Chapter One - The Progidy - Charles Fornau

“She’s not here,” I told her when she asked.

“I figured. I heard. I just wanted to make sure. I’m glad.” I looked at her with a frown. “She never liked me, did she?”

“She didn’t like you because she saw me looking at you one too many times when you were over here with your parents for our parties.”

She looked a bit shocked. Wide eyed, at least. “Oh? In any case, are you OK?”

“I will be,” I told her.

“I heard what she said about the prenup. I heard what you yelled back. I’m sorry for looking up and praying to God that she’d take you up on it.”

“Why would you do that?”

“I wanted her out of my way. I’m terrible, Chas. Terrible, but… I’d rather it was me making you miserable than her. I think if you’d give me a chance, I could do a better job.”

“Are you serious, Janet?”

“More than you can know. Every time she talked down to you, yelled at you, or called you worthless, I cringed. No one, and I mean no one, not even you, are happier than me that she’s gone. Give me half a chance and I’ll prove it. Oh, and the name thing? She gave that to you, didn’t she?” I nodded. “Pick another. Charlie, Chuck, Honey. That last one’s just for me, though. Pick something else. You are not a ‘Chas’. She tried to change you into one instead of just loving the man you are. You be what you want to be, and I’ll love who you are. I have for two years now. More probably ever since I laid eyes on you.”

“You never said…”

“Duh. Little fifteen-year-old girls are not supposed to get happy with the married man next door. I was way too young then. You were way too married then. Now that Queen Ann of the Dark is gone, and I pray she really is, sorry, I can do what I’ve always wanted.”

“What’s that?”

“This.” She leaned in and kissed me. She electrocuted me. I died and went to heaven, as they say. “Don’t ever tell me you’ll give me a hundred grand to leave you alone. I won’t. I’ll wait until you’re too old and decrepit to do it yourself and I’ll use it to wipe your bottom as I care for you in your golden years and beyond. I’ll tell you this, now: Charles Austin Taylor, I love you.”

“Charlie, Janet. Just Charlie, for now. I use’ta was one, long, long times ago.”

“You’re as bad as me at English, aren’t you? My English teacher calls me a lost cause. My math and science teachers call me a progidy. They can’t agree on anything.”

“It’s prodigy.”

“Yeah? Well, it should be progidy. It’s easier to pronounce.”

“OK then, you’re a progidy. Who am I to argue with logic like that?”

“You’ve been alone for an hour. That’s not long enough, I know, but when you’re ready, would you please let me know? I want to take you out for dinner and make my case.”

“Janet, where do you want to take me?”

“The club. It’s the only place around here I can have a glass of wine without people whining.”

“Come on. Let’s go talk to your parents.”

“What?”

“I said, ‘Let’s go talk to your parents’.”

“Oh. I thought that’s what you said. Crap. It’s a school night.”

“We won’t be late.”

At their front door, I knocked. The door opened. “What do you want, young man?”

“I found this virtuous maiden in my domain. She was pining my sorrow. I have forthwith lost the spouse of my house and said maiden advised she would prevent my self-actuated demise, should she be able to feed me. Per chance, noble sir, might your spawn provide me sustenance at yon golf establishment and prevent my opening of my arteries with sharp and or dull objects this eve?”

“JOYCE! Your daughter wants to take the crazy guy next door to the club and feed him, so he doesn’t off himself. You must’ve been right. I think that woman he’s married to finally left him! You good with that, sweetie?”

I heard from the kitchen, “Yes, darling. Tell them not to be late.”

“Go. Don’t be late. As always, Chas, I want her back in the same condition you got her. Don’t be the boy that gets hurt testing me. Got that, punk?” He grinned.

“Absolutely, sir. Janet, your chariot or mine.”

“Yours. I’m low on gas. Oh, tomorrow is Friday. It’s gas day. I love you, Daddy!” She was giddy. She hugged her father and off we went.

The club was pretty casual during the week. We ate in the bar area, actually. I had a beer, and she had a white wine. We each had a sandwich and salad. She spent the entire time, between bites and sips, sharing with me what the last two years have been like for her. Seeing Ann berate me in public or all the yelling Janet heard when she’d have too much to drink and her filters fell down. She said it was painful. She’d sit at her window and watch. She’d cry. Her mom would console her. She told me she’d talked to her parents, to whom she was very, very close. Her father, right after her mother told him to be careful saying it, told her, if it was meant to happen, Ann would find a different path and leave that one for her. If Chas was still here then, it would be what was meant to be. She couldn’t involve herself, though. If she changed the course of history, it would correct itself, just like the markets. If she let history move itself, on its own, it would be natural and would stay the course. Her father, and I’m not saying so from that statement, but because he’s a multimillionaire investment strategist, is a brilliant man. He’s always impressed me. He impressed my parents, too.

I told her up front. She was cute. She was beautiful. She was charming. She was delightful. She was probably too good to be true, and way too good for me, but she was also very young, and I was very old.

“Stop it. You’re thirty-one. You’re not very old. There are 14 years between us. When I’m 80, you’ll only be 94. Shit, Charlie, I’ll still be driving. We can handle it.” She got the smile she was looking for.

“Well, first, I need to get rid of the dead thing.”

“Dead thing? That sounds terrible. Charlie, again, are you going to be all right? I want to help. It’s going to be bad. I read. I know you’re going to go through bouts of anger, depression, questioning yourself, your self-worth, your self-esteem. I want to be there. I want to help. You deserve better. You always have.”

“Yes, I will be fine. It might be fun to have help. Intelligent, caring help. Do you feel adult-ish tonight, Janet?” She nodded. “Okay. I’ll dump on you. You said you want to help. It may not be as hard on me as you think, yet, since I’m not a psychiatrist, it may be worse. You can keep track of that. That wasn’t the only time she mentioned the prenup. Our relationship has been on life support for two years. Now it’s dead. She cheated on me. She denied it, but I showed her the pictures. Yep, I had pictures. I offered her the hundred grand to leave and leave me alone. That was twice what she was legally entitled to and expecting. I would have paid twice that much again to regain my happiness. If I had known Janet Pointer was pining for me next door, I would have paid her half a million a year ago just to get her out of my life and cut the pain off at the root and start over. I had no idea, Janet.”

Tears ran down her cheeks. Hearing that I would have reacted that way got to her. Emotionally. I guess at that point I knew. I’d been crushing on her for a while and wasn’t happy at home. “Look, I knew Ann was leaving. I didn’t know when until one of my friends I golf with got pictures of her at the country club thirty miles away from here. She was hanging all over a guy, a guy I knew in passing, and they left after dancing a bit. He followed them out and got pictures of them in the guy’s car, in the back seat. They showed naked dangling participles. That’s an English language studies joke.” She giggled through tears. “They didn’t show penetration or anything like that, but they don’t have to. I didn’t care anymore at that point. I just wanted her gone. Girls’ night out, my ass. And anyway, here we are.”

