Chapter 1)

The world is getting smaller, they say. Communications and social media have connected people from all over the globe into one big family. Well, so long as you want to be part of one big family, I suppose it is, considering that the worst fights seem to happen within them.

Still, it was a surprise when my supervisor got me on my work's radio and asked me to go down into Otterburn to speak to my ex-wife about my kids. Mostly, the surprise was that my supervisor would even call. Besides the occasional request to check out something within Kielder Forest, he left me well alone as I was atypically anti-social and felt no real need for human contact. Most of my communications with the outer world or, rather, the rest of the Forestry Commission were by email, where I was scrupulously accurate, possibly to the point of redundancy. Still, my job suited me these days as I'd more or less given up on human contact, save for the weekly walk to the Post Office in the small village of Otterburn to pick up any physical mail. Mind you, I'd drive in the winter; I might be hardy, but living in one of the most remote places on the UK mainland meant you didn't act foolishly when you might be the only person alive for twenty or so miles.

A bit of history seems in order, as the story looks a tad rambling so far.

I'm David, ex-Army, ex-construction industry and ex-husband, too, come to that. I'm 35, in good health, tall at 6 foot and well-muscled in the way outdoor workers in physical jobs tend to be. Blue eyes and short dark brown hair make up the rest of the ensemble, and I was once considered handsome, though these days, what people think matters very little to me.

I'd married Gwen early in life, and we'd had two daughters: Jenny, approaching 15, and Laurel, only 14. I'd describe them, but other than knowing they had dark brown hair and blue/green eyes, I hadn't seen either of them in over six years. Oh, I had a few pictures of them, and they were quite beautiful in my eyes, but it's a case of the map not being the territory. Initially, Gwen made contact difficult after the divorce for her adultery, though she had since ceased her efforts. But years of only sporadic contact had led me to conclude that it was my role to try harder to keep in touch, the problem being I was so used not to. The divorce was the reason I was where I am and the reason I am who I am. Most people get over a partner cheating and eventually move on. Then again, most partners cheat with a person of the opposite sex...

I'd realised things weren't going too well in my marriage. I worked long hours and wasn't giving the family the quality time they deserved. Still, it was a shock to come home early one Valentine's Day with a bunch of roses to find Gwen in bed being eaten out, to her clear and loud delight by another woman. I admit I went mental, though I maintain to this day that I did not get violent, despite a claim in the divorce court over custody and a restraining order placed on me, which prevented me from knowingly approaching within twenty miles of my ex and her new partner. Access to the girls became nearly impossible as Gwen refused to let my mum and dad visit to collect them, at least initially. I'd gathered that things had relaxed a bit since then, though I was too far off now and simply not in the mood for company, family or otherwise.

That, however, was the least of my problems, Nancy, the bitch who now partnered with my ex, went out of her way to embarrass and make my life miserable. She was a lesbian, yes, but also a militant feminist with it. You know the type, all men are rapists, all men do is hold women back, men are the violent sex, and women can manage perfectly well without men as science has made them redundant and so on at length. The humiliation started when the guys at work discovered the divorce details as posted on Facebook. The construction industry, like the Army, is a bastion of male chauvinism and politically incorrect thinking, and the fact that I'd lost my wife to another woman was utterly hilarious to them and cost me the respect of my team. Respect that I needed to do the job. I can take a joke as well as the best of them, but sympathy from family or contempt at work is challenging to cope with. Nor did the local Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) community help by labelling me some violent bigot and picketing my place of work help, which caused even further strain with the management of the company. So I was getting it in the neck from above and below. The fact that I hadn't touched Nancy seems not to have made it by way of an explanation to the LGBT community. I guess she saw it as all's fair in love and war. Still, the judge accepted my story that she'd fallen when leaping out of bed, as the recorded injuries matched that scenario, and her solicitor ran into a brick wall with my denial of touching her when I pointed out that I couldn't have, as she was still alive, with reference to my army record. The judge didn't remove the restraining order, though; there were too many verbal threats on my part, and no, I'm not proud of that aspect of the entire farce, but it's the only bit I feel guilty about.

Still, the damage was done; I resigned and slunk off with my tail between my legs, unwilling to face the world anymore. A friend got me a job as a forestry ranger in Kielder, and my willingness to settle in the most remote part of it and do an excellent job in land management helped. Kielder Forest is a remote national park in northeast England near the border with Scotland. It occupies over 250 square miles and is run by the Forestry Commission. For many long winter months, other than my trip to Otterburn, I never saw a soul, and if I didn't heal, the anger and bitterness came under control. Only my parents knew where I was; I presume one of them had told Gwen. God knows why; she was not someone they knew I ever wished to see again, but my kids? My personal code of honour would not let me abandon them despite my self-imposed exile and the fact that I hadn't seen them in over five years.

I returned to the ranger cabin, which doubled as my home; it was a squat, low wooden building designed as a showpiece of environmental policies. The roof was turfed with various plants to filter rainwater into storage butts; solar panelling for electricity and heat was stationed discreetly around the site; the toilet was a dry bed affair and did not require a flush, merely a handful of sawdust after each use and a pit with a massive amount of worms and added aeration mulched the rest into humus and the excess was taken away as active fertiliser once a year by a local biomass company. Despite this, I still had a sizeable Calor gas tank, a wood-burning boiler/range and a linked mains supply attached to the regional grid and was fed by a series of wind farm towers when the wind wasn't too light or too strong, redundancy writ large to an extent. The place was also well-insulated and quite roomy. Although designed as a showpiece, very few visitors made it this deep into the forest, most preferring to stay near the Kielder reservoir with its far greater set of facilities for sport and relaxation.

Most of my work involved trail repairs, checking for soil erosion, occasional deer cull and mink extermination, and tree management. The forestry workers took care of the bulk of the trees. Occasionally, I had to escort scientists to various test stations dotted about my area, measuring God alone knows what. Mostly, I was there to ensure they didn't get lost and end up falling down a gully or exposed to the moors and the four-seasons-in-one-day weather patterns up there.

All in all, I lived the life of a hermit in splendid isolation and had come to enjoy it immensely. My few contacts with people were the village postmistress and the local storekeeper, where I bought a few bottles of beer and groceries each week and picked up any mail-order stuff from the odd foray onto the internet.

As it was getting on for evening and the nights were closing in, I decided to drive into the village using a set of forestry trails which could carefully be negotiated by a 4 x 4 or a large truck, which was another reason I was mostly left to my own devices. Most people had more sense than getting so deep in the forest and possibly getting lost in the trees as all the trails looked the same and there were no signposts. GPS could have been better, too, as the maps didn't show the trails.

‘I must be mad,’ I thought as the Landrover lurched from one pothole to another. ‘What could have brought me out of my hideaway to speak to my ex-wife?’ Yes, the kids were important to me, but they had my email address. They sent me an e-birthday/Christmas card without fail, along with a few pictures showing them to be taking after their mother in looks (thank God) but showing a distinct lack of temptation to listen to both her and Nancy's silliness regarding the male of the species.

Finally, I made it onto the A68 and then the A696 main roads and cruised down to the village and the tearooms, where I'd been told Gwen would meet me.

I recognised her straight away. She was dark-haired, shapely, slim, and petite, with green eyes framed by a heart-shaped face with soft, full lips. Yet she was clad in an ensemble that came right out of the butch-dyke catalogue, which clearly didn't suit her at all. The terms dowdy and frumpy immediately came to mind, and they even gave the impression that she was overweight.

"Gwen," I greeted her after stepping out of the Landrover.

"Hello, David, you're a hard man to find these days," she replied.

"Not nearly hard enough, it seems," I said, watching her flush slightly. "Care for a coffee?"

"Yes, please," she replied, following me into the tearoom.

We waited silently until we were served, and I finally asked what she wanted.

"I need a favour. We need somewhere to hide, somewhere that we won't be found," she said.

"What the hell have you done now?" I asked bluntly, as I was pretty perplexed.

