Contents

For Stephie

Copyright © 2015-2020 Michael P. Loucks

First publication date: 2017-12-26

First revision publication date: 2020-02-21

You may contact the author at: author@michaelloucks.com

https://a-well-lived-life.com/

Prologue

March 5, 2006, Chicago, Illinois

"I will NOT accept 'no' for an answer! You're going and you aren't arguing with me!"

"Fine!" I grinned. "I'll go!"

Samantha laughed, "Like there was ever a chance you would refuse tickets to the 5th Anniversary show of Mamma Mia! with backstage passes so you can meet Björn Ulvaeus and Benny Andersson!"

"You fight dirty, young lady!"

"I'm 31, married, and have two kids! I'm hardly a 'young lady'!"

"Compared to me?"

"The age difference isn't such a big deal now as it was when we first met."

"True. Got details for this trip yet?"

"Yes. Private Jet to London on the 1st, a week in a suite at the May Fair Hotel, the best tickets possible for the show, and a backstage pass. You'll fly home on the 8th."

"Sounds good," I said. "How are things? I haven't talked to you at length in a couple of months."

"Busy. I'm really worried about the 'no-doc' mortgages, and the associated credit default swaps. But, we think there's a ton of money to be made by buying as many of those credit default swaps as we can."

"If I understand it, you make money if the borrowers default on their mortgages?"

"Which they will if property values stagnate or, God forbid, decrease. Many of them are 'interest only' payments, so if the borrower doesn't flip the house before the principal comes due, they'll default. There are other problems as well."

"How much will you make if you bet correctly?"

"Three, maybe four hundred."

"Million?"

"Yeah."

"Jesus!" I gasped. "What's your downside?"

"The cost of the swaps, which is a few percentage points per year. But I think it's a very safe bet."

"How much of that is your money and how much is clients'?"

"About half is mine."

"Damn, Samantha!" I chuckled. "That's nuts!"

"Sending you to London is pocket change," she laughed.

"No kidding!"

"I know you usually won't let me do stuff like this, but I figured I could tempt you with Mamma Mia and meeting Björn and Benny!"

"You do not have to ask twice!" I laughed. "Shall we go to dinner?"

"I love that you still include me in the family dinners despite me being married and having kids!"

"Your family is always welcome here. You've been like a daughter to me for almost thirteen years."

"And before that?" Samantha smirked.

"A wonderful year we do NOT talk about in front of your husband or sons!"

"True! It was wonderful. Well, minus one afternoon in Monaco I'd prefer to forget. Can I entice you and your family to come to St. Martin sometime this summer?"

"I'll think about it."

"I think I know eight eighteen-year-olds if you prefer to come down alone!" she smirked.

"Once was enough!" I grinned.

"For you? Once is NEVER enough!"

We hugged and headed to the dining room for dinner.

[Author's Note: If you want to see why Thomas Jefferson hated banks more than standing armies, and find out more about how credit default swaps almost destroyed the financial system, read The Big Short, by Michael Lewis, available from amazon.com]

Chapter I - Vows

August 18, 1993, Ellwood City, Pennsylvania

I stood in stunned silence, not sure how I could, or should, respond to Michelle's request to take her home. A million thoughts ran through my mind. Was she serious? Was she thinking of leaving? Had she decided to leave? Was she being ASKED to leave? What did she mean by home? Did she mean my home? The mind boggled.

And then it went blank, short-circuiting completely, unable to process anything. Even my autonomous functions seemed to cease - breathing, heartbeat, the works. I felt dizzy, sagged into the chair, and forced myself to take a breath. That seemed to restart my systems, at least enough to not pass out. After a second forced breath, I regained enough control of my conscious mind to speak. Or so I thought.

"I...uhm...well...uhm...you have to explain, please."

"That's the first time I've ever seen you tongue-tied," she said softly.

I nodded and took a couple of breaths, allowing the shock to work its way through my system, and my thought processes to begin anew. Hopefully without another short-circuit.

"What's going on?" I asked, regaining at least a semblance of clear thinking.

"I want you to take me home with you. Today."

"Why?"

"Would you pray with me before I answer?"

I nodded and we recited the 'Jesus Prayer' together.

'Lord, Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.'

"I don't belong here," Michelle said after we completed the prayer. "I belong with you."

My body threatened to betray me once again. I was afraid I'd completely short circuit and the next thing I'd see would be the inside of a hospital trauma room. I gripped the arms of the chair and willed my body to return to normal. I forced several shallow breaths, and then a deeper one. I knew by all rights I should have passed out. I was fighting a bout of syncope and, so far, I was winning. But I wasn't sure I'd be able to stave it off.

"Are you OK?" she asked.

I shook my head slowly, "I have a problem with syncope - fainting spells - when I receive shocking or surprising news. I think this qualifies as shocking."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you ill."

"You didn't," I said trying to reassure her. "This is just how my body works. It kind of short-circuits at times. It hasn't happened in close to two years."

"I'm sorry," Michelle said, sounding sad. "Will you take me home?"

"Would you sit so we can talk, please?"

Michelle nodded and sat in a chair that faced mine.

"It's really a long story," she sighed. "But in the end, I can't stay here. I've talked to Mother Christophora at length. She's not sending me away, but she agrees that it's probably best for me to go."

"Why?" I asked, both knowing and fearing the answer.

"I'm in love with you. I've always been in love with you. I'll always be in love you."

"And that prevents you from heeding your calling?"

Michelle smiled, "I no longer think it's my calling. In fact, I don't think it ever was. It was me trying to escape the world for my own reasons, not because I had a calling. It seemed to me the perfect refuge, but I discovered I can't hide from myself."

"That's very much the case," I agreed. "Do we have a time limit to talk here?"

"No."

I wanted to take her for a walk in the gardens, but in the monastic garb that was impossible without giving offense or causing scandal. It would be a serious violation of protocol, despite her being only a novice.

"Tell me the story, please."

"Well, you know it up to the point where you put me on the plane. When I arrived, I put on the cassock and scarf. My previous visit had been sufficient to convince Mother that I was a possible candidate. We had lengthy talks the first few days, and then she gave me a rule about silence. I didn't speak, except in confession or to the bishop when he visited and spoke to me first, for three months. When he was here, I spoke less than ten words.

Those three months were, perhaps, the most amazing time of my life. I had only myself and God to communicate with. Rather than drive me crazy, it gave me near total peace. I didn't have to worry about anything other than saying my prayers silently, doing whatever tasks were assigned to me, attending daily services, and reading the Bible. At the end of those three months, I was given a rule that let me speak when spoken to.

"From that point, I began to truly integrate into the life here. But always, nagging in the back of my mind, was doubt. Do you remember the Princess Bride?"

I nodded, "Yes."

"Then you remember that when Westley said 'As you wish.' to Buttercup, he was saying 'I love you.' Well, every time I wrote 'Please pray for me. I will pray for you.' I was writing 'I love you.' And when you wrote back, I read your words that way. And I knew you meant it. But for you, it was «agape» love. I think I know what that means now. But I think I discovered something else. And that is the linkage between «agape», «eros», and «phileo».

"You see, when you told me about them, I felt there was something missing. It was while I was working in silence here that I figured it out. And that is how you love Kara and Jessica. It's all three. Yes, you've made a decision, but it's all three that keeps you together with them. And I feel all of those for you, and I believe you do for me, as well. In fact, I'm quite sure of it."

She was sure. Right now I couldn't be sure of a damned, well, 'blessed', given the place I was sitting, thing. But she also didn't know about Jessica. I wondered if that would change her thinking, and if it did, HOW would it change her thinking? The mind boggled. Fortunately, this time, I didn't short circuit. I paid attention to my breathing and kept myself in touch with the world around me.

"Some things have changed," I said softly. "Jessica left us. I've called it a temporary separation, but I don't know if she's ever coming back."

"What?!" Michelle gasped. "Why?"

I shook my head, "I wish I really knew. She's had some serious problems in her life and she seems to have decided the best approach is a..."