I dabbed a napkin under her eyes and pulled her into my lap for a hug. The other clientele knew she was the Pointers’ child, my neighbor, and comforting a family friend shouldn’t be a big deal. “Thank you for that, Charlie. The comment. It got me, though. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” She hugged me, kissed me softly and went to the bar to square up for dinner. The kiss was seen by the same clientele. Hmmm. Ornery bastard that I was hoped word of the little neighbor girl kissing me got back to ‘Queen Ann of the Dark’. She came back, took my hand and walked me out, both of us waving to folks we knew on the way toward the door.

On the way home, she held my hand. Pulling the car into the garage felt different, yet good, and somehow, freakishly natural with her sitting next to me. Less than four hours after I pushed my spouse away from myself, I felt good with someone else. Problem? I hoped not.

I knocked on the door. Joyce answered. “Yes, young man? What can I do for you?”

“This fine and virtuous maiden has provided me a meal and prevented my demise, offering her assistance to continue to keep me among the living. I would like to return her to your care, hoping she may once again assist, should I desire to find the tallest tower in all the kingdom and dive headfirst into the moat.”

“Get in the house, you cornball. You guys have fun, honey? Chas?”

“No, Mother. Not fun at all, but I know now that there’s more to the story. Oh, and we’re going to go with something else. He is not a Chas.”

“Charlie always did fit him better. May I?” I nodded. “Jordy will be back from the liquor store in a bit. You two talk about the situation?” her mother asked.

“Yes, Mother. I want to help him. He knows now how I feel and have felt for some time. He told me he would have given the Dark Queen half a mil’ to leave him alone last year if he’d known I was sitting over here crying because she was hurting him. He made me cry. What a sweet thing to say.”

“Watch out for that, punkin. Even nice men will make you cry now and again.” She smiled and hugged her daughter.

Jordan walked in from the garage. “Chas, the study. I’d like to chat with you.”

“Daddy, I think it’s gonna be Charlie, for now.”

“Good. Charlie always fit him better anyway.”

“It did? That’s what Mom said, too. OH! Oh, yeah, huh? That was before my time, though, wasn’t it?” Jordan nodded and kissed her forehead. “Stay in here with your mom.” I walked out and heard some commotion behind me, but I headed for his den.

While I was waiting for Jordan, I was looking at pictures of the Pointers in different locations on vacations and such. She was a very cute child and had turned into a beautiful young woman. If the ‘look at the mother and you’ll see your wife in 20 years’ thing holds, I’d be golden, too. Gorgeous and intelligent mother, about ten pounds she’d like to lose, but doesn’t need to, and a handsome father, intelligent, and working slowly on gaining a bit of weight in his advanced adult years; she was truly the product of the best. It showed. Long red hair of her mother. Tall, gorgeous, long legs, smooth skin, without blemish one. An angel. A beautiful angel. More than any man deserves, and here she was trying to help me with my screwed-up life.

“Scotch? Ice? Neat? Soda?”

“Yes, please. Ice. Two cubes please. Thanks, Jordan.”

“Sit. She’s madly in love with you, Charlie. Seriously, madly in love. Your father told me when she was a baby to keep her away from you if I knew what was good for her. He was a great man, but his sense of humor sometimes preceded him. Or eluded him, who knows. We didn’t know then that the carrot topped toddler would actually decide on you, among all the choices she had, and thinking of it, when she decided, you weren’t a choice. You’ve been quite married. But she’s smart. Very smart. She knew it was toxic. She knew. We knew. Your parents knew. It’s a hard thing to talk about with someone, so we didn’t, but… Hopefully things are corrected.

“Charlie, our daughter has chosen you, if you’ll have her. You need to become single, first, of course. This is hard for a father to say, but she’s old enough to run away and join the circus. We’re not going to keep her from you, nor you from her. Not at all. If she wants to help you through this, all close up and personal like, we’re allowing that. If it causes you an issue, we’ll help. It’s no one else’s business, actually. And now that she’s gone, not even Ann’s. You, young man, need to change the locks on your house and get the prenup to a lawyer. You going to use Wilson?”

“No, I don’t think so, Jordan. She used him for something to do with her family, so…”

“Don’t. Separate work from personal and go see Broderick. Take the document and make sure she knows you offered Ann a hundred to bail. There were witnesses, so you might as well write the check and hand it to Lisa with the prenup. Charlie, Lisa Broderick is the best divorce attorney in this city. Call her first thing. Seriously. You want her help.” We made small talk, then went back to the kitchen.

Janet approached me, wrapped her arms around me and kissed the underside of my chin. “Is there room for me in your life right away, Charlie? I want to be there. To help you through this.”

“Yes. Yes, there is. What are the last four numbers of your Social Security number, Janet?”

“4779. Why?”

“Joyce, Jordan, that’s the new code to the house. I’ll change the locks and keys tonight. I have those E-Z change things and some keys that come with them. I’ll get you one for emergencies.”

“Thanks, Charlie, that will make us feel a bit better, I’m sure,” Joyce said.

Janet piped in, “Let me go grab some stuff for school tomorrow. Be right back.”

“Charlie, be careful with her, please.” Joyce told me then came to me, hugged me and kissed my cheek. “Be careful with our baby,” she said softly. Jordan nodded and shook my hand.

Janet bounced into the room. “Should I take my car over, too?” I nodded. “Okee dokie. See you over in a bit.”

I said goodbye, then went home and went right to work on the locks. I got the keys and code to the garage entrance door done first, just in time, as I heard her use the code and come in. I handed her a key and the extra garage controller, then the two of us went out to the garage and changed all three doors with remotes to different codes. We changed and tested her controller then I tested mine. Hers worked, mine didn’t. Cool. I set mine then and we were ready to go. I got all six of the locksets redone. Three for the doorknobs on one key and three for the electronic dead bolts on another. I changed the other two electronic lock boxes to 4779 and considered the day a success. I lost a wife, gained a girlfriend, and updated my security. Woohoo. Yes, sarcasm. Bazinga, to quote a famous actor who plays a scientist on TV.

“Where do you want me to sleep, Charlie?” I smiled at her and waved her into the master bedroom.

“Oh?”

“You said you were feeling rather adult, didn’t you?” She nodded. “Well, if you want to be part of my life and help me through my turmoil, we should be together.” I grinned at her. “Janet. I’m not talking about sex. Not unless and until you want that. I can keep my lurid hands to my lurid self. I can control it a bit longer. God knows that wasn’t one of her favorite pastimes. At least not with me. Girls’ night out, my ass. Anyway…”

“Do you have an empty drawer?”

“Hang on, you’ll have six. I use that chest of drawers, and you can use this dresser. I’ll empty these out onto the guest bed. Shouldn’t hurt too much.”

