“You’re ready?” I asked.
Gina nodded. “I wanted to last year, but I wasn’t on the pill.” In a smaller voice, “And I was scared.”
“You’re not scared now?”
“I’m a little scared, but not really. More like nervous.” She paused for a moment and bit the inside of her lip. “Now… I really want to… I want to make love with you. I want to make you happy.”
“You do make me happy,” I said sincerely. “Just being here with you makes me happy.”
She smiled and nodded. “But I want you inside me. I want you to make me a woman.”
I bent down and kissed her again. When I pulled back, I stroked her hair and looked into her eyes. “When?” I don’t know what I hoped her answer would be.
With her left hand, she reached for my erection. Her fingers slid around my thickness and gripped me gently.
I had to stop her. I had to think. I had to…
She shook her head. “Not now,” she said softly. “But… soon. It has to be soon.”
I don’t know whether my expression showed disappointment or relief, but she smiled at me nonetheless.
“Is that okay?” she asked.
I nodded. “I want it to be special,” I said.
“Me too.”
“Not on the raft in the middle of the lake.”
She shook her head.
“And I want to be able to take my time,” I said. “So you’ll enjoy it.”
“Two of my girlfriends said their first time hurt, and was really quick. I don’t want mine to be like that.”
“Me either.”
“With you,” she said softly. “I know it won’t be. It’ll be wonderful.”
“I hope so.”
“I know it will.”
I needed some time to think. I wanted to have sex with her. Desperately. But I also knew that if I did, I’d ruin any chance I had of making up with her after I told her about Amy. But what if I didn’t tell her about Amy? She’d never know if I didn’t tell her. With Amy weighing on my conscience, could I still have a happy relationship with Gina? Would she…?
“What’re you thinking about?” Gina asked.
“Huh?”
“You had this kinda serious, kinda scared look on your face,” she said. “What were you thinking about?”
Uh-oh. I had to think of something quick. “I was thinking about you… and me… and… us.” Even if it wasn’t the entire truth, it wasn’t an outright lie.
She gripped my shaft and stroked it gently. “Did you like what you were thinking about?”
I nodded quickly. Too quickly? I don’t know. Did I still want to have The Talk? Did I still need to? She wanted me to have sex with her, she’d never know if I didn’t tell her. What kind of relationship did I want to have with her?
“I want to be with you forever,” she breathed.
In that moment, I had the answer to my question. If I wanted to have any kind of relationship with Gina—and I did, very much—I couldn’t have Amy or anyone else hanging in the air between us. I’m just not a good liar. I opened my mouth to speak, to tell her, to blurt out the mentally rehearsed words of The Talk.
“Shhhhh,” she whispered. “Just kiss me.” She punctuated her demand by gently squeezing my cock.
What did I do? I kissed her, of course.
We kissed for a long time, our tongues teasing and tasting each other. I pulled back and kissed down the side of her jaw to her ear. When I nibbled her earlobe, she arched her back and tensed up.
“I want to suck you,” she said quietly. “That’s all I could think about, the entire ride from home.”
I nuzzled her neck and planted small kisses all over her smooth skin.
“I got so wet thinking about you,” she breathed. “I love the taste of your come.”
I tweaked her nipple and pulled it gently, still trailing butterfly kisses up her jawline.
“I want to suck you. I want it so bad—”
I kissed her on the lips, darting my tongue forward to tease her with it, moving it along her teeth and then pulling it back. When I broke the kiss, her breathing was shallow and raspy.
“Paul, I…”
I desperately wanted her to suck me. I wanted to feel her lips around my shaft. I wanted her to kneel between my legs and make love to my cock. I wanted to arch my back and shoot into her mouth. I wanted…
I wanted more than one night. I wanted more, it was that simple. If things went too far, before I told her about Amy, I’d lose my future with her, and I knew it. Don’t ask me how I knew, I just did.
She used her thumb to rub a drop of pre-come over the tip of my cock. I shuddered and almost gave in. Almost.
I bent down and kissed the hollow of her ear, blowing softly and whispering, “I love you.”
She whimpered and her breath caught in her throat.
I kissed along the side of her neck to her shoulder, tasting the slightly salty tang of her skin, mixed with the suntan oil from earlier in the day. I could smell the cocoa butter and the warm smell that was her.
I had to do something, and I had to do it quick. Her hand was moving along my cock and I was rapidly losing the capacity for coherent thought.
I moved my hand down her trim stomach to the dark strip of her pubic hair. I once again covered her mouth with my own and she moaned as I slipped my middle finger along her slit. I felt the dew of her arousal coat my fingertip. The pad of my hand brushed across her hooded clit and she gasped against me.