Then it hit me. With the exception of Jorge, Jessica was living a near-monastic life. My head spun. What was I missing? What was the linkage? Something was there to be grasped. What? I didn't know, but I was sure my subconscious would work through it and an answer would float to the surface.

"Steve?" Michelle said gently, snapping me back to the here and now.

"Sorry, I was just thinking about a weird parallel. There's something there, but I can't figure it out. Please don't ask right now. Go on with your story."

"Once I had made that linkage in my mind, I did my best to try to suppress my feelings. Mother did her best to help me, as did the priest in confession, and the other nuns. I'm not the only one struggling with attachment to the outside world. For others, it's different things. For me, it was you."

"Because of what happened in Chicago?" I asked.

Michelle smiled, "Even if that had never happened. We were intimate long before you came to my bed. I was in love with you long before that. Long before the assault. Do you know when it started?"

"No, but I'll guess. The Rap Session."

She giggled, "Yes, but not THAT one! The day I held your hand in the sauna was when I knew. But it started the very first time I met you at the very first Rap Session I attended the previous Fall."

"You're sure it wasn't a crush?" I asked gently.

"Maybe at first. But then I got to know you. To REALLY know you. And you got to know me. And then we KNEW each other!"

"Yes."

"Anyway, through all the prayers, services, bible reading, silence, and eventually, talking, one truth kept coming to the forefront. And that was that I loved you. And I decided, finally, to stop running away from my fears. To stop running away from the world. To stop running away from myself. To stop running away from you."

"But my circumstances..."

Michelle smiled, "Behold, your handmaiden. Do with me what you will!"

I laughed. I couldn't help it. And by the look in her eyes, I knew that's what she intended.

"That's the ONE thing I CAN'T do for you," I chuckled. "Unless it happens the same way it did 2000 years ago!"

"I'm glad you can still laugh at my silly jokes."

"Does the abbess know I'm married?" I asked.

Michelle shook her head, "I never revealed that to her, or about your children, or anything else about you. This was about me, and had to be about me. It was never about you."

"So when I take you home, then what?"

"I called the University and I can still enroll in classes. I have a week or so to decide. And I can always wait a quarter if I want to without any trouble."

"And the scholarship?"

"Would still be valid. But I'm not sure what I want to do, so I would take the core requirements, then figure it out."

"Is that what you WANT?" I asked.

She shook her head, "No. You know what I want! And wipe that silly grin off your face, please! This is a place of God!"

I did my best to compose myself, but it wasn't easy.

"According to Orthodoxy," I said carefully, "every place is a place of God. That's why some Russians hang black cloths over the icons in their bedrooms before they have marital relations!"

"No way!" she gasped.

"It's really a superstition, rather than a proper Orthodox practice, but some certainly do."

"So, will you take me home?"

"Yes. And that's where we'll start."

"Thank you. I'd hug and kiss you but..."

"Not in those vestments!" I said a bit more sharply than I should have.

Michelle smiled and nodded, "Correct. Let me go to talk to Mother. She knew what I was going to ask you. You could go walk in the garden. It's probably going to be at least an hour."

I smiled and Michelle left the room. I walked out and saw a sign for the chapel and decided to go there, at least at first. I walked into the icon-covered nave, made the proper metania and kissed the icon of the Venerable John of Rila which was on the stand. I stepped further in and closed my eyes, allowing the strong scent of incense to fill my nostrils.

As I stood there, I thought about what Michelle had said about running away from the world, from herself, and from me. Was THAT what Jessica was doing? I remembered what Jorge had said - I think she's so afraid she's screwed up badly with you, with Kara, that she's retreated into her inner sanctum. Was that it? Was the entire point of my trip to the monastery to show me that simple truth? Was THAT Michelle's true role in my life? To help me get Jessica back?

If Jorge was right, then it changed the picture I had, and might change the picture which Kara had. But it didn't do anything to get Jessica back. And, as had been pointed out to me in the past, identifying the true problem was the first step to solving it. I'd need to talk to Jorge again, and this time actually listen to what the man said!

So many times Jorge had provided good counsel and I had usually listened. In this case, I had fixated on an answer to the issues and discarded all others. In a way, that was similar to uncritically accepting someone else's view. Or my own views. I needed to reevaluate everything in light of what Michelle had said and what Jorge had said.

I was lost in my thoughts when I felt a presence. I looked over and saw a family - husband, wife, two kids - come into the nave and stand quietly. That was sufficient to disturb my thoughts, so I said the 'Jesus Prayer', kissed the icon, performed a metania, and left the chapel. I walked outside into the garden and found a small, shaded bench in a secluded corner.

My life had just become far more complicated. I was tempted to go to the car and get my cell phone, but I was positive there was no service here. Even had there been, this seemed to be a decision I had to make and a situation I had to deal with. Yes, it would affect Kara; yes, it would somewhat disrupt the household; yes, it created all kinds of potential issues. But if she was going to leave the monastery, it made sense to come back to the place she'd left from to go there.

It seemed very clear from our brief conversation so far what Michelle wanted from me. I had to figure out what I could reasonably give her, and then, what I WANTED to give her. And avoid making Kara unhappy. The one thing I had to make sure I did was control my «eros» feelings for Michelle, which were sure to return, escaping from the area in my mind to which I'd banished them. But that was a problem for tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the one after that.

The problem for today was taking Michelle home. I needed to call Barney and get her a ticket, but the flights usually weren't full. If they were, then we'd probably have to stay the night. And that meant two hotel rooms for sure, as I was not going to take any risks. The next question was whether to call home and tell them, or simply show up with Michelle. I saw benefits of both approaches, and as I thought about it, the best approach was to simply show up with her.

If I called, Kara would ask questions for which I didn't yet have any answers, and would likely worry until we arrived home and the two of us could talk. If we simply showed up unannounced, it would be a shock, but I'd have all the time I needed to talk to Kara, and, more importantly, have more time to talk to Michelle and more time to think things through myself.

I closed my eyes, and simply relaxed and tried to clear my mind. I wasn't going to solve the problems today, and until I had a long talk with Michelle - actually, more likely, several long talks - I wasn't going to be able to figure anything out. The same was true for Kara. I pushed all of that out of my mind, and simply focused on the beauty and quiet of the garden. Eventually, the image burned into my mind, I closed my eyes to continue in deep thought.

My deep thought was interrupted some time later by a soft voice.

"Stephen?"

I opened my eyes and saw the abbess. I stood.

"Yes, Mother?"

"She's ready. Please don't blame yourself for her decision. She made her decision to come here; a decision not made lightly. Her decision to leave was equally difficult for her."

"I'll do my best to care for her," I said.

"Listen to your heart; listen to her heart. Let the Lord guide you both. Do you attend liturgy?"

"Not regularly," I said. "I have certain impediments to being received which I've discussed with Vladyka ALYPY. My son, Jesse, was received at Pascha."

"You have a son? Are you married to his mother?"

"No, Mother, I'm not. But I'm involved in his life every day."

She nodded, "I see. I hope, perhaps, whatever your impediment is, can be overcome."

I had no idea if that were possible. In the past, I'd have simply said it wasn't. But if Jessica stayed away, then perhaps it was. And the Abbess didn't 'see'. Not at all. But I'd learned from Father Basil not to give offense when it wasn't necessary. I'd conveyed sufficient information to the abbess for her to understand what the impediments might be.

"That is what the bishop and the parish priest say as well," I said. "What do I need to do?"

"She'll come find you once she's dressed in her regular clothes. At that point, you may simply leave, or you may stay for as long as you like. You know the rules?"

I nodded, "I do."

Even married couples were not to show physical affection on the monastery grounds, and I'd honor those rules. I was sure that Michelle would. I held out my hands for a blessing which the abbess gave, and when she walked away, I sat down to wait. About fifteen minutes later, Michelle came out wearing the same plain gray skirt and white blouse she'd worn when she left Chicago the previous September.

"Ready to go?" I asked.

Michelle nodded, "Yes, please."