“Charlie. Stop. I’ll do it. Sit on the bed. Go on. Have a seat. Watch this.” She made about twelve trips for clothes and several more with stuff from the top of the dresser and bathroom.

“I’ll buy you everything new, hon. Anything you don’t absolutely need in the morning for school, take in there.” Three more trips. I looked in the bathroom. Wow. I didn’t have much stuff. It was full and now there were just a few things. I came back out to see her putting several of her things in the dresser and pulling her personal toiletries out for the bathroom. “Janet? Are you sure this is going to be all right? I mean, she just spent the night in here last night.”

“Charlie, did you make love to her last night?” I shook my head. “The night before?” I shook my head again. “Should I keep going back?”

I shook my head and told her about our sex life, or lack thereof. “Six months or so. I doubt if WE were making love in the last two years.” She put her hands on her hips and smiled at me. Maybe more of a smirk. “Point taken. Sorry,” I told her. She had. She’d made her point, so I told her so. “All right, you’ve made your point. You’ll be all right with me in here, then.”

“I’ll be fine, big boy. Buy some boxes tomorrow while you’re out. I’ll box that stuff up and she can come get it or send someone.”

“Do you shower in the morning or at night?”

“At night, why?”

“We’re made for each other. I do in the morning. I’m going to have a drink before bed. You want one?”

“Sure. Moscato? Spumante? Prosecco? Anything similar will be fine. I’ll probably be done in the shower by the time you get back but take your time.”

She was done, towel on her hair, long mid-thigh sleeveless Hello Kitty t-shirt for a night gown. She’s a very pretty girl.

I handed her the wine. She handed me a brush. “Do you mind?”

“Not at all.” She sat between my legs as I brushed her hair, way, way over a hundred times. I’d take a break for a sip of bourbon, and she’d sip her wine, then I’d start brushing again.”

“If this is too fast, or anything, Charlie… I mean, it’s fast. Same day even, you know, but, like you said, it was terminal. You’ve already grieved the loss of your marriage, it seems, during the loss of your marriage. You seemed to me to be ready to move on, you know, already. I want you to. To move on. I want that to happen with me. I hope it doesn’t take forever for you to realize that I am, or am not, what you may want. I already know. You are it. I hope I can be that for you. I’ve seen the way you look at me. She wasn’t the only one that saw that. I’ve seen the way men, from very young to very old, look at me. The way you looked TO me, I noticed, as you were looking AT me, was different. You didn’t stare and leer at me. I felt appreciated, not like I was being devoured like a sex object. Does that make sense?”

“Absolutely, and you are ninety-nine percent correct. There was that one percent that… Well, let’s just say your mother is right. Even the nice ones aren’t perfect. When the time comes, I will tell you the truth. Until then, I have no intention of hurting you or letting you feel like a sexual object. You aren’t one. I’m very, very close to falling completely in love with you, though, so it’s not much of a stretch.”

We finished our drinks, and I took the glasses down, double checked all the doors and went back up. She was under the covers with my side opened up for me to crawl in. I did, and she asked if she could snuggle without causing a problem. I pulled her to me and held her. I kissed her forehead, looked up and thanked God for everything he’s done for me. I must have vocalized the ‘thank you’.

“You’re welcome, Charlie. Very, very welcome. G’night.” She kissed my chest, and I don’t remember anything else from that night.

I woke up looking at a wonderful smile. “A perfect night. I slept like a log.”

“Glad to hear it,” I teased her, “at least one of us did. You snored all night, tossed and turned like a fish out of water, and made me miserable. What ever will I do?” She gasped. I grabbed her. “No, doll. I’m kidding. You slept, I slept, we slept. I don’t think I’ve slept that well in ages.” She slapped my arm. “I deserved that. Seriously, no kidding, I was kidding, no, seriously.” She giggled at my wordplay. “I slept well holding you. Maybe we were made for each other. I went to sleep holding you and woke up holding you. I don’t believe that has ever happened before. Not to me, anyway. I liked it.”

“Good. We need that. It’ll help.” She got out of bed and reached for my hand. “Come. Come show me how to make coffee then you can shower.” I went down with her, showed her where everything was, then she asked, “Do you want anything to eat? I normally have toast and an egg or something. Whatever you want, I can try to help with.”

“That would be really great. I should eat better, and less. I’ll shower, but whatever you do, I’ll have the same. Be right back.”

In the shower, I thought about it, and it was true. I slept well with her up against me. I wasn’t kidding about that part, either. That never happened before. Contentment? Could that set in and calm people? Help them sleep? We’ll see. Clean, dry, and dressed, I went down for coffee and a bite, met by a cute redheaded elven creature. She handed me a plate, kissed me and ran upstairs. Back down in five minutes, dressed in a little pleated skirt, a cute little top, and boat shoes. She must’ve seen my smile. “You like?”

“I like very much. Uniform?”

“Nope. Just a short plaid skirt I like. It’s comfortable. I have softball practice tonight. We have games on Tuesday and Thursday next week. Please let me know what Lisa says. Charlie, I love you. I care. Text me if you need me. I put the number in your phone. Picture and number in contacts. Mother and Daddy are in there, too, without pictures. Prenup, Lisa, keys, boxes, what else?”

“Shopping tonight after you get home. And dinner. Don’t be a dream. Come home after school and practice. Please be real.”

She kissed me again. This time with more Janet in her kiss. “I’m real. You won’t be sorry, Mr. Taylor. You will never be sorry.”

“Wait.” I dug out a credit card for her to use for gas. “My job now. Credit card. Same zip code as yours when it asks, of course. For gas and stuff. I’ll get you your own next week.” She stuck it in her little purse, gave me another peck, and ran off. I could definitely get used to this. I found myself comparing my present to my past. I wasn’t this comfortable in the morning 5 years ago. We’d been dating and intimate for almost a year. Ann and me. I wasn’t like this. Strange to say, but ‘comfortable’ is the word that keeps coming to mind. This was like I was home with her, and we belonged together. I hadn’t more than touched her face, hands, and tummy, or kissed her gently. This was uncanny. Maybe like they say, ‘pain has no memory’, but the good memories weren’t this good, either.

I called Lisa’s office and got a machine. I left my cell number and an emergency message with whoever checked the messages that I needed immediate legal assistance and left my name and Jordan as a reference. Namedropping sometimes helps. I got my paperwork together, grabbed the other keys, and headed out. I was having two copies of the keys made when the phone rang. It was nine oh five.

“I’m sorry it took so long to get back to you, Mr. Taylor, but Miss Broderick would like to see you at your earliest possible convenience.”

“I’m having new keys for the house made. I can be there in fifteen minutes.”

“That will be more than satisfactory, sir. See you then.” I got the keys, as well as two fancy Mustang key fobs, and took off for the lawyer’s office.