Her hand stopped moving along my length as I dipped my finger between her lips. As slippery as they were, they parted easily and my finger slid inside. I dragged it back along her length and teased under the hood protecting her clit. She bucked her hips against my hand and I felt the little pearl of nerves begin to engorge.
I cupped her mound and gently put pressure on her swelling clit. She whimpered and I kissed her again, feeling her arousal in her erratic breathing. When I slid my middle finger between her labia, she moaned softly and lifted her hips against me.
I broke our kiss and looked down at her. Her eyes were closed and her lips were taut with mounting arousal. Her nostrils flared as she breathed and I smiled to myself as I watched her. I kept one finger languidly moving just at the entrance to her pussy, and enjoyed witnessing the pleasure my actions stirred within her.
I wanted to taste her, to spread her pussy with my lips and tease her clit with my tongue. I flirted with the idea, but ultimately decided against it. If I did go down on her, it would probably lead to her returning the favor. Instead, I plunged my middle finger into her depths and watched her cry out softly in response. Her pussy was extremely wet, but it was still a tight fit. As I eased my digit into her, I felt the ridges along the walls of her vagina. She cried out again when I crooked my finger up and pressed against the hollow at the top of her sheath.
With my finger still buried to the last knuckle, I used the palm of my hand to put pressure on her clit. Her hips shot off the raft and pushed against my hand. I smiled to myself and bent to kiss her again. She was breathing heavily when I pulled back, so I held my finger motionless and bent to capture a nipple with my lips.
I sucked the little pebble into my mouth and moved my tongue in circles around it. She moaned again and tried to exert more pressure against my hand. With a gentle push, I eased her back and held her against the surface of the raft. I lightly clamped my teeth against her nipple and pulled back.
With an audible pop, I released her nipple and began to lick around it. Her breast was springy and firm, and I pressed my face into her warm flesh as I teased her nipple. I slowly started moving my finger back and forth inside her as I moved to the other nipple. She spastically gripped and released my cock, her hand moving in time with my own.
I kissed all around her other nipple, but made sure not to touch it directly. She began whimpering, then rolled her chest to press her breast against my face. I gave in to her desires and licked her nipple directly, feeling the bumps of her crinkly areola against my tongue. She gasped again and I repeated the maneuver.
I pulled my finger out of her drenched pussy and ran it along her slippery outer lips. She arched her back against me and I smiled to myself. When I recaptured her nipple with my lips, she cried out, louder this time, and held my head to her chest with her right hand. Her left hand had gone slack around my erection, so I gently pulled back to get a better angle on her breasts.
She moaned softly when my shaft slid from her grip, but she didn’t move to recapture it. I circled her clit with my slick finger, causing her to shudder. I moved the flesh of her mons against the hooded berry, teasing her mercilessly. I slowly moved my finger in circles, closer and closer to her now-exposed clit, and she shuddered again.
When I touched her clit itself, she bucked her hips against me and I knew she was close. Her thighs were quivering and her breath was coming in short, ragged gasps. I slid my finger down along her length again and cupped her mons. When I switched from one breast to the other, she cried out and pulled my head up to hers.
I planted my lips against hers and she pulled me close. When I plunged my finger back into her fiery depths, she grunted and I felt the first spasms of her orgasm. Her pussy gripped my invading finger, clutching and releasing rhythmically. I crooked the tip of my finger and started moving my hand from side to side. Using my palm to press against her clit, I quickly brought her to the point of no return.
She moaned into my mouth when I moved my finger within her, and I felt her stomach ripple under my forearm. Her legs stiffened and she arched her back against me. I moved my palm in small circles and increased the pressure with my finger. When I did, she erupted.
I felt a gush of warmth and wetness around my fingers and she practically screamed into my mouth. I kissed her fiercely, muffling her cries. She bucked her hips against me as her pussy gripped my finger tightly. I kept rubbing her and moving it side-to-side until she collapsed against the surface of the raft and grabbed my wrist.
I pulled back from our kiss and she took a deep, trembling breath. She swallowed hard and then opened her eyes. It took her a moment to focus on my face, but when she did, she sighed and gifted me with a sated smile.
“Did you like that?” I asked, with just a little mocking note in my tone.
She bit the inside of her lip, but quickly nodded.
“I’ve missed you.”
She took a deep breath and smiled. Her left hand quested for my erection. “I’ve missed you, too.”
Her right hand was still on my wrist, and she pulled my hand up to her mouth. She looked me in the eye as she slowly sucked my wet finger into her mouth, tasting herself. She wrapped her tongue around the tip and pursed her lips, pulling at my knuckle. Even moving along my finger, her tongue felt exquisite.