I took her bag and we walked to the rented Lumina. I opened the door for her to get in, closing it once she'd sat. After putting her bag in the back seat with mine, I got into the driver's seat. I started the car, and checked my cell phone. There was no service, but I'd had service in the city and by the airport, so I put the car in reverse, backed out of the spot, then put it in drive. I pulled slowly out the drive, and headed towards the airport.

"I need to call the travel agent to get you on the flight. I'll do that as soon as we get close enough to the city to have service for my mobile phone."

"Are you upset with me or disappointed in me?" Michelle asked, her voice just above a whisper.

I shook my head, "No."

"You're very quiet."

"A lot has happened in the last two hours," I said. "It's not something I've contemplated and that's what I've been doing since you told me."

"And?"

"And I have no idea. I suppose part of it depends on what you want."

"Your love. Your companionship. Intimate conversations."

"You know my situation. Kara; Elyse; the kids."

"Yes. How are you doing on your quest?"

I chuckled, "Believe it or not, Kara and Elyse, and that's basically it. Yes, there's a girl here in Pittsburgh, but I only see her when I travel here, and I could easily keep her simply as a very close friend."

"And how does this make you feel?"

"It's not quite as simple as you think. That's a change since June 1st. Before then was, well, typical me."

Michelle shook her head, "Not good. I thought you were making progress."

"My life takes a lot of detours. It's never been a straight path. Ever. Including today!"

"I suppose I did throw you a curveball."

"Jesus, I like him very much, but he no help with curveball.," I laughed in my best 'Cerrano' voice.

"What did I miss?"

"A movie called Major League. One of the players hits home runs when he is thrown fastballs, but strikes out badly when he is thrown curveballs. That's pretty much the story of my life. I've been trying to learn to hit curve balls since Junior High."

"I suppose I've thrown you at least two."

"At least."

I checked my phone and saw that I had a signal so I hit the speed-dial button for Barney at the travel agency. There were seats available and he could get us two next to each other. I expressed surprise at how reasonable the fare was and he said that quite often if there were empty seats a few hours before the flight they could be had very inexpensively. I had him book Michelle's seat and charge it to my personal card.

"All set," I said. "Our flight is at 6:00pm. We'll have lunch and find someplace to sit and talk for the afternoon."

"Are you going to call home?"

"And say what? I have no idea what's going to happen other than I'm bringing you to Chicago. All that would happen if I call is that Kara will worry and be nervous."

"Is this going to cause problems?"

"Oh no, not at all," I said flatly. "I bring home beautiful girls who are former novice nuns from monasteries every day!"

"I'm sorry," she said.

"Don't apologize. I promised that if you wanted to come back for any reason, all you had to do was call and I'd get you back to Chicago. I'm keeping my word."

"Is that the only reason you're doing this?"

"That's an interesting question. The answer to the question is 'yes'; BUT that promise was the culmination of every single thing that happened from the day I met you in September of '91 until you left to come to the monastery a year ago."

"So now what?"

"Heck if I know," I sighed. "One step at a time. Let's get some lunch. That's the next step."

Michelle nodded. When we got closer to Pittsburgh, I got off the freeway and found a sub shop. We parked and went inside. We ordered our lunch, and then went outside to sit on a bench. Michelle prayed and then we ate. We didn't talk during our meal, and when we finished, we got back in the car. I thought about what we could do, and decided that we'd go to the botanical gardens, where I'd gone with Tara that first weekend I'd met her. I checked the map, and headed in the correct direction.

"Where are we going?" Michelle asked.

"The botanical gardens. I figured it's a nice, quiet place to spend a few hours before our flight home."

She smiled and sat back in her seat, and watched me, silently, for the entire drive. When she'd been in Chicago, we'd spent very little 'quiet time' together, though on a few occasions, such as when she held my hand in the sauna, we'd been quiet. I wondered about her rule of silence at the monastery and considered how I would deal with such a thing. Could I go for months without speaking? I didn't think so. That took an amazing amount of self-discipline.

If Michelle was that disciplined, I didn't see how what she was doing could possibly be being done on a whim, which meant it was fully considered. And THAT put the ball squarely in my court. I was going to have to make some very serious decisions that would have lasting impact, and could seriously change the course of Michelle's life, my life, and the life of my entire family.

We arrived at Phipps Conservatory, and after I paid the entrance fee, we strolled around the inside exhibits. After about ten minutes of silence, I felt Michelle's hand against mine, we interlaced our fingers. I needed more information before we arrived in Chicago, but had to be careful how I went about getting it. I didn't want to create any false impressions nor did I want to say anything that might hurt Michelle. Perhaps an indirect approach would be best.

"What are you going to say to your parents?" I asked.

"I suppose it depends on what I decide to tell them. They'll be happy I'm back in school."

"Have you kept in touch?"

"I wrote them a few postcards, but asked them not to write unless something very important came up. I wanted to focus on being a nun, not on my family."

"So they have no idea you're leaving the monastery?"

"No, they don't. Remember, all I did was ask you to come see me."

"You do need to let them know where you are."

"I will. Can you tell me what's happened while I was away?"

Oh, I surely could! The question was how much I should share with her. Samantha was the biggest issue, though I didn't need to tell Michelle that Samantha and I had been lovers. There were also the issues with Jessica, though I'd already told her that Jessica had moved out. There was also everything that had happened with Jason and Abbie, Eduardo's arrival, and the changes at the Foundation.

Michelle simply let me tell the story, saving her few questions until the end. Just as I finished, we left the building to tour the outside exhibits.

"Samantha is moving out?"

"Yes. It's a bit complicated. As I said, she'll be living in the dorms, but she also bought a condo. She's closed on it, but there is a bunch of remodeling work that needs to be done before she can use it. She's been staying in Bethany's old room; though I'm sure she'll give up her room for you."

"That's not necessary," Michelle said. "The small room in the basement is sufficient. I don't need much of anything."

"Let's talk to Samantha once her condo is ready. I don't think I mentioned that she has a boyfriend. He's an ensign in the Navy."

"From what you said, it sounds like Jessica isn't talking to you at all. Is that true?"

"Yes. She hasn't talked to either Kara or me since her birthday in May. The only communication we have is indirect, through Jorge."

"And she hasn't filed for divorce?"

"No. I don't know what she's thinking at this point. Nobody does because she's not really talking about anything other than work from what I gather."

"That has to be so hard on the kids!" Michelle said. "I'm curious; how does Jesse get to church on Sundays?"

"His friend Vasily picks him up and brings him home. You'll want to go to church?"

"Yes. I hope you'll go with me at least sometimes."

"We can discuss that once you get settled. Kara and I were at church for Pascha, and the whole family went on Holy Saturday morning when Jesse was baptized and chrismated."

"I know I'm bouncing all over the place on topics, but I'll need to get some things from home."

I smiled, "Our conversations back in Chicago tended to bounce all over the place. I missed them. I'm looking forward to those intimate conversations. As for getting things from home, that's another reason to talk to your parents right away. They're going to want to see you and they're going to ask a lot of questions."

"I know," Michelle sighed. "I'm not sure I'm ready to answer them yet."

"You're going to get a lot of questions from a lot of people, not just your parents and my family. Have you thought about how you'll answer the questions which are going to come from Elizabeth at the first Rap Session for the Fall which will be on September 19th?"

"I have no idea. Fortunately, I have a month to think about it. She's going to give me a lot of grief, I expect."

"Perhaps, but I think it will be more about deciding to go to the monastery rather than your decision to come home."

"Home. That sounds very nice."

I hadn't even thought about using that word. Was I subconsciously inviting her to make my house her home? I remembered a conversation I'd had with Kara and Jessica about Michelle and Samantha, and both had expressed a preference for Michelle, though that was before Michelle had made her decision to test her calling. What I really needed to do was talk to Kara and Elyse, and probably Jennifer, Abbie, and Bethany to get their input and advice. And then I would have to make a decision. Certainly, Michelle could stay for a time. How long that time would be was an open question.

When I didn't respond, Michelle remained quiet as well. When it was time to head towards the airport, we walked back to the car. We stopped for a snack, and then returned the rental car. We took the shuttle bus to the terminal and checked in for our flight.

"You're too quiet," Michelle said as we sat at the gate waiting for our flight. "That concerns me."