"Not me, Jenny," she said, sighing. "She got involved with a local boy with gang connections. He attempted to ply her with drink, possibly get her on drugs, and probably prostitute her. She got lucky and fell out of his car when a police patrol passed. They arrested him and got her to a hospital where they pumped her stomach."

"Bloody hell, Gwen. She was lucky, but how does this involve me?" I said.

"Well, the police investigation opened a can of worms in a local community, and Ali was the local Imam's son. He's been stirring the shit with the community, and we have been spat on and had threatening texts and letters to stop her from testifying. We'd just been moved to a safe house when someone poured petrol through the letterbox of our old home and set it alight. We'd have been dead otherwise."

"But you're in a safe house?" I asked, frowning.

"So we thought, but we think someone on the force has told the Imam where we are, as a brick was hurled through the window this morning. I phoned your Mum and begged her to tell me where you were, but I only got your boss's number. Then we piled onto a series of buses and came up here, hoping you'd take us in until the trial," she said quietly.

"Ok, but it's a bit basic and isolated," I replied.

Well, what else could I do? These were my girls; although we'd been apart for five years, I couldn't turn my back on them. Nor at the time did the factor of Nancy figure in my mind, which was odd as it should have.

"Thank you, David," Gwen said gratefully.

"So, where are the girls?" I asked.

"They're in the local. I'm sending a text now, and they'll be here in five minutes," she replied.

Even then, the penny never dropped; my girls were fourteen and fifteen and would not have been allowed in a pub on their own unless they looked eighteen or over.

We finished our coffees and went outside, and the penny dropped.

"Hi, Dad," came the greeting from the girls, though it wasn't them I had eyes for.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me!" I exclaimed at the sight of Nancy next to my two girls.

"Please, David, can't we be civilised?" Gwen asked.

"I don't do civilised with her. Hell, I'm not supposed to be knowingly within 20 miles of her because of that restraining order!" I almost shouted.

"Told you this was a bad idea. He's a typical male and feels threatened by our sexuality," Nancy said snidely.

"I don't feel threatened by you at all any more than I feel threatened by shit on my shoes and pretty much regard you personally at the same level. What I won't do is allow you in my residence owing to your past record of antagonism toward me," I replied calmly.

"Antagonism? With all the threats you made towards me," she said archly.

"Countered by the gay mafia, you set on me at work, despite never attacking you over your sexuality, the Facebook 'revelations' and by the initial restraining order because I 'hit' you, a claim that was disproven in court, making you out to be a liar."

"David, I know the pair of you have issues, but the girls are freezing here, and I'd take it as a personal favour if you'd allow Nancy to stay with us too... please, David, we've nowhere else to go that we can trust," Gwen begged, and both girls came forward to hold my hands too.

"Christ OK! But if she starts that male oppressor shit, she's out," I groused, knowing that I must have sucker tattooed on my forehead somewhere.

I opened the Landrover, which was still quite warm, and the girls and two women piled in. Oddly enough, Nancy ended up sitting in the passenger seat.

"Make sure you strap in, as where we're going, the concept of a road is a thing of the imagination," I said. Also, there are no mobile masts to give a signal and other than the direct connection to the internet at my home, there's no way to communicate with the outside world."

They all verbally acknowledged as I got their bags into the back and started up, allowing warm air to flow around them. I watched them relax, pulling off hats and gloves and unbuttoning coats.

"The other problem, assuming it is a problem, is if you're a vegetarian, there will be a minimal choice. I make a lot of my food from meat products I hunt, but other than basic veg, I haven't a lot else," I semi-apologised.

"We'll manage," came Gwen's voice over the stifled protest of Laurel and Nancy's frown. "It's not like we've much of a choice, and we didn't exactly give you any notice. And yes, Laurel, I know you gave up meat. But for the moment, you'll have to set aside your principles if you don't want to starve, and it's not like your Dad is factory farming the meat he's supplying."

"Yes, Mum," sighed Laurel.

"You have guns in the house?" asked Nancy.

"Yes, a shotgun and a crossbow. I use them occasionally to cull the local deer herd and for pest control," I replied, keeping my eyes on the road and trying not to look at her.

"Is that safe?" she asked.

"They're weapons; they aren't supposed to be safe," I replied. "But unless you accompany me on one of my tours, you won't even see them; they're locked away in a secure cabinet."

I could see Nancy frowning out of the corner of my eye, but she decided not to push things. Knowing she was with a man she'd seriously antagonised in the past, who was potentially armed and who was taking her into the middle of nowhere, seemed to have gotten to her.

"Also, I hope you thought about bringing suitable outdoor clothing and boots; otherwise, you'll get cabin fever before too long," I said.

"Your Mum told us to take along our camping and hiking stuff. I also got some walking boots for us in Newcastle before the bus set off for Otterburn," Gwen replied.

"That's good," I replied.

"Can we go out with you, Dad?" asked Jenny

"Yes, there are things to see," I replied, turning on the Landrover's lights as it got dark.

"What, like trees?" muttered Nancy, whom I ignored.

"There are otters, deer, badgers, foxes and even a small colony of beaver that some environmentalists monitor. If you're lucky, you'll spot the odd red squirrel, too," I finished.

"Wow," said Laurel.

I turned off the A68 and headed along a small side road before stopping at a gate onto the forestry land. I unlocked the gate and drove through before locking it again and heading off into the darkness along the trails the loggers used.

Soon, the car bounced merrily along, lurching slightly with each rut and throwing the occupants from side to side. I was driving carefully, though, so it could have been worse. I did notice Nancy trying to memorise the route, but with the darkness, I wondered if she could do that good a job, as many trails were passed quickly without her noticing them. Finally, an hour after leaving Otterburn, we pulled up at the Ranger's cabin, and I got out to unlock it for them. I put the lights on and asked them to remove their shoes before going in from the porch. Other than the lights from the Landrover and the light from the cabin porch, it was pitch black and bitterly cold as I took their luggage from the back of the vehicle and carried it in several stages into the porch. Then I turned off the ignition and went in, taking off my boots and slipping on an old ratty pair of slippers.

Inside, it was warm, as the range was still alight, and the solar panelling, which heated water, was pumping it around the cabin from the highly insulated storage unit built under the floor. Gwen, Nancy, and the girls were staring around, taking in my home, which was comfortable if sparsely furnished.

"I'm surprised; it's lovely," said Gwen quietly.

"You thought I lived in a shed?" I asked, bemused at her attitude.

"No, no, I didn't know what to expect, and this would have been low compared to my expectations."

"I'll show you your rooms. The girls will have to share," I said.

"What about Nancy?" Gwen asked.

"What about her?" I replied, puzzled.

"Will she be in with me?"

"Well, yes. Unless you or her want to bunk in with me," I replied, utterly deadpan.

"Fat fucking chance," Nancy muttered under her breath so low that I believed I was the only one to hear her.

"Oh, it's just that you didn't mention her," Gwen said.

"I'm trying like mad to ignore the presence of psychodyke here," I replied. "I'm doing this for you and the girls, not her."

"David, she has a name," Gwen said. "And I'd thank you not to use that... term around the girls."

"What comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person, so no, I will not give that unspeakable psychobitch the satisfaction of using her given name," I replied stonily, paraphrasing an obscure Biblical verse.

Both the girls were clearly trying not to laugh, and even Nancy didn't seem too bothered.

"Seems I really got to him, lover," she finally said. "Now, which room is ours, macho man?"

"First on the right. Quilts, sheets, pillowcases and extra blankets are in the storage cupboards. There's plenty of storage for clothing," I replied, pointing the way. "This one's yours, girls."

I led Jenny and Laurel into the other spare room with two single beds and helped them remove the various bedding from the cupboards.

"You don't like Nancy at all, do you, Dad?" asked Laurel.

"What's to like?" I replied with a question.

"She's always been nice to us, and she makes Mum smile... well, sometimes," Jenny said.

I shrugged, not having anything to say.

"Hasn't been like that recently," Laurel said to Jenny. "They've been fighting a lot, which was before your trouble too. It's also when Mum started wearing those awful clothes."

"You really shouldn't be talking about them before me," I replied quietly. "I'm hardly a sympathetic audience, although I won't tell either."