Upon arrival I was asked to take a seat and she would be right with me. I looked at the keys. And the fobs. Janet had a nice little Mustang her dad bought her for her sixteenth birthday. A 2008 V-6 automatic model. Pretty cool car. It looked fast but was certainly a toned-down version of the hot sports cars people talk and write about. It ain’t no Shelby, folks! But it was a nice car, and she took care of it. One set of keys was hers and one set was for Joyce and Jordan to throw in the drawer. Unmarked key, but they’d know who and what it belonged to by the fob. My girlfriend’s parents would have the keys to my house. How strange is that?

“Mr. Taylor. Mr. Taylor? Are you OK, sir?”

“Yes, ma’am. Sorry. I’m fine.”

“Please follow me, sir. Miss Broderick will see you now.” She led me to the office, into a chair, offered me a coffee or water, which I declined, then Lisa nodded to her, and she left.

“I received a call from your wife, Mr. Taylor. I told her I couldn’t represent her. Melissa put the note from you on my desk while I was answering her request. Good timing, but it wouldn’t have mattered. Jordan called last night and asked if I’d help you. The truth of the matter is, I don’t care much for Ann, Charlie. I never have. She always seemed like she thought she was better than the rest of us. Tell me what happened.”

I handed her the prenup and the printed copies of the pictures. I told her about the lack of civility, the constant arguing about money, her bringing up the prenup, and her desire to spend every penny she could. I told her about the call from the friend about the cheating and him sending me the pictures, the offer of the hundred thousand to end it all, and her leaving early yesterday afternoon. She was jotting down notes.

“Wow. Okay, let’s do this. Are you sure you want this divorce? I can kind of see that you are.”

“Lisa, I tried for four years to make her happy. I couldn’t. I’ll let someone else try.”

Lisa laughed. “That’s almost funny. All right, Charlie, give me two checks. You may need to marshal all the funds, but I’ll need one for a hundred thousand, made out to Ann and one to me for three thousand. I’m pretty sure you’ll get change from me, unless something goes really, really wrong. I’ll have the one for Ann put in escrow and my check will be paying for my dinner when I get to the steakhouse tonight. Sorry. I’ll set it up so that if she makes a fuss, she pays all of our fees when she loses. And she will. She’s not much of a role model.” I started writing.

“I’m really not supposed to say this, because it’s beyond unprofessional, but I’m glad, Charlie. I really am. You deserve better. There aren’t four people at the club that wouldn’t agree with me, and I’d bet now I know why those four mightn’t. Sorry. This isn’t funny, I know. I’ll do whatever I can for you. I’m so glad Jordan called last night. I got your note before that phone call went very far, but I couldn’t have, in good conscience, represented her against you. Let me have one of your cards, and here’s one of mine, like you need it this late in the game.” I handed her the checks, adding one of my cards with my personal cell number on the back. She stood and came around the desk. She hugged me tightly. “I know I’ve said it before, but I’m glad you’re home. I wish it had been under better circumstances, of course, but I’m happy to know you’re safe now, and where we want you. Where you belong. Go, before I get mushy. Tell Janet I said, ‘Hi’.”

The last words were telling.

I arrived at the house, pulled into the garage, closed the garage door and with keys in hand, went and got me a beer. I looked at the keys again, with the Mustang fobs, laid them on the counter, and started crying. I couldn’t have told you why at the time. I just started crying uncontrollably. I sipped, I cried, I sipped, I cried. Then I downed it and went out back and swam for two hours without stopping. Didn’t even realize it. I heard the doorbell, so I grabbed a towel and ran inside to the front door. It was the UPS driver with a package. “Thanks,” I yelled, waving at him as he pulled off. He heard and waved back.

It was one o’clock in the afternoon. I had really swum from just before eleven until just after one, without stopping. The crying stopped after I started swimming, and I started thinking about Ann, Lisa, the divorce, the house, Janet. Then the doorbell rang. Thinking back on it, it made sense. I felt refreshed. Clean. I felt clean. A fresh start. Starting over. Not exactly from scratch, but metaphorically.

I got the box and took it to my office. It was just some cables and such to hook up another device to my test bed unit I was using for a project at work. I was experimenting with some signal and data channeling. I was really, really losing track of time lately, but when I heard someone behind me, I spun around in my chair, startled, to find Janet standing there.

“I’m so sorry, Charlie, I didn’t mean to scare you.” She looked frightened at what may have happened, what she did, so I stood, took her in my arms, and held her.

“No, doll. Don’t apologize. I just didn’t hear you. You scared me a bit. My fault. I’m a bit spacy today. Sorry. I’ll tell you about it at dinner after shopping. Can we eat dinner out, please? I don’t want to make a mess tonight. Let’s dirty someone else’s kitchen.” I tickled her middle and she giggled.

“OK. No problem. I’ll suffer with someone else’s cooking. You finish what you’re doing. I’m fine. I need to shower and change. I came straight home after practice.” She tippy toed up and kissed me, then walked out. When she said that, I remembered. My lack of attention, my delving into something and losing track of time, those were things that pissed Ann off. I need to talk to Janet tonight about them. Once again, I need to explain to her that even guys with the best of intentions can be a handful.

I typed some notes and jotted on some well-placed stickies for myself for tomorrow. I thought, ‘Oh crap, tomorrow is Saturday. No, wait. That’s cool. I can take some time. With Janet.’ I met Janet in the bedroom, as she was coming out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel. I went down the hall to the guest bath with a pair of shorts and some boxers, took care of business, and went back. She was in shorts, a knit top, and some cute high heeled sandals. I threw on a polo, told her how gorgeous she was, garnering another little kiss, then off we went. On the way down the stairs my phone rang. It was Lisa.

“Charlie, we served Ann this afternoon. At about three, actually. At work. She is not a happy camper, but the money is listed in the filing. You’re offering twice what the prenup promises and she keeps her car and all, so she doesn’t have a lot of room to bitch, especially after the back seat of the Chrysler thing. Anyway, stay low, keep your eyes open, and thank you for asking me to help. It’s a pleasure.”

“Thank you, Lisa. I’m impressed. I thought these things took forever.”

“They do, if you want them too. You don’t. I know that. I told you I’d help. You have better things to do with your future and your time than to deal with her. Let me do that, and as quickly as allowed by law. OK?”

“OK! Sounds good. Thanks again. Really.”

“You’re definitely welcome. Take care, Charlie. I’ll be in touch. Tell Janet I said ‘Hey’!” Click.

“Lisa says ‘Hey’.”

“Nice lady. Thank you for letting her help you. Dad thinks she’s tops. So do I, if it matters.” I nodded and told her it did.