"Don't worry," I said. "I'm just thinking. And I'm not thinking anything bad. I just need to sort out my feelings and think about the new dynamic. And I need to figure out the best way forward with that new dynamic."

"You're sure?"

"I'm positive."

Michelle smiled and squeezed my hand, which she'd held at every opportunity since she'd first taken it at the botanic gardens. Our flight was called and we boarded when our section was called. I could have had a first class seat, but because that section of the cabin was full, Barney had reversed my upgrade and Michelle and I had side-by-side seats in the coach cabin. Once I stowed our bags in the overhead bin, Michelle and I took our seats and she put her hand into mine again.

August 18, 1993, Chicago, Illinois

The flight to Chicago's Midway Airport was uneventful, but nearly thirty minutes late. We walked through the airport and across Cicero Avenue to the parking lot. I still hadn't completely ordered my thoughts as I paid and pulled out of the lot. I only had about thirty minutes to decide what I was going to say at first, and then later. A lot would depend on Kara's response, and I couldn't predict what that would be.

Something dawned on me. Michelle had suggested that she'd hug and kiss me when I'd agreed she could come home with me, but other than taking my hand, she hadn't tried or suggested any other contact. And for the moment, I thought that was a good thing. Despite her change of clothes, in my mind's eye I still saw her as a novice nun. That would be something I would have to deal with over the next days, weeks, and months.

As I pulled into the driveway behind the house, I realized that all I could do was play it by ear. I parked the car, got our bags from the back seat, and then Michelle and I walked into the house.

Chapter II - Reactions

August 18, 1993, Chicago, Illinois

As I expected, bedlam erupted when Michelle and I walked in through the back door. Birgit squealed when she saw me, but there were gasps and stunned looks from the girls in the great room.

"Steve?" Kara whispered.

I went over to her and took her hand, pulling her up from the couch and hugging her.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"Michelle decided to leave the monastery. I promised if she ever did that, I'd make sure she'd get home."

"She's going home?"

Before I could answer, Birgit was at my feet demanding a hug and kiss. I picked her up and kissed her forehead. She kissed my cheek and I hugged her and put her down. The other kids had come over by then, and as I hugged and kissed them, Birgit went over to Michelle.

"You came back!" Birgit said.

"Yes," Michelle replied, crouching to receive Birgit's hug.

"Kara, let's get Michelle settled in a guest room, let us get something to eat, and then we can talk."

"OK," she said warily.

I took Michelle to the basement and she selected the same guest room she'd lived in before. She dropped her bag, and followed me back up to the kitchen. I made us each an omelet and fortunately we were allowed to eat in peace, though Kara sat next to me the entire time. Once we'd finished eating, Michelle excused herself saying she wanted to take a shower and go to bed. We said 'good night', but didn't exchange a hug or a kiss, and she headed for the basement.

"What the heck is going on?" Elyse asked, coming into the kitchen.

"Michelle decided to leave the monastery," I said. "Let me talk with Kara and I'll talk to you tomorrow."

I quickly washed the dishes, grabbed my bag, and then Kara and I went up to our room.

"Did you know she was going to do this?" Kara asked the second I shut the door to our room.

I shook my head gently, "No. I had no idea. Not even a clue. You've seen her postcards. That's the only communication I've had with her. But the more I think about it, the more I realize this was a likely outcome."

"Why?"

"I think I need to tell you more about what she said, but the bottom line is that the abbess likely deduced very quickly that Michelle wasn't going to stay."

"How?"

"Because of the postcards. Michelle asked her parents not to write her unless there was some major issue. She said she didn't want to be distracted by the outside world. And yet, she wrote to me every three or four weeks. And the abbess knew that, I'm sure, and let her continue to send the cards and receive cards and letters from me. Why do that otherwise? Wouldn't I be a bigger distraction than her parents?"

Kara smiled for the first time since Michelle and I walked in the door, "You can be quite distracting!"

I smiled and pulled her into my arms, "I love you."

"I love you, too!"

I released Kara from my arms and led her to the loveseat.

"So my take is that the abbess understood Michelle's struggles and provided her with the tools to address them. In the end, Michelle decided she'd gone to the monastery for all the wrong reasons. And I think the abbess might have known that, too."

"What is Michelle planning to do?"

I spent twenty minutes telling her about the conversation I'd had with Michelle, and the brief interactions with the abbess. Kara listened quietly, not asking any questions.

"She is very much what I might have become," Kara said when I finished.

"So what do you think?" I asked.

"I think you and I should be making love, not sitting on the loveseat!" Kara said brightly.

"We could make love on the LOVEseat!" I grinned.

Five minutes later I was perched on the edge of the seat, fully embedded in my wife, with her legs wrapped tightly around me. Kara's hard nipples traced short tracks on my chest as we kissed and she flexed her hips slowly, causing intensely pleasurable friction that inexorably brought both of us closer and closer to our release.

"I need you to fuck me hard!" Kara gasped after a small orgasm.

I wrapped my arms tightly around her and she tightened her legs around me. I stood up and moved her to the bed. Kara released her legs and I put her ankles on my shoulders and proceeded to pound her as hard as I possibly could until we both groaned as orgasms swept over us.

I lowered Kara's legs and she scooted further up the bed.

"Lick me while I suck you," she gasped.

I got into bed and lowered my head between Kara's legs as she began gently licking my softening member. Her lips and tongue felt so good that a few minutes later, I felt myself hardening again. I felt Kara's hand on my butt, encouraging me to move on top of her. We'd done this a few times before, and she really liked it. As I licked and sucked and nibbled on Kara's pussy, I slowly fucked her mouth. Kara had a few small orgasms, and when she had a big one she grasped my butt and pulled me down firmly, taking my full length into her mouth. She sucked hard, lashed me with her tongue, and I came, hard, her swallowing milked my cum from me.

"That was out of this world," I whispered in her ear when we cuddled a few minutes later.

"I love how we taste together," Kara sighed. "I always have."

"Me too," I said.

"Pretty naughty for a girl from Grace Church, don't you think," she giggled.

"I remember that girl telling me that once she'd had sex with me, she was hooked!"

"And I still am!"

"What are you thinking?" I asked.

"That we need to talk. You and me. You and her. Me and her. It's such an unexpected development."

"No kidding! Before I forget to tell you, I need to call Al in the morning and report a near-syncopal episode."

"You fainted when she told you?"

"No, it was like I short-circuited, but never actually passed out. I think I understand more about the process. It was like all of my body functions shut down, including breathing and heartbeat. It was very weird."

Kara rubbed my chest softly and asked, "How do you feel about her?"

"I'm not sure. Other than holding her hand, I haven't even touched her. No hugs. No kisses. That kind of stuff is forbidden on the monastery grounds for what I think are obvious reasons. After we left, all I could see was Michelle the Novice. I built that picture of her last year out of self-defense and a desire to ensure that I didn't interfere with her calling."

"And any kind of physical affection would be with a nun, so to speak, and that is just beyond the pale."

"Exactly. We didn't really discuss it or even hint or tease. I think there might have been one or two slight nods in that direction, but it certainly wasn't the focus."

"You said she's still in love with you."

"Yes. It was so obvious I would have noticed even if she hadn't said it directly."

"And you love her?"

"In my own way, yes. But you know I haven't really felt I was 'in love' since our issues at Christmas of '82."

"You mean my meltdown."

"No, I mean OUR issues. That whole situation was as much my fault as yours, maybe even more mine than yours. May I ask you a potentially difficult question?"

"About what happened back then?"

"Yes, but it's more about right now than back then. You were talking about adding a third, with everything that implied. That indicated that you would be OK with having sex with another girl besides Jessica. True?"

"Yes. The problem with Joyce was that you weren't there and I wasn't ready for what happened. We talked about that."

"We did. The difficult question is this - how would you not be cheating if you think Jessica having sex with Jorge WOULD be cheating?"

Kara was silent for a moment, then moved to prop herself on my chest so she could look me in the eye.

"I hadn't thought about it that way," she sighed. "I suppose it's because she left us and we're together, and I think we're incomplete."