She took her time cleaning her juices from my skin, and I didn’t think it was possible, but my dick got even harder. When she had me clean enough—and throbbing in anticipation—she met my gaze, a smoldering twinkle in her eyes.
Uh-oh, I thought to myself. I knew that look. It had been a while since I’d last seen it, but it was the I-want-to-suck-your-dick look. My lust-crazed mind worked feverishly. I had to think of something, and I had to do it quick. If she asked, and I said no, she’d know something was up. She’d be able to see it in my eyes. She might not know what it was, but she’d know it was there. I had to…
Aha!
I gently pulled my right arm from under her and planted my palm against the surface of the raft. In one motion, I smoothly levered myself up and over her, coming to rest between her spread legs. My bobbing erection brushed against her pussy and her eyes widened in surprise. She started to speak, but I silenced her with a kiss.
“Shhhh,” I said, when I pulled back. “Trust me.”
She bit the inside of her lip and nodded.
I spread my knees to get a better base and ground the underside of my cock against her clit. Her eyes clamped shut and she arched her back as the contact sent jolts of pleasure racing to her brain. I leaned down to kiss her again and felt her nipples pressing into my chest.
I started rocking my hips back and forth, pressing the base of my cock against her. I felt her legs moving along my thighs, both inexperience and arousal evident in her motions. When I lowered myself to my elbows, mashing her breasts beneath my weight, she looked at me apprehensively.
“It’s okay,” I said. “I’m just going to stay like this.”
She nodded and then lifted her head to kiss me. When she pulled back, she looked at me with wide, dark eyes. “Is this what it’ll be like?”
“What what’ll be like?” I asked.
“When we have sex?”
I moved my hips against her and she gasped in pleasure. When she opened her eyes, I grinned and nodded. “It’ll be like this, only better.”
“Better?”
“Mmm hmm. You’ll feel me inside you, filling you up.”
She stopped moving her thighs and planted her feet back on the raft—her knees were up and I was comfortably between them. I hoped she’d get lots of experience with how she liked to have me between her thighs.
I kissed her again and then lifted myself with my arms. With a reassuring smile, I moved to sit back on my haunches. I made sure to keep my erection pressed against her pussy, and she arched her back at the sensation.
I flexed my thighs and lifted my hips a little. She groaned as my dick moved away from her clit and I smiled down at her. I wrapped my hand around the base of my shaft and started stroking myself slowly. She felt the motion and her eyes met mine.
She licked her lips and the look in her eye gave me enough warning to head off her imminent request. I kept my right hand firmly wrapped around my girth, but quickly moved my left to her pussy. I put my thumb against the base of her clit and gently moved it in a circle. She gasped and her head dropped back to the raft.
I started stroking myself and moving my hand over her pussy at the same time. It took me a moment, but I soon established a rhythm. Because I was so worked up, I knew I wouldn’t last long, so I tried to concentrate on her. I couldn’t tell exactly when she was ready to come, because I couldn’t feel her pussy spasming, but I tried to pay attention. As well as I could, that is.
With my own orgasm approaching, I guess I completely missed the signs. Her hips bucked against me and she cried out softly. Her legs stiffened and her back arched, and I felt my own climax grow near. As her thighs trembled in the throes of her orgasm, I felt my cock swell.
The first surge of semen blasted from the tip of my dick and landed between her breasts. She cried out again, and I could tell that a second, stronger orgasm had taken her. She quivered in ecstasy as my spurting penis deposited pearly white drops of come all up and down her body, from her chin to her pubic hair.
With a final spastic jerk, I milked the last drops of come from my shaft and sat back on my heels. Gina was breathing as hard as I was, but I could see her white teeth flashing as she smiled at me. She moved her hand to the valley between her breasts and dipped a finger into a cooling puddle of my fluid. She spread the semen around and then brought her fingertip to her lips. Her pink tongue snaked out and tasted my essence. She quickly spread more of my come on her fingers and brought them to her mouth.
I watched, captivated, as she spread my come over her stomach and breasts, then licked it off her fingers. She seemed to savor the taste, and smiled at me as she sucked her fingers clean. My erection didn’t subside at all as I watched her greedily swallow my come. I ran my hands along her thighs and smiled down at her. She smiled in return and continued licking her fingers.
“Next time,” I said softly, ever mindful that sound carried across the water, “you’ll have to get it from the source.”
She immediately nodded, then reached for me.
I leaned forward, trapping my erection between our bodies. I could feel my semen on her skin—it was sticky as it dried—but I paid it scant attention as her lips hungrily sought my own.
We simply kissed each other for a long time. I wanted to do more, since my cock was still very hard, but once the fog of hormones had cleared, I began thinking about my situation. I didn’t want to over-analyze things, but I knew that I had to be very careful.