We took off for the mall. They had a Target and a few stores there she wanted to visit, plus they had a Ruby Tuesday restaurant. We picked up all the necessities she wanted for her new bathroom, which I felt fortunate was also mine, then we headed for dinner. While eating, I explained the day. The keys, Lisa, me holding the fobs, and then breaking down. She reached out and held my hand. I went on. “Just before eleven, I jumped in the pool and swam, Janet. I thought that would help. A tad after one, the UPS guy rang the doorbell. I was still swimming. I thought about everything that was happening. Ann, the pictures, Lisa, the divorce, you, all of it. I felt wonderful.” She smiled at my smile. “I feel wonderful. Weird, but what I was telling myself earlier was that I felt clean and new and ready for a fresh start. A new start. ‘Begin again’, to quote a wonderful artist.” I squeezed her hand. “With you?”

She nodded, squeezed back and pulled it to her to kiss my fingers.

“I’m fine now.”

“If only that were true, my dear. If only that were true. That was number one. You will suffer bouts of pain and heartache from between three and five significant emotional events during the grieving and release process, each slightly less traumatic than the first. That is by several studies in the field and the statistical data garnered. It’s not set in stone. You may only have one more, you may have six. But I’ll be as close as I can be. I certainly didn’t expect the one today, or I would have skipped school.”

“How do you know so much?”

“I read. I read a lot. I find something that interests me, and I eat it raw. All of it. Relationship termination and its short and long term psychological turmoil are my latest journey. Why? It interests me because I need to get you to the other side in one piece. I want you, Charlie, but I want you whole, alive, active, and happy. That’s the man I want. I want what you can be, not what she made you. I know, I’m terribly selfish.”

“No, I don’t think so, but we need to talk. Today. Twice. Three times some might say, I imploded. Janet, honey, I broke down in tears, sobbing…”

“Stop. That was expected. By any measure, you were expected to confront that and lose it within the first few days. Go.”

“I dove in the pool and swam for over two hours. Not healthy.”

“Stop. Says who? No sharks, a shallow end, the 10-foot waves had subsided. You were in pretty safe territory and needed to meditate. You did. No problem. Go.”

“I got the cables out of the UPS package, set up an experiment I’d been working on and zoned out. I didn’t even know you were in the house until you scared me. You didn’t really scare me, by the way, it was just unexpected. This is our first full day together, after all.”

“That was number three. Can I ask you a question?” I nodded. “Personal, and probably annoying, but really, really important?” I nodded. “Did Ann accuse you of neglecting her while you were working on something and got lost in it?” I nodded. “Did she bring you tea and rub your shoulders or tell you how worthless you were as a man and a lover?”

“How did you know that?”

“Her voice is kind of high and it carries. Would you rather have a cup of tea and a neck rub?” I nodded. “That’s what you’re looking at here, big boy. My life is going to be mostly dedicated to making yours easier and better. That’s what love is, Charlie. That’s what I want for you. You see, sir, I actually love you, and I have since I was a wet behind the ears fifteen-year-old girl. Maybe even before that. I don’t remember you as Charlie, but I wasn’t paying attention and wasn’t around much. Infatuated back then? Yes. I really have loved you for a while. The puppy love my parents warned me about has turned into a real live romance. I want to do nothing but love you. If I told you I wanted to be a housewife, what would you say?”

“You’re throwing away a beautiful mind.”

“No, not at all. I’d be nourishing one. Anyway, thanks for dinner. Oh, here’s your credit card.”

“No, baby, keep it until yours gets in. I was supposed to work on that today, but I went swimming,” I said with a crooked smile. She laughed.

“What are we doing tomorrow?” she asked.

“Getting to know each other. If we are bound and determined for this to work, we need to do that. Let’s go home and check in with Joe and Angie.”

“Who?”

“Joe and Angie.” She looked at me in question. “Joe Mama Angie Daddy!” I said, grinning.

“Oh, my God, I take it all back. Let me outa here! He’s an unemployed clown! Help me, Jesus! Come on, clown. Nut case. I need to ask them about the games next week, too.”

“About that… I want to go. If you think it’s appropriate.”

“It’s appropriate. I love you. You can be wherever I am. Legally. I want you there. Each of us, Charlie, on our own, has enough resources in our lives not to give a shit what other people think. At least I do. Daddy told me you weren’t poor. The point is, if I want to have a 31-year-old boyfriend, I will, and I do. It’s legal. You aren’t one of my teachers. You are either legally separated or will be by the time you ravage my tender innocence. That won’t be that far off, but you will be legally available when you win my body. You have my heart.”

“This is complicated.”

“No. It’s not. Quite the opposite. Try to love me, let me love you, and listen to Lisa. We’ll take care of the rest. Trust me, I am not controlling you. I’m helping you.” I looked at her in question and cocked my head. “Example. Today. I went to your office, and we scared the shit out of each other. You were afraid of my reaction. I was afraid I had scared you. You needed to work without worrying about an emotional mess pooping in your oatmeal. Charlie, you need to do what Charlie does. I want to help you do that. So, do what Charlie does. Let Janet love you and see what happens. I won’t use you, I won’t abuse you, I won’t cheat on you, and I won’t run around spending all your money, but in between bouts of entrepreneurial inventive indenture, I will turn your world inside out with love and happiness. I want that. I want to be the person that sets you free to do what you do.”

“I understand. I’m sorry for being leery, but…”

“Stop. I’m not Ann.” Her voice went up in pitch. “I can only prove that over time, but I will.” She was getting moist eyes. I had to stop doing that. Challenging her. Sternly, she said, “Take me home.” That scared me, but I did. I pulled up in their driveway. "Get out.” I did. So did she. She came to my side and got in. She started the car, rolled the window down, and on the verge of tears said, “Get in.” I got in. She backed out and drove down the street and pulled into my house. Button pushed, garage door up, car in, car parked, door down. “I told you to take me home. Yes, you definitely need some work. Charlie, do you want that to be my home, or this? Tell me honestly, do you want this to be my home?”

“Janet.” She looked at me. “Take me to your mother.” She didn’t smile. “At their house.” Then she smiled. Finally. Our first tiff was over. “Hang on. I need to grab their key.”

“I swear to God, Charlie, you will never, ever be sorry. Now get out and quit looking at me. I’m an emotional disaster area right now.” Tears were falling, but at least she was smiling.

We went inside, got one of the sets of keys on a Mustang fob and took it to Joyce. She took her mother upstairs, in kind of a rush. Jordan invited me into the study. We enjoyed a dram, talked about today, and just relaxed. Joyce came back down and called him into the kitchen asking me to stay in the study. She said she’d send him right back. Two minutes later, maximum, she did. He came back in, sat, pondered his glass, took a sip and spoke.