"Really? Just you and me is incomplete?"

"It feels that way," Kara sighed. "Maybe it's just that I miss Jessica."

"But not enough to invite her back?"

"Not unless she has a serious change of heart. We've talked about this before."

"I know. One thing that Michelle said to me was that joining the monastery was about running away from the world, running away from herself, running away from her fears, and running away from me. What if THAT is Jessica's real problem? Jorge seemed to think so."

"Does it matter?" Kara sighed. "No matter what the reason, she has to make the effort."

"I wish it weren't the case, but I agree with you. So what now?"

"We make love, sleep, and tomorrow is another day."

August 19, 1993, Chicago, Illinois

After my run with Gina and a shower, I went to the kitchen for breakfast. As she had when she'd lived here the previous year, Michelle came in, made toast, poured some tea, and quickly ate and drank. She was gone less than ten minutes after she arrived, with the only words spoken being 'Good morning'.

"Start talking!" Elyse ordered when we got into my car.

"There isn't really much to say. After a year at the monastery, she concluded she didn't belong there, and chose to leave rather than take her vows. She plans to register for classes at UofC. If you remember, she didn't leave school, she simply dropped her classes."

"You know darn well it isn't that simple! I read your journals and I know how you feel about her."

"And yet, all I did was hold her hand."

"All you did? Seriously? You wrote in your journal that her taking your hand in that sauna was the emotional equivalent of her asking you to take her to bed! She just didn't voice it until some time later, and you loved her too much to even think about making an advance."

"And we're back in that same situation again. But it's a bit more complicated given everything that's happened in the past year. There's a lot of talking to do."

"Did you see Tara?"

"Yes, I did. But honestly, I'm seriously considering Kara's plan."

"Just the two of you and me?"

"With potential 'dalliances', but few and far between."

"What about her idea of the two of you needing a third?"

"I pointed out that if she objected to the possibility of Jessica being with Jorge as cheating, then what she was asking for might be cheating as well."

"Oh for Pete's sake! Will you both quit caring what Jessica thinks? She's quit on you. She's not even talking to you!"

"And yet, she's still my wife."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Elyse roll her eyes, but she didn't say anything. She knew that I knew her thinking on the matter, and I was happy she didn't want to start an argument.

When we arrived at the office, I put in a call to Al Barton, but he wasn't available. I asked Victoria to have him call me and she promised he would. About an hour later, Lucas put him through to my phone.

"I had an incident yesterday," I said.

"Tell me what happened."

I described what had happened and Al asked several probing questions.

"I think we want to do another EEG on you," he said. "Honestly, I think your comment about a 'short circuit' might be onto something. Some sort of electrochemical reaction that interrupts your system. That information you gleaned by staying conscious the entire time is very helpful. When can you come in?"

"I don't have any travel or any other events planned for a month, except over Labor Day weekend. You tell me."

"I'll have Victoria set it up and call you with the details."

"Thanks, Al."

We hung up and I got to work. Victoria called back just before lunch and asked if I could come in on Monday morning. I promised I would be there. I decided to make a second call, one I knew Elyse wouldn't approve of.

"Cook County Hospital," a female voice said.

"Doctor Jessica Adams, please. This is her husband."

I was transferred twice before I reached a nurse who called her to the phone.

"Jess, it's me," I said.

"Yes?" she said flatly.

I suppressed a sigh, "I had a near-syncopal episode. Al Barton asked me to come in for an EEG on Monday. I thought you should know."

There was silence on the other end of the line for a moment.

"Let me know the results, please," she said. "I'm in the middle of something and need to go."

That sounded like a line, but I wasn't in the mood to argue with her.

"OK. I'll call you with the results," I said.

She hung up without saying 'goodbye' and THEN I let out a sigh.

"If you were anyone else," Penny said. "I'd ask 'Why bother?'. But I know you well enough that you're never going to give up. Even if she divorces you."

"I love her," I said.

"I know THAT, you dope! That isn't the problem. I know Elyse thinks it is, but the problem is Doctor Jessica. Not you."

"It's never one-sided, Pretty Penny. Never. Remember that."

"I don't agree with Elyse. I think you have to try. Anything else betrays everything you've ever taught me and everything you've ever stood for."

"Penny, if you weren't married to Terry, I'd kiss you right now. Properly."

"Melanie kisses you like that," Penny smirked.

"Yes, she does. She has an exemption from High School! You don't!"

Penny shook her head, "You are just no fun!"

"Sure I am!" I grinned. "Just not with you!"

"Come over to the house Friday night. Bring Kara. You'll find out just how much fun the 'Gang of Four' can be!"

Visions of Tasha and Penny flashed through my head. I quickly banished them to the area of my brain reserved for fantasies that could never be fulfilled.

"All four of you work here, and you know the rules!"

"No fun, like I said!" Penny teased.

I smiled, leaned over, and kissed her cheek. She smiled, and we both went back to work.

That evening at home, everyone wanted my attention - the kids, Kara, Elyse, Abbie, Samantha, and Michelle. I probably should have skipped karate, but I had missed too many classes over the past few weeks. I spent time with the kids before and after dinner, and then Kara and I left for the dojo. That gave us a chance to talk.

"I spent some time with Michelle today. She was super busy getting registered for classes. I was surprised when Samantha stayed home and went with Michelle to do that."

"And?"

"What she said matches everything you said to me last night. I didn't doubt you, but hearing it from her was both important and interesting. You can't give her what her heart truly desires."

"No, I can't," I said. "And she knows that."

"Do you remember the conversations we had after everything that happened the last half of your Senior year?"

"About what you could and would accept?"

"Yes. And then again, after my meltdown."

"About how you could come back into my life."

"Think back to what I wanted originally, and what I ended up with."

"You wanted me to be a faithful husband and good father. But then after Jennifer told me she was going to Stanford, you decided to accept me for who I was, at least provisionally, until I proposed. And then you would drop the hammer."

Kara giggled, "That was what I told you!"

"And then you had your meltdown because I failed you and Joyce failed you and you were struggling with your inner demons. After that, you basically came with no conditions, and accepted me as you found me. And THAT attitude led to where we are now. With you as my wife, and us having two kids together."

"And I told you that my life and Michelle's life have eerie parallels."

"Yes," I nodded.

"She's in the exact same place. We both withdrew from the world, and when we came back to it, you were the center of our universe. She's here with no conditions, because she simply wants to be with you."

"Like you did," I said quietly.

"Yes. I think she said something to you along those lines."

I nodded, "She quoted Mary's response to the Angel Gabriel - 'Behold your handmaiden...'"

"She's made her move. Now, it's your turn. The game is wide open and all the pieces are on the board. But your move will create something I think Jennifer and Larry called zugzwang."

I shook my head, "No, because that term means that I'm forced to move and choose between options that will weaken my position in the game. I used to misunderstand it and think it was simply forced moves with no options. But it's forced moves with only bad options. In this case, I may be forced to move, but there are good options to be found; ones that will strengthen all of our positions.

"It's something I was thinking about with regard to decision making. If there are choices which, in and of themselves, preclude others, then you should delay as long as reasonably possible to see if you can gather more information before you commit to a course of action. That's not always possible, and sometimes you have to decide before you're ready or before you have all the relevant information.

"What you can't do, though, is become paralyzed by that kind of thinking. Inaction is also action, but it allows events to dictate the choice without your input. When you're presented with bad options, you select the best way through and get on with it. It's the old saw 'If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.', though it's not always possible to turn bad to good like that. Sometimes all you can do is fight a rearguard action and prevent as much damage as possible."

"We know her fantasy-world scenario. What's yours?"

"You know what it is."

"Yes," Kara sighed. "For this moment, let's assume the separation is an unalterable fact of life."

"Then my answer is that I have no idea. A lot changed yesterday and I'm not going to do anything in haste. I'm going to take my time and consider everything that has happened since March. And that means talking with you and deciding what's best for us and for all the kids."