Not only did I need to slow things down, we needed to get somewhere less public. After all, we were in the middle of the lake, where any passer-by could hear us. Luckily for me, in the battle of hormones versus ethics, my hormones were satiated. For the moment.
I rolled onto my back, pulled her with me, and resumed kissing her. She clutched me tightly and ground her pelvis against mine. My erection was still trapped between us, and I felt my self-control slipping away. I was just about to move my hands down to her ass when we heard voices.
We both listened for a moment, on tenterhooks lest someone discover us. The voices drew closer and we looked at each other. I could see the apprehension in her eyes, so I kissed her on the nose and then smiled at her.
“Let’s wait and see who it is,” I said quietly. “Then we’ll figure out what we want to do.”
She nodded.
We waited, and in a minute, the voices reached the edge of the lake. I quickly realized it was Erin, Leah, and Trish. Apparently, they had come down for a night swim. Gina’s eyes glinted mischievously and she began to slide down my body.
Fortunately, we could barely see the edge of the lake, which meant the girls probably couldn’t see us. I tried to protest silently as Gina knelt between my legs. She ignored my insistent gestures and sucked the tip of my cock into her mouth. For a blissful moment, I closed my eyes and simply enjoyed the feeling of her lips around my glans. I fervently hoped the girls didn’t decide to swim toward the raft.
My attention was torn between listening to them and enjoying the sensations as Gina slowly lowered her lips over my erection. She took about half my length in her mouth and I tried not to moan. I heard one soft splash, followed by another, and then a third. Even though the girls were talking quietly, the sound traveled across the expanse of the lake to us. Barely thirty or forty yards separated us from discovery.
Gina slowly bobbed up and down, running her tongue up and down the underside ridge, driving me crazy. I desperately wanted her to do more, but I was equally desperate to avoid discovery. Finally, she pulled off me and I heard her laugh softly.
I sat up and she kissed me fiercely. She knelt between my spread legs, my erection bumping against her knees, and wrapped her arms around my neck. The sound of the girls drew closer and I suddenly realized they were swimming for the raft. Just then, one of them saw us.
“Who’s there?”
“It’s us, Erin,” I said.
“Us who?”
“Duh. Gina and me,” I said.
I could hear them stop swimming and start whispering amongst themselves. Gina grinned at me and reached down to stroke my hard-on.
“Y’all mind if we join you?” Leah asked tentatively.
“Not at all,” Gina said before I could answer. “We were just gonna go for a swim and then head up to the cabin.”
I cocked my head to the side, but she only grinned at me. The girls swam closer and we stood. My dick was still painfully erect, and Gina grasped it gently. She tugged on me until we could actually see the dark shapes of our sisters and Trish.
“What’re y’all doing down here?” Erin asked.
“Just talking,” I said.
“Sure you are,” Leah said.
All three of them giggled.
Gina rose on tiptoe and kissed me softly, then tugged me toward the edge of the raft. We sat on the edge and slipped into the cold water just as the girls reached the raft. I don’t think any of them noticed my erection, but I couldn’t be sure.
“Enjoy the raft,” Gina said, as we started swimming toward the concrete steps.
“Enjoy your boyfriend,” Leah shot back, accompanied by a chorus of girlish titters.
“Thanks, Leah, I will,” Gina said insouciantly.
We quickly reached the shadowed end of the lake and swam carefully toward the stairs, feeling for the steps with our feet. I found one and started wading forward. A moment later, Gina was standing beside me. We crouched in the cold water, up to our necks, and washed my semen from our bodies.
In the tree-covered end of the lake, I could barely make out her face, but I clearly heard her take a deep breath and slip beneath the surface. I started to panic, but I quickly discovered why she’d gone under. Her hands gripped my hips and she pulled herself toward me. In a moment, I felt my cock bump against her cheek. In another moment, she captured it with her warm, soft mouth.
I groaned into the night and was rewarded by giggling from the direction of the raft. Gina continued to suck my dick, taking long, slow strokes and keeping her lips tight on my shaft. I was just beginning to wonder how long she could stay down when I felt the shock of cold water on my heated length. She surfaced and white teeth flashed at me. I pulled her up my body and held her close, trapping my erection between us. She wrapped her arms around my back and pressed her cold-hardened nipples against my chest.
“I just love doing that,” she said softly.
“Mmmmm. I love it when you do it.” I held her for a moment, simply enjoying the feeling of her water-slick skin next to my own. “We should probably head up,” I said at last.
“Yeah.”
I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her close. My mind raced, suddenly recalling that I still had to have The Talk with her. With a sense of relief, I decided it was too late to stir things up, so I simply enjoyed the feeling of her body next to mine. We walked up to her cabin in a companionable silence.