"Will you take us out with you tomorrow?" Jenny asked, changing the subject.

"If the weather's OK and your clothing is suitable, yes. If that's what you want," I replied.

"Thanks, Dad," Jenny said with a sunny smile as I left the room to prepare dinner.

It had been years since I had cooked for more than one, but I had plenty of food stored in two large chest freezers. I settled on cooking venison sausage, mash, peas, sweetcorn, and thick gravy with dumplings. I was so caught up with the preparations that I didn't notice Gwen enter the kitchen until she startled me with a request.

"Any chance of a coffee, David?" she asked.

"Er... yes. Mugs are in the top cupboard to my right; coffee is in the jar below, and milk's in the fridge. Help yourself," I replied.

"Thank you for taking us in," Gwen said after she'd sorted out a mug of coffee for herself.

"I had little choice. They're my girls, now and always," I replied.

"I meant Nancy and myself, really. I never thought you'd turn the girls away. We were prepared to take a chance hitching up to Edinburgh," she said.

"I don't hate you... either of you, not now. It's been too long," I replied.

"You could have fooled me with that comment about defiling yourself by using her name," Gwen said.

"I have little reason to like her, but for the sake of the girls, I'll hold my peace," I replied.

"She's... she's not like what you think she is," Gwen blurted out.

"You have no idea what I think she is," I replied.

"I love her," Gwen said, her eyes downcast.

"I know, you chose her over me," I said neutrally, feeling an old ache in my heart I hadn't felt for years.

"I... I still loved you too, but you got so angry..." she tailed off.

"She wasn't exactly accommodating of me, now was she?"

"You frightened her; she thought you were going to kill her, and then she tried to keep you out of our lives," Gwen admitted.

"By wrecking my life, by driving me to leave a life behind, by lying to a judge?" I asked mildly.

"We all do stupid things when we're angry," Gwen replied.

"Yes, we do. It would be best if you asked her about Benjy," I returned.

"What about Benjy?" said Gwen, frowning over the dog I'd raised from a pup before we'd even met and had been our daughters furry, faithful companion. "He ran off looking for you, we think."

"Ask her and ask her to be honest with you," was all I would say as I returned to the dinner I was preparing.

Gwen returned to her room, looking troubled. A few minutes later, there were the sounds of a furious row.

Soon enough, a tearful Gwen and an angry-looking Nancy came out of the room to face me.

"Tell him!" Gwen demanded of her.

"Please, don't make me do this," Nancy begged as I spotted the girls' faces at their bedroom doors.

"If you don't, you and I are over," Gwen growled.

"I... I apologise for Benjy. I just wanted to hurt you so badly," she said eventually to me.

"You took our dog to the vets and had him euthanised simply to spite me," I said. "And you have the nerve to tell everyone that you are a better person than me. Sure, I got verbal, but I never hit you, and I never did anything else to harm the family, but you couldn't let it rest, could you?"

"How did you find out?" Nancy asked as Gwen and the girls looked at her in horror and disgust.

"The vet's service also included cremation. They rang me to ask where I wanted the ashes sent as my mobile was all they had," I replied. "I asked for a copy of the bill, seeing as there was little else I could do then, and it wasn't like you were answering my calls at the time."

"I... I guess I'd better pack and go," Nancy finally said, looking at all our faces.

"No..." I sighed. "There's no need to on my part, at least."

"You'd let me stay?" Nancy asked, shocked.

"Me, yes, but you need to sort it out with Gwen and the girls; that's your problem, not mine," I said and returned to the range.

"I'm so sorry," Nancy said to Jenny and Laurel. I just wanted to erase any memories of your father, and I should never have gone so far."

"How could you?" Laurel asked in tears. "He was old and ours; you had no right!"

"No, no, I didn't. I acted irrationally and regretted what I did, but it wasn't something I could admit then. I didn't want you or Gwen to hate me," Nancy said despondently.

"And you went on and on about men using and abusing women and how Dad threatened you, and yet look what you did, you fucking hypocrite!" screamed Jenny, who went into her room, slamming the door behind her.

"Jenny, I..." Nancy said to her back before the crash of the door closing.

"I'll go and talk to them," said Gwen. I suggest you remain here and try to keep a low profile while I try to fix the damage you caused."

"But... but he caused it by telling you after all this time," Nancy wailed.

"Does that make what you did justifiable? I love you Nancy, but at the moment I don't like you one little bit. I suggest you make plans to sleep on the couch tonight," Gwen stormed as she turned her back on Nancy and took Laurel into the bedroom to comfort a weeping Jenny.

"Bet you loved that," snarled Nancy to me. "And smart move in letting me stay, made you look all magnanimous, you utter shit."

"There was no malice on my part; I just wanted an apology. I forgave you over four years ago," I replied. "Still doesn't mean I like you, though, but at least you won't be able to pull that better than you are crap anymore."

"And possibly wrecked my relationship with your ex and your kids," Nancy said bitterly.

"They'll forgive you; Gwen loves you, remember?" I said and turned to look at her.

"Easy enough for you to say," she replied.

Nancy was tall at 5' 11" and fitted the term Valkyrie to a tee; blonde, blue-eyed, magnificent bosom, shapely form, all in all, a lovely wet dream for most guys ... well, those who didn't know her sexual preferences and hostility for their gender.

"You can sleep in my room tonight. I'll change the sheets. There's a cot in the office I can use," I said.

"Why are you doing this? I don't understand you at all?" Nancy finally said plaintively.

"Despite your problems with me, you've been ok with my girls. They do like you, although that's taken a hit today. It's not enough to cause a permanent rift, I hope. Sooner or later, you can go home, and things will return to normal. There's no way I can return to that life, not now. But I do want the girls and Gwen to be happy. I couldn't allow you to think you'd gotten away with Benjy, nor allow you to cover it up. He was their dog, too," I said at length.

"And you won't interfere with Gwen and me?" she asked cautiously.

"No. Gwen's your problem. But from a short conversation I had with the girls, you really need to sort out the clothing thing and any other problems you have," I said.

"I just get so jealous," Nancy said quietly. "I'm so afraid some girl or guy will snatch her away from me."

"So you made her dress in stuff my gran would think was dowdy?" I asked as I turned the sausages.

"Yes... it was wrong, but yes," she said. "Anyway, why am I talking to you about this? You don't even like me."

"Possibly because it'll go no further," I said.

"I'll think about it, and thanks for the use of the bed," she said.

"You're welcome," I replied and returned to my cooking.

Dinner was a tense affair; neither of the girls were talking to Nancy, and Gwen was monosyllabic to anything Nancy said. As for me, well, I'd talked myself out over the last couple of hours, having said more during that time than I had in three months. Still, I did get thanks from them all, including Laurel, for the meals, as although she'd been reluctant to taste the meat in the end, she'd tucked in like the best of them. Afterwards, the girls asked if they could go on my PC, to which I agreed, but I warned them that the work server was site-limited and told them not to give out any details of where they were.

Gwen retired to her room, leaving just Nancy and me to tackle the mountain of dishes, which took a while and was done in silence. Afterwards, I went to my room and stripped the bed, got out fresh stuff for Nancy, and made sure I had the book I'd been reading before going out to sit on the sofa in silence, which was only punctuated by the odd giggle from the office.

"How do you manage?" came Nancy's voice.

"Manage what?" I asked, puzzled.

"It's so quiet, there's fuck all to do and I'm bored," she said.

"I have books, and the PC is yours to use when the girls finish with it," I replied.

"I still don't know how you manage," she said.

"I couldn't cope with company for a long time," I replied. "I just wanted to be left alone to get over what you did to me."

"Five or so years of sulking seems a tad excessive, even by a man's standards," she replied, making me glance up to see what I was sure was a concealed smile and twinkling eyes.

"I just got used to it, and I think I'm naturally anti-social anyway," I surprised myself with a chuckle.

"So what is there to do other than read?" she asked.

"Through the day, there's lots, but it's all work-related," I replied.

She said, "I'll look at your book collection later if that's all right with you."

"No problem; I hope you can find something you enjoy," I said.