We arrived at the dojo which put an end to the conversation. While I was leading exercises, I wondered if Michelle would resume her karate lessons. I thought it would be a good idea if she did, despite the fact that Freddy Colombo was in prison for the next few decades. He wasn't the only scumbag out there, and unarmed self-defense was vital in Chicago, given the insane handgun ban which only ensured that law-abiding citizens didn't have guns while not affecting gun ownership amongst criminals in the least.

Kara and I didn't talk on the way home, choosing instead to simply walk quietly hand-in-hand. When we arrived home, I showered and then found Samantha in the great room and asked her to come into my study to talk.

"What's up?" I asked.

"First, and totally unrelated to anything here, Maria decided to have an abortion."

I nodded, "I'm not really surprised given the circumstances."

"Second, Michelle is registered for her classes. She had to do a bit of juggling because she's registering late, but she could get a schedule that worked for all her core courses."

"Good. Thanks for taking time to go with her."

Samantha smiled, "It was something I could do for you that didn't violate our rules!"

I smiled, "I'm grateful. Both for you helping Michelle and for you honoring our agreement."

"Third, do you realize that Michelle is madly in love with you and would have sex with you on the 50-yard-line at Soldier Field during halftime of the next Bears game, on national television, if that's what it took to be with you long-term."

I sighed, "That's a bit of an extreme way to put it, but yes, I'm aware."

Samantha shook her head, "No, it's not extreme. She will do anything, happily and without question, to secure a place in your life. Anything. All you have to do is ask."

"And you know this how?"

Samantha smirked, "Personal experience."

"Anything? You?"

"I had an out if you asked me to do something I really didn't want to do!"

"To change the relationship, because I'd promised that option would never go away."

"Yes. But you never asked for anything I didn't want to do because of who you are."

"So what do you think?" I asked.

"YOU are asking ME for relationship advice? That's pretty foolish, don't you think?"

"No, because you're intelligent, and you just said that you have personal experience in the area."

Samantha laughed, "If you want Mary, I'll make it happen. If you want advice on Michelle, forget it!"

"Gee, you're a big help!" I whined sarcastically, before laughing. "And how are things going with the condo?"

"The renovations will be done just after Labor Day. I plan to move my stuff the following weekend. I don't have too much here to move - just clothes and a few other things. I want to switch rooms with Michelle, if that's OK with you."

"It is, but the question is whether or not it's OK with her."

"I talked to her about it and convinced her that she should move upstairs and be part of the family."

"I appreciate it. How are things with Brian?"

"Good. I'm taking your advice and taking it slowly. But I have this serious itch!"

"There are things a dad does NOT need to know!" I grinned.

"I won't do anything dumb. I promise."

"Remember about both birth control and STDs," I said. "But otherwise, you keep your own counsel on this topic. It's the same thing I'll tell my kids when they get to be teenagers."

"Thanks. I'll let you go talk to her. I know she's waiting. I'm curious, is that why you didn't bite on the comment about Mary?"

"That's part of it. But it's also not what I need right now."

"She leaves for Boston College on Sunday. She, Ellie, and Liz will be here tomorrow night, if you change your mind."

"Get out of here, you troublemaker!" I grinned.

She hugged me, kissed me on the cheek, and left my study. I followed her out and went downstairs and knocked on Michelle's door. She bade me come in, and I went in, leaving the door open.

"How was your day?" I asked.

"Good. I'm registered for classes. The schedule is a bit crazy, but it'll work."

"No pressure, but have you thought about starting karate again?" I asked.

"I was going to ask you about it in a few weeks once I got my bearings again. I want to start."

"Good. Did you call home?"

"Yes. It didn't go very well. My parents want to come get me and bring me home. I told them 'no'. We had a fight."

"Give them some time," I said. "It's a pretty radical change after a pretty radical change. What about getting your things?"

"I'm going this weekend. Samantha is going to drive me. I figured it was better if she did it than you."

"That's wise. She's a great girl."

"I can't believe what happened with her dad! You didn't tell me about that!"

"I thought it was her place, not mine," I said.

"Child pornography? That's just disgusting!"

Which told me that Samantha had only revealed part of the charges, and that made sense. The only way Michelle would find out about the other charges would be to go back and read the newspaper archives, and I didn't think that was likely. The settlements were all being done in private and I hadn't seen a whiff of them in the newspapers. The press would have no way to find out the names of the girls because they were all minors. I'd discussed that with Stan Jakes when he asked me for a bit of background after he found out I'd been at the residence when Noel Spurgeon had been arrested.

"And foolish, in the extreme. He's going to plead guilty and accept a thirty-year sentence."

"And Samantha gets everything?"

"That's what she and her lawyers are saying, and it makes sense. Even if her dad retains formal ownership, she has complete control while he's in prison."

"Half-a-billion dollars? That's crazy!"

"Yes, it is. When are you going to Lansing?"

"We'll drive up on Saturday morning and be back sometime Saturday evening. I don't want to stay at my parents' house. I'll get enough grief when I'm there getting my things."

"What about money?" I asked.

"My bank account is intact. It was only in my name. I have enough to cover my spending money for at least the first school year, even with karate. I want to pay you something for living here."

"Get settled and we'll worry about it. Don't worry about that now."

"I had an interesting talk with Kara today."

"She told me. And Samantha told me she talked to you as well."

Michelle smiled, "I should have known they would both tell you. Everyone here is so loyal to you. Abbie, Elyse, Kara, Samantha. And your kids are nuts about you, especially Birgit."

"Did she talk to you?" I asked.

"Oh yes," Michelle giggled.

"Did she ask you about kissing?" I sighed.

"No! But I think she wanted to. She asked me if I was your girlfriend."

"That's my daughter!" I laughed. "And what did you say?"

"I said that was for you to decide."

"I'm sure I'll get her opinion on the matter tomorrow before breakfast," I grinned. "Is there anything you need right now?"

"No. I'll let you know."

"Then I'll leave you to your evening prayers. I'll see you in the morning."

"Good night. And thanks."

"You're welcome!"

I left her room, closing the door behind me. I went upstairs and joined Kara, Jason, Abbie, and Elyse in the great room.

"What's this about an EEG?" Jason asked.

"Did Abbie ever tell you about my fainting spells? It's related to that. I was poked and prodded by the best doctors at UofC and had just about every non-invasive test known to man and they don't know what causes them. Well, that's not quite true. They know they're related to stress, but they don't know what it is about my physiology that makes me pass out."

"Weird," Jason said. "Stephie said you went skydiving! And you didn't pass out?"

"Welcome to my medical mystery tour!" I chuckled. "How is work?"

"I'll be working with another mechanic for a bit, then I have to go for some formal training, then they'll unleash me on unsuspecting car owners!"

"Jason, if there's a car you can't fix, I'll be shocked," I said.

"There's a big difference between a small-block, carbureted, V-8 engine and fuel-injected 4's and 6's. But I've worked on enough street cars that I know my way around both kinds of engines."

"Are you going to tell him?" Abbie asked. "Or should I?"

"What's the date?" I asked with a smile.

"If it's OK with you, June 11th of next year, and we'd like to have it in the backyard. Elyse gave me the phone number of that minister you used. Neither of us have much use for church, but Elyse said he's totally cool."

"He is. He's a theology professor I had at IIT. And yes, of course it's OK! Who are you inviting?"

"Everyone who comes to Guys' and Girls' nights, Jason's parents, Jason's sister LeAnn and her family, and Emily and her family. I'll invite my parents, but I have no idea if they'll come or not."

"You want the reception here?"

"A cookout. Neither of us is much into formal stuff."

I remembered when Jason and Stephie had married. He'd worn his uniform and she'd worn a skirt and a sweater.

"We can do that. Just let us know what you need."

We watched thirty minutes of CNN, and then Kara and I headed up to bed.

August 20, 1993, Chicago, Illinois

"Daddy?"

"Yes, Pumpkin?"

"Cuddles?"

I smiled and picked her up and carried her to the sunroom to cuddle.

"I like Michelle. She's nice."

"I'm glad you like her."

"Is she living with us?"

"Yes. She'll be going to school with Samantha."

"Samantha is leaving?"

"Yes, she's going to live at school. But she'll come to dinner on Sundays."