When I finally got back to our cabin, Erin was there, but Mom and Dad weren’t. I figured they must still be at Susan’s. (Gina’s parents hadn’t been at their cabin when I’d kissed her goodnight and come down the hill.)
My morning workout and all the other activities had finally taken their toll, and I was exhausted and sore. The afternoon massage had helped, but every time I moved, I was painfully aware of my aching muscles. I climbed up the ladder to my top bunk and collapsed.
I lay awake for a long time that night, thinking about Gina. I wanted to tell her about Amy (and Susan, and Stacy), but at the same time, I didn’t. She’d never know the difference if I didn’t tell her. Right? I simply didn’t know. I wanted to have sex with her, but I still felt like it would be a betrayal of her trust.
Part of me also realized that while I loved Gina, I had come to understand and accept that I could love other girls as well. It was something that took some getting used to, but Susan’s words echoed in my mind when I thought about it: “You can be in love with more than one person. Even more than one person at a time. But you can really only be committed to one person at a time.”
Did I want a committed relationship with Gina? Yes, I thought quickly. I’d had a crush on her since I’d first met her, almost four years before. She’d been my friend before she’d developed into a woman, and she was my friend now. Would she still be my friend, after she learned about Amy? I think that’s what worried me most. It wasn’t the sex, although that was certainly enjoyable—I didn’t want to lose her friendship.
And what about Kendall? She had quickly become a good friend, and I could easily fall in love with her (more than I had already?). I knew how she’d felt about me at the end of the previous summer, but would she still feel the same way this summer? I didn’t want to think that I was choosing between the two girls, but in a way, maybe I was.
I know it was a cynical thought, but I knew I could find sex with any of several willing partners. For that matter, I’d gone most of the past year without sex. With Gina, it was more than sex. I guess I wanted the connection. That’s what I didn’t want to lose.
And what about Amy? Did I still love her? Yes, I answered in the dark. I probably always would. But did I want a relationship with her? That was a tougher question, and I knew my answer was probably “no.” I can’t really explain why, but I didn’t. I hoped we could be friends again, but I knew she didn’t want the same things I did.
As I lay awake in bed, just starting to doze off, I thought about Stacy as well. She was trying to do things she thought I liked, putting my pleasure before her own. When we’d had sex, she’d clung to me fiercely at times. It was almost like she was afraid to leave me. It was almost like she was…
My eyes popped open. What had she said?! She had been trying to tell me something, but she couldn’t—or wouldn’t—say the words. I could think of only one thing she’d be reluctant to say to me, and I cursed myself for a fool for not seeing it sooner. Susan had practically told me, although not in so many words.
I frantically thought through all the conversations I’d had with Stacy, and all the time we’d spent together the previous weekend. Suddenly, things I hadn’t noticed before became much more significant: the looks, the touches, the seemingly desperate need to be held, her trying to please me, and more.
I’d even noticed it myself, but I hadn’t put the pieces together. I’d seen the difference when she was with me and then when she was around other people. Suddenly, everything clicked into place.
Stacy was in love. With me.
My parents entered the cabin quietly, but I paid them little attention. My mind was awhirl with possibilities and recriminations. Why hadn’t I seen it sooner? How could I be so dense? What was I going to do about it? What was I going to do about Gina? What was I going to do about anything?
It took me a long, long time to get to sleep after that. And when I did finally drift off, my sleep was fitful and plagued with vaguely disquieting dreams.
The next morning, I awoke feeling worse than ever. As soon as I moved, I regretted it. My shoulders were sore, my arms were sore, my abs were sore, my back was sore, and my legs were sore. Just climbing down the ladder made me feel like an old man. My eyes were gummy from lack of sleep and I had a foul taste in my mouth.
Needless to say, I decided to forego my morning workout. Instead, I took a hot shower, standing under the spigot until the water ran cold and I was forced to turn it off. By the time I shuffled down to the clubhouse for breakfast, my family was nearly through with theirs. Mom gave me a concerned look and fixed me a couple of egg sandwiches and some hash browns.
“Are you okay?” she finally asked, setting my plate in front of me.
“Yeah. I guess. I kinda got carried away with my workout yesterday,” I said.
Even Erin looked concerned. But her concern only lasted until Leah and Trish showed up. They raced off down the hill, and Dad turned to me.
“I’m going into town today, to buy some fireworks for the Fourth,” he said. “Why don’t you come with me?”
His tone sounded more like a suggestion than a question, so I agreed.
I was deep in thought most of the way into town. Dad sensed that I didn’t want to talk, and pretty much left me to myself. I certainly appreciated it. But by the time we reached the fireworks stand, I had none of my problems resolved.
