Jane strode up the steps inside the Whitman Hotel going left to the grand room side. Hand in her dress pocket, she fiddled with a blue stone pin her mother gave to her on her wedding day. She knocked on room 105 where a patient lawyer sat outside the door on the left-hand side, hands in his lap, waiting to escort Audrey down, and give her away. Entering the room, Audrey’s eager face greeted hers.

She returned Audrey’s enthusiastic look. The woman practically jumped out of her skin with excitement. Jane smiled. It warmed her heart seeing her friend blossoming so; knowing all too well the tingling, thrilling shivers of marriage.

“You need something blue,” Jane said, pulling out the pin from her pocket.

She fastened a blue pin to Audrey’s gown. The stone swirled with different blue tones, varying from dark indigo to sky blue. Jane took a step back, smiling with tears in her eyes. “It’s like my sister is getting married,” Jane commented, choking on her last word.

Audrey wrapped her arms around her. “And you’re next. Tonight, my goal is to find you a match.”

Jane scoffed, patting her eyes. “Audrey, I appreciate your optimism but I am well past my suitability.”

“Nonsense, it is complete swill and you know it well.”

Jane smiled wanly, heading to the door. Upon her opening it, Jane took a step back startled. The old lawyer, Wilfred poked his head in and grinned. He stepped forward and bowed, holding out his hand. Audrey ran over, dress hiked up above her ankles, readily taking it.

Jane stepped to the side to avoid being barreled over by an eager Audrey. She smiled brightly, tucking away her own loneliness, waiting to follow Audrey down the stairs. In the months knowing the hotel owner, she’d discovered nothing – objects, people, or problems – stood between the woman and what she wanted.

“It’s time,” Wilfred choked, tears forming in the corner of his eyes. “If only your parents could see you now.”

“I miss them greatly,” Audrey agreed, misty eyed. “Having you here with me now and to give me away, is everything to me. I would prefer no one else. Thank you, Wilfred.”

Jane smiled, navigating around them both to hold the door open. Wilfred with Audrey’s arm looped in his followed her down the stairs. Jane got the door leading to the outside sitting area. The guests rose to their feet, smiling and appreciating the approaching bride on her glorious day. Jane closed the door softly behind her, fiddling with the broach at the base of her throat.

Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath. Her late husband stood in front of her. Seth’s brown hair and light blue eyes sparkling in the Tennessee sunset. A grin from ear to ear split his handsome, tanned face. His white shirt with bluebonnets pinned to his chest brought out more of his stunning eyes. Jane felt the warmth of his hand envelop her skin in an exhilarating protectiveness she swore she would never tire of.

“I do,” he whispered, pressing his head against hers.

Jane bowed her head, tears streaming down her face. She took a moment to breathe and allow herself to feel the sorrow hitting her when thoughts of Seth assailed her. Jane opened her eyes, taking in Audrey and Eugene exchanging vows. Her heart was happy for them, but it also ached for herself. Seth had been gone for over a decade, yet she could not get over how much she loved him.

Angrily, she wiped the tears from her cheeks. Glancing around, her eyes pinched together inspecting the crowd, hoping no one saw her slight burst of emotions. Her glance showed her all eyes on the radiant bride and her handsome groom.

Jane let out a breath of relief, patting her hair to make certain no strand was out of place. She spied all of the Whitman Hotel employees in the front two rows on the left-hand side.

“I do!” Audrey exclaimed.

“I do, too,” Eugene said, giving Audrey’s hands a squeeze that Jane could see from her spot in the back.

Reverend Kester chuckled. “All right then. I can see my job is almost done here. I’ll get straight to the point then.”

The guests chuckled with the reverend while the bride and groom grinned at each other, almost oblivious to everything around them. Jane smiled, watching the happiest moments unfold. She remembered her own happy moments with Seth, feeling all the love he had for her rush back. Reverend Kester flipped through the pages in his black bible before closing it. He smiled, looking out across the crowd. His tall frame towered over Eugene and Audrey as his arms spread wide, as if to embrace the couple.