"I hope so; I'm at my wit's end here. We left with only a few suitcases full of clothes and precious little else," she admitted.

"The trial will be soon?" I queried.

"It keeps getting delayed, new evidence, legal delays, stuff like that, a lot of it is due to witness intimidation too," Nancy admitted.

"You'll be safe here. Even if they find out where you are, it's not easy to find, and even my boss, who's been here a few times, can't find it on his own," I said.

"That's reassuring," she replied. "Do you still love Gwen?" she finished in a strangled tone.

"Yes," I simply replied.

"It was always my greatest fear that Gwen would return to you one day," Nancy admitted. "It still is."

"There's nothing here for her, and I won't move, not now," I said.

"You're wrong, David. There's you, and I know she loves you still," Nancy replied, tears in her eyes.

"She loves you more," I replied.

"Can I tell you something in confidence?" Nancy asked.

"Who the hell do you think I'll tell?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Gwen is the only person I've ever loved. I'm not even sure if I'm a lesbian," she said.

"But you..." I tapered off, completely lost for words.

"I was a normal girl. I was interested in boys. I had strict religious parents whom I loved dearly, so I was still a virgin when I went to Uni, planning on staying that way till I married. It was fun, and I did well until I got invited to a party, and someone spiked my drink. Apparently, the guy who did it stuffed me into a cupboard till all the guests left and then tied me face down on a bed, raped me vaginally and anally and then left a sign lipsticked on my backside 'free use for all' for the rest of his flatmates. Up to twelve guys may have raped me before one took pity on me, dressed me and put me in a taxi back to my dorm. The thing is, I can't remember any of it, not really, just occasional horrific flashbacks... and then there was the video..." Nancy said quietly, tears streaming down her face.

"Oh dear Lord," I murmured, shocked to my core.

"One of my flatmates saw it and told me, and I contacted the police and the guys in it were arrested. But by then, there was little physical evidence. The trauma mentally made me suicidal for a while, which wasn't helped by my parents shunning me and calling me a whore and harlot to my face when I tried to see them. It took a year before I was able to cope in society. I had an excellent therapist, but I hated men, all men and kept the company of women and was even sexually involved with a few although it didn't do anything for me, not really. Then I met Gwen, and I think it was love for both of us at first sight. I suspect there's always been a little bit of a bi side to her nature, or perhaps it was just me. We became lovers even though she kept threatening to end it as she hated cheating on you. You discovered us and got so angry that we both feared for our lives. It was fear of you that enabled me to drive a wedge between you even though I knew if you'd asked, she might have gone back to you. But I engineered things to drive you away and out of our lives so I could keep Gwen for myself as I doubted you'd share," Nancy finished.

"Fucking hell," I muttered.

"So that's why, and no, I'm not sorry, David. I need Gwen far more than you do, and I think I might end things were I to lose her," Nancy said quietly but emotionally.

"We'd best ensure you keep her then," I replied.

"You'd help?" she asked, astonished.

"If it keeps my girls happy, but that depends on how they handle your lies and deceit," I replied.

"Yes... I guess it would," she sighed.

At this point, Jenny and Laurel came out of my office looking relaxed and happy, though clearly ignoring Nancy.

"I'll er ... sort out my emails if you don't mind, David," Nancy announced.

"Be my guest; take your time," I replied.

The two girls sat and waited until Nancy entered the office and shut the door.

"Why are you being so nice to her?" asked Jenny.

"Because for all she caused me no end of problems, including my marriage, I can't bring myself to hate her anymore," I replied.

"But when you picked us up, you nearly didn't let her come," said Laurel.

"There was no chance that your Mum wouldn't have asked," I replied with a wry smile.

"But Benjy..." Jenny said.

"Kicking a woman out into the cold wouldn't bring him back. Besides, I've had five years to get over it, unlike you, who discovered it today," I said.

"I hate her," said Laurel.

"I don't, and you shouldn't. She had her reasons, which were not very good ones from my standpoint, but these things aren't clear cut despite what you think," I responded.

Both girls' faces told me that I wasn't getting through at the moment, so I changed the subject.

"So Jenny, you'll have to testify in court?" I asked.

"Yes. I'd heard a few rumours about Ali not being a nice guy, but he was nice to me... well until he forced me to drink a bottle of vodka," she sighed, a tear rolling down her cheek.

"You were lucky, and then again, he was. Because if he'd been successful and I'd found out, he wouldn't have survived a visit from me," I replied.

"Dad! You wouldn't," said a very shocked Jenny.

"Believe me, I would. I may not be the best dad in the world, but no one hurts my girls and gets away with it, not like that," I said in tones that made Laurel and Jenny shiver slightly.

Then Laurel leapt from the chair to hug and kiss me, her lithe petite form moulding itself to me. A second later, Jenny joined her.

"I love you and missed you, Dad," Laurel whispered, tears flowing.

"So did I, Dad. Nancy was nice to us, but she wasn't you, and you would never tell us where you were," Jenny said.

"You were better off where you were," I replied, stretching my arms around their waists to hold them close. "But I did plan to tell you when you were sixteen, little one," I told Jenny.

"Well, we're here now and safe; thank you, Dad," Jenny replied, kissing my cheek.

We all held one another and talked for a while, the girls filling me in with details of their lives until Gwen came out of her room and stared for a while.

"That looks so... so natural. I've never seen them give out hugs like that, not even to me," she said with a slight catch in her voice.

"I'm fairly sure I don't deserve it, but I've missed my girls. Worse yet, I'd forgotten how they made me feel when I held them," I sighed, giving Jenny and Laurel another squeeze.

"I'm so sorry that you felt driven to run, David," said Gwen softly.

"It's OK. I understand why. That's not to say I liked it, and I still have a few moments of anger over it, but I do understand," I replied.

"You've changed. I don't think I know you anymore," she replied.

"That's one of the things about living alone in isolation... assuming you can stand it. You really learn to think things through and drop all the wishful thinking," I said. "The problem is, it also destroys your social skills and the need for company."

"You seem to be managing OK," she replied, looking at the girls still snuggling into their dad.

"They helped me remember what I'd lost," I replied.

Gwen just nodded before changing the subject.

"Do you have wireless internet access?" she asked.

"Yes, the scientists who occasionally come here use it," I replied.

"The girls are supposed to be on a home tutoring program, and if I can get a hold of a couple of laptops, then they can rejoin it," Gwen said.

"I'll arrange for Amazon to deliver a couple to the post office here and pick them up. It won't be until the day after tomorrow, though," I said.

"You don't have to buy them, David," Gwen said.

"I know, but I will for my special girls. Besides, it will be harder to trace them to you," I replied, getting more hugs and a kiss from Laurel.

At this point, Nancy came back through, and although the girls pointedly ignored her, I did ask if they wanted hot drinks, making a point to ask Nancy.

I was given a list varying from coffee to hot chocolate and went to the kitchen to make them leave the family to try and get over the awkwardness.

Once back, I found Nancy sitting with Gwen on the sofa, and the girls were sitting in the two easy chairs. There was still some atmosphere, but nothing like the earlier anger.

"Dad says we can go out with him on his rounds tomorrow," Jenny told no one in particular.

"I'd like to come too, but I have to contact certain people via my solicitors and let them know we're OK," said Gwen.

"Would you mind if I accompany you?" asked Nancy tentatively.

"Not at all," I replied, seeing the girls' frowns. Make sure you wrap up well and wear your hiking boots."

"I will, thank you, David," she replied.

"What will we see tomorrow?" asked Jenny.

"At this time of year, a few deer, maybe a fox or two, but they tend to be nocturnal, and you have to be quiet," I replied. "Anything else would be a bit of a bagatelle as there's no telling what might be out there."

"How long will we be out there, and will we need lunch," asked Nancy.

"We'll be back here for lunch. I do a figure of eight mornings and afternoons over four days. From the air, it looks a little like a cloverleaf," I replied.

"OK," was all Nancy said.

"Well, if there's nothing else and if no one else needs to use the PC, I'll retire for the night. Food and drink are available in the cupboards and fridge; if necessary, I can run into the village tomorrow to get the basics. I can get the storekeeper to order anything a bit special for you," I said.