Shopping for fireworks was fun, since it took my mind off my problems for a while. With a silent chuckle, I realized that was probably what Mom and Dad intended. I was gradually realizing that they actually did pay attention to me and my moods, and were pretty good parents.
For almost an hour, Dad and I debated the finer points of fireworks, both of us acting like kids. It was a fun time, and I enjoyed myself. We probably bought too much, but in hindsight, I don’t think the fireworks were really the real purpose of our trip. They were simply the means—I needed to blow off some steam and relax, and Dad somehow knew this.
Note to self: Don’t underestimate Dad either.
On the drive back, I was feeling more human, but I was still worried about a lot of things. One problem at a time, I told myself.
Normally, I didn’t share my concerns with Dad. He would ask about my day-to-day life sometimes, and I knew Mom told him a lot. Due to his schedule, it was hard to talk to him sometimes. I never got the feeling that he didn’t want to talk, but he was often simply not available.
I’d told myself that I was going to face things like a man. Susan told me I needed to act like a man as well. To a degree, I knew what she meant—in many ways, I tried to emulate my father. I guess it was a sign of maturity that I also realized how much I still had to learn.
“Dad?”
“Yes?”
“Have you ever had to do anything you didn’t want to?”
He looked at me sidelong. “Sure. All the time.”
“Like what?”
“Well, son, I go to work. I have to leave you all, sometimes for a couple of weeks at a time. I don’t want to do that, but I do.”
“Not that,” I said. “You go to work so we can have a nice house, food, clothes, and stuff like that.”
He looked at me suddenly, a surprised expression on his face, and the car drifted toward the side of the road. He had to jerk the steering wheel to keep us from driving onto the shoulder. I guess he was shocked I actually realized all the nice things we had cost money, and that money had to come from somewhere.
“I mean, have you ever had to do anything where it didn’t make a difference whether you did it or not?” I asked, continuing.
“Like what?”
“I dunno. Something big, where you felt you needed to do it, but if you didn’t, nothing really bad would happen.”
He nodded somberly. “I joined the Navy, even though I knew I’d probably go to Vietnam. If I hadn’t done it, someone else would have, probably. But I felt it was the thing I needed to do. So, yeah, I guess I have.”
“Well, my decision isn’t that big, I guess. But sometimes it seems like it.”
“What’s the decision?” he asked.
“It’s complicated.”
He nodded and laughed softly. “The big ones always are.”
“It’s about a girl,” I said.
“Ahhhhh. Gina?”
I nodded.
He was silent, waiting for me to gather my thoughts.
“I need to tell her something. But if I do, I know she’ll be angry. If I don’t, she’ll probably never know the difference.”
“But you’ll know,” he said.
I nodded.
“Son, I guess the question really isn’t about her, now is it?”
I cocked my head and looked at him, perplexed.
“It’s really about what kind of person you want to be,” he said.
“Huh?”
“Have you read Shakespeare’s Hamlet yet?”
I shook my head, confused by the non sequitur.
“Have you ever heard the phrase, ‘This above all: to thine ownself be true’?”
I nodded, still puzzled.
“What do you think that means?” he asked.
“I dunno. What’s this have to do with—”
“Just think about it for a second.”
I did. I also wondered musingly why Shakespeare couldn’t write in English. (I wasn’t serious, of course—well, maybe not completely serious.) I pondered for a moment while Dad drove in silence. “Does it mean you can’t lie to yourself?” I asked.
“Something like that,” he said. “What else can the word ‘true’ mean?”
“I dunno.”
“How about ‘my aim was true’? What does ‘true’ mean there?”
“Um… good? Straight? Right?”
He nodded. “So when Polonius says, ‘to thine ownself be true,’ what does he mean?”
For the moment, I ignored the fact that I had no idea who Polonius was. “Be good to yourself?” I asked, still a bit lost. He waited, so I searched for another meaning. “Be honest to yourself?”
He nodded as I slowly began to understand.
“‘To thine ownself be true,’” I mused. “Does it mean you’ve got to do what you know is right?”
Dad looked at me seriously. “Yes, son. It does.”
“So that’s what you meant when you said the question really isn’t about her, it’s about me.”
He nodded again.
“I’ve got to do what I know is right,” I said. “I’ve got to be true to myself.”
“Yes, son. You do.” We drove in silence for a few moments. “Does that help? Do you know what you have to do now?”
“Yeah,” I said sullenly. “I’ve got to join the Navy and go to Vietnam.”
He laughed richly and clapped me on the shoulder. “Oh, I suspect it won’t be that bad.”