“God’s love is eternal and unconditional. By their quick responses of - I do - their love for each other is clearly like God’s - quick, powerful, and unforgettable,” Reverend Kester chuckled. “From fake deaths to kidnappings, and wanted gang members to hardships, one thing I can be most certain of is their love will endure. With the blessing of the Good Lord, the state of Colorado, and myself, you are now husband and wife. For the first time, I am pleased to introduce Mr. and Mrs. Eugene Turner.”

Audrey leapt at Eugene, wrapped her arms around him and kissed his lips. Eugene barely caught her, holding her back slightly, he helped her to right herself smiling all the while. Jane smiled, wiping more tears off her face. She was happy for her friend and boss. To be honest with herself, she was also slightly jealous of what Audrey and Eugene had. Granted, she had it once too. Only it was cut short by several decades.

Spinning on her heel, Jane strode inside the Whitman Hotel, going to her office. Besides her room, it was the only place of solitude for herself. She wasn’t in the mood, selfish as it was, for merriment.

“Jane.”

A lilting voice beckoned her to turn around.

“Jane McCarthy,” the woman called again.

Internally she sighed. She didn’t want to make nice. Her heart felt too many emotions and she needed to sort through them before she felt she could socialize.

Smile and nod, she reminded herself.

Jane plastered a business-like smile to her face. In front of her, with a smile on her face and a man on her arm holding a sleeping baby girl was Kayla Langmoore. The man, Ben, if she remembered right, dipped his head to her. The dark brown-haired woman grinned broadly, embracing her like no time had passed between them.

Ben leaned over, shaking her hand. “Ms. McCarthy, it’s a pleasure to see you again,” his deep voice rumbled.

Jane felt her lips tense. Ben didn’t make her feel uncomfortable. Her emotions were so jarring, she wasn’t sure how long she could remain polite. She needed a break from the event. For propriety’s sake, she tilted her head and grinned.

Curious to the sleeping child, Jane tucked back the blanket and smiled wanly. “She’s beautiful. Congratulations.”

Kayla embraced her again. “Thank you. It’s so good to see you again. It’s been quite some time.”

A year had come and gone since seeing Kayla Langmoore. The young woman was a pleasure to have employed, for the few months she was. Three months after Audrey’s kidnapping, Kayla Langmoore came to the Whitman Hotel until around January when Ben came to claim his woman.

The entire year since meeting Audrey was quite the wagon ride. And why it took a year for Audrey to plan this wedding, she didn’t know but surmised it had to do with society, her money, and estate homes all over America.

“Yes, it has,” Jane replied, holding Kayla back at arm’s length giving her a quick inspection. “It is very nice to see you again, Kayla. We all sure do miss your baking, even still. Please, head inside and enjoy yourself.”

“Very kind of you to say,” Kayla grinned. “We will see you inside.”

Jane tucked in her lips, heading in behind Kayla and Ben to sneak away since they were ahead of her. She maneuvered off to the side, past people and toward the front desk. Audrey and Eugene stood in front on the left-hand side, of the double French doors leading into the ballroom. Jane stood to the side while people lined up the far left, allowing other traffic to pass by as they all waited a turn to congratulate the bride and groom.

Silently, she side stepped to the door, leading back into the hallway to her office. I’m being selfish, I know, she chastised herself. I should be happy for someone who’s my best friend, like a younger, endearing sister. But it reminds me so much of what I lost. And I just… I can’t.

Jane sighed. It reminds me of all the love and intimate moments I gained with you Seth, she thought. I love you. Even still, my heart loves you deeply and cherishes you and the happiness you brought. I remember our wedding day, how the sun set and twinkling little bugs came out. How you adjusted the crown of flowers on my head each time before you kissed me. And now, it’s all memories…

Every part of her desired to run away into her office, her feet moving her that way seemingly on their own, but she stopped them. That wasn’t the woman she was. Jane walked toward Audrey and Eugene, smiling genuinely. The party inside was a cacophony of laughter and happiness. Children were at the far end near the food table, giggling and sneaking sweets. Parents were lost in deep conversation with other adults, oblivious to their quiet children and their friends.

Jane grinned, feeling herself loosen up a bit. She strode over the bride and groom, who found themselves alone for a moment.

“Congratulations,” Jane said to Eugene and Audrey.

The bride beamed, throwing her arms around her neck. “All of this is possible because of you,” Audrey exclaimed. “You are simply incredible.”