I got a series of goodnights and an odd look from Gwen, who didn't know I'd given Nancy my room as it was everyone retired early. When it's pitch black outside and bugger all else to do, you do that and get up with the sun.

I had just sorted out a few things, including an order to the local shop online for a lot of bulk staples food-wise. I had undressed and gotten into the folding cot bed when the room door opened, and someone slipped quietly inside.

It was pitch black, and I waited for some sort of clue as to who had chosen to disturb me.

"Are you asleep, David?" came Gwen's quiet voice.

"No, I'd just turned in," I replied.

"What's going on with you and Nancy?" she asked.

"Nothing, I don't think she even fancies me," I remarked wryly.

"Ha, ha, you know exactly what I mean," she said.

"She's a guest, and now I've knocked some of her superiority complex aside; I'll treat her fairly," I replied.

"But Benjy..." Gwen began.

"Was five years ago, as I told the girls; I've had a lot more time to get over it," I said.

"So why tell us?" Gwen asked, puzzled. "Unless it was to drive a wedge between Nancy and me."

"No, it was purely to forestall any attempt by Nancy to stir up shit thinking she could hide behind you. Even if you don't, she knows that I still have feelings for you and would have tried to make us antagonise each other to keep us apart," I said.

"You still have feelings?" Gwen asked, sounding surprised.

"Yes, but I know you love Nancy, and she makes you happy... well, when she's not the green-eyed monster," I said.

"God, you see too bloody much, David," Gwen sighed.

"Just drop the frumpy granny butch look and be you, Gwen. Nancy has nothing to fear from me," I said.

"Yeah, well, she might have something to fear from me," said Gwen and then planted a searing kiss on my lips, her tongue snaking into my mouth to swirl around, taking me completely by surprise and leaving me with a raging hard-on. "You aren't the only one with feelings for their ex."

"Clearly not," I replied as Gwen stood and left.

Five minutes later, the door opened again, and someone else came to the side of the cot.

"David?" came Nancy's voice.

"Yes, Nancy?"

"What did Gwen want?" she asked in fearful tones.

I was about to tell her to mind her own, but our earlier conversation returned to me.

"She wanted to know why I was being so nice to you after the Benjy revelation," I finally said.

"Oh," she answered sadly. "What did you say?"

"That I'd had a lot more time to get over it than she did, and I didn't do it to drive a wedge between her and you," I said. "I also told her that frump will never be her style."

"It isn't, and I'll correct that as soon as we talk properly," Nancy replied.

"I told her that I knew she loved you and that you make her happy, and that was pretty much it," I finished.

"Thank you," Nancy said and then surprised me by leaning over and giving me a soft kiss. "Interesting," she said.

"Interesting?"

"I felt nothing."

"I don't know whether to be insulted or not," I said humorously.

"No, I meant no revulsion, fear, anger, loathing, or things like that; it was just a kiss and a nice one, too," Nancy said.

"I don't think I cured you," I replied, a bit bemused.

"No, the thought of other men still makes me cringe inside, but not you... as I said, interesting,"

"It was a nice kiss; your lips are very soft," I said, for lack of anything else to add.

"Thank you," she replied, kissing me again before leaving the room.

‘This can't be happening,’ I thought as five minutes later, the door opened again.

"Just wanted to say goodnight, Dad," came Jenny's voice.

"Goodnight, little one," I said, only to find her in my arms, her small, firm breasts with hardened nipples pushing against my chest from under her nighty.

She gave me a soft, wet, lingering kiss, which I'm pretty sure daughters shouldn't give their dads before scooting out of the room, at which point Laurel, I presume, came in also to wish me goodnight.

"Night, Dad," came her voice confirming my suspicion.

"Night, Laurel," I said as she hugged and held me for the longest time.

"I missed you so," came a muffled sob.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't stay. I might have hurt someone," I sighed.

"I know, but I missed my Dad," she said and kissed me again in a manner I would not have expected from my daughter, even grabbing my hand and placing it on her small breast.

"Er, Laurel..." I began as I pulled back.

"You can have me. I'm a virgin. Just never leave me again, please, Dad, please," she begged.

"I can't do that, little lady," I said. "But I'll keep in touch, I promise."

"Please, Dad, I miss you," she said, tears flowing freely and dripping onto my face.

"We'll see," was all I could think of as I hugged my precious daughter, wondering why life had hard choices for me again.

 

Chapter 2)

I held Laurel and whispered words of comfort in her ears until the sobs settled into the occasional hiccup.

"You'd better go to your bed now, my little lady," I said.

"Yes, Dad," she said and hugged me tighter. "I meant it about my virginity."

"I know, but that's not a gift I can accept," I replied.

"I'll do anything to keep my Dad," she said.

"You shouldn't have to do that," I replied kindly.

"Mum has me on the pill," she explained as if that might persuade me.

"Laurel..." I began.

"Just think about it, Dad, please," she said as she finally let go and slipped out of the room, leaving me hot, bothered, aroused and utterly confused as to why my fourteen-year-old daughter would want her dad to deflower her... or even have sex with her at all. I mean, what the hell could have been going on at their house to bring this on?

Sleep did not come easily to me that night, but it eventually came. As was my wont, I rose at dawn, pulled on my ratty old slippers and a warm robe and quietly set up a pot of coffee in the filter machine before going out on the porch. With my mug in my hand I watched the sun rise and start to melt the layers of frost covering the forest. I'd been out five minutes when the door opened again, and Nancy stepped out with her own coffee.

"Morning, David," she murmured.

"Morning," I replied quietly.

"It's beautiful out here," she said.

"Yes," I replied and pointed down to where a small stream bubbled through.

"What am I looking for? Ohhh!" she gasped as she first saw Ted and Bella, the otter family who inhabited the clearing. "Oh, they're beautiful... and wild too?"

"Yes, though Ted, the male, will approach within a few feet if you have food," I replied. "Bella, not so much."

"Oh, this is wonderful. I never expected anything like this," Nancy replied.

"Anything like what," Gwen said as she came through the door, coffee mug in hand.

Nancy pointed, and Gwen's mouth formed a perfect O of surprise and delight.

"Oh, I wish I had a camera," Gwen said.

"I have pictures in print and digital form you can have," I said.

"Thank you, David. I'd appreciate that," Gwen replied before taking Nancy in her arms.

"I can't apologise enough," Nancy began.

"I know. I was really pissed off with you yesterday because you had no right to do what you did. But as David said, it was five years ago, and we've had a good life. So, yes, I forgive you," Gwen said quietly.

"Thank you. I missed you last night," Nancy replied.

"Oh, I thought you kept David company as I saw you creep into his room," Gwen said with a wink.

"Erm... OK. I admit I was being nosey about what you and he discussed, but I didn't spend the night there. I did kiss him, though," Nancy said, blushing furiously.

"He does kiss nice," Gwen giggled with a raised eyebrow, looking directly at me.

"He does, but the odd thing was, for all he's a man, I felt safe and comfortable with him and under no threat whatsoever, which has me confused as hell because you know what I'm like," Nancy admitted.

"I do, and despite your claims, I've never really considered you a lesbian. You don't look at other women appraisingly, even those with whom you have admitted you had relationships in the past. I suspect you simply used it as a shield to keep men away, as you were dreadfully afraid of them... still are, really," Gwen said.

"So what do you consider me as?" Nancy asked, confused.

"My sexy lover, of course," Gwen replied. "Other women simply don't interest me, and I'm not attracted to them at all... but you, yes, I'm attracted to."

"And other men?" asked Nancy tentatively.

"Just David here, whom, despite everything, I've never really stopped loving," Gwen admitted.

"I know," said Nancy. "It's why I thought coming here was a bad idea."

"What? In case I jump his bones and kick you out?" Gwen asked.

"Yes."

"Oh dear heart, I love you truly, madly, deeply and won't cast you aside simply because my ex affects me," Gwen said, holding Nancy tightly.

"And I'm not going to ask Gwen to stay with me here or choose between us," I added.