A couple hours after lunch, we started a game of Marco Polo. Erin, Leah, Trish, her brother Jonathan, Gina, and I were the first ones playing. I guess Kara was on her period, because she was wearing a pair of bikini bottoms and didn’t want to join us. But all our dads joined in, even Chris and Dwight.
Mom, Susan, Elizabeth (who was also wearing bikini bottoms), Kara, and Dwight’s wife, Karen, watched from the edge of the lake. We made a lot of noise, but we also had a lot of fun. Our dads couldn’t keep up with us, and gave up after about forty-five minutes. We continued playing for another hour, while our parents looked on from the comfort of their loungers.
We were all grinning and tired afterward, and sat around on towels or chairs. The younger girls swam out to lie on the raft, but Gina and I stayed near the adults.
“Did you ask Gina about helping with Mr. Kestrel’s house?” Susan asked me.
I looked at her blankly and she chuckled.
Gina looked at me expectantly.
Sometimes, I’m kind of slow on the uptake. I rolled my eyes and theatrically smacked myself on the forehead. “Oh yeah!”
Susan quickly explained about Mr. Kestrel to the Coulters and Deloziers. After she told them we had packed up his belongings, she looked at me and gestured for me to continue.
I turned to Gina. “Susan said she was going to hire some guys to come move all his stuff. None of it is really heavy, just a lot of boxes and some furniture and stuff. So I thought maybe we could move it.”
Gina’s eyes widened in disbelief. “Just the two of us?”
I quickly shook my head and felt my face heat up. “No. When Manfred and Jenny get here next week, we’ll all do it. Susan will rent a U-Haul truck, we’ll load it here, then take everything to town.”
“Oh.”
“And she’ll pay us fifty dollars each.”
“Oh!”
“I figured Manfred and I can move all the heavy stuff,” I said. “While you and Jenny move the light stuff and little boxes. It should take us all day, especially with the drive to and from town, but it’s fifty bucks.”
“Yeah,” she said softly. “Fifty bucks.”
I looked up and our parents were grinning indulgently. I turned back to Gina. “So. D’you wanna do it?”
She clasped her hands together and nodded quickly. “Yeah. Of course.”
“Cool.”
After my talk with Dad, I’d come to the conclusion that for my own peace of mind, I had to have The Talk with Gina. Face things like a man and act like a man, I kept telling myself. I shoved aside any thoughts of Stacy and her love for me—and what I was going to do about it—and rehearsed what I wanted to say to Gina.
Our families ate dinner separately, but Gina quickly found me afterward. She came up behind me and playfully put her hands over my eyes, but I knew it was her.
“Hi,” she said brightly.
“Hi, yourself.”
She clasped her hands behind her and rose on tiptoes coquettishly. “Whatcha doin’?”
“Pretty much nothing. Why?”
She looked around and then leaned close. “Do you wanna go for a walk a little later? Maybe around dark?”
I swallowed hard and tried to keep my apprehension from showing. When I smiled and nodded, she pirouetted girlishly.
“I gotta go get ready,” she said slyly. “I’ll meet you at your cabin, around eight o’clock. Okay?”
I nodded and she rose on tiptoe to kiss me. The kiss was warm but fleeting, and when she pulled back, her eyes were shining with anticipation. When she turned and headed toward the door, I watched her swing her hips and wondered what kind of fool I was.
I played a few desultory games of ping-pong with Dwight, but my heart wasn’t in it. I could tell that he’d even adapted his play-style to accommodate my poor skills. I guess he didn’t want to watch me chase his kill-shots all night long. I certainly appreciated the gesture, but I had more on my mind than swatting a little white ball. He understood when I didn’t want to play, I mean lose, another game.
It was only a little after seven thirty, but I wandered up to our cabin anyway. At the brow of the hill, just before the short trail that led to our cabin, I passed Kara coming the other way. I tried to smile. She grinned and winked at me, but kept walking. I was about to turn toward our cabin when I stopped and called to her. She walked back up the hill and greeted me warmly.
“What’s up, Paul?”
I shifted nervously, trying to find the right words. From the way she was grinning at me, she obviously knew what Gina’s plans were. When I still didn’t speak, she looked at me with the first traces of concern.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
I nodded quickly. “Yeah. It’s just…”
“What is it?”
“It’s just… Well… I don’t really know how to say this.”
She waited.
“You know about Gina and me?”
She nodded, worry still coloring her expression.
“And you know what she… I mean… You know about… well… us?”
“I think I’ve got a pretty good idea,” she said evenly. “Is everything okay?”
“Yes and no. I mean, more no than yes. But… Well… I know what I mean, I just can’t figure out how to say it.”
“You don’t love her anymore?” she asked accusingly.
“Oh, God. No! I love her more now than ever before.”
“Then what is it?”