“Thank you,” Eugene added, embracing her next. “You have been the steady rock in this tumultuous adventure.”

“You both are very welcome,” Jane replied, her voice thick. “I love you both dearly. Congratulations.”

“Come,” Audrey beckoned. “It is high time to find you a match.”

Jane felt her arm whip around her body as Audrey drug her about the room. Jane peeked over her shoulder to find Eugene rolling his eyes.

Jane swallowed. The room was a hive of people buzzing around her louder than a bee’s nest. It scared her. Not only the plethora of people but the possibility of finding love after losing Seth. Years ago, though it was, it hurt her heart still.

She’d loved Seth since they were kids, growing up down the road from each other in the hills of Tennessee. Marrying him at seventeen was the highlight of her life. Having his life cut short a mere 8 years later when she turned twenty-six destroyed her inside. And more so with no child of his to have in her arms. Jane took a deep breath. Seth’s faded image drifted across her eyes.

Jane bit her bottom lip. “Thank you, Audrey,” Jane stammered. “I appreciate your endeavors, but I would rather enjoy the party by mingling with our guests who came from out of town.”

Audrey grinned. “Nonsense. You shall be dancing with every available bachelor. It will be thrilling for you.”

Audrey grabbed her hand, pulling her deep inside the ballroom. Jane's slight heels skated her along the polished floor. Jane met the amused eyes of Ross and Mary sipping some punch. Mary set her drink in Ross’s hand, coming over to Audrey and, hopefully, to Jane’s rescue.

“Whatcha got goin’ on Audrey?” Mary asked. “I’d figure you’d be with your man.”

Audrey threw her arms around Mary’s neck releasing what felt like Jane’s shackle on her wrist. “My dear friend, we are going to find a match for Jane. And Eugene doesn’t mind my temporary absence.”

Mary’s brows furrowed. “You think that’s a bright idea?”

Jane maneuvered her way behind Mary and her rounding belly, using Mary as a form of protection from the enthusiasm of Audrey.

Audrey pouted. “Jane, I thought you wanted companionship?”

Jane licked her lips. “I do. But God provides what He will in His time. If there is ought to be someone, then he will come forth when I need him most. Now forget about me, and go enjoy your brand-new husband. I’ll be fine. See, I’m fine.” She said, gesturing toward Mary and adorning her face with her best smile.

Jane linked her arm with Mary’s, thankful to be out of Audrey’s grasp and her sweet intentions. Jane let out a breath she was holding as Mary led over to Ross. She stood by Mary and Ross, relishing in their silent presence as more people meandered inside the ballroom.

Closing her eyes briefly, she let out a long, slow breath. Everyone here is married. Don’t fret yourself so.

“Can we join your circle?” Lena asked no one in particular. “Jane, you look upset.”

Jane shook her head plastering another smile to her face. “I’m fine.”

“Here,” Quint said, handing her his drink with a wink. “It’ll loosen you up a bit.”

Jane kept the grimace from her face. She adored Lena, knowing the young woman for nigh on ten years. Her husband, Quint, sweet though he was, had a former penchant for whiskey and if this cup had any of the firewater inside, she was going to be in trouble.

“Thank you, Quint,” she replied, taking a small sip.

To her surprise, she hardly tasted any liquor. She took a larger sip. Before Jane knew it, the entire cup was emptied. Jane handed the empty glass back to Quint.

“Glad you liked it,” Quint commented.

Jane nodded, her skin tingling with delayed warmth. Whiskey. I haven't tasted it in years. And now I know why. Downright uncomfortable. Her entire body tingled with the firewater and the effects it would soon bring forth.

“Jane, I would love for you to meet Mr. Ralph Bordeu,” Audrey announced. “He is my dear friend Juliet’s father from Philadelphia.”

The man bowed, smiling at her with a twinkle in his keen blue eyes. A formal black suit adorned his body; his brown hair slicked back on his head was peppered with silver.

Jane swallowed. Ralph took a step forward, making a grab for her hand. Politely, Jane raised it, allowing Ralph to kiss the back of her hand.

“Pleasure,” Ralph said in a baritone voice.

Jane softly cleared her throat, struggling to keep the pleasantry on her face. “Pleased to make your acquaintance.”

“Shall we traverse over there a way?” Ralph queried, offering her his elbow.