"Pity in one sense, as this place is just so beautiful," Gwen replied. "But thank you for not trying to make me choose."

"Yes, thank you, David," said an emotionally upset Nancy.

"Of course, if I could persuade the pair of you to live here and share..." grinned Gwen wickedly just as the door opened and the girls came out, leaving me shocked and Nancy blushing furiously.

Jenny and Laurel were as thrilled to see the otters as their Mum and Nancy. The four women remained outside in the cold to watch as I went in to shower, shave and prepare breakfast. As my cabin and two other satellite cabins often got guests at short notice, I had a good supply of dried foodstuff and various meat and vegetable cans. However, I mostly ate meat that I'd killed and dressed, making use of a mincer and sausage skin inserter I'd picked up cheap on eBay. Stuff like bacon was sourced via local farms and came in bulk to be jointed and frozen. Eggs were easy; the local farms produced hundreds of free-range ones, so a full English was easily within reach, provided you didn't mind the sausages being venison from a culled roe deer.

Eventually, they came in when I called and settled down, Laurel choosing cereal with milk, and the rest going for the platters of meat, beans, tomatoes, and potato patties I'd scrounged up.

After breakfast and the washing up, the ladies sorted out showers, and I checked over the large-scale map in my office to ensure my route would be easy on Nancy, Jenny or Laurel.

Before we left, I showed Gwen how the wood-burning range needed topping up occasionally and a few other idiosyncrasies of the cabin, though the main one of why the toilet didn't have a flush had been explained the night before. I also left a spare radio with Gwen in case she needed to contact us. Mostly, I expected she was going to be on the PC, talking, as Jenny's parent, to her solicitors via email.

The other good thing was that Gwen had dumped the dowdy clothing and was wearing tight jeans and a T-shirt covered by a warm fleece and looked lovely again, getting compliments from the girls and Nancy, too.

We set off through the woods, following the eastern trail. The girls were wrapped up warm with stout boots, thermal leggings, and layered upper clothing topped with hats and scarves. Nancy wore jeans and boots but wore a thick, puffed bodywarmer over a fleece and just gloves. I was in my usual gear of waterproofed canvas trousers, boots with gaiters, a thick jumper and an osmotic undershirt covered by a Barbour jacket. I wore a thermal cloth hat but kept my hands free while carrying my shotgun over my shoulder.

"Why the gun?" asked Nancy.

"I have to deal with occasional pests and rogue species," I replied.

"Pests?" she asked.

"Canada geese, mink, non-native species that are driving out others," I answered.

"Oh," she replied and went back to walking quietly next to me whilst I kept an eye on the girls walking ahead and tried not to admire their pert bottoms and shapely legs.

We'd gone about an hour when I called a halt and pointed out some deer tracks and a few droppings.

"If we go quietly, we may spot a few, so watch where you tread," I said.

"Yes, Dad," breathed Jenny.

I quietly led the way, wincing at the noises made by the three behind me, as their idea of quiet didn't meet my standards.

Still, with the breeze blowing into our faces, we might get a chance I mused.

I stopped, slowly raised my hand, and beckoned them forward, taking my binoculars out of their holder.

"Ahead and to the right," I breathed, handing Jenny the binoculars.

"I can't see anything," she whispered back.

I stood behind her and slowly moved her head so that it pointed at the herd in the clearing across a small gully.

"Oh my God! There's loads," Jenny whispered, almost bouncing in her excitement and pressing back into me, causing an unfortunate reaction... Well, I deemed it unfortunate; Jenny either didn't notice or decided to tease me by pushing back on my erection with her bottom and doing it in a manner that was excruciatingly erotic.

"Could I see?" asked Laurel, who took the binoculars off a reluctant Jenny and moved her out of the way so she could lean against me, too.

With Laurel, I was dead certain it was deliberate. Particularly after our conversation last night, as she pushed back and almost grasped my erection with her bottom cheeks as I helped her spot the herd.

"Oh, that's lovely," she sighed. I wondered whether to pull away and let the world know what I was sporting, as I really didn't want Nancy to see it.

As it was, Nancy asked if she could have a look and Laurel grudgingly handed over the binoculars, only for Nancy to take her place too, although initially I managed to keep a little distance.

"Oh, I see them," she breathed and leaned forward, pushing herself back against me. She paused as I believed she was wondering just what she could feel.

Whatever it was, she didn't object and, indeed, pushed back a little harder, seemingly savouring the moment until I called a halt and sent them forward. I watched the herd scatter as humans intruded on their feeding. All I could do was pull my jacket down and hope no one commented. As it was, the girls led, and I walked side by side with Nancy.

"I couldn't help but notice..." she began with a wicked little smile on her lips.

"Natural reaction," I said, blushing.

"Thought you didn't like me?" she kept prodding.

"Nothing wrong with your body," I replied.

"Ooh, you like my body?" she giggled quietly.

"And your kisses," I finished.

"Why, thank you, David. Believe it or not, that's boosted my ego no end as I rather enjoyed the feelings myself, thinking it's nice to be desired that way and not feel threatened," she said.

"I'm no threat to you, Nancy," I said.

"I know, that's what I think lets me be... normal with you," she said, blushing slightly.

"As I said last night, I don't think I'm any sort of cure," I replied.

"I know, but I know if I want male company, who to see," she said.

We walked in silence, and I pointed out a few things, including various sets, tracks, types of trees, and the effects of all the recent rain, such as erosion, the odd landslip, and fallen trees.

Soon, we approached the cabin again, and I led them inside to greet Gwen, who had been busy and made us all lunch.

"Could I trouble you to go to the shop and get me these?" she asked, handing me a list.

"No problem, but it'll take a while as although it's not too far as the crow flies with the tracks and roads it can take up to an hour each way," I said.

I checked the time and decided the other circuit could wait.

"I might need to go over the border to Jedburgh Co-op or Boots the chemist for some of these. Hell, I don't even know what some of them are," I mused as I looked down the list.

"Can I go with you, Dad?" asked Laurel.

"You and Jenny will be staying here. I've booked you a session with your online tutor," said Gwen, to the girls' obvious disappointment. "Oh, and I've spoken to your boss, David, and he said it's OK for us to stay as long as we don't get in the way of any scientific teams he may send our way."

"He's a good man," I replied, wondering if I should have called him rather than Gwen before deciding he knew exactly what I was like.

"I can go with you and be your translator, David," said Nancy with a smile.

"OK," I replied. We'd best get going; it'll take just as long," I replied as we left to put on our boots.

The trip to Jedburgh up the A68 main road was easy enough. Other than heading North from the cabin rather than South, it looked no different from the other roads in the area.

"Rather remote around here," said Nancy as we passed miles and miles of trees punctuated once by Catcleugh Reservoir.

"Yep. Just the place for bumping off a love rival and burying her body where no one will ever find it," I replied, utterly deadpan.

"Or him," added Nancy in similar tones.

"True," I chuckled, seeing her trying to hide a grin, too.

"What did you make of Gwen's proposal?" Nancy asked.

"Proposal?" I enquired.

"About us sharing her," Nancy said bluntly.

"Can't see it working," I replied.

"Why not?" she asked.

"Well, I can't imagine you or I liking any schedule or situation where she hops from one bed to another; it might lead to jealousy and other associated risks; it's not like we've got a good history of getting along until yesterday," I replied.

"Until yesterday, I hadn't kissed or touched a man deliberately for over ten years," Nancy admitted.

"I can't say I blame you. As a gender, men can be truly diabolical at times," I said.

"Yes, but I don't get that with you. Despite you being armed to the teeth at times, no revulsion, no fear, and I honestly feel... God alone knows why that if anything happened whilst I was with you, you'd step in to defend me," she said quietly.

"As my guest, yes, I would, and I know our history, but I feel as if I've only really gotten to know you over the last day or so," I admitted in return.

"Thing is though, if you were to share Gwen's and my bed, I don't think I'd have a problem with that," Nancy said, her cheeks glowing bright red.

"What with me making love to Gwen whilst you watched?" I said, amazed.

"Possibly not just watching," she murmured.