I finally decided to just spit it out. “Listen, Kara… You know what she has planned for tonight, right?”
She crossed her arms beneath her breasts and nodded.
“Well, I’ve got to tell Gina something… something she’s not going to want to hear.”
“You’re not going to—”
I held up a hand to forestall whatever she was going to say. “Look. I love her. A lot. And I don’t want to do anything to hurt her. But if I don’t do it now, it’ll only hurt worse later. And it’s something… it’s something that I have to do. I couldn’t live with myself if I don’t tell her. Especially if we… you know.”
“I know.”
“But just because I’ve got to hurt her now, and I know it’s gonna hurt, doesn’t mean I don’t love her.”
She nodded curtly. “So why’re you telling me this?”
“Well… ’Cause I know she’s gonna be upset, and I thought maybe it’d make her feel better if you were… you know… kinda close by.”
Her face softened.
“She’s not gonna want to talk to me,” I said remorsefully. “But she’s gonna want to talk to someone. I don’t want her to go through this alone. And she shouldn’t have to look all over for someone to talk to. You know?”
“Yeah, I think I do.”
I looked at Kara earnestly and studied her for a long moment. “And tell her I love her. I always have, and I always will.”
Kara hugged me, and I reluctantly put my arms around her. “You’re a good guy, Paul Hughes,” she whispered in my ear. “I don’t know what you’re going to tell her, but I’ll watch out for her.”
“Thanks,” I said, my voice thick with emotion.
Gina came down the hill a few minutes early. She had her hair brushed back and held in place with two yellow barrettes. She carried a blanket draped over her arms, and walked with a happy spring in her step. When she saw me walking down the stairs, she ran the last few steps and threw herself into my arms.
I caught her and spun her around as she planted her lips against mine. Our kiss rapidly grew heated, and when we separated, we were both breathless. I set her down and offered her my arm. She shifted the blanket and thrust her arm through mine.
“Where to?” I asked, as lightly as I could.
“Down to the lake.”
I looked at her skeptically, but she smiled knowingly and started walking. With her arm linked through mine, I had little choice but to follow where she led.
By the time we reached the lake, the sun had dipped below the far ridge, and the entire basin was thrown into shadow. The sky was still light, so we could easily see the ground as we made our way around the right side of the lake, over the spillway and toward the shallow end.
I had covertly looked back a few times, and was relieved to see that Kara was unobtrusively following us, several hundred yards back. When we turned down the nature walk toward the shaded grotto next to the spillway stream, I turned to look up the hill. I wanted to make sure Kara saw where we went. I don’t know if she did or not, but there was nothing I could do about it.
The cleared area was deserted, and already deep in shadow. The grass had been cut earlier in the day, and it smelled fresh and sweet. I helped Gina spread the blanket and then she brushed off her feet before stepping onto it. I did the same, and joined her in the center.
Her arms went around my neck and she melted against me. She tilted her head back and my lips met hers. When she pulled back, she kissed down my neck to my chest.
“I’ve wanted this for so long,” she said, in between kisses.
I started to breathe heavier and shook my head, trying to think of what I needed to say.
Suddenly, she dropped to her knees and put her hands on my hips.
I had to make her stop! If she…
Oh, no.
She put her lips around the crown of my penis and it swelled in response. She laughed lightly—I could feel her warm breath against my pubic hair—and she sucked more of my rapidly hardening dick into her mouth. Under the attention of her insistent lips and tongue, my manhood quickly became fully erect.
She sucked more of me into her mouth, her lips caressing the soft skin of my shaft. In a haze, I felt one of her hands move from my hip and cup my balls, testing their weight. I swallowed hard and fought to recall what I had to do.
My resolve was crumbling. I had to do something.
In her mouth, my cock swelled as she sucked lightly. She ran her tongue over the underside of my glans and teased my balls with her fingernails.
I felt like I was holding onto the edge of a cliff, straining and scrabbling to keep myself from falling. Her lips. Her tongue. Her soft sighs of lust. They all conspired to pull me down, to make me lose myself.
With a Herculean effort of will, I pulled my thoughts away from her supple lips and greedy mouth. I shook my head, trying to clear the fog of desire clouding my senses. When she pulled back and kissed the saliva-slick head of my cock, I had my opening.
I sank to my knees and cupped her face with my hands. She whimpered insistently at the loss of my dick, so I leaned forward and kissed her gently. When we broke the kiss, I pulled back and looked at her.
“You know I love you. Right?”
She smiled and nodded.
“And you know I always will.”
She nodded again.
I opened my mouth, but no words came out. I kissed her again and steeled my nerve. When I pulled back, I took a deep breath, swallowed hard, and looked her in the eye.
“Gina, there’s something I have to tell you…”