"With Brian?"

"Yes."

"He's nice!" Birgit said.

"Yes, he is."

"Will Mommy come home?"

"I don't know, Pumpkin. I want her to."

"Me too! Is Michelle your new girlfriend? She said to ask you!"

"She's a friend. Do you have a boyfriend?" I asked, turning the question on her.

"I like Peter! And Joseph. But I don't see him."

"No, Aunt Joyce doesn't visit too often. But maybe she'll come more since Uncle Jake is out of the Navy."

"Stephie likes Nicholas!" Birgit giggled.

"I know. And Amber and Kristin like Jesse. And so does Francesca."

"Samantha isn't your girlfriend now?"

"No, she's not," I said.

"You should have Michelle for a new girlfriend!"

"We'll see, Pumpkin. I'm sorry, but we need to finish our cuddles so I can go to work."

I hugged her tightly, and got up. I left the sunroom and found Elyse so we could drive to the office.

Chapter III - Period

August 21, 1993, Chicago, Illinois

I came into the kitchen at 5:30am on Saturday morning to find Liz, Ellie, and Mary drinking orange juice.

"Where's Samantha?" I asked.

"She and Michelle left about half-an-hour ago to drive to Lansing. Didn't they tell you?" Ellie answered.

"No. I knew they were going today, just not when."

"We missed you last night!" Liz said.

"Kara and I went out with Jason and Abbie, Kurt and Kathy, and Elyse and Eduardo. Can I get you girls breakfast?"

"Sure!" the three of them chorused.

"Waffles, bacon, and eggs OK?"

"Sure!"

"Do you always get up this early?" Liz asked.

"Yes," I said. "I'm more of a morning person than a night person."

I started making breakfast and Birgit came into the kitchen.

"Daddy! We need to cuddle!" she demanded.

"I'm making breakfast for the girls. Why don't you sit with them, please? We can cuddle later."

"OK," she said, conceding to reality.

"Liz and Mary, you leave for Notre Dame and Boston College soon, right?"

"Tomorrow," Mary said.

"Tuesday for me," Liz said.

"And Rosary starts in a week," Ellie said.

Fifteen minutes later I served the girls breakfast and ate my own sitting at the island. When we finished eating, the girls helped me clean up the kitchen. I'd need to cook again around 8:30am when the others got up. I tossed the damp towels in the laundry basket and took Birgit to the sunroom to cuddle while I read my newspaper. We'd been there twenty minutes when the three girls came in.

"That looks like fun!" Liz observed.

"I agree!" Ellie said.

"Me too!" Mary agreed.

"I think Birgit has dibs," I chuckled. "You're welcome to join us."

"Daddy cuddles best!" Birgit announced.

She got up about ten minutes later to go use the bathroom.

"Oooh, look, a cuddle spot!" Ellie laughed.

She got up and walked over. I rolled my eyes and she got into the lounge chair and I put my arms around her and cuddled her.

"I remember this," she whispered. "It was the best!"

"You have to share!" Liz demanded about two minutes later.

"If you behave," I grinned.

Ellie got up and Liz took her place, her large firm breasts pushing into me. She wiggled a bit then giggled.

"Behave!" I warned gently.

"If you ever want to 'adult' again," she whispered, "just let me know!"

I had enjoyed being with her, but given the current circumstances, and what we'd talked about, that probably wasn't in the cards. But I didn't want to hurt her feelings or otherwise upset her.

"I really enjoyed it," I said quietly.

She kissed my cheek, winked at me, and got up without being bidden. Mary took her place and snuggled close. I wrapped my arms around her and cuddled her. I felt her hand slide down my stomach over my pajama shirt, then her fingers slipped under the waist of my pajama bottoms.

"Mary," I warned gently.

"Please," she begged in a whisper. "You can touch me, too."

I knew Birgit would be back in a minute, and didn't want this to get out of control. Mary had overcome her fears and I was sure that refusing her this little touch would make her feel rejected. I moved my hand to her t-shirt-covered breast, then slid it downwards. Mary's hand found my flaccid dick as my fingers slipped inside her shorts and panties.

"It's soft," she whispered.

"For now," I replied softly.

Mary explored while my fingers found soft, downy pubic hair, and then plump labia. I ran a finger over them and Mary shuddered, then pressed gently on her clit. She squeaked and Liz and Ellie laughed.

"Hey! My spot!" Birgit exclaimed fiercely.

Mary and I both removed our hands and I made sure she saw me lick my finger clean. Mary smiled and got up. Birgit came to cuddle me again. I shifted a bit to make sure she didn't feel the effect Mary's fingers had on me.

"Pumpkin, I need to get more coffee," I said about ten minutes later.

"I'm going to play!" she said.

That was our usual timing. I'd finished the front section of the paper and read the comics, and finished my cup of coffee. She got up and I went to the kitchen.

"Hi," Mary said shyly from the kitchen door.

"Hi," I said, pouring myself another cup of coffee.

"Could you do something for me?" she asked quietly.

I was sure I knew what she was going to ask for and I had to quickly decide if it was OK. And if it was OK, what had changed since St. Martin.

"I think it depends on what you want, and what changed since St. Martin."

She walked over to stand close to me.

"I had my period!" she whispered.

Which explained EVERYTHING, including her wearing her bikini bottoms at the beach! I hadn't even thought about that. With eight girls, randomly, two of them should have had their periods. And that changed the character of her request. In St. Martin, she'd said she wanted to, but couldn't.

"Oops! I didn't even think about that!"

"You can say 'no', obviously, but I'd like a chance at what I missed in St. Martin."

I smiled, "Let me go ask Kara. Circumstances have changed a bit."

Mary nodded nervously and I went upstairs to my room. Kara was still sleeping, so I climbed into bed and kissed her bare shoulder. She stirred, yawned, stretched, and turned to face me.

"You can keep going," Kara giggled.

"I need a special favor," I said.

"Who?"

"Mary. She missed her chance in St. Martin because she had her period and I didn't realize it!"

Kara giggled, "She was the one who kept her bikini bottoms on and wouldn't let you touch her?"

"Yes. I totally missed it!"

"Silly boy! You know we do that in the sauna all the time!"

"I know! But my mind didn't go there!"

"Call this one of your occasional dalliances. Have Michelle and Samantha left?"

"Yes. That would have been a consideration. I don't want to offend Michelle and this is a special circumstance."

"Go have fun! We can spend the afternoon together!"

I kissed her softly and went back down to the kitchen.

"So," I grinned, "What can I do for you?"

She came very close and whispered, "Teach me to give a blowjob and how to have sex."

Mary turned bright red and looked down. I put my hand under her chin, lifted it gently, and placed a soft kiss on her lips. Her lips parted, and our tongues touched lightly. I broke the kiss, took her hand, and led her to the basement and into the unused guest room. I shut the door behind us and Mary basically threw herself at me, causing me to fall backwards onto the bed.

"Wow," I laughed.

She kissed me hard, then got up, grabbed the waist of my pajama bottoms and swiftly pulled them down.

"Now what?" she asked impishly.

I laughed, "You use your lips, tongue, mouth, and hands to make me cum then swallow every drop!"

"Tell me how, please," she giggled.

"Treat it like an ice cream cone, then a popsicle. Use your hand to stroke me while you do that. I'll warn you when it's going to happen."

Mary gave me a VERY enthusiastic blowjob, which, for a first timer, was very good! She varied the speed of her bobs, the swirling of her tongue, and the strength of her sucks. I loved the feel of her mouth on me and when I warned her, she sucked hard, swirled her tongue around my glans and when I came, she swallowed every drop. After my orgasm had run its course, she ever so slowly took me as far into her mouth as she could and sucked gently. I groaned again at the exquisite pleasure and she slowly lifted off. I pulled her to me and kissed her deeply.

"You're VERY enthusiastic!" I grinned.

"I've been waiting for almost three months!" she giggled. "That was fun!"

"My turn!" I replied.