“Charlie, I’m not going to tell you to just do what you’re told and live it. A lot of jokes start with things like ‘if he would have listened to the boss of the house things would have been different’. That’s not what she’s doing. She’s told us you’re frustrated. Confined. Blocked in. She wants to change that. To let you do what you need to do. What you want to do. Do you have time to love her, and care for her, IF you decide to return the love and devotion she wants to give you?”

“Of course. I tried to love Ann. I took time, I did things, vacations, flowers, jewelry, walks in the park to be alone together. I tried. Jordan. I tried.”

“Relax, Charlie. We know. We saw. Your father and I talked. A lot. He was one of my best customers. We became friends. His son’s pain bothered him. He knew. He shared quite a lot with me. We golfed, we talked, and we shared. I had a brother that was… Mistreated. He died trying to save his marriage. She was Ann. He was you. She didn’t get caught cheating on him until after he was dead, but it had been going on. For quite some time, actually. I don’t mean to make this worse, I’m just saying, son, we’re on your side. I miss your old man, boy.” I nodded. He motioned me up, hugged me, and patted me on the back.

“Please tell me you didn’t talk him out of wanting me, Daddy!” She giggled.

“Quite the opposite, you little brat. Take the punk home. He has lots to think about. Joyce, give them a couple of those cookies you made, pat them on their butts, and send them on their way.”

Janet hugged me. She looked up. “We’re OK?” I nodded and kissed her nose. Her mother handed her a baggie with four big chocolate chip cookies in it, kissed us each on the cheek, and sent us on our way.

Up in the bedroom, she changed. In front of me this time, although facing away, she stripped to her panties, little lace boy short things, and slipped on one of her Hello Kitty thigh length t-shirts. She turned and approached me where I had been sitting on the bed, just watching, admiring her.

“See, that’s what I mean. The look on your face. A look of love. You enjoyed seeing me like that, but you didn’t leer at me or make it into a lascivious event. When you look at me, I feel loved. When Mr. Trenton from down the street looks at me out at the pool, I feel like a dirty magazine with the pages all stuck together.”

“Gross.”

“I know, huh? Anyway, that’s the difference. Charlie, I know, like you said, when I’m ready, you’ll tell me the truth. I already know the truth. Most of it. I’m physically an adult. Adults do things. Mechanically, I know how things work. I know ‘the truth’.” She made air quotes. “Without being overly salacious, you are a good-looking guy, and you make me wet, too.” She giggled. I hugged her around her tummy and back and put my head on her chest.

“Thanks.”

“Now, one more time. I want to be here for you. I love you, Charlie. Give me a chance to prove it, and I will make you the happiest man in the world, or at least in the running for the award. OK?” I nodded into her chest. “I don’t want to run your life. I want to take things out of your way so you can run your own life and do what you do. Let me. If I go too far, pull me back. There is nothing you can say that will hurt me in that regard except ‘go away’. That would kill me. If you need to adjust me, adjust me. If I do something you’d rather do yourself or feel like I’m being controlling, tell me. I don’t want to be. Again, I just want to give you your life back and watch you live it. Not under my thumb, but hand in hand. Oh, that sounded good. That explained what I meant to be saying all along. A progidy at math and a waste in the conversational arts. Thank God I can remember enough to pass. I may want to go to college. I love math, Charlie. It’s neat. I talk too much.”

“Don’t stop. I’m loving your voice. The rumbling and vibrations on my ear as you talk. The sound. All of it. Janet, I’m falling deeper in love with you every time I hear you speak to me. We’ll be OK.”

“Whew. I was getting worried. A little ice cream with your cookie? One tonight and one Sunday night?” I nodded. I don’t know what caused me to do it, but I dropped my hands to her bottom, took a cheek in each one, and pulled her to me. My forehead was between her breasts and my lips on her solar plexus as I pulled her closer. I kissed her and gently squeezed. “God, Charlie, you have no idea how that feels.” She shuddered, shivered, vibrated, and I could feel the pulsing, her muscles contracting every eight tenths of a second for about twelve times. She came in my hands. “Up here. Kiss me.” I kissed her. “Let go, please.” She kissed me again as I let her go and went to her drawer, pulled something out and ran into the bathroom, locking the door.

“Are you OK, Janet?” I tried not to let my smile out in my voice.

“No, I’m not. I’m much better than OK, but I need a minute.”

“All right, baby. Good deal. If you need something, let me know what I can do.”

“I think it would be best if you didn’t do anything else tonight. Certainly not right now.” She giggled loudly. “I’ll be out in a bit.”

“Yes, dear.” Another giggle was heard from the wet side of the door. Yep, Charlie, you’re falling in love.

She came out, a smirk plastered all the way across her face. In her hand was a washcloth. “Payback is a bitch, Mr. Taylor. You just lay back and watch the news.” She snuggled to my side and rubbed my abdomen, softly, dragging her fingers around. She ventured down a bit, teasing around the edges of the tent my hardening erection was making, then in a determined action, with all the confidence of a professional pants rubbing lady, laid her hand on top of it and gently moved and caressed my member until she had me edging, moving, out of my control, in animalistic responses to her manipulations until she leaned over, gently bit my nipple, and made me come all over the inside of my boxer shorts. She didn’t move right away. She let me ease off a little and recover, then in a voice I will never forget said, “Yes, sir, turnabout is fair play, Mr. Taylor. Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life. I hear it gets better with practice and exploration. If you need help cleaning that up, just let me know. I’m available. For that, and anything… Anything else you may need my assistance with for about, oh, sixty or seventy years.” She kissed me. A very deep, romantic tongue filled, moist… Yes, the best kiss I’d ever experienced. But I’m young. I reached out and she took the hint, falling on to me and letting me hold her.

“You are terrible. Wonderfully terrible. Marvelously wonderfully terrible. Are you ready for that? To join me in the shower? To see, feel, hold, play, touch, taste, and all the other things lovers do, baby? Are you ready for that, already? Really?”

She lifted her head, looked in my eyes, and without a nod, a shake, without a movement at all, and said, “Yes, Charlie, I am. My question is: Are you? Can we do this without me worrying about getting pregnant? I’m not quite ready for that yet. By the time you are legally separated, or single, I will be, but I need you to tell me, without a doubt, that I am your future, and I will take care of making sure we don’t make a baby too quickly.”

“Come with me. I mean follow me.” She giggled. “Tart. We are going to shower together, then come back to bed and talk.” She did follow me. She washed me with her bare hands, missing nothing. She explored all of me. Every square inch, making me extremely hard again. This time, I pulled her to me and with her hands behind my neck and a bit of body wash between us, we rubbed me to another climax. My hands were all over her when it happened, and I’m sure when I came I had her up against me so tight she thought her name was Jarlie. When I settled and rinsed us both off, I pulled her around so her back was getting the flow of the water and knelt in front of her.