Jane bowed her head, clearing her throat softly from the cotton feeling from the whiskey. “I would love the company,” she replied a bit shakily.

Audrey squealed excitedly, clapping her hands. Mary grabbed her hands, forcing them on her belly.

“Feel that kick!” Mary barked, drowning out the child-like behavior of Audrey.

Jane closed her eyes, wishing Mary’s distraction was enough to get her out of this obligatory visit, wishing she hadn’t drunk the whiskey as she felt it continue to tingle her body. Ohhh goodness.

Jane felt her insides roil between nervousness at the handsome older man’s presence and anger at the gumption of the now Audrey Turner. Although, she shouldn’t be so incensed. After knowing Audrey over a year, she’d come to expect nothing less from the well-meaning nosy, assertive woman.

Ralph led her to a sitting area over by the fireplace at the far end of the ballroom. He helped her into her seat, waiting until she was done and adjusted before sitting himself.

“I thought this a safe place. I saw you getting upset by Audrey’s,” he waved a hand, trailing off.

“Yes, thank you,” Jane replied, offering a polite smile, not quite reaching her eyes.

Ralph smirked, staring at her with bright blue eyes. “Your lip twitched and went straight… Just like my late wife’s,” he breathed out heavily through his nose and offered her a sympathetic look. “You kept it together very well.”

Jane’s smile turned genuine. “I appreciate it.”

She made sure not to make her lip get tight as her nervousness continued. Instead, she fiddled with her dress collar on her neck. She swallowed, fidgeting in her seat; not liking a stranger could read her so easily.

The entirety of the situation made her a nervous wreck. She didn’t know what to say to him. She was clueless in how to begin a personal conversation outside of business settings. She opened up to others at the hotel and their spouses, trusting them more than a random man off the streets. She didn’t rightly know how to make something personal or begin in a personal way when all she did everyday was speak business casual.

Meeting Seth as a kid, and staying sweethearts was all she knew of men. She didn’t have to try to get affection and Seth didn’t have to woo. There was nothing – no trying. She and Seth were always the same – inseparable.

One day, after one of the spring gatherings, he looked at me and something shifted. We just knew we were meant to be. Nothing complicated to it, Jane thought. I have no idea how to go about doing this – talking and getting to know a stranger… I could make it like an interview, she decided. A casual, simple interview… She cleared her throat, putting her hands in her lap.

Jane took a deep breath, attempting to still her jittering nerves. Part of me wants to run away and the other is curious about where this conversation could go. Jane crossed her ankles and uncrossed them, opting for setting her feet flat on the floor. She painted a softness to her face, hoping it came through genuinely and not as uncomfortable as she felt.

“I can tell this is making you uncomfortable,” Ralph said, leaning forward in his seat. “I’m sorry. It’s been years since I’ve spoken to a beautiful woman.”

“It’s been years for me as well. I mean. It’s been years since talking to a handsome man for anything other than regarding hotel business,” Jane replied, feeling heat rise to her cheeks. “My apologies. This is all so overwhelming.”

Ralph nodded. “Then how about we speak… as friends.”

Jane smiled; straightening herself in her seat. She cleared her throat and pulled at her dress collar. In her mind, every instinct screamed at her to run; this was not a jar of worms’ worth opening. But part of her, probably the little amount of alcohol coursing through her, bid her to stay.

“All right,” she agreed, taking a slight breath. “My husband died of yellow fever twelve years ago, back in Tennessee.”

Ralph nodded. “My wife died of tuberculosis, around ten years ago, leaving me with Juliet as a toddler. It’s hard being an only parent to a child as rambunctious as my Juliet. It’s been lonely for myself,” he paused.

Jane bowed her head. She hadn’t ever the time to pause and have meaningful conversation with a man. Anyone for that matter. She buried herself in work, making all the adjustments and even helping when employees married or quit.

She felt like moving on, and getting to know someone, would shame Seth in some way. Not being able to bear a child with his name or anything of him, made the shame worse. She had nothing of him to keep, only his last name and it would change in the next marriage, if she were to have one, further cementing the abandonment of her beloved Seth.

Now, she had a handsome older man in front of her; speaking to her like a kindred lost soul. Jane bit her bottom lip. He isn’t asking me for a union, she reminded herself. Ease up a touch. It’s only talking. Jane took a deep breath, willing her body to relax.