"Sorry?" I wondered.

"We could both enjoy bringing Gwen off simultaneously and... perhaps if it felt right, we could..." Nancy floundered.

"I'd be nervous about trying, Nancy," I acknowledged. "It's not like you've had good experiences in the past, is it?"

"No, but other than the odd nightmare, I can't even remember being raped," she said. "So, in many ways, I'm a virgin when it comes to men."

"I have to admit I did get aroused with you this morning... and last night, too," I confessed.

"I got aroused too, David. If the girls hadn't been there, I think I'd have liked to see where it went," Nancy said with a little smile of remembrance.

"You're 31 and don't know where it goes yet?" I joked, getting a slap on my upper arm and Nancy giggling.

"You know what I mean. Besides, if I don't make a move, those two man-eaters you call daughters might get there," she said.

"You know how they feel?" I asked.

"Yes, I had a crush on my Daddy for the longest time, too," Nancy said. "Nothing would have come of it, but if he'd asked, then yes, I would have. It might have been best if he had. Then some of the mental trauma of rejection might have been eased."

"I don't think it's something I'd encourage or even desire," I replied.

"You may not get a choice," Nancy chuckled.

Thinking back to the previous night I had to sort of agree with her.

"For Gwen's sake, I don't think I could," I said.

"She already knows; it's why the whole coming up here nearly caused us to come to blows, as I was the only one with major qualms about seeing you again. If only because I thought I'd lose Gwen for certain to you," Nancy admitted.

"You don't have to share Gwen with me or even allow me liberties with you if you can't cope, Nancy," I said.

"I won't know until I try, and at the moment, my body's telling me it's ready to try out a man ... well, this man," she responded, giving my thigh a squeeze.

"Dangerous; you won't know what will happen until we try, and you might not like what it does at all," I countered.

"I love Gwen. If she's happy, I'll be happy, so long as it's with her," Nancy said.

"We'll see. I'll have to think about it. I don't want Gwen to be unhappy with anything I do. It's not like I have any desire to go back to civilisation after all," I hedged.

"You don't get it, do you? Gwen loves where you live and the house; she's always wanted to live in the country," Nancy explained.

"I'd have to clear it with my boss; although the cabin was originally designed for a family to live there, most families didn't want to; it's way too isolated for them," I said.

"You're just making up excuses not to now, David, and you know it," replied Nancy.

"Perhaps, but it's not something I want going wrong," I said.

"Nor I, but take your time; you've got us for two weeks at least," Nancy replied.

We'd reached Jedburgh by then and set off with the lists, picking up the items we required, mostly to do with feminine hygiene, in reasonably short order. Nancy also browsed a local bookshop and allowed me to purchase several novels for her. I also noticed that she shied away from any male contact and was noticeably uneasy as we passed a group of youths simply hanging around the shop entrances. Stretching out my hand, I took hers in mine, feeling the tremors wracking her body and feeling an answering squeeze as she realised that this male at least was on her side and would protect her from her fears.

"Thank you, David," she said as we finally returned to the Land Rover.

"Just glad I could help," I replied.

The trip back was uneventful and we arrived whilst it was still daylight.

"Everything OK?" asked Gwen.

"Yes, other than David insisting we either paid cash or used his card," said Nancy.

"Just want as little a paper trail as possible to the area," I said at Gwen's frown. "I don't know how they found the safe house, but I don't want them knowing you're even up around here."

"That's why I only told my solicitors in confidence, as they've arranged for our mail to be redirected to them," Gwen said with a sigh. "Still, I don't want you to be out of pocket because of us, David."

"You can pay me back with the child support I send you," I chuckled.

"True, and I'm not going to stop that for the moment for the same reasons you gave," Gwen replied and then embraced me. Thanks for looking after us, David."

She was joined by the two girls who plastered themselves on me and finally by Nancy, who stayed back until Gwen beckoned her, although I don't think the girls were too impressed.

"I've prepared a casserole for dinner," Gwen eventually said.

"Ooh, what kind," asked Jenny.

"Um, some sort of meat I found in the freezer," Gwen said, looking slightly embarrassed.

"It'll be venison," I said. "Anything else will be goose, rabbit or wood pigeon."

"Ugh, feathered rats," shuddered Laurel.

"Wood pigeon, not the ones you see in towns," I chuckled.

"Well, we're having venison casserole," said Gwen. "Now sit down and let's eat.

I have to admit that Gwen did a superb job on the dinner. The meat was perfectly cooked, and the accompanying vegetables were supplemented with crusty rolls that she'd found in the freezers.

Afterwards, she and Nancy went into their room, presumably for a heart-to-heart, and I ignored the odd sounds of passion coming from it as Jenny went on my work PC and Laurel snuggled up next to me on the sofa as I read.

It soon became apparent that Laurel had more than snuggling in mind as her hand drifted down to rest upon my groin causing my pants to tent out alarmingly with an aching erection.

"Laurel, please. This isn't a good idea," I said gently removing her hand and kissing her forehead.

"You want me, I know you do, and it will keep us together. I know it will," she said, tears beginning to form in her eyes.

"Little lady, you don't know what you're asking; it may just be that your Mum and I can become reconciled, and her finding out you and I are sexually involved will destroy any chance of that," I told her, despite having grave doubts that it would.

"Nancy will never allow that, Dad. Which leaves me or Jenny, and Jenny's not a virgin," Laurel replied and kissed my lips.

"Actually, Nancy has indicated that she won't mind so long as she's not being neglected," I said after our lips parted.

"I hate men, Nancy?" replied Laurel, a bit shocked.

"She doesn't hate all men. Well, not this one anyway, and she has her reasons for being what she is," I said as Laurel's hand reached down to rest upon my groin again.

"You mean you'd have sex with her but not with me?" said Laurel, clearly upset.

"She isn't my daughter and blood related, nor only just fourteen," I replied, removing her hand and only finding her lips on mine again.

"But I can't get pregnant, so why can't the man I love most in the world take what I'm freely offering?" asked Laurel, who had clearly been thinking this through much more than I would have guessed. "And ... and I'd share you with Mum, Jenny and ... and even Nancy."

I placed my fingers under her chin and gently lifted her head to kiss her, my resolve already failing to an extent.

"I'll honestly think about it, Laurel, but at the moment, it's not a good idea, particularly as anyone can wander in and catch us and if we went to my room, they'd wonder where you'd got to," I said.

"So a definite maybe then?" she asked, hope shining in her eyes.

"No. I said I'd think about it. But my brain tells me it's not the smartest move I could make, no matter how enjoyable it could be," I said.

"But you might?"

"God help me. Yes, I might," I replied, getting a hug from her, which rapidly descended into a tickle attack, with accompanying squeals of laughter from Laurel.

Eventually, she went through to the office, and I was joined by Jenny, who also snuggled into me, although she did not try anything sexual. Hell, she didn't have to. She oozed sex appeal without even trying, though to her credit, she never tried to take advantage of it... well so far.

"You know Laurel has a crush on you?" Jenny finally said.

"Yes, fairly obvious," I replied.

"What are you going to do about it?"

"Think long and hard about it," I replied.

"What, not turn her down flat?" Jenny said, sounding a little shocked.

"And have her think she's been rejected by her dad again?" I asked.

"Oh."

"Indeed, oh," I countered

"She has good taste in men, though," Jenny giggled.

"Unlike her sister," I replied but in kindly tones.

"Yes, I was warned by so many friends, but I think it was the bad boy image rather than what he was attracted to," Jenny said seriously.

"Many girls do the bad boy thing," I said with a gentle smile.

"Yes, but in Ali's case, he was bad to the core rather than just acting a little wild, and I couldn't see that," she sighed.

"You got lucky," I replied. "For which I thank God, because you and Laurel are my link back to being a better man rather than a hostile loner."

"We missed you, Dad. Even Mum did, I think," Jenny said as she cuddled me closer.

"So I'm beginning to find out," I replied.

"I still don't know why you didn't kick Nancy out when you had our support though," she said frowning slightly.