“What? Charlie, what…? Oh, God, Charlie, what are you doing? Don’t stop, please. Oh, Jesus, is this what they call eating? You’re eating my… Oh Lord, Charlie, YESSSS!!!” My little girlfriend squirts a bit. Not a lot, but a bit. I loved it.

“Don’t take this wrong, Janet, but I’m ready. We aren’t ready to have sex yet, and I can tell you are probably still a virgin, but I’m ready, if you want me. I can’t do any better. I probably never will. I don’t want to try. I want you. I will love you to the best of my ability, but please forgive my shortcomings. My inattentiveness, my forgetfulness. I’m not selfish, Janet, but I’m thoughtless. Accidentally. I’ll never not care about you, but I’ll not think the right thing at the right time, sometimes. Please forgive me in advance.”

“You are forgiven. If you do that to me again, ever, I’ll forgive you for everything else you may do, as well. That was nice. The best. I play, Charlie, but I’ve never, ever felt that complete in an orgasm before. It was like to the core. It was really something. Wow! And that wasn’t even sex?”

“Yes, and no. It was sexual, but it won’t make a baby. We didn’t consummate anything. We played.”

“You can play with me anytime you want, big boy. I will be your big boy play toy, big boy.” She giggled. We finished just about the time the 50-gallon water heater was giving out and the water started cooling off. We dried, re-dressed, and climbed back into bed. “I do love you, Charlie. Thank you for loving me. At least I think that’s what I heard.”

“It is. We will. I do. Whatever will get us to the next phase. I need to get unmarried, don’t I? That’s my first goal.” I hugged her to me and told her, “I still want a cookie on Sunday.” She laughed, and we went to sleep.

Saturday was an eventful trip into the confusing world of broken relationships. Ann called. I told her to have her lawyer call my lawyer, hung up and blocked her calls. She texted me. I told her to have her lawyer text my lawyer and blocked her texts. She emailed me. I told her to have her lawyer email my lawyer, then marked her address as SPAM. My new girlfriend, and protector of my attitude, psyche, and future was laughing her butt off. I saw absolutely no humor in it what-so-ever and told her so. She laughed at that, too, then kissed me. I’m glad it was a warm day. We spent the afternoon out by the pool, talking, swimming, and basically goofing off. Joyce came over and talked for a while. She was lying out in the sun with us when the doorbell started going off. A lot. Ann.

“Sounds angry, Charlie. Want me to get it?” Joyce asked.

“You’d really do that for me? Seriously? How much?”

“Five bucks, if it’s a paid assignment.”

“Here’s ten. She won’t go away easily.” I took a ten spot out of my wallet on the table and handed it to her. Janet was howling with laughter. She went to the door with her mother.

They came back through the house, then I heard, “Charles Taylor, I know you’re here somewhere.” She had come around the side of the house, but the fence gate was locked. “Speak to me now!” She screamed, “Chas Taylor, God damn you, you son of a bitch! I’m calling my lawyer!” I chuckled at that. That’s what I wanted her to do the whole time. I heard her walking away on the rocks.

“She’ll be back. You’ll earn that ten bucks, Joyce. Guaranteed. I don’t offer combat pay, though.”

“Humor. Short term defense mechanism, especially after a confrontation, will generally be followed by an acute bout of depression soon after when things calm. This is due to the pendulum type nature of emotional relationship reaction mechanisms. Action, reaction. All that. Let’s just keep an eye out. Love you,” Janet said, really to both of us.

My phone rang. “Yallo.”

“It’s Lisa. Is this a good time for Ann to get her things? She’s paying a bit for this, since it’s Saturday, the fact that she has me working overtime comes out of her pocket. Neat, huh?”

“Yeah, neat. Stand by.” I motioned to Joyce and Janet. “You guys wanna make another five bucks? Each?” They grinned, looked at each other, and nodded. “Ann wants her stuff. Janet has it all packed in boxes on the guest bed. Would you let them in to get her stuff, but keep them from coming back here? There’s a lot more than five bucks in it for you, but we’ll work that out later. It would mean a great deal to my fragile id. I really don’t want to see her. Really.”

“We’ll take care of it, Charlie,” Joyce said, patted me on the shoulder, then she and Janet went in, closed the sliding glass door, pulled the big curtains, and kitchen drapes so a passerby couldn’t just look out into the back yard, and took care of the problem. They were gone for about fifteen minutes.

“She actually told me to tell you that if you apologize for trying to divorce her that she’d consider taking you back,” Joyce said as she tried to keep from laughing. “She was upset that her hanging stuff was folded, her folded stuff was unfolded, who knows what that was about, and that whoever did it had no idea how to fold a sweater.” Janet raised her hand. “I told her I helped with it, just to keep her from ranting, and then at the door, I swear, Charlie, she had no one fun to yell at so she just started crying, turned, and left. Poor thing. No, not really. She dug her own hole and fell in it.”

“Thank you, ladies. Dinner out. Your choice. I’ll make your husband dance with you if you drag him along, and if you don’t, I’ll dance with you. How about the club? Maybe she’ll show up with Bobby Chrysler.”

“Bobby Chrysler?”

“Yeah. I think his first name is Bobby something or other, and he fucked my wife in the back of his Chrysler. Sorry, Janet. That was crude.” She giggled but stopped herself before mentioning that she’d used the same word in front of me. After all, her mother was there.

“Oh, yes. The club would be fine. Hey, did you get invited to the regional FPA scotch, cigar, golf, and titty bar outing?”

“No. What’s a regional FPA?”

“Financial Planners Association. They have a convention like thing, act like little boys, have fun, and get away. Two weeks hence, Master Charles. I’m taking you up on your deal. You can take your girlfriend and her mother out on the town. He leaves Friday afternoon, and I don’t see him until Sunday evening. I’ll make the reservations. You really want to do the club?”

“Sure. Janet, are you okay with that? We’re going to be outed.”

“I have an innie, will it hurt?” She laughed. “I’m proud to be yours, Charlie. I could care less. If she can… Do… If she can do Bobby Whatsit, I can be seen with you. Not an issue for me, at all. Hell, I’ll have a chaperone, and that’s exactly what it will look like.”

“Cool. Can’t wait.”

“You guys want to come over for dinner tonight? I have a roast slow cooking,” Joyce asked. Janet looked at me and smiled. I looked at her and nodded.

Janet answered verbally for both of us. “Heck, yes!” Janet knows her mom can put a good roast on the table.

“See you about six or so. I’m going now.” Janet hugged her mother, and Joyce took off.

“Sorry about the thing with Ann, Charlie, but it was pathetic. She really doesn’t understand, I don’t think. She might be delusional. Thinking this is your fault that she cheated.”

“She might be right. After all, I’m worthless as a man and a lover.”

“Bullshit. After what you did to me last night? She’s just impossible to please and off on her own wavelength somewhere. I can’t believe how that felt. It was marvelous. Is that still a word? I know they use it in the olden times movies, you know, like last century before I was born and stuff.”

