’t you come spend the night?”

I nodded. “We could look at Evey’s books.”


I smiled for the first time in a while. “I’ll leave my parents a note.”

“Make sure you put it on the TV so they see it.”

We shared a dark laugh and then I settled back for the drive home.

Evey and Jerry weren’t surprised when I turned up before dinner with my overnight bag. Evey put me to work cutting vegetables as Brent was already helping his dad out back on the grill. Angie was off with her theater friends for the evening, though she’d promised to be back at a reasonable hour. Being in college, she didn’t have a curfew, but her parents still worried.

That was a preview of Not My Secret. To read the rest purchase the book.

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