Her eyes met those of Ralph. He smiled tightly at her, seeming to be just as nervous as she; hands clasped together as he leaned forward in his seat. Jane took a relaxed position, leaning back fully in the chair.

“I haven’t taken another wife, fearing I would shame the memory of Penelope,” Ralph said, breaking the silence.

Jane’s mouth felt like cotton. I shouldn't be so surprised to discover a man who thinks similarly to me. Yet I am wholeheartedly relieved one does. Both of us are not desiring to move on for fear of shaming the memories of those beloved to us.

Ralph nodded his head, clasping his hands together.

“I understand. I too, fear forgetting or losing the memory of my late husband,” she paused, taking a deep breath. “We were kids growing up down the road from each other. I always knew I loved him and married him at seventeen.”

“I met and married my Penelope at eighteen.”

Jane met Ralph’s kind eyes and offered an understanding grin.

“Astounding… Audrey told me we would be similar, but I did not believe her until this moment,” Ralph stated.

She hardened. Either the alcohol or what she saw as Audrey gossiping about her, made her skin feel like it was on fire. Granted, Audrey loved to talk and would do so to a post if it stood there long enough, but to do this to me? How dare she! Audrey hadn’t the right to tell anyone of my past or predicament.

“Don’t be upset,” Ralph tried to sooth, backing a bit at Jane’s look of indignation. “She didn’t tell me anything other than we were similar.”

Jane deflated a bit. Still, it rubbed her the wrong way. Jane stood, her chair screeching back a bit.

“Thank you for your friendly conversation,” she ground out as politely as she could. “It has been a delightful change.”

She wished her words sounded more believable. Her comment was almost backhanded, which she regretted. Ralph was kind to her throughout their surprise encounter. He deserved better than her curtness. She opened her mouth to say something.

“I understand,” he said, nodding his head and lifting a hand as if in a gesture of peace. And she was a little relieved because he truly looked like he understood.

With a dip of her head, she strode off toward the ballroom doors. The freedom of the exit almost within her walking reach. Turning her head slightly to the right, she caught a glimpse of Mary and Lena, deep in conversation with Natali.

She made her way past the women. Glancing over her shoulder, she was relieved to see Ralph chatting amicably with someone else, like nothing went amiss with their short conversation. Jane felt her body relax, as the door came within reach.

She strode out into the hallway, going to the left, alongside the ballroom and toward her bedroom. She paused along the wall, peeking over at the sitting area where a couple mingled, talking sweetly and barely touching hands for propriety’s sake.

I’m not ready, Jane thought. It’s been twelve years and I’m still not ready to let you go.

Jane sat behind her desk, doing her payroll sheet to make certain everyone got their allotment. Since the wedding two days ago and everyone now at church, it gave her the break in the morning she needed after handling the final wedding affairs and the plethora of questions from the people and employees around her. She stacked the money into neat little rows, counting it twice to be certain of the amount.

Audrey decreed everyone got a small bonus on her wedding day of ten extra dollars on payday. The bonus allotment included Jane, which surprised her since she was salary as hotel manager. Jane smiled softly. It would be a nice surprise for everyone and one she was excited to give, even if it was two days late due to everything going on. With Mary expecting in a few months, Bartholomew leaving at the end of the week for Baltimore, and Kelly leaving on tomorrow’s train for Omaha, it would be a wonderful gift for them all.

She would have preferred Lena taking over the hotel, but she was busy running her own little corner of the world with Lena’s Dove’s, working here at the hotel, and a newlywed as well. Adding another item to Lena’s already full plate would be a distasteful gesture on her part.

Jane closed her eyes, relishing the stillness. The hotel was simply restful; the kind of quiet one finds alone in a cabin in the woods where the heart can pause and reset itself. Jane took a deep breath, letting it out slowly through her nose.

The ballroom would begin to get cleaned and reset this afternoon and finished by tomorrow. Most of the guests already made for the train, including Ralph Bordeu and Kayla Langmoore and her little family. She’d politely said goodbye this morning, checking out the guests while Bartholomew had the day off, and asking if their stay happened to have been pleasant.