I helped her out of the t-shirt, bra, shorts, and panties and took in her small, compact body with the very thin patch of jet-black pubic hair that was clearly shaved and trimmed. I feasted on her small breasts, then kissed my way down her stomach, past her fine pubic hair, and along her dripping labia. I probed between them with my tongue, enjoying her fresh, spicy flavor. When I closed my mouth on her clit, she jumped slightly, put her hands behind my head and pulled hard, mashing my face into her pussy.

Mary had her first orgasm, groaning and bucking her hips hard, while pulling my face even more tightly against her. I felt her legs around my shoulders and she squeezed them tight. I slid my hands up and tweaked her nipples as I continued to lash her clit with my tongue. I brought her to three more orgasms, before I gently pulled away.

I stood up and took off my pajama shirt while Mary scooted into the center of the bed. I got into the bed and moved on top of her, positioning my glans against her labia, which were slick with her own juices. I looked Mary in the eyes and waited. She smiled and wrapped her legs around me and I pushed forward, easily slipping past her entrance and coming into contact with a barrier.

Mary sighed, "I've been waiting for this..."

I pressed forward and easily broke through, sliding deep into her with one single thrust. I pulled back slightly and with one more thrust I was fully embedded in her.

"I feel so full," she whispered. "Are you going to fuck my brains out now?" she giggled.

She hadn't even flinched when I had pushed through her hymen, and her walls gripped me loosely. I could do that if she wanted.

"If that's what you want," I said.

"It is! Fuck me hard!" she demanded.

I pulled back slowly, then slammed hard and deep into her, causing her to groan loudly. Mary wrapped her arms around me and moved her legs to my upper thighs as I pulled back and slammed in again. I leaned down and we exchanged a fierce French kiss, then I put my head next to hers and began pounding her for all I was worth. After perhaps a dozen hard strokes, she began thrusting up to meet me, grunting each time our pelvic bones bumped into each other. Another dozen strokes and she groaned deeply and her pussy spasmed hard.

"Oh God," she gasped as I continued pounding into her.

Mary had three more good orgasms before I slammed forward a final time and exploded deep in her pussy, jets of cum bathing her inner walls. I lay still, breathing hard as Mary gasped for breath and ground her clit against me. Two minutes later she groaned softly as she had a final orgasm. When it finished, I moved off her and pulled her to me to cuddle.

"Teach you, huh?" I chuckled.

"It seemed obvious what to do once I thought about it!" she giggled. "Well, the sex part. The blowjob I wasn't quite sure. I mean, I know I should suck on it, but wasn't sure what else to do."

"It was fantastic!" I said.

"Hey, if YOU had to wait almost three months to do something you were ready to do, you'd be enthusiastic too!"

"I suppose so!"

"Are we allowed to do it again?"

"Absolutely!" I said.

Thirty-five minutes later, after an extremely energetic fuck, we went to the basement bathroom to take a joint shower. When we finished, we went back to the guest room and dressed. I pulled the sheets from the bed and took them to the washing machine, and then the two of us went upstairs to the sunroom. Liz and Ellie both smirked and Mary looked like the proverbial cat that swallowed the canary.

"We're going to head home," Liz said. "If you get bored over the weekend, call me!"

"And me!" both Ellie and Mary chorused.

The girls all giggled and I got nice hugs from each of them. They left and I found Kara, Elyse, Abbie, and Jason in the kitchen eating breakfast. I dumped out the mug of coffee that was still sitting on the counter and refilled it. I sat down at the island.

"It was fun going out last night," Abbie said. "Thanks for asking us!"

"You're welcome!" I said. "We owe Jennifer and Josie for the babysitting! Did the kids eat?"

"Yes," Kara said. "Liz and Ellie were watching them until they left. I should probably go check on them. I'm done eating."

She got up and I got up and followed her out of the kitchen and into the sunroom.

"What was your plan for the afternoon," I asked.

"Sauna, whirlpool, bed!" Kara giggled.

"I can get into that!" I grinned.

She grabbed my hand and pressed it between her sexy legs, "THIS is what you're getting into!"

August 22, 1993, Chicago, Illinois

"How was your visit home?" I asked Michelle.

"Terrible. I was going to talk to you last night, but you were playing poker with the guys. Did you win?"

"I finished third, but I still won some money. What happened?"

"I had a huge argument with my parents. Samantha was really sweet. She stayed with me the whole time."

"Do your best to reconcile with your family," I said. "It may take some time, and that's OK. But you should do it."

Michelle nodded, "I know. They had a complete fit about me living here, and about me 'whimsically changing my mind'."

"You do have to admit that you made two very drastic changes. Give them time."

"Will you take me to church this morning?"

"I could. Let me see if Kara wants to go. I can't promise to do this every Sunday, or even most Sundays, but you're welcome to use one of the cars or you could go with Jesse and his friend Vasily."

"Just remember what I told you about your faith," she smiled.

I nodded and went back upstairs where Kara was dressing. I told her about Michelle's request, and she agreed, and said she'd join us. It was too late to contact Vasily and let him know we were going, so Jesse would still go with him. None of the other kids were really interested in church, but unsurprisingly, Birgit asked to go with us.

"Is there anything she won't do for him?" Michelle asked Kara.

"If there is, we haven't discovered what it is!" Kara laughed.

We got Birgit into her car seat, then the three of us got into my BMW and we headed for Carol Stream. Jesse was surprised to see us, but I explained that Michelle wanted to come to church. I had just enough time before Matins to ask Vasily if he'd be willing to bring her along with Jesse and he agreed.

After liturgy, I introduced Michelle to Father Basil. He spoke with her, privately, for about ten minutes, and when she came to sit with us she said she'd received his blessing to receive the Eucharist once she'd gone to confession. That was fairly standard practice when going to a new parish, so it didn't surprise me.

That got me to thinking about how Michelle might deal with confession if what had been swirling around in my mind since Wednesday came to pass. I didn't see how she could reconcile the two, and wondered which would win out.

Before we left, Father Basil asked if I'd have lunch with him on Tuesday and we agreed to meet in Greek Town, which was just a short walk from our new offices.

August 23, 1993, Chicago, Illinois

Doctor Carver walked into the room where the technician was hooking up the EEG leads to my scalp.

"Morning, Doc."

"Morning, Mr. Adams. How are you this morning?"

"I'm OK," I replied.

Doctor Washington walked in a moment later, followed by a technician with an EKG unit.

"Morning, Doctor Washington," I said. "I didn't expect to see you here!"

"You're getting the full treatment!" he said, shaking my hand. "Al Barton will be here in a moment."

True to Doctor Washington's word, Al walked in about two minutes later.

"Hi, Steve."

"Al," I said, nodding.

"Would you tell Malik and Abe about the episode you had last Wednesday morning."

I explained exactly what had happened and answered a few questions.

"You know," Doctor Carver said, "I'm still getting the 'epilepsy' feeling, but we don't have enough for that diagnosis. I think right now, based on what you've told us, it seems to be related to your adrenal glands and some sort of electro-chemical reaction that interrupts your systems briefly. What you're calling the 'short circuit', we call dysautonomia, which is basically a malfunction of your autonomous system. The problem is, you don't have any of the diseases that usually are the root cause of that kind of problem: HIV, Lyme disease, diabetes, Parkinson's, and so on. You also don't abuse alcohol."

"Only when I'm in Russia drinking vodka with my Red Army friends," I chuckled.

Al laughed, "You aren't an alcoholic - it's chronic abuse, not the occasional stupidity with vodka!"

"So," Doctor Carver continued, "that tells me it's something else. What that thing is, we don't know. Some strange electro-chemical response that's most likely congenital."

"I'll buy that," Doctor Washington said. "What do you think, Al? Epi and see if we can induce it?"

"That was my plan and why you're here," Al replied.

"Steve," Doctor Carver said, "we're going to give you slowly increasing doses of epinephrine, which you'll know as adrenaline."

I chuckled, "I know what it is, Doc. You use it for heart attacks, among other things. And it's going to potentially increase my heart rate and blood pressure. Side effects include sweating, being anxious, and nausea."

That was a preview of AWLL 2 - Book 7 - Sakurako. To read the rest purchase the book.

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