“Janet, can I ask you a serious question?”

“Anything, hon. Anything. I love you.”

“Do you think you’re too old to spank?” She giggled and ran inside. I yelled after her, “The old jokes stop NOW!”

We showered again and while not leading to any specifically intercourse type sexual activity with her, some playing of hands with genitals was done, and she took care of an exceedingly firm male erection. Her raising her thigh up and having me pressed up against it with my nuts, taint and anus was an absolutely new and endearing experience. Her soapy leg was massaging me below there and it didn’t take long at all for me to peak and come on her breasts and stomach. “Where the heck did you come up with that, sweetheart? Wow. That was nice. Really nice. And different. Wow.” I was gasping for breath and leaning on the wall with my hands.

“I read about it, and they showed a little clip. It was a movie with a transwoman. A really pretty one, like the one I know at school, and a guy, and she did this. It looked hot, and he was really having fun, so I thought I’d try it. I’m glad it happened today, and I’m really glad you liked it.”

“I loved it. Wowie, zowie. You have a trans friend at school, huh? Neat. Come on, I want to sit over at your parents’ house and waste time with them. They may miss you already.” We got dried and dressed without too much of a problem, but I had to arrange myself a bit. This may be a never-ending problem. I could hope, anyway. Janet was wearing short shorts, high heeled sandals and a little knit top. “Don’t even ask. I like. Janet, you’re just beautiful like that, and you need to know that heels, stockings, skirts, hot pants… I just love all that stuff.” She smiled. A mischievous grin would be more accurate.

“Nice to know, big boy.” I had Janet look outside before we locked up and left for next door. Dinner and the discussions were fun. Lisa called and asked how everything went. I told her Joyce and Janet handled it, so I put them on the phone and listened to the play by play of the goings on being relayed. There was a lot of laughter, so I don’t think I got the whole of the ex’s trip in detail, but then, I didn’t want it, so my girlfriend and her mother knew exactly what they were doing. They each said goodbye to Lisa, and we went back to mundane, non-related conversations.

Then we heard tires screech to a stop, a crash, and tires spinning and squealing away. Something in my mind went off and I realized, it wasn’t even dark yet. We walked outside into the Pointers’ front yard and looked. A jar of red paint had been thrown at my front door. It broke. Ickkk. A mess. I called the police from my cell phone on their non-emergency number and was told an officer would be right out. It was dark by the time he arrived, but when he saw the paint and the mess, he frowned.

“Neighbors called it in, too. Got a license plate and everything. This won’t take long. We just need to go find a guy named Robert Marshall and figure out who threw the bottle. Neighbors said it was a woman.”

“Did the plate come up with a car?”

“2016 Chrysler 300. Listed as black, but you never know these days.”

“OK. Thanks for that. Do you want to know who it was?” I asked him. I pointed up to the camera on the edge of the roof.

“Getting better all the time. Yeah, can we take a look? I’d rather not use that door though, if possible.”

Naturally, we used the side door to the garage and walked through the house and into the office. I fired up the DVR, looked at the clock and my Fitbit, and set the target time. Fast forwarding, I found the vehicle, so I slowed it down, caught a couple of frames, set it up to record and handed him the output on a one gig company logoed thumb drive. “You saw it on the screen before I recorded it, so you know it’s real. You can have her mother identify her for all I care, but that is my drunken ex-wife of two days and her lover of some period of weeks. She’s no longer welcome here, and evidently that perturbed her. Enough to paint the front door of her former home. Crappy job, and the red clashes. Whatever charges I can press, I would like to do that now. She has been served divorce papers and should know better than to act out like this. The fact that she looks inebriated may mitigate things, but I want to press charges. Lots of them.” The closeups I recorded were very high quality at a very high frame rate, and showed Bobby Marshall driving, the plate number, Ann opening the door, her getting out with the jar in her hand, the door closing, her heaving the jar and jumping back in through the window laughing as he pulled away. It was obvious to anyone watching that she was inebriated, and he wasn’t driving straight.

We walked back outside where I hugged Janet to me and looked at Joyce and Jordan. I nodded. They shook their heads. The officer stepped out to his car, got on his radio, then his phone. He filled out some papers and brought them back to me. “I’m going to recommend you don’t touch that paint. It will be easier to clean up, believe it or not, if you let it dry in the thick state it’s in. If you take to it with thinner and solvents, you’re going to mess up the bricks. The rest can be stripped and repainted, and the concrete blasted, but I wouldn’t mess with those bricks. Just sayin’.”

“Thanks, officer.” He heard something and went to the patrol car.

He stepped back over to us and offered, “This is absolutely none of your business, sir, officially, but a man and a woman, both three sheets to the wind, were just picked up for DWI and public intoxication, as well as all the other charges I’ll add when I get to where they are. They were in a black Chrysler with the same plate number you showed me earlier. A bit of an accident it seems, but they are OK. Probably a little better than their car or the truck they ran into. Gotta run.” He mounted up, turned around in the cul-de-sac, and off he went in search of perps, already identified and in custody.

I didn’t hear from Ann again for quite a while.

I came to love the game of softball. My girlfriend found out why, and I thought I was in big trouble, but she laughed about it and wouldn’t let me miss a game. It was all the pretty girls running everywhere. There were big girls, little girls, tall girls, short girls, in between girls. Girls everywhere. Jordan teased her about me finding a replacement out of next year’s litter, but trust me, I was better off with the one that picked me. Of all the girls, and I admitted it was fun watching, but of all the girls there, she was the prettiest. I got a kiss for that and a very big, “Liar. Wendy Nelson is going to be Playboy material next year in college. She’s a chunk prettier than me.”

“You may have a bit of lesbian blood in you, honey. You might want to have that looked at.” Another slap, a hug and a good night’s sleep cuddled to the prettiest girl there. I knew it, if she didn’t. Wendy Nelson was all tits and ass. No legs. Cute enough, but with an attitude that would turn anyone off. No thanks.

Thursday’s game, more of the same. Wendy Nelson saw us together, then when I was alone at the snack bar, just before their game started, she walked up to me and put her hand on my arm. I wonder if actually realized what my reaction really was when she felt me recoil. “Hi, Wendy. About time for the game, huh?”

“Hi, Charlie. Yeah. You wouldn’t be free Saturday night, would you? I know a really neat place out by the lake we could go.”

“Actually, Miss Nelson, you see that lady out there between first and second? That’s going to be my wife soon. No, I don’t plan on being free on Saturday night for fifty or sixty years. I don’t want to sound immature or anything, but Miss Nelson, if you do that again, everyone on the team, and your parents, and your past, present, and future boyfriends will know it. Got me?”

That was a preview of The Progidy. To read the rest purchase the book.

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