Kayla had thrown her lithe arms around her, hugging her for what would most likely be the last time she ever saw the kindhearted woman. Kayla would be heading back to San Antonio to her slice of America.

Saying farewell to Ralph made her body cringe at the awkwardness. However, Ralph was polite and steadfastly kind throughout their morning interactions. He gave her a friendly handshake and left with his daughter Juliet in tow.

Jane turned her attention to the mess on her desk. She scoffed at herself. Few would consider a newspaper, 3 stacks of papers and a few bundles of neatly stacked money and envelopes a mess, but for her, it was bordering on unbearable. A sales page in the paper caught her attention. A family was selling their two-bedroom cabin home four miles up the road from Elk Creek Ranch. Jane bit her bottom lip wistfully.

I haven’t had a home since Seth died. Nothing felt like the home we built together and shared. And honestly, I have lived in boarding houses and this hotel since. Not really homes by anyone's estimation, she thought. Maybe it’s time I did something for me, moved and settled down.

Her lips pursed, face turning into a moue. Jane shook her head. No, I need to train Lena or even Eliza to take this aspect over first. Audrey is leaving next week for New York to spend their honeymoon there. We need to make a decision about who takes over before Audrey leaves. I’m anticipating Audrey being gone for some time, she thought, strumming her fingers on the table top. And I need to make a decision for myself on either staying here at the hotel or purchasing myself a home.

Jane rapped her fingers on the desktop. Her eyes narrowed in on a blemish on her polished desktop that had been there since she began. I thought I wasn’t ready to let Seth go… Today I’m ready to make a change for myself, and get a home; to let a piece of Seth go in that way, and live alone in a home which I haven't done in twelve years. I’m not certain what changed exactly. Maybe it’s my old age and withering mind, she thought with a snort. But I need a change. And now, getting a home is as good as any.

Sighing, she rose out from behind her desk, going out into the hotel and toward the kitchen for a snack. The smell of Claudia and Ada baking wafted pleasantly to her nose. Her stomach rumbled. Jane’s heels clicked on the hardwood floor as she made her way toward the kitchen.

Opening the door, Jane caught sight of Ada pulling a sheet out of the oven. The steam from her cookies rose into the air, filling the kitchen with deliciousness. Ada smiled at her, reaching back into the oven for cinnamon rolls.

Kayla’s rolls, Jane thought hungrily, I’m thankful the kind woman mailed the recipe.

“Here,” Ada said, scooping a roll on a plate and giving it a heap of icing. “How are you this morning, Jane?”

Jane took the plate, walking over to the stove top to pour herself a cup of coffee to go with her treat. “I’m well, thank you Ada. I have your pay in my office. How is everyone at home?”

“Thank you,” Ada tossed her head back and forth. “And it’s been an adjustment.”

“Is everyone at church still?” Claudia barked, stirring a large pot of stew. “We open shortly. I need Lena and Natali here.”

Jane felt her body internally sigh. The older woman was becoming increasingly agitated in her old age. Claudia was the cook even before Jane had arrived in Denver. Her long-standing position definitely should be a source of pride, even seniority. But this rudeness was too much. Jane poured herself come coffee, scooping a small bit of sugar into the bitter dark liquid.

“Claudia,” Jane began evenly. “Exactly how long have you been at the hotel? I believe I’m coming on at least thirteen years myself.”

Claudia turned toward her, both hands on her ample hips; her left fist clutched a dripping ladle. “Since Philip Whitman built this place in spring of ’59.” Her keen old eyes narrowed in on her. “What are you drivin’ at Jane McCarthy?”

Jane took a sip, shrugging nonchalantly. “I’m thinking of retiring.”

“You’re not even forty,” Ada remarked in surprise, giving her a wink.

Jane grinned, giving another shrug. “I’ve made my little fortune; saving and saving because I had no one else to provide for since Seth is no longer with me.”

Claudia nodded. “I wish I could say the same. My drunkard of a husband squanders everything. I’m waiting for him to choke on whiskey. I got a few hundred dollars to my name I’ve hidden. Won't get me far if I left now.”

“And as you all know, I got my grandkids to provide for,” Ada said. “They made it here a few weeks ago from St Louis and it’s been,” Ada paused, shaking her head. “an adjustment. I’ve been saddled with these kids since their mom died and my son, their dad, ran off. Don’t get me wrong. I love them dearly, but I’m too old to raise another set of children. I’m in my sixties.”