"Nancy is ... complicated and the better I get to know her, the more I like her and understand the reasons she is what she is," I told her. "Besides your Mum loves her and I suspect might just have gone with her. I couldn't risk that."

"Do you think you and Mum will ever get back together?" Jenny asked.

"A week ago I never thought to see her again, but now I understand if we ever do, Nancy will be part of that relationship," I replied.

"Oh,"

"Indeed, oh," I replied in an echo of our earlier conversation.

"Well, I'd better get my socks on and add myself to your potential list of lovers then," giggled Jenny.

"As if my life weren't complicated enough, little one," I replied and kissed her soundly in a not quite dad/daughter style.

"Oh, I love you, Dad," she sighed as the door opened to Gwen and Nancy's room, and a rather flushed-looking pair of ladies emerged.

"All made up now?" I asked a bit cheekily.

"Well on the way," giggled Gwen as Nancy blushed.

"I'm glad," I said, realising that yes I was.

"I see Jenny's trying to get her hooks into you," said Gwen.

"She'll have to join the queue as there are others seemingly ahead of her," I sighed, realising that within my family, there were few, if any, secrets.

"They missed you terribly, which caused problems for Nancy and me because of my guilt over what happened," Gwen said, sitting next to me as Jenny slipped off my knees.

"Still doesn't make me happy about what she and Laurel want," I replied.

"I know. David, Nancy told me a little about your qualms," she replied.

"Dads aren't supposed to have sex with their daughters," I said.

"Yet it does happen, and not just these days. There are historical roots going back over centuries," said Nancy.

"I'm talking about the here and now, Nancy. I could go to prison, and frankly, I'm surprised Gwen isn't going mental either," I replied.

"David, my Dad was my first," Gwen said quietly. "Mum encouraged it because she felt I would benefit from a good loving experience and not feel obliged to experiment with 'untrustworthy youths, ' as she put it."

"And now you want me to... dear Lord, I can't believe I'm having this conversation," I finished abruptly, stood and went to my room, ignoring the protests behind me.

I did not notice the sounds of a discussion outside the door as my thoughts were in turmoil. I couldn't believe I was having unfatherly thoughts about Laurel and Jenny. But worse still, that my ex approved of me actually doing something about it. I realised, though, that I had chickened out with Laurel and Jenny by indicating that I would think about making love to them. Perhaps I should have said no and yet... and yet I also knew I was so tempted too. Seeing my beautiful girls also caused my feelings to shake loose from the isolation I had been comfortable with.

"Come in," I said at a knock at the door.

"Can we talk, David?" said Nancy.

"Yes," I replied, knowing I needed to talk to someone.

"I realise that things are going far too fast and in a direction you aren't comfortable with," she said.

"To say the least," I admitted.

"I also realise that Gwen's admission threw you too, although you didn't seem too bothered about mine," she continued.

"Yes, I know, hypocrisy writ large," I admitted.

"Not really; we often hold family and ourselves to different standards," Nancy said quietly, squeezing my hand gently.

"David, I know this is difficult for you, but your daughters and Gwen love you, and one aspect of that love appears to be a desire for a physical, sexual relationship with you or a return to one in Gwen's case," she said. "With Gwen, I realise that you won't unless I agree and am comfortable with it, for which I'm grateful."

"Yes, but Nancy, the consequences if we get discovered or fall out of love could be horrendous," I replied.

"You want to protect them, that's understandable. But trust me, they won't stop loving you and may come to love you more if you begin intimacy with them," she said.

"I did tell Laurel I'll think about it," I sighed. "But at the moment, she'll have to be patient, though I won't take too long. She's also jealous that you may be involved with me too."

"She'll have to get used to that if we do," Nancy replied.

At this point, there was a knock, and Gwen entered my room, followed by Jenny and Laurel, who flew into my arms.

"I'm sorry, Dad. Please don't hate me," she sobbed.

"I could never hate you, little lady," I said, stroking her hair gently. "What makes you think I would?"

"Mum says trying to pressure you into something you aren't ready for is wrong, and I wouldn't like it if it was done to me," she snuffled, holding me very tight.

"Well, true as that is," I said. "It's not just you but this whole situation. I think I've been alone too long and don't know you as I should. You all affect me on some level, and I'll be the first to admit that despite problems in the past, I have loved having you all here, and yes, there is more than a bit of desire in my feelings. However, I've conditioned myself not to see you girls sexually, and you shocked me, both you, Gwen and Nancy when you mentioned your past histories. As it is, I'm not saying no to any of you, but I may need some time to get my mind around it."

"That's what I figured it was, David. You seemed so upset, not shocked but upset, that you could even consider it. As it is, both Nancy and I are willing to share you with our daughters and us if that's what you want," said Gwen.

"But is it what you want?" I replied.

"Oh, hell, yes," Gwen breathed

"Yes," said Nancy.

"Yes," said Jenny,

"Yes," said Laurel.

"So, how would this work?" I asked.

 

Chapter 3)

"I suggest we draw straws as to who joins David in his bed tonight," said Nancy.

"I thought you and Gwen came as a team?" I asked, somewhat bemused.

"Mostly, I suspect we will, but I also suspect Gwen might like a little one-on-one occasionally, and besides, if I'm going to lose my cherry knowingly to a man, so to speak, then I would like to see what it's like just you and me as well," Nancy replied.

"It makes sense to me... I replied. However, I believe Laurel here has first dibs, but after tonight, I guess you'll have to sort a rota."

"Hark at Mr Superstud there, and his make a rota," giggled Gwen.

"Yeah, I know, but there doesn't seem any way to discuss this without sounding terribly pretentious or ridiculous," I replied with a grin.

"True," said Nancy. "But I agree about Laurel going first; she might just explode if she doesn't."

We all laughed as Laurel snuggled closer to me, and I decided it was time to start retaking chances with people and becoming involved with them rather than moving around them.

"Best give these two a little privacy; I doubt they want an audience... yet," said Gwen with a large grin.

Gwen, Nancy, and Jenny left the room with smiles and giggles as I held Laurel gently in my arms, simply enjoying being close to her.

"I love you, Dad," she breathed.

"I love you too, little lady," I said as her head rose, and our lips met in a soft kiss that soon became more passionate.

I gently caressed her sides as she held me, feeling her body trembling at each stroke of my hands on her sides above her clothing as our lips passionately tried to devour each other. Finally, I slipped a hand underneath her T-shirt to touch her soft skin and ran it up as far as her brassiere.

"Oh, Dad, I've dreamed of this for so long now," she sighed as our lips parted.

"I never dreamed of this at all, little lady, but I knew you were so beautiful that it could take my breath away at times," I said, watching her blush slightly in sheer pleasure.

I took the opportunity to grasp her T-shirt and drew it up over her head, revealing a plain white bra encasing two pert, if small, breasts. Laurel also chose that moment to shuck her jeans off in a heap on the floor and lay on the bed so I could look at her.

"So beautiful," I said as I ran the back of my fingers softly over her taut stomach and savoured the sheer softness of her skin.

Only five foot tall and still going through a growth spurt, Laurel was slim but definitely not skinny, a lovely 32" 22" 32" with A cup breasts heading towards a B cup. All topped off by shoulder-length dark brown hair and blue/green eyes.

"You like?" she asked nervously, still in her bra and panties.

"I love them," I said, kissing her tummy, making her cry softly.

"Are you going to fuck me, Dad?" she asked.

"No, I'm not going to fuck you, Laurel," I said, watching as her face fell. "I'm going to make love to you."

"I don't understand; what's the difference?" she asked, her face lighting up again.

"Fucking is where you put your pleasure first; making love is when you put your partner's pleasure before yours," I explained as I saw things. "That's not to say we won't fuck at times, as it can be as much fun being fucked as doing it, but not this evening, I'm going to try and make your first time very special indeed."

Laurel's eyes grew wide as I began undressing before her, her gaze moving to my erect cock when I finally slid my pants down. She said nothing but stretched out her hand to touch me and slipped her fingers around me.

That was a preview of Of loss and Remembrance. To read the rest purchase the book.

Add «Of loss and Remembrance» to Cart