“Oh, be honest, ya old biddy,” Claudia teased. “You’re almost seventy.”

Ada grinned, pointing a finger at Claudia. “Quiet dust cloud. You could be Jesus’s mother.”

Jane chuckled; hiding her light laugh behind a sip of coffee.

Claudia snorted. “I’m not that old. At least not yet.”

Jane bit her lip and hung her head. She felt selfish. Her troubles of a broken, bitter heart were nothing compared to what these other women were adjusting to. She missed Seth, and what they could have had. And she felt guilty. Being a barren woman, she felt like she’d failed Seth. He wanted children in a powerful way, but never blamed her for their lack, stating her barren womb was not a problem; though secretly it was. She knew it, seeing the disappointment and resentment in his eyes even though he never spoke a word of it.

“I say retire if you can,” Ada piped up. “If you have the ability and the means, do it. Then do fun things! Life is much too short.”

Claudia laughed. “Only short for you because your head is barely past the counter.”

Jane hid her grin and the snort of laughter behind the coffee mug and a fake sneeze. “Thank you. I’m unsure… Still contemplating doing so.”

Taking her plate with the cooling, gooey roll and half-finished coffee, she went back to her office. Her feet missed a step at the sound of Audrey and the others coming back from church. She caught herself, hurrying along. She didn't want to be caught up in their couple-bliss.

I believe it’s time for me to move on, she decided. In all aspects.

Fir trees, tall and proud stood towering in the Utah sky. Clear blue skies stretching far into the horizon promised good weather for the next few days. Derek sighed in relief. The numerous animal pelts weighed heavily on his back and on his mule; the last thing he needed was bad weather.

Derek adjusted the rifle on his shoulder. Pulling the hat down low over his squinting green eyes, he continued through the brush and trees. Soon, as he figured it, he would be following Ogden River west to Ogden, Utah and catching a train east to Denver, Colorado. At least that was his plan.

Plans always seem to get away from me, he thought.

He’d spent years traveling and trapping from way north in Montana, west to Idaho and back south to Utah. He was done. Being in his late forties, this life was wearing on his mind and body. His shoulder, currently aching from the weight of the pack.

The loneliness didn’t bother him. He saw it as a kind of penance; not desiring to burden anyone else with his issues. The memories he tried to escape from were relentless, tormenting his dreams and waking thoughts with images of his wife’s sweet face. He tried running from the death of Darcy; seeing townspeople reminding him of what he would not have, followed him with the painful reminder she was gone.

Derek ran a hand over his face. Beads of sweat came off on his hands. He groaned from his sore muscles, moving over a large fallen fir to stand in the shade for a moment. “I’m getting too old for this, Harold,” he said to his mule.

Harold brayed. His mule effortlessly made it over the fallen tree, shaking his short mane.

“We are retiring,” Derek continued, reaching behind the animal's halter, giving him a quick pat.

Derek sighed, moving farther down the animal trail. The rushing whoosh of water sounded to the left. Derek smiled, pausing in the middle of the trail to listen to the soothing cacophony. There was nothing like water to lull his restlessness. Derek hung his head, his heartbeat slowing to match the steady sound.

Harold nudged him.

“Yeah, I’m moving,” he grumbled grumpily at the mule for breaking the moment.

Derek continued down the trail, Harold's lead rope in hand. His eyes scanned the trees for grizzlies, black bears, or cougars; even wolves would target him if they were hungry enough. Harold's ears twitched backward, shaking his head.

“We need to settle down,” he told Harold. “Take a breather and end this way of life. Maybe find a place with a permanent fireplace, soft clean bed, a regular bath, and newspaper. You’re old... I’m old...”

Harold brayed, digging his hooves into the soft soil. Derek stopped, whipping his rifle around. He cocked it, putting the butt of the gun up against his right shoulder ready for whatever threat Harold had sensed to show itself.

A low breathy growl resounded from his right. Holding the rifle tight to his shoulder, he stared down the iron sights. A black bear crossed the trail fifty yards in front of him. It stopped, rising up on his hind legs. The bear lowered back onto four paws, taking a few steps toward him.